The chalkboard yesterday said something to the effect of: Rudolph's red nose was not caused by too much alcohol ingestion.

This is as complete a list that I have found compiled from the internet. 7G02 I will not waste chalk 7G03 I will not skateboard in the halls 7G04 I will not burp in class 7G06 I will not instigate revolution 7G09 I will not draw naked ladies in class 7G07 I did not see Elvis 7G10 I will not call my teacher "Hot Cakes" 7G13 Garlic gum is not funny 7G12 They are laughing at me, not with me 7G01 I will not yell "Fire" in a crowded classroom 7F03 I will not encourage others to fly I will not fake my way through life 7F02 Tar is not a plaything 7F01 I will not Xerox my butt 7F01 It's potato, not potatoe This was used for the third airing of 7F01 (a reference to Dan Quayle's gaffe while visiting a school) 7F05 I will not trade pants with others 7F08 I am not a 32 year old woman To put it another way, Nancy Cartwright is not a 10-year-old boy 7F07 I will not do that thing with my tongue 7F06 I will not drive the principal's car 7F09 I will not pledge allegiance to Bart 7F10 I will not sell school property 7F11 I will not cut corners It actually looks like this: I WILL NOT CUT CORNERS " " " " " " " " " " " " 7F12 I will not get very far with this attitude 7F13 I will not make flatuent noises in class 7F15 I will not belch the National Anthem 7F16 I will not sell land in Florida 7F17 I will not grease the monkey bars 7F18 I will not hide behind the Fifth Amendment 7F20 I will not do anything bad ever again 7F21 I will not show off 7F22 I will not sleep through my education 7F24 I am not a dentist 8F01 Spitwads are not free speech 7F23 Nobody likes sunburn slappers 8F03 High explosives and school don't mix I will not bribe Principal Skinner 8F04 I will not squeak chalk Bart squeaks the chalk while writing this 8F05 I will finish what I sta This appears on one line; the rest is blank 8F06 "Bart Bucks" are not legal tender 8F07 I will not fake rabies This never appeared in original airings in the USA, but did in Canada 8F08 Underwear should be worn on the inside 8F09 The Christmas Pageant does not stink 8F10 I will not torment the emotionally frail 8F11 I will not carve gods 8F14 I will not spank others 8F13 I will not aim for the head 8F15 I will not barf unless I'm sick I will not expose the ignorance of the faculty Lisa has a blackboard punishment of sorts during the episode; she has to clap erasers 8F17 I saw nothing unusual in the teacher's lounge 8F19 I will not conduct my own fire drills 8F20 Funny noises are not funny 8F21 I will not spin the turtle 8F22 I will not snap bras 8F23 I will not fake seizures 8F24 This punishment is not boring and pointless 8F18 My name is not Dr. Death 9F01 I will not defame New Orleans New Orleans complained about the opening song in "Oh, Streetcar!" 9F02 I will not prescribe medication Originally, the FOX showings had no chalkboard for 9F01 and the New Orleans one for 9F02, while Canadian showings had them as listed 9F03 I will not bury the new kid During the episode, Marge writes "I will try to raise a better child" 9F05 I will not teach others to fly 9F06 I will not bring sheep to class 9F07 A burp is not an answer 9F08 Teacher is not a leper 9F09 Coffee is not for kids Each line becomes less and less legible; the last line is a scrawl 9F10 I will not eat things for money 9F11 I will not yell "She's Dead" during roll call 9F12 The principal's toupee is not a Frisbee 9F13 I will not call the principal "spud head" 9F14 Goldfish don't bounce 9F15 Mud is not one of the 4 food groups 9F17 No one is interested in my underpants 9F16 I will not sell miracle cures 9F18 I will return the seeing-eye dog 9F20 I do not have diplomatic immunity 9F19 I will not charge admission to the bathroom 9F21 I will never win an Emmy This was the first episode after 1992-93 Emmy nominations were announced, the first time the show was eligible for "Best Comedy Series", but it wasn't nominated (the show had won "Best Animated Show" Emmys in the past) 9F22 The cafeteria deep fryer is not a toy 1F07 All work and no play makes Bart a dull boy This is probably a reference to The Shining, especially as this quote was not written "line by line" like the others 1F08 I will not say "Springfield" just to get applause 1F09 I am not authorized to fire substitute teachers 1F11 My homework was not stolen by a one-armed man A reference to "The Fugitive" 1F10 I will not go near the kindergarten turtle 1F14 I am not delightfully saucy 1F15 Organ transplants are best left to the professionals 1F16 The Pledge of Allegiance does not end with Hail Satan 1F18 I will not celebrate meaningless milestones 1F19 There are plenty of businesses like show business 1F21 I will not re-transmit without the express permission of Major League Baseball 1F20 Five days is not too long to wait for a gun 1F22 Beans are neither fruit nor musical 1F17 Repeat of 9F17 2F33 I will not use abbrev. 2F01 I am not the reincarnation of Sammy Davis Jr. 2F04 I will not send lard through the mail 2F05 I will not dissect things unless instructed 2F06 I will not whittle hall passes out of soap 2F07 Repeat of 1F11 2F08 Ralph won't "morph" if you squeeze him hard enough 2F09 Adding "just kidding" doesn't make it okay to insult the Principal 2F10 "Bagman" is not a legitimate career choice 2F11 Cursive writing does not mean what I think it does 2F12 Next time it could be me on the scaffolding 2F13 I will not hang donuts on my person 2F14 I will remember to take my medication 2F15 I will not strut around like I own the place 2F18 The Good Humor man can only be pushed so far 2F19 I do not have power of attorney over first graders 2F32 Nerve gas is not a toy 2F21 I will not mock Mrs. Dumbface 2F22 The First Amendment does not cover burping 2F16 This is not a clue...or is it? In this episode, there are clues that are supposed to reveal who shoots Mr. Burns 2F20 I will not complain about the solution when I hear it 2F17 "Bewitched" does not promote Satanism 3F01 No one wants to hear from my armpits 3F02 I am not a lean mean spitting machine 3F03 The boys room is not a water park 3F05 Indian burns are not our cultural heritage 3F08 Wedgies are unhealthy for children and other living things 3F31 I will only do this once a year ...which is once a year too many for clip shows 3F07 I will stop talking about the twelve inch pianist 3F10 I am not certified to remove asbestos 3F23 I did not learn everything I need to know in kindergarten 4F03 I am not my long-lost twin 3G01 The truth is not out there A reference to "The X-Files" 4F08 I am not licensed to do anything 3G03 I will not hide the teacher's Prozac 4F13 I will not lie in front of the school bus with ketchup on my face 4F16 A fire drill does not demand a fire 3G02 I no longer want my MTV 5F01 Everyone is tired of that Richard Gere story 5F03 I did not invent Irish dancing 5F05 I will not tease Fatty 5F06 There was no Roman god named "Fartacus" 5F07 Rudolph's red nose is not alcohol-related 5F23 Shooting paintballs is not an art form 5F10 Pain is not the cleanser 5F12 Silly String is not a nasal spray 5F13 I was not told to do this 3G04 My butt does not deserve a website 5F14 I will not demand what I'm worth 5F09 I will not mess with the opening credits 5F17 I am not the new Dalai Lama 5F18 I was not the inspiration for "Kramer" 5F21 I will not file frivolous lawsuits 5F19 "butt.butt" is not my E-mail address AABF02 No one cares what my definition of "is" is AABF03 I will not scream for ice cream AABF04 I am not a licensed hairstylist AABF05 "The President did it" is not an excuse AABF06 My mom is not dating Jerry Seinfeld AABF07 Sherri does not "got back" AABF08 I will not do the Dirty Bird AABF09 No one wants to hear about my sciatica AABF11 Hillbillies are people too AABF10 Grammar is not a time of waste AABF13 It does not suck to be you AABF14 I cannot absolve sins AABF15 A trained ape could not teach gym AABF16 Loose teeth don't need my help AABF17 I have neither been there nor done that AABF20 I'm so very tired AABF23 Fridays are not "pants optional" AABF22 Pork is not a verb AABF21 I am not the last Don AABF19 I did not win the Nobel Fart Prize BABF02 I won't not use no double negatives BABF05 I can't see dead people BABF07 I will not sell my kidney on eBay BABF04 I will not create art from dung BABF06 I will stop phoning it in BABF08 Class clown is not a paid position BABF09 Substitute teachers are not scabs BABF10 My suspension was not "mutual" BABF11 A belch is not an oral report BABF12 Dodgeball stops at the gym door BABF13 "Non-Flammable" is not a challenge BABF14 I was not touched "there" by an angel BABF16 I am not here on a fartball scholarship BABF15 I will not dance on anyone's grave BABF18 I cannot hire a substitute student BABF19 I will not obey the voices in my head BABF20 I will not plant subliminal messagores BABF17 I will not surprise the incontinent CABF01 I am not the acting President CABF04 I was not the sixth Beatle CABF02 I will only provide a urine sample when asked CABF03 The nurse is not dealing CABF06 Science class should not end in tragedy BABF22 Network TV is not dead CABF05 I will not "let the dogs out" CABF08 I will not hide the teacher's medication CABF07 I will not publish the Principal's credit report CABF10 The hamster did not have "a full life" CABF12 I will not buy a Presidential pardon CABF09 "Temptation Island" was not a sleazy piece of crap CABF11 I will not scare the Vice President CABF13 I will not flush evidence CABF14 Fire is not the cleanser CABF15 Genetics is not an excuse CABF16 Today is not Mothra's day CABF17 I should not be twenty-one by now CABF22 Nobody reads these anymore CABF20 A burp in a jar is not a science project CABF18 Fun does not have a size CABF21 I am not Charlie Brown on acid DABF02 I do not have a cereal named after me DABF04 I will not bite the hand that feeds me Butterfingers DABF06 The giving tree is not a chump DABF07 Making Milhouse cry is not a science project DABF08 Vampire is not a career choice DABF14 I will never lie about being cancelled again DABF20 Fish do not like coffee EABF06 SpongeBob is not a contraceptive EABF05 I will not Bart then chops up the blackboard with an axe EABF14 My pen is not a booger launcher EABF16 Sandwiches should not contain sand FABF01 Over forty & single is not funny FABF08 I will not speculate on how hot teacher used to be FABF22 Poking a dead raccoon is not research GABF05 Beer in a milk carton is not milk GABF15 A booger is not a bookmark GABF18 Does any kid still do this anymore? HABF03 I am not smarter than the President HABF04 Teacher was not dumped -- it was mutual HABF08 I will not laminate dog doo HABF09 I will not flip the classroom upside down HABF13 I will not leak the plot of the movie HABF14 Je ne parle pas Fran�ais HABF16 Have a great summer, everyone HABF21 We are not all naked under our clothes JABF01 Frankincense is not a monster JABF06 Global warming did not eat my homework JABF13 I will not look up what teacher makes JABF12 Pearls are not oyster barf Movie I will not illegally download this movie JABF20 I will not wait 20 years to make another movie This is as up to date as it gets. I filtered out a lot of the extra material from this site. Source:http://www.snpp.com/guides/chalkboard.openings.html