ANSWERS: 100
  • That's a no-brainer...of course!
  • No. But you are setting yourself for a full blown disaster. I can talk about it because I have live thru it. Please, think it better and give yourself the change to live and be happy.
  • Assuming you do not like being treated this way I would say you arent crazy but there is something wrong with you thinking on the matter. If you are thinking that will change when you get married..it won't. Unless you want to spend your life being abused you need to rethink getting married to this person :)
  • I don't think you're crazy, but perhaps confused about what love is and what a healthy relationship is.
  • if that's the way u feel now its only going to get worse
  • I have lived in a home where my mom was abused by someone she loved. Trust me, it is not something you want children to be around. It will scar their lives forever.
  • Dont marry him, i realize how uncomfortable it is to leave, but i will tell you from experience that you need to leave, there are other men. You are worth it to be treated well. Iam actually you in 3 more years if you do decide to marry this man it will only be hurt and pain. I finnaly decided to leave and you wouldnt beleive how now i look back and realize i wish i would have left sooner.
  • DON'T MARRY HIM. HE WILL NEVER CHANGE. HE WILL MOST PROBABLY GET WORSE.
  • stop being a DOORMAT! stand up for yourself and demand to be his equal in the relationship. give him a taste of his own medicine if you have to. also, you're only 19 and still have a lot to experience. i'm 19 and couldn't imagine getting married at this age. respect yourself and see to it that he respects you as well.
  • Yes, leave noww before it becomes psychologically too late.
  • Yes, of course. But love can be crazy.
  • You're not crazy providing you are aware that (a) he won't stop doing it just because he's got a ring on his finger (b) like toothache, this will get worse with each passing day until you live in abject misery (c) kids are out of the question because they'll be verbally abused as well as you and having them would just be selfish on your part. In other words, for goodness sake, DO NOT get married, or at least not to this person. Of course, I am assuming that you don't enjoy verbal abuse - if you do and are quite happy and give it back as much as he give it out, then go ahead - there's nothing wrong with this if that's what you want. Whatever you decide know this: a man and wife are, above all, best friends. They are for each other, not against. Marriage is not a war with your spouse or a sparring match. It is not about scoring points. Marriage is about being in a team of two, it's about compromise and standing shoulder-to-shoulder, it's being able to disagree without hating the other person, arguments without the venom and spite, without the desire to inflict pain. Above all, you are supposed to be best friends....and friends do not hurt us, friends go out of their way if it means we're not hurt & at times, to their own cost.
  • I don't think that yopu should marry this guy. It start out as verbal abuse, and the more you don't do anything about it, the worse it will get. I'm sure you don't want it to escalate into physical abuse. Do something about it now before it's too late!!!
  • No, of course not! My mother did the same thing. She was never happy in her relationship with my father, and I always feel bad when she's being abused verbally. She's always critized for her cooking, cleaning, etc. and I always wonder what life would be like if she had married someone else. I think that you need to rethink what you have decided to do. Someone who curses and critizes you will not likely make you happy. You will be very miserable. I know, because I've seen my mother gone through it.
  • If you do that, you've truly lost your mind. Because soon, it will become physical.
  • Yes, never gets better gets worse..
  • Yea, that isn't a good thing. If you feel you can't leave right now, then wait till your ready. but don't get married!!! When I was in a relationship like that I didn't realize it till I was secluded from everyone and he broke my hand. Then it took me a bout a month to make plans behind his back and leave. I cried a lot when I was making the plans, I didn't want to leave and if he could only be nice I wouldn't have to. I was pretty young at the time, 20. You can't change people, I learned that the hard way. find worth in yourself, realize you deserve better and find your way out of that relationship. Best wishes to you.
  • yea after yaou marry him it'll just get worse
  • Yes. It won't get better.
  • Yes. But there seems to be so many cases like this now days. I myself believe that your child hood plays a big roll in this choice one makes. It seems that some who are verbally abused, or any other abuse as a child. Try and fill that empty spot as a adult. And its never a good choice to make. Just my point of view tho........M.C.S.
  • Only if that is what you want to experience all the years of your marriage. You will not get him to change afterwards and might never get him to change before. NO one should have to put up with any kind of abuse to receive love. It's not love, it's sentiment or lust, just blatant want, but not love. Love is not anything bad, it's not abusive, it's not cruel, it does no harm.
  • You're crazy to still be dating him/her.
  • If you are well enough in control to ask, then you're sane. Unless you marry him. And that wouldn't be crazy; it would be just plain stupid. Abuse is abuse; verbal or physical is only a matter of degree. Get away from that man. NOW. Turn off the computer, grab your purse, and GO. NOW
  • He has an un-renewed mind. Put this thing off indefinitely until he addresses this at the core, and this requires him to look in the mirror, do some soul-searching, and desire help. I would recommend him to go to church. He may not be " the religious type", but in actuality, none of us are. But I do believe this is a fantastic starting point to getting your otherwise beloved to change into the man he needs to be. You can't change him, God can. :) I sympathize with you, as I know firsthand what this is like. Words indeed hurt. Counseling will prove to be a band aid to a wound that chooses not to heal, you got to get this thing at the core!
  • Everybody seems to have overlooked phase two, even I. If he abuses you, what will he do to your children? "Always ask the Right Questions."
  • He should be able to learn how to love himself before he can love you correctly, and that means learning how to manage his vinegar tongue.
  • Yes completely.Life is way to short to be abused in any way by anybody.But you knew that or you wouldn't have posted the question.
  • yea it'll only get worse
  • Yes. It gets worse after you commit believe me. Then you start hearing the stuff like I'm sorry, I didn't mean it, I'm not gon do it again, You just make me so mad, i love you. Forget all that. DON'T DO IT
  • Be willing to work on this if he otherwise has a lot of other good qualities ( not necessarily physically speaking, rather character qualities). If he is humble enough to be teachable, there's hope for this. Perhaps in the meantime, diffuse his negative comments by killing him with kindness, he won't know what to do. Another option is just leave his presence when he gets into it like that and explain to him when he's out of that mode that you will not tolerate his nastiness.
  • youre not crazy...but it would be a very crazy decision to marry someone who does that to you. no one should ever have the power to make you feel bad. if this guy does that to you then youre not with the right person.
  • Pretty much, yeah.
  • Yep!!!! Just think, if you marry him you can listen to that abuse for "the rest of your life" of course when he becomes physically abusive after you marry you will get to deal with esteem issues also. Your sons will treat you just like he does and your daughters will hate him. You and your children can look forward to a miserable future filled with therapy, depression, low self esteem, behavior problems and who knows what all. You deserve better, don't let him treat you like that, however if you can't stand up to him then get out....now.
  • You arent crazy. A verbally abusive person is not a catch. Dont feel obligated to marry someone like that. It can only get worse. People like that cannot be pleased. He needs help.
  • youre not crazy. But you should not get married into that situation. Because if you do, that person will do it also in marriage and make you feel bad, and not good enough. And you will maybe feel that you have to stoop to their level.And if you do this, you are giving them the power to control you and tell you what to do. Also this may lead to something even worst like physical abuse. I hope you make the right decision..........good luck!!!!!
  • Not crazy but this is the biggest mistake of your whole life.
  • Does not sound like a healthy relationship. You should have someone who cherishs you and respects you. Love is a partership and team. You both respect each other. Yes , times can get alil hard but working things out with communication and love brings you back. You grow big time in a marriage . Its made me a better person all around. Never settle for what you think may be good. You got to know, who your marrying.
  • Sticks and stones can break your bones but words can break your spirit. The damage is worse than a broken bone and the healing can't happen within the abuse. Could you heal a broken leg if it was broken anew every single day? Take the advice of the (unfortunately way too many) people who have been there and save yourself for yourself and your children - they will follow in your footsteps - what path will you show them?
  • yes and i think you're crazier for staying with them
  • No, not crazy because I almost did that too. It's hard to leave someone you love but if you already recognize the issue it will probably end up that you get fed up and tell them to get lost.
  • I have been and am still being abused after 8 years and two children. I have children from a prior marriage and he verbally abused them and they left home before they were 18. Like you I had hopes during all these 8 years that he would change. If only I had known then what I know now I would have litaraly ran from him when we were dating now I'm seriously looking into divorce. RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  • No not crazy but verbal abuse leads to other abuse. Don't but up with it.
  • I will not say you are crazy, but you need to examine why you allow this man to do this to you and why you want to marry a man like this. I would suggest seeing a counselor before doing anything. Have you spoken with him about this problem? I was in an abusive relationship like yours and I left. It was difficult for me, because I loved him, but I had to respect and love myself more. No one deserves to be abused verbally or physically. Also try contacting your local domestic violence office. There are also a lot of good links on the Web regarding abusive relationships.
  • Crazy, no. Stupid, yes. See my previous answer, and DON'T DO IT.
  • no you're not crazy....but you are thinking like a healthy adult.
  • crazy? no stupid? perhaps why would you let somebody do something so degrading to you? it's not healthy. how could you really expect him to love you? it's a gateway to manipulate you and lead to further abuse please get out of this situation
  • not crazy just low self esteem
  • I do not think that you are crazy, but I do believe that you need to consider that it will most likely get worse once you are married. Don't put up with it. Get out of it while you can.
  • Yes you are. Virtually all physical abuse starts as verbal abuse
  • Well, I wouldn't say "crazy, " but I would not advise marrying someone who doesn't respect you. If he doesn't respect you now, then he won't after the marriage. My sister is divorcing her husband because she was in the same situation as you. It took her 7 years to build up to confidence to say, "You are not going to treat me like a dog."
  • They use the same tactics on prisoners of war. This person does not love you. Not only should you not marry them but you should seek counseling and get out of the relationship. You cannot change them. And it's not going to get better. At some point they will break you down so far you won't be able to get back up without help. I know because I was in this type of relationship for twenty years, which was also physically abusive. Please, please do not stay. You are worth so much more.....
  • I don't know. Are you? You must have very little self-respect if you put up with that. Nobody should. You know, of course, that verbal abuse leads to physical abuse eventually in most cases. Is he like this with others or just you? Does he acknowledge this abuse? Is he trying to change? If not.....run for your sanity or you WILL be crazy!
  • I'm going on year 5 with a verbally abusive man and that abuse has now transferred to our children. I've tried everything.. psychologists, counselling, etc. He knows there's a problem and, for him, it was a learned behaviour. It's easy to tell someone to run - I should know, I tell myself everyday. As for getting married, I'm not content living with him for much longer if things don't change, let alone marrying him. If you don't have children yet, it will carry on to the next generation when you do... good luck.
  • Just don't do it.
  • Is this mouthy person a stand up comedian?
  • Not crazy, confused maybe. I wouldn't put up with that crap. While I was growing up I went through a lot of abuse. As wrong as it was, it helped me learn to never let anyone talk to me that way. I deserve better.
  • actually you would be insane to do something of dat nature to be real with you. you shouldnt even be in a relationship with that person at all
  • I don't think you're crazy. I think you're making a mistake. I'm trying to get out of the same type of mistake myself. A guy keeps abusing me emotionally, but tells me it could always be worse. I think it will be worse for both of us if we let it continue. Our best bet is to get out of the relationship before it happens. If only I could take my own advice...
  • Yes, that is a very crazy thing to do.
  • yes, please don't do it. you start to believe you are worth nothing
  • I couldn't tolerate that myself.
  • Hell yes! you will dig yourself even deeper into a pit, if you get married to someone whose already abusive. At least you see the signs before hand. Some people dont see it before marriage they see it after. In my opinion thats a red flag.
  • very crazy, check your self esteem & why you are marrying him. Is he the best you can have or have you told yourself that he is the best?
  • Just asking this question points that way. Cannot believe that you would consider it.
  • Go to the questions I asked about the guy I dated. He was a VERY controlling man. He controlled who I talked to, where I was allowed and not allowed to go, how I dressed, and he constantly pressured me for sex and put me down because of my beliefs. He didn't want me to work when my job is practically my life to me. He wanted me to only use his money and only use it on what he wanted. He never wanted me to get a driver's license because he wanted to be in control of where I went. I lost so much from this man, but most importantly I lost respect for myself. Please don't let it happen to you. I've made it two days without talking to this guy now. I do believe that these men will be physically violent with us if we let it continue. I'm too proud of myself to deal with that. Be proud of yourself too!
  • NO one should ever be abused in any way shape or form. If he really loves you his words would have love and caring in them. Only a harsh person would say harsh things to someone that loved them. My advice would be to let him go for a while and if he shows any change, as in seeing a minister or a conselor, then and only then would it be in consideration of being with him.
  • No, most marriages are like that.
  • yea thats normal. you shoud watch, "All in the family" or "Married with children" its cool. lol -Brad
  • Please don't marry this man. It will only get worse. I speak from experience. First the verbal abuse, then the physical abuse. Run as fast as you can. He does not love nor respect you. Take everyones advice here and get out now!!!
  • Where do you think, "Love is blind" came from? Just because you don't see this as an issue doesn't mean you can't feel the verbal abuse. I think that you have to decide if his abuse is worth more than how you deserve to be treated. Love hurts, but it's NEVER abusive.
  • Why do you think that you have to? Why are you even asking the question? Do you enjoy being verbally abused? I guess you must do if you want to hear it for the rest of your life What do you think love is? Are you scared of being alone? Stop focusing on him and focus on you. Why do you think you have to tolerate this? Deal with yourself sweetheart - then the answer will become clear
  • yes but if your consider marrying this person i would be willin to bet you are just as verbally abusive as he/she is
  • Its not ok to be in an unhealthy relationship. It will also more than likely get worse as your marriage goes along. What if there are children down the road, would you want them subjected to that? You know what you are getting into with your eyes wide open, so really think about this.
  • You know my thing is what do you call verbal abuse? Seriously because some people have different level to what they find wrong to say someone. Like me I grow up in a rough speaking home where we yelled at each other called each other names and I thought every family was like that. Until my girl explain to me that the way I responded was not OK by normal people standards. And another example is I know a girl who was so sensitive you couldn't argue with her. You say something as simple as NO im taking you here she starts crying. So I suggest you and he first come to an understanding of what you find verbally abuses because some people grow up in enviorments where verbal abuse happens everyday and they are immune to giving it and taking it!
  • not if you like it
  • If it bothers you, then yes.
  • crazy no. stupid probably you deserve better
  • does a circus bear shit in a cage
  • No, if you want to be that stupid, who am I to judge? Just don't expect us to pick up the pieces when he finally does more than call you names .. Sorry, but I have no sympathy for you.
  • Yes you are.
  • YOU MIGHT NOT BE CRAZY BUT YOU MAY WANT TO RE-THINK THINGS BEFORE YOU ACTUALLY GET MARRIED. WE ALL SAY THINGS THAT WE DON'T MEAN FROM TIME TO TIME. BUT WHEN YOU CAN QUALIFY IT AS VERBAL ABUSE BE AWARE. THERE IS SOMEONE OUT THERE THAT WILL TREAT YOU AS YOU DESERVE TO BE TREATED WITHOUT THE VERBAL ABUSE.
  • crazy? no. misguided? probably. i think the key word here is ABUSE, and you used it yourself. verbal abuse is just that - a type of ABUSE, and these kinds of things don't usually end well. excluding the toll it may take on your marriage, and nevermind the future if children are involved, it will hurt YOU emotionally, mentally. don't do this to yourself. there are people out there who can love you without the verbal hate.
  • You don't sound crazy... just young and naive. Hey, we've all been there (whether we admit it or not). If you were truly crazy you wouldn't be on here chatting with us. 19 years old is TOO YOUNG TO BE GETTING MARRIED. I know some people will disagree with me on that... but we live in a different world than that of our parents and grandparents. A college degree has become the new high school diploma in most jobs that pay decently. Focus on that right now (go to vocational school or community college and pick up training that will get you a recession-proof job if you can't swing a four-year degree). You'll thank yourself in a few years. Think about it. It's like getting insurance for your life if things don't work out with him. And if the guy really loves you he will wait while you work on your education. If it was me personally I would throw him to the curb. But everyone is different and if you've been together five years he may feel like your whole world. I know it is not an easy situation you are in. Just remember- you must always be able to rely on yourself... no matter what. That means making enough money to support yourself. If he can't handle that... well then hun... he's just toxic for you. Good luck.
  • Be good to yourself. The long term affects on you can influence your mental and physical health. There are many counseling agencies available that may be able to help how you relate with each other.
  • You'd be marrying someone who doesn't love you; he/she only loves themself. They are not going to change anytime soon.
  • Crazy isn't a stern enough word.... "stupid" is a much better fit. Don't take it as an insult... most of us have done very stupid things also.
  • I don't know about crazy, but if he verbally abuses you now, it will never stop, only get worse. It is better be happy and alone, than with someone that hurts you.
  • I would not say you are crazy but you should be aware. There most likely is little insentive to change on his part. However, I know from experience, the situation is confusion. In my case, I believe the abuse came from a place of fear and insecurity. Being a compassionate individual, I found myself able to tolerate. However, compassion needs to be self directed as well. And karmicly speaking, you are doinga diservice to this guy by allowing him to treat you this way and marrying him would be rewarding bad behavior. Ultimately, you deserve better however you need to believe this and hold out for it.
  • Either that or a masochist. What rational person would do that?
  • Yes. Next question?
  • Your not crazy, you have low self esteem and you are possibly scared. You need a support system outside of your relationship to help you make wise decisions. If he abused you while you were dating, guess what? It doesnt get better. The dangerous thing about mental abuse is that your mind becomes captive to the abuser. Trying to leave becomes easier said than done. You may feel like noone else finds you attractive. You may feel like you cannot servive without him. You may feel like you are worthless unless he is with you. All stem from that abuse. Find some motivation. Wether its from a book or a womens group that deals with those issues. At least you posted your question wich means that you know somethings wrong. You have at least taken a step to get advice from others. I honestly think that you already know that you shouldnt marry this guy/woman.
  • Yes dont live like this anymore. He does not deserve you and get out before you submit your children to this control freak

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