I told a trusted friend something very personal and private and now it's no longer private. Whose at fault? Me for confiding( because had I not told them ,this wouldn't have happened ) or them for telling?
by 
Babycakes
ANSWERS: 100
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Well, as long as the message was clear that you wanted this to remain quiet, I'd say it was your friend's fault. Otherwise, it's hard to say.
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I think its them for telling because if you trusted them enough to confide your secret then they should have kept their mouth shot, everyone needs to vent so you were just doing so with someone you never thought was capable to betray you imo.
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Both. It's you for not keeping your mouth shut and its them for saying it out loud. People tend to gossip a lot more if you say that its very private secret.
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well, i reckon if i told my trusted friend something in confidence, she would know to keep her mouth shut about it... so i would say your 'trusted friend' isnt so trustworthy!!
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Did you mention it was in confidence? Did you say, don't tell anyone? If you did, then you're friend is at fault and not much of a friend in my eyes. You should have been able to trust the friend. I wouldn't ever trust that person again, that is not a friend. You thought you could count on the person, you are not at fault.
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I'm sorry, Babycakes. That is awful. You are not at fault for confiding in this so called friend. It is a mystery to me why some people get pleasure from such blatant hurtful behavior.
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they are to blame,it was your friend, you should have been able to confide in them. I keep whatever my friends tell me to myself thats why they come to me.
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yep ive done the very same thing recently, and the minute i confided (i was feeling really low) i knew i had made a massive mistake, and i was so annoyed with myself, i should have known better, abd i learnt a long time ago, theres very very few ppl you can trust. So yes, i blame her, but i also blame myself!
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You. If you want to keep it private, don't tell a soul. I have the unfortunate responsibility of attorney/client privelege. What was your secret? It's safe with me:)
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Babycakes, we must talk, please e mail me your phone #
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It's definitely their fault. When someone tells me something in private, I never breathe a word to anyone that I even have private information.
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Both but now you now the measure of their friendship and can guard yourself more carefully in the future.
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If you believed this person a trusted friend, and told them this was private, as you've stated you did, then it is their fault for breaking the confidence. Unfortunately, I've "been there, done that" when it comes to trusting the wrong person before...and more than once. Sometimes, I think I trust too much. Let's just say, there are several people I thought were friends, that aren't any longer. And someone I was in a relationship with that I'm not any longer. Sometimes, we learn the hard way!
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If I had something personal and private. I would keep my lips sealed. I know how tongues love to wag.
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There use to be a code between friends that what is private is not shared with others. This like so many other things that was a given has been lost in time. Although we all know that things change and that which was no longer applies. I really could not see as if anyone or everyone is at fault here just a difference in opinion but a lesson learned not to count on those we feel are friends to be like our friends were in the past.
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I think one of the most valuable things I have learned is that too much talking can be a very dangerous thing. I only just recently realized that it's not fair in friendship to transport the confidence of one friend to another. The lines may be blurry because you want to be loyal and consistent with all your closest confidants. But then what happens is, you find yourself discussing someone you love with someone else, and no matter how wonderful that someone else is, the other person is inevitably compromised. It is important to have a sacred place in each friendship where personal and private details are kept just that. I think that you cannot be at fault for confiding your feelings, but I do strongly feel that it is violating to have those feelings revealed against your wishes.
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Well, in those types of situation, which has happened to me plenty of times, trying to figure out in your mind who's fault it was will not reverse what already happened. It was a learning experience for you and you will probably be more cautious next time with who you confide in, which is a tough lesson sometimes. But I don't believe you did anything wrong. It's natural to trust others...it is unnatural to knowingly break that trust.
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same thing happened to me when I was younger, It made me bitter, and to the point I never tell anyone anything that I don't want people to know... Your friend in my opinion is in fault, because you must likely told them you didn't want whatever it was to get out, that you just needed to get it off your chest or ask their advice... My friend told the teacher's who in turn called the cops, who in turn called my parents, it was all over my school, I was never more humiliated in my life, especially since I thought it was my fault.
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Sorry, but a true friend wouldn't have done it, and no it's not your fault.
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Nooo! don't trust no one!!! don't tell anyone about anything!!
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Both actually. But, you will have to take the main fault for telling in the first place. I would let my friend know that she isn't such a good friend anymore and won't be told any more confidental stuff.
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If you did not ask your friend to keep your information confidential, then its your fault. I know you know better.
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Him or her for being an untrustworthy friend. Well, wait. Unless you did not TELL HIM OR HER that this was a private matter not to be discussed with others. If you didn't say anything and just ASSumed that it would be private, then that is your fault.
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a true trusted friend would not repeat what ever you told them in confidence.
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Babycakes......I'm so sorry to hear this!!! You should have e-mailed me! I guess you thought I had enough on my plate, but no matter.......you can always talk to me!!!!
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Sweety I am so sorry this happened to you. Please email me if you need to talk you know I am here for you. :) {{{{{hugs}}}}}
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It is definitely not your fault for confiding. You needed somebody trustworthy to talk to, you trusted that someone, and then they spilt it all out... like a little gossiping rat. Well, look at it this way. You've gained something from this. Now you know what that person is really like, you're hurt, and don't ever talk to that person again unless you have to. Other people won't see that person in a great light either. Anybody who tells somebody else a lot of private secrets that are not theirs can obviously not be seen as a good person.
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its an old story. once a secret is told it isnt a secret anymore.
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It's not your fault at all . They should have kept this information hush-hush ! I'm sorry this happened to you Babycakes . That is the exact reason that there's only maybe one or two peope in this entire world I share details of my life with and some personal thoughts and feelings I share with nobody. As bad as this may sound, sometimes it just has to be that way.
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Like WTF !?! You are not at fault for trusting a friend. One should be able to do so without any doubt whatsoever. Perhaps they have not realized they have spoken of something you wished them not to. I truly would hate to think they set out to cause you upset for no reason other than gossip. I am so sorry for your heartache Babycakes and i hope you're okay. I'll call you again in the morning. ♥{{{Best Friend Luv'n'Hugs}}}♥
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Most people in this world and because of our or their gregarious predisposition to tell secrets that were for them and only them tell the first person who they know. It was oftem them who had the problem for not keeping a secret until I found out that gossiping is just in their nature, people do it because they can't help what they are. So after me wanting to hurt some one who I trusted. I stopped right there and then and I told my self this will never ever happen again, So I went to a counselor and read the hypocratic oath that all people of medicine must take, and they are bound by leagal oath, and part of it reads "shall do no harm" they can't even tell god what came out of my mouth, and that is who I tell my secrets to and I stopped hating people no really I could trust no one. lesson learned and I have moved on.
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Did you ask them to keep it a secret by any chance?
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Ah there is nothing worse than that, your friend should have known better and respected your wishes to keep it private ....
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Trusting someone is a sign of confidence in that person. Mutual confidence generates good human relationships. However, trusting someone can also be a risk. You make an error of judgement if you trust someone with something, and their acts show that you should not have trusted them. For that reason, it is better to give people our trust progressively. We have here two very different kind of errors: - your error of judgement for trusting them with something that you should not have trusted them with. - their act of betrayal In the end, you have both made an error, but while a lack of caution could sometimes be dumb, betrayal is often evil (okay, in some cases, it can also be dumb).
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Your "trusted friend" blew it. Your confiding in him/her was not the problem. Your "trusted friend" was neither trustworthy nor your friend. Now you know. Sorry for your loss. That has happened to me and I know how much it hurts.
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your friend should be there for you no matter what and isn't much of a friend if they go round telling people your buissness. it is not your fault it is your friends. you trusted them with something personal and they broke your trust. dont blame yourself. :)
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not ur fault...but hers! its high time for you to find another friend whom you can trust! but be careful! if u were hurt once by "trust issues" its not ur fault...but when u were hurt twice by the same person and still the same issue then, THATS ALREADY YOUR FAULT! :)God Bless!
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i think that a "trusted friend" should be able to keep your confidence without you even having to ask....i hate this happened to you :(
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Well, if it was someone else's personal and private issue that you shared, I'd say it's your fault. But it looks like it was your own secret to share and your friend betrayed you, so it's not your fault at all...your friend should NEVER have shared your private tidbit, and you shouldn't have had to worry that they might. Sorry you went through this :(
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both but really i'd be pretty pissed at my friends for leaking such information.
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I would put the blame on your not-so-trusted friend. You told her something in confidence, and she took it up on herself to share it with the world. Among friends, you should not have to say, "Keep this to yourself" or "This is not to be repeated" -- friends should automatically understand those things. I feel bad that this happened to you, but let it be a lesson learned and go on from here. Best of luck to you. . .
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Hi Babycakes how are you. hope everything is good for you and this problem goes away for you fast, pretty nasty what a so called friend would do to such a trusting friend.Not right on there part.But the saying is what goes around comes around. please try not to let this mistake get you down you are to good of a person.just keep your chin up and try not to think about this to much {{HUGS}}
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it is always best to keep private things private. i never tell anyone anything i would not tell the world. you can only trust your doctor.
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You are both responsible. You for telling something that should remain private. The other for not understanding it was private if you tell them it is should not make any difference, but most of the times it helps. Unfortunately many people can't keep a secret at all. I wonder what advantage they see in telling other people's secrets...
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IT is the fault of both parties, you should have not told friend your personal business, she should have kept her mouth shut when you told your business. A lesson some things it is best to keep to yourself.
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im sorry that u had ur feelings hurt. when i had a similar case because of it went into depression my psychologist told me to ask myself.. "If i cant keep my own secret, why would i trust or ask anyone else to keep it"
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You say he/she is a trusted friend, but apparently he/she wasn't. If you trusted that person, I would imagine you expected your information to stay private. I think it's his/her fault for being a bad friend and perhaps yours for not using better judgment on determining who you can call a "trusted" friend.
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Circumstances and relationships change. Understanding this, it's advisable to exercise extreme caution when sharing things of a personal nature. It's good practice to avoid saying anything you don't want repeated or doing anything you'd be ashamed of standing by later. About the only thing you can do now is chalk this experience up as a lesson to keep secrets to yourself.
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Them for telling they just like telling other people gossip or should i say they enjoy it it's your friends problem i would tell her not to do it again just make sure it's like a slap in the face no harm done
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Them for sure!!! If you trusted them, then they shouldnt have told ne one even if ther life depended on it! That aint cool n they obviously arnt good friends
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I know exactly how you feel. I had a very personal surgery and shared this with someone that I thought I could trust. The next thing I know people were coming up and asking me about it. Then she got angry with me because I stopped sharing things with her. Needless to say, she is no longer in my circle of friends.
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You are not at fault for anything. This "friend" is at fault for destroying the trust you had in them. I'm sorry this happened to you. (((HUGS))) I would no longer trust this fiend...errr, friend with any more private info. :(
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It is not your fault at all even though it might feel like it is. It's her fault. I'm sorry about what happened. I know what it's like, I've been there before. It sucks.
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I have to take the responsibility for trusting my trusted friend. I have trusted too easily.
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I think your friend is definately in the wrong! You put your trust in her, and she took advantage of that. You would never think a trusted friend would go against your wishes and would assume she would keep this to herself. Although, there may be a reason why she passed this information on. I think you should tell her exactly how you feel, and give her the chance to explain why she betrayed your trust. If there is no good reason for this, I would reconsider her being one of your trusted, loyal friends. Hope everything works itself out.
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That happened to me years ago with my best friend at the time.We didn't talk for years.Now when we do talk,I'm reminded every once in awhile why I don't confide "secrets" to her anymore.You obviously trusted this person and they broke that trust.If they knew you didn't want that info broadcasted,then I'd say they were in the wrong.At least you know now not to tell them anything confidential.
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A bit of both. If you told your friend that you wanted it to remain private and they went and told anyway, they are more responsible. I guess you really have to be careful who you confide in and it's sad that you have to weigh that before talking to someone that you trust.
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Babycakes, You are not at fault........the friend who betrayed your confidence is at fault. I just wish people would think before they act or speak.........if they thought about the potential harm/hurt, maybe they would keep their mouth shut.
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It depends. Was it personal information about yourself or something involving you OR was it someone else's personal business that they confided in you? If it was something regarding you and your friend went out and spread it around then she is definitely at fault and you need to have a talk with her about this. If it was something someone else told you then you told her then really it's your own fault. She should have been a little more respectful either way though.
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ITS YOUR FRIENDS FAULT YOU THOUGHT YOU COULD TRUST HER/HIM AND YOU SHARED SOMETHING WITH HER/HIM AND SHE WENT AND MADE IT PUBLIC...THE SAMETHING HAPPENED TO ME WITH A FRIEND AND IT WAS SO PERSONAL THAT IT COULD HAVE MEANT THE ENDING OF MY 22YR MARRIAGE AND SHE WENT AND TOLD MY HUSBAND....SO WOULNT BEAT MYSELF OVER IT I WOULD BEAT HER/HIM...GOODLUCK.
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its there fault because you told them in private
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I had a friend confide in me and I kept my mouth shut! It got out anyway and she still blamed me for it. We are now no longer friends after 25 years. This happened two years ago and I am still hurt over it. Now what?????
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Considering that they are supposed to be your friend, they are at fault. Being friends with someone means you should be able to confide in them without the fear or risk that they will expose your secrets to everyone. This is why we tell secrets to friends, and not random strangers or enemies, people we dislike or don't know can get away with acting in that manner, but friends should not. You shouldn't feel like you are to blame for daring to trust someone you should be able to trust.
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my college professor always stresses this out "IF YOU TELL SOMEONE, IT'S NOT A SECRET ANYMORE!". I'm not here to make fun of you but the fact is, you told someone some personal stuff. Technically your at fault since you obviously thought it was safe to tell someone (regardless if that person is trustworthy or not) soon or eventually, that persons going to blab out your secrets because it your secret means nothing to that person.
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them for telling, because it is not your fault that you confided in them. you didnt' know that was goign to happen. but next time, to be sure, keep some secrets to yourself, especially if you can't fully trust a certain person. it doesnt mean you can't tell anyone anything anymore, just be careful!
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heyy, i felt lyk answering this question cause i was in a situation like this one, well its obviously your friends fault, hope things work out x
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Your friend should not have talked. Your friend should not have violated your trust.
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definetly not you! Everyone needs someone they can confide in. They broke your trust and have proved they have no respect for you.This is not your fault
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If a friend tells me something in confidence then I do NOT tell! No "ifs" "ands" or "buts" about it. and like Jessss said, every one needs someone to confide in. If you keep it all to yourself you'll explode!
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of course it isn't your fault. thats what friends are for , to confide in. and if you have to worry about telling your friend a secret then she or he has betrayed your trust.
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OMG!! I hate it when that happens!! Then people actually wonder why I only have a couple of friends and still keep most things I don't want spread around to myself. Well....this is why!! =) It is NOT your fault though. We should be aloud to share things with our close friends in confidence. Have you confronted your friend yet? I hope you resolve this without losing a friend though. Shelly
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Don't ever tell anyone a secret that you don't want others to know.....period!!!!.....anything can happen that it will come about to haunt you....and the only person to blame is yourself....once again....period.....!!!
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it's not your fault for trusting a friend. u shouldn't blame yourself because it's their fault for telling
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I'm sorry for what happened, i had the same problem. I had friends who i greatly trusted and when i felt i needed someone to talk to cuz i couldn't go to my mother. Eventually i went to them, (different times) and i ask, told them things. Later they would tell their mother, friends, and they would laugh. I then sadly grew very serious trust issues. Eventually i grew up to realize i shouldn't believe there are true friends because we are still the selfish people we were born into this world to be. Its all up to us and the hopes that the people who need help ask questions on the internet waiting for the answers from others without much embarressment.
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It depends. First consider these things a) Some people are silly , are very good natured. They are not grown up to understand what to say , what not to say. Better to keep silly people at bay(after all u did not open a charity to keep silly and stupid pepole around!) try not to confide anything in future. b) you recently gained something that can make that person jealous ? again in that case you will have keep distance from that person from now on. sorry :) c) It is not your fault, humans are social beings and it is ok to confide in people even when u know they will announce your secret on national radio (It is ok to make mistakes some times :) ) To tell a small story I was 8 years old and confided to my best friend that I loved a girl in our school, he simply stood up in class and announced that I love that girl!!!
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i understand you probably had to tell someone, and you thought you told someone you can trust. in a way its both you and this so called friends fault. its your fault for saying it. if its something PERSONAL and PRIVATE you should have not tell anyone. and its your friends fault for not being a real friend. if they knew that was something personal and private you told them,they should have not told anyone.
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It's hard to find good friends who will not kiss and tell..I have not found any in the category yet..to date but I can tell you I don't tell anyone anything anymore and just live daily talking about the weather..other imtimate stuff are best kept to oneself. If not in your own dairy...that is the best thing I can think of at present..
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TOTTALLY HER FAULT!! It's NOT your fault at all!! :) You should go to her straight up and go what's wrong with you? and talk to her and tell her you guys can't be friends any more. Hope ThiS helped, sorry if it dousn't.I'm not so great at this advice thing but I try any ways lol ...*
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Babycakes, I've answered this before, letting you know that you are definitely not at fault. The fault is the friend who betrayed your trust. I have been told things that I've been asked not to repeat, not even to my husband. Since it isn't something that involves him in any harmful way, I will not betray the trust placed in me by that friend. So, don't ever give up hope, there are a lot of people with morals, ethics and values.
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I would say it is their fault, but you have to look at if they are the type of person who finds it extremely hard to keep things secret. If they aren't, and thus purposely told others, then you may want to consider getting new friends.
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You just lost a friend. People who cannot keep personal matters to themselves do not qualify as a friend. Take it as a painful lesson learnt, at least he has revealed his true colours and learn not to trust people too easily. Take heart the fact that whatever you spill to others gives others a stronghold over yourself. Hence keep very personal and important stuff to yourself.
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If this person called them your so called good friend, then apparently they are lying to themselves. That is wrong. You should be able to tell this person something without them saying anything to anyone else. ITS disrespectful, and it they should thank you for not just turning your back and spilling everything you know about them.
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The tale teller is in error! I am sending you and your family a burst of positive love to surround you as you venture forth today!
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Girl I went through the same thing I told my freind about the girl my husband was supposed to be messing around with, and she went and to the the girl evry thing I said about her and everything. And what is so crazy she always came to me about the girls her boyfriend slept with. I would have never done that to her but it goes to show you that when people are miserable they also need company to. Its not your fault just be wise on who your real friends are.
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Your ""friend"" is at fault. Part of a friendship involves trust and sharing. If you specifically asked this friend to keep the information under wraps, and he/she let it out. ...you were betrayed. AWFUL, HURTFUL, LOW DOWN, AND DIRTY. Have some thing sweet, m'dear......
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I'm so sorry for you!!! Stupid me has done this too. I think, at some point, everyone has done this. So don't feel too bad or alone. OK? Your so called friend is at fault. You opened your heart and they broke it. So just learn. I once confided a personal concern, experience or whatever to someone and I thought I could trust that person. Well, they got mad at me sometime afterwards for something , put words in my mouth and played "telephone" with it on me. I suffered with untrue elaborations and rumors for several years. KARMA to them I say and let it go. Confide to your spiritual being if you have one or write it down and rip it up!!! I'm teaching my kids not to confide any secrets to their friends either. Just remember, once you tell someone a secret, it's not a secret anymore. Don't take the chance. Big hugs!!!
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its absolutely not ur fault but it wil hurt u for sometym...but atleast u have now learned tat d person u r trusting is not worth it...!u wont trust him for ny big issues..u r saved frm a loss which cud b big enuff...so its nt ur fault...trusting him was ur decision breaking ur trust was his choice!
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thanks.":)...i feel nice here..!
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You said 'friend'. If he/she is a friend to you, he/she will not tell another person about his/her friend's personal/private information. You have obviously picked the wrong friend to confide in. Look harder next time.
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Not you -thats for sure. Trust between friends should be like blinking,you shouldn't have to think about it. A true friend is someone you rely on and someone who should be respect that what you tell them in confidence remains private. If they had a problem with what you were telling you they should have stopped you and said, "Are you sure you want to tell me that?" I don't know why people do that. Any breach of trust is a breach in friendship. I have a friend that had told me she was cheating on her husband. Who am I to judge and who am I to tell our mutual friends? What she tells me I know is for her to vent. Unless she asks for my opinion I don't provide it. I just listen like a good friend should.
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That is terrible. I've had this happen to me before. I believe it to be the friends fault. They should feel good about having a friend who feels they can confide very personal fellings with them. They should feel happy that someone trusts them as much as they do.
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your friend should never have betrayed your confidence. i would ve verrryyy mad!! One thing i am known for is trust. I know soo many things about people its crazy lol. I never tell. When someone tells me something personal, I keep it a secret!!
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Not your fault in my opinion. A trusted friend MUST remain a trusted friend. That is what a trusted friend is for - to keep her mouth shut.
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It's not your fault at all , your friend is the one who is a fault he/she should of kept it private
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Well i've had the exact same thing to my "best Friend" and she would go and tell her sister in law that does not like me at all, and now everyone knows my business cause she told someone else my problem when i trusted her to keep it to herself like i do with her. You don't need friends like this in your life. I've come to the point where i feel all i need is family and certain people in my life, people like that shouldn't be in your life
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them for telling. . its a cased of abusing your trust. . some friend. . my advice, get rid of this person, you dont need someone like that in your life.
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If they told you they would keep the information secret than they are a liar, without honor, and definitely at fault. If you told them it without explicitly expressing your wish for it to remain private, than I guess they get off on a technicality. Even though it was still wrong of them, they're is always a chance they didn't understand it was important to you they keep quiet. If this is the case, I'd forgive them, but it will still forever change my relationship with them.
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Well, it sounds like she's at fault. But, having been in the other persons shoes, did you tell her it wasn't something you wanted spread around? I've been accused of telling people stuff I didn't know was even a secret! Although, in my defense, it wasn't anything major happening in their life.. just stupid little things. Oh well we live and learn. I've also told other people stuff told to me in confidence, purely for advice on how to help said friend. In these cases though, no names are mentioned, and I only tell someone people who don't know the other person, and are unlikely to ever meet.
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I think your friend fault you confided in her and you lost her trust. next time if you have something secretive i f i were you keep to yourself so no one gets hurt
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Them for telling. Plus, sadly to say that you also found out that that person was not a trusted friend or even a friend at all. A true friend would not have told. You may consider them a friend, but their action sure says they do not consider you a friend at all.
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