• i wasn't a planned pregnancy or birth. unless they wanted to shove me back where i came from, i was here to stay
  • depending on how young the child is, i do think that it can affect the way a child sees themselves...if they're old enough it doesn't seem to matter...i wasn't planned, and yet i don't feel like a waste...but say if they're under 10 or so i could see them feeling hurt by it...
  • I say without a doubt it would make them feel unwanted.
  • Sure it can. If parents make a child feel like they're no more than a burden, the childs sense of self-worth will be terribly affected and may never recover. Even if a parent were to explain it in a positive way, that the child was a "happy accident" and the best thing that ever happened in their life, the child may still feel concern over not really being wanted, despite the resulting "happiness" it is glossed over with.
  • Were they unwanted or unplanned? Those are two different things. If it is unplanned then tell them they were a surprise. If it's unwanted don't tell them anything they will figure it out on their own.
  • Yes, it could....If they are young...Mine are old now so I told one she wasn't planned, but she was the best surprise we ever had.!!!
  • Not just those words, but how they are told, by whom, and what other treatment they receive. In a loving household, the fact that they weren't planned would just another happy surprise.
  • I felt unwanted when I learned that I was not planned for and actually came at the worst possible time....I don't know how less sensitive kids would feel. I'd assume that they'd probably feel the same way.
  • It also depends how the parents say it. If they say something like you were such a wonderful surprise then no I don't think the child would feel unwanted.
  • yes with me it wasnt that i wasnt planned that hurt me it was the i never wanted you that hurt.
  • Yes. You should never tell a child that they weren't planned or were unwanted. If you have to say anything at all, say that they came at precisely the right time because if they didn't then they or you wouldn't be the people you are today.
  • Maybe, but not me. I was told by my parents that I was "not planned". I was told in my late teens. Telling a child at a younger age might have some adverse reflects though. My mom told me that I was a "mistake". My mom and dad were camping one weekend and didn't have a rubber. So, here I am. Her pride and joy.
  • Yes. I remember being 9 and finding out my parents were married in June of 1982. I was born in November of the same year. My mother was 4 months pregnant and it made me feel bad. My parents always told me they were engaged and they were together for 4 years anyway but my mom was 39 when she got pregnant so I've always wondered if they were happy at first. Of course they would never tell me if they were upset but I still wonder.
  • I think so. I believe it is better to say that they were your special surprise.
  • I think it would..among all the dumb things a parent can say to a child, that would be among the valid, valuable, worthwhile or meaningful reason for it..just dumbheadedness or meanness coming from parent to child. Really really really dumb. :(
  • I remember the words, said often enough "We were living in England, but we intended to return home to Australia via Canada. We had it all planned out. We were going to put your brother into day care and work our way home....then you came along." You bet it made me feel unwanted.
  • Yes it can. That information is illrelivent after the child is here. No point is saying it, thoes words can hurt. I was planned, but my mom went on to tell me the reasons and that made me feel unwanted. If my kids ever come about to ask me. I will let them know. But it isn't information I will offer. One was a surprise and the other planned. But how things happend back then has no relivence on how much I love them or am happy I have them in my life.
  • I agree with future_health_educator, it depends on how it was said. In my case my mom told me they were having "issues" and were thinking about seperating and then I came along and saved them. My brother and sister are 8 and 10 years older so they remember all the arguements and tears. It all stopped after I was born. I've never once seen them in an arguement and they've been married 49 years. I know some of their comments hurt me brother and sister though. My mom used to say my dad never took any interest in them and would never help with "baby things". When I was born my dad actually changed diapers, carried me around and rocked me to sleep. He never once bought anything for my brother and sister when they were babies (he left all the shopping to my mom to do) but every friday after work he'd stop and buy me an outfit or toy. There's still some residual jealousies between me and my siblings because they say I was spoiled, but it wasn't my fault. I was too young to understand and notice that I got all the attention. By the time I was old enough to know, my brother and sister were already out of the house.
  • There's a difference between being un-planned and un-wanted. Just because the pregnancy was accidental doesn't mean they weren't happy about it when they found out. My mum didn't 'plan' to have me but when she found out she was pregnant with me she was more than happy. So no, i didn't feel 'unwanted' when she told me that.
  • well would it make u feel unwanted?
  • I don't think I 'd be too happy. I was indoors once and I heard a mum shout to her kid " You weren't wanted anyway ! " and it made me feel sick to the stomach. I nearly ran out and gave her a piece of my mind.
  • depends how its said and why it was said my mom told me how i was unplanned when iwas like 6 and it didnt bother me at all cause i knew the absolutely lovedme and didnt regret having me or my sister
  • I would dare say most kids weren't "planned."

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