OK parents of teens I need advice. I LOATHE my daughters new b/f. Now I remember being 16 & if my mom told me she didn't like my b/f, I'd stay with him out of spite. How do I make her realize that he's a loser w/o pushing her away?
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Little big mouth
ANSWERS: 28
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you cant really because i'd stay with him out of spite or bring a "worse" one the next time. you have to let her make her own mistakes and be there for her when he breaks her heart but, please don't say I told you so even though you really want to.:)
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You didnt say why you LOATHE him, that makes all the difference in the world.
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I don't have teens, yet, but seeing the way my aunt has dealt with her daughters, my younger cousins, I'd say the best way is for you to support them, and let them learn on their own. That's all they want to do anyways.... and they need you for encouragement. They WILL rebel if they think you don't agree with their decision so the best, and fastest way of them leaving the guy if he's a loser, is to let them learn on their own without the unwanted pressure of a disapproving parent. I have 5 younger female cousins who I'm very close with, and have seen first hand proof of this type of approach working, so if you need some more help, don't be afraid to ask. You will have to learn to deal with the ups and downs of her relationships, but as long as you don't interfere, the process should be a lot quicker. Good luck.
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Even at the age of sixteen, perhaps she is ready to make her own decisions as to whom she dates? As a parent you may wish to enforce certain general rules that are non-negotiable, such as sexual relations, drug and alcohol use, etc. But it is really not your concern as you're not the one feeling and experiencing what she is. Allow her to learn on her own. It would be better than the alternative, right?
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If she loves him or thinks she loves him the more you put him down and discourage the relationship the more she will want him. I KNOW because I have already been there with my daughters. Some times our children have to make their own decisions about people and this is probably one of those times. Let her know you are there for her if she wants to talk and be ready to listen. Good luck! :)
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you don't do or say anything to your daughter, just invite the boyfriend over for dinner with you and your daughter one night and act weird when your daughter is out of the room or not looking, scare him, tell him weird things about your daughter or yourself, or even inadvertantly threaten him with harm r something..scare him or weird him out enough that he never comes around her again and will never tell her why because she will not believe him.
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My last girlfriend's mother didn't like me either and did all she could to get us apart. I came to the conclusion that i didn't want a mother-in-law that hated me so i broke up with her. Her next boyfriend was: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/David_Mahonski ,after that scandal, she got pregnant, then married a guy and got pregnant again, but was divorced before the 2nd child came. Her next boyfriend was a lawyer, but he came home one day and found her in bed with an ex-con that he adopted to keep out of prison for being under aged when he was arrested as part of a bunch of kids that killed a woman by hammering nails in her head. So i say, have a good reason for not liking her boyfriend.
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I think this happens to almost every parent at some time or another. I think if you make over him and talk about him all the time and talk about the things you hate about him as if you love those things, she'll get really sick of him. Kids never seem to go for the one the parents just love to death.
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Tough situation no doubt. Don't have teens but been a teen. I certainly wouldn't overemphasize my dislike for the boy because she will very likely react as you did at that age. But at the same time, parental approval, whether she admits it or not, is very important. Why not level with her? No games. Just let her know that you're not thrilled with how she's being treated and believe she deserves better. BUT, that you respect her and support her decision and will be there for her no matter what. Don't harp on it further. Don't "I told you so." At least she'll know where you stand, have something to think about and hopefully feel comfortable coming to talk to you knowing you're on her side.
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My son is long past his teenage years. Once in the 11th grade he had a kinda sorta girlfriend for awhile..I never warmed up to her (I warm up to icecubes)..she seemed distant, uninvolved and a user..as I figured, she moved on to another guy, or back to her old boyfriend, I forget which. I never said a word. We all learn lessons at our own pace..as was true when you were a teenager, the more you talk about him, the more she will rebel. I'd say nothing..she'll figure it out! Happy Friday! :)
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If you raised her well, she will see for herself that he is a loser - you say that he is a new boyfriend so just give it time. We cannot prevent our children's hearts from breaking any more than we can prevent them from falling and getting cut and bruised when they are learning to walk, run, ride a bike, etc. As parents, we want to protect them, but there are some things you have to let them learn on their own. The best thing you can do is keep the lines of communication open and be supportive and sympathetic when the relationship breaks down. BTW, I don't think that missing 2 dinner invitations is cause for loathing - it's rude, but then he's probably about the same age as your daughter, so in the same rebellious phase that your daughter is in. Give it time and keep your eyes open for any signs of abusive, rather than just plain thoughtless, behaviour.
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My daughter's first boyfriend was not exactly what I had envisioned for her. School drop-out, couldn't hold a job if his life depended on it, acting like he knew everything about life and how society was wrong...you know the type. I decided to treat him as if he were part of the family. Invited him often to dinner and lunch, introduced him out loud at family gatherings as my future son-in-law, started talking about when you get married this, when you have children that... Worked like a charm! Scared him off in three months!
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I'm in the same situation but my daughter is 21. This guy is a LOSER but she LOVES HIM. How in the world do you love someone that uses you for a maid, prostitute and his own personal bank. I told her he was going to use her up - it might take 1 day, 1 month or 5 years but it was going to happen. He's also deeply into drugs, and we all know you become what you hang around. Sorry, but thanks for letting me vent!
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Some times we have to let our children fall flat on their face in order to learn from their mistakes and know how to grow... just like we had to. However, we can't just sit back and say nothing at all. I've been through this several times and it has always worked for me to talk to them as a friend in a "cool" kind of way and yet leave it alone at the same time. They eventually get it and being so young, it's not going to last more than likely anyhow.
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Lisa there is not to much you can do ..just be up front (but gentle) and tell her what your concerns are , but I wouldn't worry to much because Jenny has far to many brains and she will not let this dip shit string her along for to long before she gives him the bums rush ...:):){{hugs}}
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every girl dates at least one loser in her life. she will realize it eventually. but if you are really concerned, you can maybe talk to her friends? ask them what their opinions on him are. but i would reccomend asking them to not tell her that you talked to them. teenagers are more likely to listen to their friends than their parents, so if her friends also think he is a loser, you're on the same team.
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Why do you hate him anyway? I ask this because I know my parents wouldn't like my boyfriend if I told them about him. I don't really care what they have to say about him, though, because I don't agree with all of their standards in the first place. That doesn't mean I don't respect them as parents, though. My boyfriend's parents found out about me and they don't seem to like me at all. It's a good thing they haven't called me a slut yet, because if they ever do, he'd probably blow up on them. So, yeah, ... why don't you like your daughter's boyfriend anyway?
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what makes you dislike him? and if he's so "bad" then let her know in a pleasant manner and don't over do it because it could backfire. There's a saying in the caribbean: "who don't hear, they will feel". She probably would have to see it for herself. Everytime my mom tried to keep me from my boyfriend I always did the complete opposite because i figured at the time that only i would know what's best for me and yadda yadda yadda.
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Sit down and write her a mother to daughter letter. You can give her the good and the bad information in writing, without losing your cool. She will read your letter, she will keep your letter and read it over and over again. sooner or later, she will see the changes in her loser boyfriend and realize you were right. By writing a letter to your daughter, you save yourself a heart attack, a possible runaway daughter and your sanity. A written letter may be old-fashinoned, but it still works. There is power in the written word. Your daughter may not realize the problems with her current boyfriend today, but she will come around.
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Don't do or say anything. That will just drive her closer to him. Part of growing up is learning how to read people. You learn this by meeting the wrong people and then getting rid of them. Without this experience she will not learn how to distinguish the good from the bad.
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i just went through the same thing with my 16yr old son.....it's hard, i know! i just told him that i was not going to tell him who to date but i was going to be honest about what i thought and expected him to do the same....we kept the lines of communication open~ she finally showed her true colors....i hated to watch it but he would not have believed me; hang in there :)
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lol my condolences. first off don't become his best friend, you can make it known that you don't exactly LIKE this guy but dont push he closer by making it unbearable for her to talk to you about her relationship. Also, she's a teen, she'll move on.
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eventually she'll find out for herself but the more you resist the more she'll persist!
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good for you for remembering what it was like. i totally stayed with a boyfriend at least in part because he drove my parents UP THE WALL!!but then one day my mom invited him on an outing with us. and had coffee with his mom. it ended soon after that.
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yea...it sunds like everyone who has answered has the right idea and i can honestly attest to all of them...she has to learn on her own...no worries...everything happens as it should...
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it seems dt ur daughter is the type dt if she likes sumthin she shud have it..well just let her make her mistake..if she ends up getting hurt in the end,den atleast wen she finds another boyfriend it wud be the one much better than the one she has now..but jus give her sum advice..
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Be nice. Invite him to family events, allow him to be closer to the family so your daughter doesn't have to leave the family to be with him. If he's a jerk then he'll show it in the group setting and there will be witnesses. people other then you will complain about him. Keep inviting him until your daughter ends it. Or until you see something redeeming within him yourself. Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer.
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I take it your daughter is 16? At that age, it's way too late for YOU to do anything. Just trust that you have taught her well and that she has good judgment now or soon will have. If she doesn't dump him eventually, then be there to help her pick up the pieces. Having children is often painful, and having to stand by and watch them fall flat on their faces is sheer agony.
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