Well F#@kin' said!!!! Everyone that's answered to this. That's sick of him to make you re-live that. If he had any respect for you. This is the one game he would not make you play. We all like to "play" but seriously.

If it dont feel good dont do it.

Your BF is playing off the fact that you were abused. He knew that re-enacting the abusive experience you had would aggravate your emotions and he got off on THAT part of it. This is a big warning sign of more terrible things to come. I would get rid of this guy and find out what it is you were attracted to him in the first place. There were probably similar personality traits that reminded you of your dad, things that you didn't even realize but now that you can step back will be able to see. The first part in healing is being able to see things for what they are. This means not being in a relationship for now so you can honestly take a look at yourself. I wish you luck....and get rid of the bastard.

Perhaps you may need to confront it; however, he's not the therapist who can help you with it. Anymore ideas like that and I'd kick him to the curb. I vote you do talk with a therapist about it . . . get it all talked out and correctly arranged in your thinking. Huh?

dont do any thing you will regret later. do only what your comfortable with.

Sounds like he was acting out his fantasy to dominate someone and sexual abuse them. He’s the one who needs help.

It's not only unhealthy it's dangerous. He senses your vulnerability and is using you. This is not love. You really need therapy, believe me it's the best way to go and will help you grow. Meanwhile, if you cna't end this relationship, at least end these sex 'games' that sound joyless and sinister.

Healthy no, its not healthy for you to be "forced" to confront those issues, and it is not healthy for him to get off (turned on) by playing this game and its not healthy for your relationship. How you confront sexual abuse is to go to a therapist where in a controlled non-sexual environment you work on the emotions that the abuse caused and still causes. Reliving the experience via roll playing in this line is NOT conducive to good health.

Ummm.. Yeah... Me and the fiance like the whole role play scenario but he was trying to sugar coat that. He was getting off on the whole "Rape" thing and since you were truely getting frustrated he was getting more into it. I must say though. He was correct in one aspect. When he says, "You need to contront this and to heal" I think what he realy meant was "I want you to kick me in the balls and let me know you are serious". <Evil Grin> Maybe you should take your boyfriends advice and start the "Healing" process that your boyfriend was talking about <Wink>.

no he's cruel!

No. Just...no.

Before you submit to his jaded pyschological diagnosis, I'd go see a professional. Your BF is a twisted individual. He's using this as a way to promote his own perverted fantasies....Be careful who you take advice from especially when it comes to your mental health.

you need to confront it in a sense but not like that! your bf is being very scary and i would worry that he got so into the idea of playing the part of a sexual predator who is attacking his daughter.

Sounds to me like he is just taking over your father's role and abusing you as well. That is not how you get over things and your bf is hardly a doctor or even a concerned loved one. He is using you wrongly. quit all the role playing, and just be who you each are. There is plenty of yourself to satisfy in a healthy happy way without adding past pains and bad memories to it.

He needs his ass kicked for doing that. That's disgusting, perverse and heartless. Maybe you need to reconsider your choice in a partner. That's sick.

No that is not healthy. He sounds like a sick and twisted prev that needs somebody to do some role play on his ass!!! You do not need to be abusive to you in order for you to heal from something that your dad done to you. I would say go to a professional if you need help with dealing with that. Your BF needs to be an EX BF if it turns him on when you get upset.

WTF?! wat kind of sick twisted psyhco are you with?! OMG! girl you need to check your man. Seems like he's going down that same road. No REAL man would disregard the horror you went through for the sake of (twisted) sexual fantacy.A real man would steer away from this topic at all costs(unless it was u that iniciated the conversation and wanted to vent)and would even want to kick your 'dads' ass! Get away from this dude before he rapes you or worse. Run!

i think he is looking at this all wrong. he needs to help you get over it, thats for sure, but not like this. he needs to show you love not hate to help you any idiot could see that.

No, that doesn't sound healthy.

Unless he is a psychiatrist, or has been through it, his veiw points on the subject do not matter. If you dont want to do it, you say no.

I'm trying very hard to stay calm after reading this... no offense to you, but men like this disgust me and I really don't know why you're with someone who would do this to you. His "diagnosis" of your problem is utter bullshit. It's nothing more than his sad attempt to play out a sick sexual fantasy and it has absolutely nothing to do with wanting to help you. The fact that he would do this says that he has some serious issues of his own - what kind of man tries to make his girlfriend reenact one of the most terrible experiences of her life? It's one thing to roleplay, but despite the fact that he's twisted for even having thought of it, he should have dropped the issue the instant you said no. My advice is to drop this bastard. It's not your fault, but you seem to have fallen into an abusive relationship (and no, abuse doesn't always mean hitting) as a result of what's happened to you. The good thing is that you seem to recognize some of the warning signs. I hope you can get out of this as soon as possible and go find a guy who can respect you.

thatss stupid.. i think he is mad he is doin this for his own satisfaction... :S seriously go to a professional and ask but i am suree.... they would agree that what he is doin is wrong

It's not healthy; it's sadistic. Run like the wind.

That's pretty stupid of him! He should respect your boundaries and try to avoid upsetting you like that... If he got more turned on by it, then you both really need to take a step back and look at the way your relationship is going. If he always wants to take charge, and decide what the two of you do, and that's bugging you, I would suggest that you guys either talk it out, or split up. If he's demanding to the extreme, you're either going to have to just deal with it, and swallow your protests, OR you're going to have to explain that you want more control. If he can't handle that, it'll be safer and smarter in the long run if you leave...

It's HIGHLY UNHEALTHY for him to disrespect you. You have told him that this game upsets you and that should be enough. The fact that he becomes more aroused by upsetting you is disturbing. You may need to confront this, but not with him. Contact a licensed therapist to help you. God bless you.

your boyfriend is a dick. Yup, that sums it up. What he did is messed up on so many levels.

This is SICK and WRONG! how is this helping you? by bringing up those past memories that you are trying so hard to forget. Maybe you just need to forget about you and your boyfriend because what he is doing is just disrespectful and hateful. And then he gets turned on by it. That is a disgrace

First of all, people confront and deal with issues in different ways, so he may not have initially understood. Also related, it is a proven fact that men and women deal with issues in very different ways. It is not a rule that is strictly black and white though, however, women tend to deal in a mental/emotion way; men tend to deal in a physical way. Secondly, most of the men I know, can't control what turns them on. They may be able to hide it, but can't control it. It is possible that he may be turned on by the woman in distress/struggling fantasy, and that was how the situation was playing out to him; that could have turned him on. And lastly, (this is ALL SPECULATION), he could have just played it off a little bit because he didn't know how to respond. I mean, how many guys actually ADMIT when they're wrong?

Healthy? Hardly! I enjoy the occasional scenario, but I'd NEVER make my sub reenact a real life horror like that. You say it turns him on. That tells me that he's NOT looking out for his sub, but only for himself. Kick him to the curb, fast! Rule no. 1 in this game is DON'T BREAK YOUR TOYS, and that's exactly what this idiot is trying to do. If you want to heal, talk to a doctor or a minister. This guy has already proven that he's not looking out or your best interests.

Nooooooooo of course not at all.

No VERY unhealthy. You do need to confront and deal with this but with a counselor and the right way, your bf's idea of confronting this will be more harmful than good.

Maybe he's turned on by your "helplessness or powerlessness"; he's a sick puppy if that's the case. I don't have all the in's and out's of your role-playing, but there are other methods of de-sensitizing from a traumatic experience. I would strongly suggest that you be on your own and find yourself which, in time, would allow you to know who you are and what's right for you. Have you considered counseling? If you stay, it says alot about you . . . If you don't like how it feels, be responsible for your own feelings and let him know, or let him go.

No one can judge what sexual practices are good or bad, but he's not your psychiatrist. Bottom line, if it upsets you, he should not do it.

i'm not so sure. its not fair to you. it brings back bad feelings, and that's not what he should be doing to you. tell him its too uncomfortable.

not thats sick. i am in the same situation as you and if someone wanted to "roleplay" that id try to "roleplay" by beating his head in with a spade and ask him if that turned him on too. get the hell away from this freak, please before he really hurts you. id also go as far as saying report him as a potential sexual feind to the police as this exhibits potential rape / kidnap and murder profiling.

Absolutely not. If you're not comfortable with it, don't do it. Personally, if someone tried doing that to me, I think I might lose some of my attraction to them, because I would probably never forget them trying that on me. If he doesn't respect you enough to drop it when you say you're not comfortable with it, and try to press it on you, you should find someone new who is going to treat you better.

the first wstep of healing is to say to him **** off and find someone normal

it might not

You do not "need" to do anything unless you are comfortable doing it. You trusted him by sharing with him about what happened with your dad. Now he is using that information against you for his own pleasure. Role-play can be a lot of fun, but in this situation, it will only serve to terrify you. The best way you can confront and heal from what happened is through counseling. Please remember that sex is NEVER a part of therapy. You did not do anything wrong here and now you are victimized twice. I would have a serious talk with this man. Tell him that if he tries such a role-play again, you will kick his butt right out of your life. You do not ever have to do anything you do not want to do. However, since you have issues in your past, I would encourage you to seek "professional" counseling. Best of luck to you and, if you are comfortable with doing so, please post a comment on how things turned out.

No I don't think so.

he's not helping at all. it's not healthy. Go find yourself unselfish boyfriend, who really loves you.

Absolutely not! No!!!! If your boyfriend is turned on by your pain, it's time for you to find someone new. He needs to understand that it's not "roleplaying" for you, but REAL pain. Healing will not come from replaying pain over and over until you have become desensitized and used to feeling the genuine anguish. I'd recommend a good counselor, and a new approach to sex. One that involves you being you, and having a loving and caring partner who likes that and enjoys you being you, not one who fantasizes about you being abused and enjoys causing you pain.

No, if it was me i would break up with him.

sounds a little sick

Not to play the devils advocate or anything. But there are certain methods that counsellors use that follow these same basic guidelines. But being that he is not a trained or licensed therapist or sexual counsellor... Im certain that this is being done more for his gratification than for your benefit and that is sick. That being said. Your emotional and mental ability to make sense of things depends on if it will heal you or hurt you to do so. Some people have the ability to take situations and make them work for their benefit. No matter what they are. But these things have to be always and only on YOUR terms in order for them to work in your favor or not. To heal an abuse situation you being in control would be the healing factor... Otherwise you are simply reinacting your own weakness for his amuesement as he is probably an abuser... Its like an abuse victim becoming a dominant sexual partner between two CONSENTUAL adults that both understand and make sense of their situations to gain some insight into the feeling of being on theother end of the abuse to gain control over their lost power in the act of being abused. but it doesn't sound from what you have said that this is the case. He just seems like an oppurtunistic asshole quite frankly. And you really need to rid yourself of this type of man. Abuse victims are 10 times more likely to fall for the lines of yet another abuser as your mind has sort of become accustomed to love... in relation to abuse, rather than finding someone who will not treat you like that and put yourself out of your own comfort zone.

No. He shouldn't do that. He's saying that for his own personal pleasures. It's not right.

No it's sick and twisted. He has no idea what you "need" in order to move past what happenend to you. My opinion is that you are recreating the traumatic experience over and over as a way of coping, you have seeked out and are attracted to men that will abuse you because that is what you learned. It's not your truth though, you need to tell yourself you deserve happiness and goodness, and deserve to be treated with kindness and respect.

he should not be pressuring you into something like this. doing this will not help you heal... quite the opposite. however being able to would indicate that you had healed.

no it's definately not healthy. this is only a perversive way of getting off on a bad situation. if your boyfriend thinks that reinacting the scene of child molestation is okay, i don't think that having kids with him would be a good idea because his morals are definatelty in the wrong place. he might possibly go as far as molest your kids in the future. you have to keep things like that in mind.

This is totally wrong. He clearly has some issues of his own if he likes to see you in fear. I was abused by my grandfather and my boyfriend sometimes mentions it when he wants to upset me and I know how that feels. Role play should always be something enjoyable for the both of you. If you feel you do need some help then you could get some very good advice from proffessionals. Good luck.

Reading this, what is screaming in my head is: Control issues! Firstly - he wants to control you, by getting you to do what he wants (next thing he will say is: if you really loved me you would do it) Secondly - if he displays such an interest in child abuse issues, and this really turns him on, what will be be like if you both have children together? So - is he turned on by the thought of child abuse? or is he turned on by the idea of controlling you? In both cases, it does not seem that you are in an equal andloving relationship. Respect for one another at all times.

no I think he is being insensitive. It has to be equally fun for all involved. He is not considering your feelings. I know I was molested too. If he is getting turned on by your obvious display of hurtful emotions, he needs help. He should get counseling.

i think that if you are involved in role plays with him, it might be natural for him to try things that disturb you. in this case, i wonder how much of his turn on could be fueled by his passion for you or by the intensity of your reaction during that role play. if he's half the man that i hope to be, he will listen to you, respect your wishes, stay with you and help you to heal ... no, healing doesn't always mean confronting those past boogies ... the first thing we've gotta do when beginning to heal is to develop the skills needed to cope with our past and to successfully manuever throughout life ... we've gotta show ourselves respect, deal effectively and soundly with others, identify goals and strategies ... it sounds like talking with a peer counselor, say, another woman who went through childhood abuse might also be helpful. best of luck!

sounds like he is someone who needs help and what an excuse saying this is a healthy way to confront it, playing out the same role play episode that your dad did to you. He is enjoying the power and NOT thinking about you. Sex might be good but it's even better with someone who puts you first. Don't be treated this way and better still before tomorrow, practice the role play of showing him the door.

Oh dear...that is definitely irrational. There's no way that can be right I do hope I'm right to say this. That must have been one of the most dramatic things to ever happen to you. You should never have to relive that moment, even in a roleplay. A man should want to show you how amazing and how good sex can be, not making you confront something that isn't ok.

No that isn't healthy. I'm sorry you had to go through that again. It worries me a little too that he was turned on when it upset you. He isn't thinking of your feelings at all.

I was sexually abused by my step dad also and it hurts me down to my soul just to rethink it in my head let alone roll play...

This is not a healthy relationship

I think that your bf is an asshole. This is not something to joke about this has caused you serious pain, and by role playing is just bringing up bad feelings from the past and making you relive them. If he is truly getting off on this than he is a sick person. I think that he needs to go through counseling to get a better understanding or I would be worried that he would try to do this to his daughter. Any event I think that you need to stay away from him and find someone that will treat you the way you deserve to be treated. Good Luck!

No this is NOT at all healthy & it's frankly the last thing you need to do to heal. What the f**k is wrong with blokes today acting like complete and utter arseholes to their girlfriends. If he can’t see why what he's done has upset you then get rid of!!!

This is not healthy at all. We all know that love defeats all but for christs sake it doesn't trump a fucking psycho bf that wants to play child molester. I know this is a year old but if you still haven't broken up with this sicko than you need to have a friend go with you for support. Than get that dirty bugger committed.

No, he is just using that as an excuse to try to get you to do what he wants. If you aren't comfortable with something, don't let anyone make you do it. As far as healing, that is handled by a therapist, psychologist or psychiatrist. It is most certainly NOT handled by a horny boyfriend. Dump his ass. Anyone who would try to do harm to you like that is scum and needs to go FAST!!!

no, he is using this as a way to incorperate sex and abuse. There is plenty of fun,dirty and acceptable role play. This is beyond play, and is REAL abuse.

people like that worry me. mes you wonder what else he'll do if he got bored of that?

Not for you and he has a desire to rape and abuse. Gross.

IT IS NOT HEALTHY, he's just putting you through an emotional torture!!!

Absolutely not. You need professional help to heal. If he keeps pushing this on you, you are going to end up resenting him and it's going to ruin your relationship. Have a conversation with him and tell him to stop and that you need to heal in some other way.

whats wrong with him??? If I was sexually abused by my own dad I would NEVER mention it to anybody, boyfriend or not.

you need to confront your "dad" ... do not role play this out. it will only torture you further (physically & emotionally)

No. He is giving you a line. He does not care for your healing; he only wants you to satisfy his fantasies. Next time he tells you that you "need" to do that, you can reply that you need to leave him.

load of bollox, my ex had the same awful trauma & that stuff is not a game to be repeated over, plz get counselling if you have not already,i dont know if it helps but plz try

Your BF, as you refer to him, needs help...badly and I am serious. If he thinks that part of your past is some sort of game he should play with you then the guy needs medical help or you should blow him a kiss goodbye..IMO. It's your call sis.

Why would someone who truely loves you go somewhere with role play that he knows is a hurtful part of your past unless he is a sicko. The fact he gets turned on when he sees you upset about this issue means its time for you to move on and get that wack job out of your life before he gives you a new reason to have bad memories.

&quot;Facing up" to it like that can cause serious damage. Seek professional help. And for f***s sake, find a new boyfriend!

That is disgusting. He is just trying to get that upset/angry reaction, like you are in distress and he is saving you, if he even thought about taking your pain away. Sounds more like he wants you to hurt. Find someone with a heart that will really help you confront your issues in a healthy way. Best Wishes

Not only is this not healthy, but you should get rid of the bum right away. You need to ask yourself why you are attracting the same kind of person your dad was by getting some counseling.

You know, I my first instinct was to respond like everyone else and call the guy a sick bastard, but I sat here and thought about this for a few minutes, and all I can say is...it's not entirely impossible that he's on to something. There are many prolific psychologists that would suggest that extreme sexual acts are a natural and effective outlet for traumatic events. People are subconsciously attracted to each other by a countless number of things, and some of those things are psychological disturbances that counteract with each other, for example, a man who has a fetish for enduring pain based on something that happened to him as a child, and a woman who has a fetish for inflicting pain, based on something that happened to her, will often find each other and be able to express these repressed emotions in a somewhat healthy way. I'm not saying to do it or not to do it, I'm just offering a throughly thought opinion on it. Holla.

ok i think yes it could help but not with him... i think his intentions are not just to help you. he is really turned on it seems by this idea of a "rape" role play type which is not right especially since you have been a victim of sexual abuse i would take it as him saying it just for his own sexual pleasure

What a twisted bastard. Run. And quickly.

It sounds to me like he's bullying you.That's not the way to deal with the issue. +4

A definite NO from me...not healthy at all...!!!

No that's not healthy, in fact thats rather disturbing if you ask me. You have every right to be upset.

I am also into sexual roleplay and have some fantasies that involve abuse, but that is really not the way to do it. To confront and heal from it (if you even think you need to address it) you could talk to a friend or counsellor or something. As far as he is concerned, you might ask yourself "what is his idea of healing from this?" is it when you are no longer bothered by the roleplay at all, or is it when you are turned on by it? because both responses are not normal, given your past experience. also, even in roleplay, there is such a thing as respecting limits. i suggest you dump his ass, fast. not just for trying it the first time, but for deliberately trying to manipulate you in a way that is potentially very hurtful to you, and not respecting your wishes.

No somethings are better recognized for what they are. You don't have to confront it any more than just realizing it is wrong. Stick to what you feel totally comfortable with.

thats not healthy at all. you shouldnt have to relive that experience. instead heal from that by talking to some one about it or writing in a journal. hes very wrong and most likly only wants his own sexual fetishes to be pleased.

My wife had the sanme thing happen to her..and no u dont..drop the scumbag. he apparently has some "issues"

Absolutely not! This will only re-hash the trauma for you. I had some issues with a guy very similar to your boyfriend - he got off on giving me panic attacks. Drop the bastard. Now. For your physical and emotional well-being.

No!!!!!! NO!!!!!!!!! NO!!!!!!!!! What is he like? That is so wrong on so many levels and he is playing on your past experiences for his sexual pleasure. You are being abused all over again. You are not now the helpless little girl you were. Now you have power and control. Take it for crying out loud and tell him to stop or walk away. Your boyfriend is either not very bright, manipultaive or downright abusive - even if it is wrapped up as sex games. Ask yourself what sort of man would get sexual pleasure from seeing you upset and hurting. Why are you with him???????? Deal with yourself sweetheart, the relationship you chose to put yourself in tells me that you are still being a victim and reacting to your past. Please stop it now, for your own sake

To answer your question, no it's not healthy. This is a very dangerous game to play from an emotional standpoint. Have you ever considered counseling? I had a friend who had been sexually abused by her father from about five years old. She eventually moved out of state. She was a different person. She was so much happier not dealing with her family. You need someone to talk to professionally. I was also molested as a child by a family member. You need a person (BF) who is supportive, not one who will further abuse you. The fact that you are very sexual is evidence that you were sexually molested as a child. Not that you are but...promiscuity is also very prevalent with people who have been sexually abused as children.

break up with him, pronto. Ur boyfriend is a freak and wants to see how it feels to rape someone wait, did i say that right? yes i did and if u want to be one of his toys and just excite him to the point of him not even caring about u wanting to stop then go on and continue that relationship. but if u want o be respected then find someone who knows that the best for u is to forget about whatever happened with ur father, not re-live it.

consult a psychiatrist or psychologist

No, not healthy AT all. That is the weirdest thing i have EVER heard.

I suppose it is possible that i could make you be able to deal with this better, but my gut feeling is its not too healthy, its more possible it could make you feel badly towards your boyfriend just as you do towards your dad, there are alot of role playing things you can do other then this, but in the end its up to whether you feel comfortable doing it, if you don't explain to him you don't.

If your boyfriend thinks that reenacting an abnormal, dysfunctional sexual trauma is therapeutic or restorative then you need a new boyfriend. It's like saying that a mugging victim needs to reenact the mugging to heal from it. It's ridiculous.

He's subjugating you,(making you a slave) and is getting you for all it's worth, thinking you'll "need" him more for the underlying abuse he's having so much fun with. Give him salt peter in his food and send him on his way !!!

I think this is a fake question. No one would do this and be sane. You are kidding right?

nope not healthy. your abuse was real. he should be understanding and considerate. you need a new bf if he insists on doing this to you for his own gratification.

Totally perversive in nature! He is using a dangerous underlying technique of psychology to make it seem as if he were actually helping you expell this horrible life experience with your dad. Anyone who is attempting to help you will not use a sexual method to do so. Sex is something that is thought within the mind and that is also the culprit of emotional abuse, its all in the mind of the abuser. Not only does he need psychological help but you do as well. All the role playing is based on you trying to get attention for your sexual ability, and to acheive control of a person by playing out their sexual fantasy, where later on in time they begin to fantasize about more intense sadistic fantasies that often include children.

Role play can be very thereputic, but should be used with caution. In cases where there is evidence of past abuse, a professional psychologist should be present to manage the feelings role play will evoke. My recommendation is that you not do role play of this nature without a trained psychologist present.

I'm not giving her advice. If you read my responses you'll see that I said "I'm not saying to do it or not to do it". I've spent years studying psychology as well, and not only in school but also in bars, funerals, churches, brothels, backalleys, and dying corners that never die. I disagree with your assessment of the situation. I would also offer this. A good answer to a question isn't always the 'right' or 'wrong' answer, but rather the answer that will offer insight that may allow the person asking the question to think about it from another angle. If you want her to read 75 of "He's sick, get rid of his stupid ass", that's fine, but thats not insightful nor is it interesting. My girl enjoys getting choked during sex. I enjoy choking her. Does this make us sadistic? Why isn't it just a healthy outlet for a somewhat odd desire, that is being met by someone in a non-harmful way? Like I said, if she doesn't like it don't do it. But if she likes it, is it still wrong?