Absolutely not! Just because your family isn't okay with it doesn't mean your love isn't valid.

I know you cant help how you feel, but I cant see how you could think that your sister or the family would accept this. There are many instances in our lives where we don't act on impulses for the good of our loved ones, and even for the good of our own self respect. You have to live with yourself, and your own concience, if you're seeking validation in this forum, then I believe you already have your answer as to whether you are right or wrong. People who feel right in their soul don't seek validation, I know I don't. I can think of many reasons why this would be wrong for me and I think many would agree with my view including your sister and family, you need to determine for yourself if it is right or wrong for you.

If you had to ask the question in the first place, then obviously you regret having a relationship with your sister's x because you already know the answer as to it being right or wrong. I wouldn't trade places with you for anything. I can't imagine how my family would react, not to mention how horrible I would feel knowing that I willingly hurt my own flesh and blood sister. Good luck.

I won't say you are wrong because it's not me... But if you were my sister I would find completely at fault....especially if they have children... but thats just my opinion.

Morally, you were probably wrong. However, whether you were right or wrong is really relative. It is a tough thing to be torn between someone you love romantically and someone you love biologically. However, because the romantic hormones can be raging, you would have chosen the romantic love before considering the outcome. You have to ask yourself if you think you will be with this guy for the rest of your life? If there's doubt, then you may have just thrown away your sister's love and trust for no reason. If you think he is 'the one' and you absolutely love each other, then perhaps it was worth what you had to do. You only get one life and the person you spend it with is more important than anyone else in the world. You should also consider that perhaps he can't get one, so he goes for the other. Harsh, but it is a possibility. Good luck and I think a lot of explaining to your sister is called for. And apologies.

You are not wrong for having feelings for this person. I guess the question you need to ask yourself is who is more important to you in this situation, your sister and family or this guy you love? Unfortunatly, you can't have a good relationship with both, you are beyond that point. Whose love do you valus more?

That is a very difficult situation....I really can not decide on an answer. I have several sisters and if they did that it would deeply hurt me. I would never even think of dating one of their exes even if I did have real feelings for him.

So much for blood being thicher than water. Somethings are just off limits. I would say your sisters ex is one of them. There are so many people in this world, why would you choose him? Love at first sight? Couldnt be, he married your sister, not you.

Yes. Everyone said it all so I would spare you. But I have one question for you; how could you hurt your sister like this?

Wow, um first of all that's your sister. I personally don't understnad the mindest one must be in to do such a thing. It's bad enough to date and ex boyfriend but its even worse to date an ex husband.

With all the millions of people in the world, you HAD to hook up with your sister's ex? That's a real life disastrous soap opera!

well of course you are,do you even stop to think about what you are going to look like if he dumps you like he did your sister?you not only lose him but who are you going to run to ?your sister?your family?your friends?take some time to seriously think about this.

Boyfriends/girlfriends sometimes come and go...family is forever. Dating my sister's ex is a line I would never cross..the price is way too high.

Wrong is debatable but definately not wise.

Why would you date your sisters ex? Your sisters ex must've been something very wrong to get divorced. Dating your sisters ex is like the worst thing ever you can do, even if you didn't mean it your whole family and sister would probably take it as an insult, like throwing it back into your sisters face for the fun of it.

You are very wrong to be dating someone that your sister loved. That would hurt me big time if my sister did that to me. Plus I love my sister to much to do something like that to her. It's ok to love him from a distance, but don't be with him. Respect your sister in that way. I use to like my sister ex-husband as a brother-in law, and was sad when they went their seperate ways. He is know longer apart of the family, because of my sisters request and we totally support her; although we don't hate her ex. My sister has always been their for me; that's what sisters are for; they help you out when your going through. I would never want to change that for anything. Now it's different if I choose to be with a guy that she may not like; that would be my business; but at the same time she has alway supported my decisions and made the best out of it.

yes, he was you sister ex and i dont know how can you deal with the thougth of he had slept with her and now with you he has all winning now

uh, yeah, your wrong. theres waaay too many other men in the world to HAVE to choose your sisters ex-husband. you had to take her leftovers? are you why they are exes?

Of curse not. But you have to make tremendous efforts to handle the situation. Love is quite a strange experience to place people in awkward situations. You must deal with the situation diplomatically and probably not all members in the family are against you and you can use them to develop a good approach.

If you were my sister I wouldn't talk to you either. You sound like a selfish cow who has a major inferiority complex regarding your sister.

Your not wise.

I'm sure your guys love each other but there is something to be said about a person when they date someone who broke a siblings heart.

It is a matter of love and respect for your sister. She was the first person in your life...the guy came later. Why would you put yourself in the position to even take on such a painful relationship. The way I see it a guy is just a guy but your family!!...family sometimes is all you have. Now I understand the whole theory of "you can't help who you fall in love with" but I would add to that you don't fall in love with someone that your sister was married too!!!!! Honestly and I know this will sound mean if you were my sister I would look you square in the eye and tell you "you no longer have a sister, just pretend I died" because there is no explanation you can come up with that would justify this.

Love knows no bounds. Your sister is through with him -- she is wrong to wish to deny you his love.

Who says it was the guy's fault that they broke up? OK, Here is my deal. I am a guy in the position in question. My ex-wife and I split up because while I was at home taking care of our sick child and working from home, she was cheating on me with a married man at her work. Her sister grew up around me, and moved to north carolina several years ago. We have always kept in touch, long before her sister and I split up. There was NEVER anything romatic about it, just when she called, she talked to both of us. The sister ran into problems with her (now ex) boyfriend, and called me after he beat the crap out of her. I told her I would be there (5 hr drive) as soon as I could get there. After she got back here, neither her mother or sister would put her up, so she now lives in my spare bedroom. We haven't done anything untoward, and may never, but there has been a lot of discussion of "wouldn't life be easier if you weren't your sister's sister?" "Wouldn't it be nice if you weren't her ex?" How to proceed from here? Carefully. The two of them basically never talked or got along, but I don't want to cost them a chance for a relationship, but I wasn't about to leave her in a dangerous situation in NC either. Life is never as simple as it is made out to be.

she's still hurting - it would depend on how loyal you are to your sis as to how far you want to take this relationship - right now nobody understands why you want him

Not a good policy. There are other men in the world, why get involved with this guy? I would never in a million years date a man my sister was married to, or ever interested in for that matter. Family (and some friends) are forever, while dates are fleeting. Be loyal to those you claim as your own. Now, if you have no relationship with your sister, and don't really consider her your sister, then perhaps you'll find this relationship worth the trouble and pain it will cause. If not, you better find yourself a new sister!

i think thats kinda low. there isnt any other man in the whole wide world you could date? is disrespecting your sister worth some dude?

You bet you are. You don't date a sister's ex. At all or ever. You have bsicly chose this guy who hurt your sister over your family. That's not right. Be prepared to have no sister when it's all said and done. And no guy's worth that.

Well. Try to put yourself in your sister's position. You were married to the man you are seeing now for x amount of time. You are in love with him. Did you meet him through your sister or did you know him before? If you met him through your sister, then he has been around family gatherings or other functions. Now, for some reason he and your sister split after x amount of marriage time. Then, your sister dates him. Wouldn't that make you think that the entire time you were married to this guy your sister was trying to steal him from you? Or, how she trusted you with him and you threw away your blood for a man that is probably going to dump you as well? I mean, why would your sister leave him if he was any good? Or, why would you want someone that can hurt your sister that much and think he won't do the same to you? Then, have you put any thought that maybe you are just the second best piece of the pie? You have sloppy seconds. In either case, I think your sister has the right to be mad at you. Especially if she was still in love with him when you decided to go for him. Maybe he is trying to replace your sister for you. Or maybe if you knew him before your sister even met him he really wanted to be with you. Did he leave her for you or just didn't work out? In any case, in my own opinion, I think you are in the wrong. Though, I talked about this with my husband. He brought up a very good point. If you didn't do anything for the marriage to end, or try to make the marriage end so you can have what you want, then you didn't do anything wrong. You got with him because you found you love him, it would be the same if you were only the woman's friend and you found that you and your friend's ex are both in love with other. I think you should have asked your sister if she was all right with it if you had a relationship with your sister, and maybe didn't go into it as fast as you probably did. I think you should be a little weary though. Blood is blood. Men come and go way too quickly.

YOUR WRONG AND YOU KNOW IT OTHER WISE YOU WOULDNT HAVE ASKED THE Q. BUT WHATS DONE IS DONE THE ONLY WAY YOU AND YOUR SISTER WILL PATCH THINGS UP IS YOU HAVE TOLET HIM GO BUT IF YOU CAN LIVE WITHOUT YOUR SISTERIN YOUR LIFE AND YOUR FAMLY NOT TOO THRILLED ABOUT YOU THEN CONTINUE WHAT YOUR DOING.BUT THER HAS BEEN GUYS I THOUGHT WERE SEXY AND EVEN INTERESTING BUT THEY WERE DATING MY FRIEND OR WHAT HAVE YOU SO OFF LIMITS I UNDERSTAND THE ERGE CAN BE STRONG BUT YOU MUST THINK OFTHE CONSEQUENCE WILL IT BE WORTH IT. IM TELLING YOU NOW SHE PROABLY THINKS YALL HAD A LITTLE THING WHILE THEY WERE TOGETHER EVEN IF YOU DIDNT SHE PROBABLY THINKS EVERY TIME I LEFT THEM ONLY EVEN IF NOTHING HAPPEND SHE WILL NEVER TRUST YOU FULLY AGAIN IS THAT WORTH IT. BUT IF YOU STAY WITH HIM I DOUDT YOU WILL SEE MUCH OF HER.THER ARE SOME THINGS YOU JUST DONT DO BUT SINE YOU DID ONE OF THOSE THNGS YOUR GOING TO HAVE TO REALLY THINK WHATS MOST INPORTANT TO YOU BUT IF HE LEAVES YOU YOU'LL BE BY YOURSELF AND NO ONE TO BLAME BUT IF YOU GUYS STAY TOGETHER THOSE FAMILY FUNCTIONS EVERY ONE IN YOUR FAMILY IS GOING TO BE ON HER SIDE . JUST THINK

You know your wrong! That's really nasty. You should be dissappointed in yourself. How much respect does he have for you? Not to mention that if he did that to your sister (his ex-wife) what messed up crap will he do to you. Then who is gonna be there to help u heal? Your family? SOmething to think about.

Yes'm, it is wrong. Sorry. I don't think I need to elaborate, since everyone else did, but you're wrong. Very wrong. I think you know why, because everyone else explained it so well.

Yes you are wrong. You should have never went down that road. If you want any chance of getting your family back you have to leave him and admit your mistake to them.

Hey dont feel bad .. my brother married an ex girlfriend of mine with my blessing ... if it doesnt work out with someone ... why should it impede two other people being happy together.. it's only bad if you slept with the guy while they where together .. if you didnt .. then i say ... best wishes for a happy future together ... you deserve to be happy and in love .

I think dating your sister's ex could be classified as adultery, as it said in the bible, I think.

Uhh...no comment!

You're funny.

IT'S JUST WRONG YOU SHOULD NEVER HAVE DONE THIS TO YOUR SISTER YOU ARE A FOOL AND ONE SICK PERSON TO HAVE DONE THIS TO FAMILY NO RESPECT FOR YOURSELF AT ALL OR FOR YOUR FAMILY AT ALL DON'T YOU KNOW RIGHT FROM WRONG THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU DO BEFORE YOU DO IT COME ON RIGHT IS RIGHT AND WHAT YOU DID IS JUST WRONG !

Late at night when you are alone, look at yourself in the mirror, into the eyes. If you can do this for 2 minutes, you will have your answer.

How could you do such a thing to your sister you are a monster with no feelings at all and your Family should not talk to you at all how could they forgive you even if they said they did they won't in Gods eyes you have you have been taking over by Satan and if you do not end it you will fry you should have know better this man could be using you to get back at your sister and you are just a pawn in his game i hope your sister does not have any kids by this man because if she does you are hurting them to and i hope your sister if she does has kids by this man don't ever let him see them again because of you being around and messing up there heads you are a sad person in this life when you do this to your own family how would you feel if your sister had done this to you with your ex you say you love him well you don't know what love is because you sure don't love your family

You have to live with yourself and your guilt for the rest of your life. Family should come first always before any man.

no!...your not wrong ....he's and ex not a current so your sister had her fun and he wasn't right for her ...but he may be right for you ...just because she didn't find happiness doesn't mean you shouldn't

Yes you betrayed sister, this is similar to what happened between Denise Richards and Heather Locklear.

Yes, just the fact that you had to ask us shows me that you aren't secure in your choice to see him. Usually our heart knows the answer even when our mind disagrees. You love your sister too. If he loves you also, he wouldn't allow you to put yourself in a place that if something happened to him you wouldn't have the love and support of your family. If he loves you, he would show respect for your sister. If you love yourself and want to look in the mirror each morning and be truly happy, to-the-bone happy, you have to honor your sister also. Just because you love someone doesn't mean you have to act on that love. Ask anyone who's been married 50 years. There are temptations in life that are destructive. We have to stay away from these. Just run, don't walk, the other way! And quit needing a hero...BE YOUR OWN HERO!!! Girls have power too! As my daughter would say!

You can't help who you love... you're not supposed to. I guess it's all a question of what you feel in your heart is right. If I was in your situation and my sister was that upset with me I don't think I could go through with the relationship, but every person has to do what is right for them and what makes them the happiest without worrying what other people think to some extent. You have to decide whether or not it's worth it.

yes i think thats wrong. i dont blame her. put yourself in her shoes. would you be mad if she was dating your ex husband?? cuz i know i sure would be. no guy is worth losing your family for...take it from someone whose been there and done that.

Ha - are you wrong? Seriously? Do you feel you are wrong for dating the man your sister shared the "till death do us part" vow with? Do you feel wrong for being with the same man your sister was in love with and he with her? Come on now. I don't have any sisters but I have a few best friends and one thing we all agree on no matter how much time has passed and no matter where we may be - NEVER date anyone that any of us have loved - That is just an unspoken rule we all have.

You have no family value. I hope you are not capable of murdering your parents

Is it wrong to love him? Not necessarily. But he and your sister were together, and divorced, no matter who was at fault or not in love. I'm not going to say you're a bad person as the majority have. I doubt that's the case. I don't think it wise to date him, since your sister and he are no longer together. I think if you had asked your sister when the "dating" possibility had come up, and she said it was ok, then neither she or your family would have reason for not talking to you. But if she had said "no< or you just got together, whether anything happened between you when they were married is moot. Because you're dating him, it APPEARS that something did. Even if they all know better, that MAY be how your family are looking at it. Here the thing. Obviously this is hurting your sister, or she would still be talking to you. Obviously your family feels this is a mistake, whether because of why your sister and he broke up, or just because you're her sister, and they feel HER pain, so can't feel your enjoyment. It doesn't matter that "you can't help who you love". If you can live with that, and the possi-/proba-bility that your entire family, those who gave birth to you, those who lived with and loved you most of your life and you them, will disown you, then go for it. But if anything happens between you, you will NOT have their shoulders to cry on. Because of all that, love him or not, my suggestion would be that while it's not really wrong (no one was married here... and no one was blood related) that you BOTH stop here and now. If you really loved your family, you wouldn't have started dating him without at least talking to them and asking your sister what she thought. AND, if he really loved you, he would see what's happening, and back out gracefully. While it might break your (and maybe his) heart(s) to break up, you should. Your family is more important than ANY man. It will be tough to apologize to your sister and family, and it may be a while before you're forgiven. But if you can get sis back, the family will follow, I'm sure. Good luck, either way you decide. I hope it works out for you. ;-)

Yes. Your family is there when you're born and there when you die. Often the only ones.

I am going to put my opinion in a different way. I personally do not date my sister's ex boyfriends. I would definitely not ever marry my brother-in-law. Guys my sisters marry are just plain old OFF LIMITS to me.

Yes, this action that you've taken is completly wrong! Your sister once loved this man, and for whatever reason they got divorced; you should leave him alone! There is plenty of men out there to choose from, but I say, "let that nice man come your way". If something ended up happening to you, it would be your family that would come to your rescue first and that includes your sister! In my eyes, family comes first before anybody!

You might have messed up a bit by not talking this through with your sister before you jumped into a relationship with the man, but you're not entirely wrong. My sister dated my high school sweetheart (lived together for several years and all that jazz, probably a six-year relationship total) after we broke up the final time. They worked together and depveloped a relationship. Frankly, although it did sting a little bit, I wasn't upset or mad about it. I honestly would have been quite happy if they had ended up together. He was a nice guy, and probably makes a great husband for whoever did marry. My sister is a nice person too, and would have treated him well, which he deserved. I still care for him, just not romantically, and I only hope for him to be happy. Depending on the circumstances surrounding your sister's break-up, things could eventually calm down. Maybe your sister wasn't really ready to let him go. Ask your family if they hate him and why. If they don't, then they already accepted him into the family one time, and as a family member they should hope for his happiness as well as yours and your sister's. Just because they broke up doesn't mean that the family (and your sister) automatically have to hate him. That's unless, of course, there is good reason such as abuse or drug use, etc that caused the break-up in the first place. This is a situation that calls for a real heart-to-heart with your sister if you can get her to talk to you. You might have many issues to work through, and it might even be beneficial to consult a therepist of some sort to help you collectively sort through it. Good luck!

Oh goodness! Yes, you are wrong, very very wrong. Please always remember that blood is thicker than water. Your family is much more important than a lover.

I personally understand both sides to this question. We all seem to think love is that feeling we get from someone. I completely disagree. Love = Agape = choosing to do for someone else. The emotion we feel is from doing for someone. It's where true joy is found - in doing for. So, what this tells me is that you find him doing for you... which deposits into your love bank. And you do for him, which deposits into his love bank. And now you are reaping the emotion that comes from filling his and him filling your love bank. It may be difficult to pinpoint the perfect answer to this question, since this happens much more than anyone thinks. Just not everyone is bold enough to bring it to light. So, where is the bottom line? I feel the bottom line lies in your boundaries. Where are your boundaries? Men, we come and go. Even family comes and goes. EVERYONE comes and goes. Generally, society tells us it is not good for an ex to marry a sibling of an ex. But it does not necessarily make it wrong. You love him? He loves you? Then you must decide to continuously choose him, and he you. You very well may lose your family. So he may be the only family you have left. How will that leave you? Are you strong enough to choose to serve him when the world comes crashing down? Is he for you? Make your choice, and once you've made it, stick to your commitments... especially since you're in a situation now where commitments have gone astray.

I can see why she doesn't talk to you anymore. I wouldn't like to say this but you are wrong, you had a choice to make between your sister and some guy. He is one in a million and he married your sister! There is no reason for you to date him when there are other men out there who can treat you the same way.

That is a bad situation. You can't help who you love, I know how that is. Your family just needs time to see that you love him. But I don't know if your sister will start talking to you since he once was her husband..so you how to see what's more important? Being with who you love or having a good relationship with your sister and family?

Yep!!!

People are individuals, that are unique in their own rights. No one owns another, prior, during, or even after the dissolution of the relationship. People are free agents and can choose to do what makes them happy. If your sister didn't make him happy and you do, so be it. The point is, they are "exes." Don't allow others to define who you are simply because of the status quo. Your feelings are real and genuine. Good luck to you and your partner. Hope all goes well... EJ

You should never date an ex-husband or ex-boyfriend of friends or family. Its only asking for trouble.

I am going through this terrible mess with my ex-husband and my sister sleeping over w/ each other in front of my other sister's family. Her childern are so confused about this mess. I hate her and never want to see my ex again. The problem I have right now is the hate I have for both my sister and ex-husband! I made love with this man after we were devoived. I have remarried and I'm very happy with my husband. We both feel no need to go to family events like Christmas times with family. I do not want her at my funural and I will not be at hers. It's times like funurals when you have to face them! How selfish can a person be! It's like she has riped me from the family. Wrong does not even come close to how mean and selfish these two are. Answer to qustion above is: You could consider yorself evil more so than wrong! If I had not loved the both of them it would not matter at all. I loved him and let him go and I loved her and have let her go as well. I will never have her back as a sister for as long as I live and on into death her soul be cast far from me! So the pain is real and very personal.

I don't blame your sister. Its the ultimate betrayal. I really hate the phrase 'You cant help who you fall in love with' because you can, if you really try. Certain people are off limits to you and you have to deal with that. Sorry, no sympathy here, and yes you are wrong, in my view!

I don't care what the situation is; your sister's ex-husband, ex-boyfriend, ex-anything is off limits...period. Out of the billions of people in the world, you are not going to convince me (and probably no one else) that you couldn't find someone that wasn't involved with your sister to be with. You made the choice to hurt your sister. You could have made a different choice.

i know this is old, but still applies to many... depends on how they broke up...if it was her fault and he really is a good guy, go for it. then she is just being selfish for denying you the chance at happiness b/c she is a bitch. she feels as though you are somehow better b/c she couldnt keep hium and now you have him...jealousy! however, if the breakup was his fault b/c he's a douchebag, then NO! you shouldnt be tagging leftovers. and your family is right for not supporting you being with a douche. family first, but that path goes both ways. if they know that it is a good situation an will make you happy and they are still unsupportive they are being the bad family...