ANSWERS: 8
  • Go with your gut feeling, get over it and get on with life!
  • It sounds like you have already cut the ties that bound you. Now, you need time, alone, to heal.
  • Its over. let it go. you will date other people and you will forget about this. plain and simple let it go.
  • I had a kind of similar situation, except that I did find out and that was what made us break up (although we were almost there anyway, due to him keeping his distance). Like you, I had asked him if he was being unfaithful at various points and he didn't admit it, but I eventually took a gamble and rather than asking him, I stated that he was seeing someone else, as if I knew it to be a fact. He didn't respond and so I told him I wanted to know the truth and again stated that he was seeing someone else. I did it as calmly and considerately as I could, in the hope of getting an answer rather than having an argument. Eventually he admitted, very unwillingly, that he had indeed been seeing someone else. I was actually shocked to hear the truth, even though I'd suspected it, because he'd so often told me he wasn't seeing someone else. When I asked why he hadn't told me before he said he hadn't wanted to hurt me and he hadn't had the guts to admit it. He agreed that me finding out much later was worse, because I'd trusted him all the time, but all he could do was apologise profusely. I don't think that knowing this gave me closure. I only gained closure when I realised for myself that whatever his reasons for drifting away from me were, that was his decision and I had to respect it. I agree that it can torment you not knowing, and I was tormented by not knowing who it was he'd been seeing, but in the end it doesn't really make any difference because it wouldn't have changed the outcome. You have two choices: forget it and put it down as a past experience, or confront him and find out. If you're still on speaking terms with him I don't see why you shouldn't ask him, calmly and reasonably, if that was the cause of the split. After a time apart he might be more prepared to be honest with you, because now he has nothing to lose, especially if you reassure him that it's simply because you want closure so you can move on, and not because you want to make him feel bad. It's very hard to just let things like this go, and if you do find out then the temptation might be to find out more, such as who he was seeing, how often, etc. However, this will only cause you more hurt and so I would suggest only asking him if you're prepared to hear something you don't really want to hear. You have to look after yourself, stick with just getting that one answer, and not allow this to consume you further (very difficult, I know, but it can be done with time and determination).
  • Trust your intuition. You know you were right in breaking it off and freeing yourself from an unfaithful relationship. What you think is doubt is just some left over feeling of missing him, time will take care of that, stay strong.
  • Since you have already broken up, why torment yourself thinking about it? I would forget about it and move on.
  • The only way you will have any closure is if he admits to something. No matter how many times he says he didn't, you'll always believe otherwise.
  • Is there reason why you need to know if he was faithful now that he is out of your life? Would it make you feel better if he was a cheater? If you have doubts, very likely he was. Please dump all of him and never look back. +5

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