• I think it makes us human with real emotions and feelings.
  • I think it is just part of the grieving process. My sister's husband was killed in Febuary and she is so angry with him right now for leaving her with the kids. I don't think it makes you selfish,uncaring, weak or lonely. I think it makes you human and capable of very deep emotions.
  • Yes it makes us human,but when my father died my aunt and my mother both kept saying what about me what am I going to do now>>
  • Firebrand, I was angry when I read the question, I was fired up, then I seen it was you posting it. I am a little lost but will answer. No it doesn't make us selfish and uncaring, possibly week and lonely. How can we be selfish or uncaring when we KNOW it is us they want to to be with? I know he did not leave me willingly.
  • i think it makes you unselfish and caring... nothing wrong with morning the loss of a loved one... its actually normal and healthy... the problem is when people hold it in or ignore there feeling and emotions. So its natural to feel abandoned and even angry.... dont feel bad... dont blame yourself.
  • It makes us human. It is natural to feel angry and abandoned when we lose someone we love. It does not make us selfish.
  • I think we get angry because that is our way of expressing our sadness. Maybe we are so blinded by our sorrow that we get angry at the person who has passed away. I don't think it makes us either selfish and uncaring or weak and lonely. Like the others have said it makes us human with real emotions.
  • I feel like we just don't know how to feel and I do know that is very common and normal for our healing process - The feeling of being alone is really overwhelming for us and it seems like that can be a coping tool , until we can begin to heal This is one of the best questions I've seen on AB and I hope I added in a healthy way + up
  • I am so sorry Firebrand, every day you must be suffering unbearable pain without any answers....there will never be any words to help but I hope your memories will carry you through this sorrowful time. I hope angels will walk with you today and everyday.
  • It's natural and healthy to feel some anger and resentment at the loss of a loved one, the key is to come to terms with that anger, and learn to say "Yes, I feel angry, and abandoned, and maybe even a little resentful. And that's okay, I have a right to my anger and I have every right to my pain" and not let that resentment turn against the memories of your beloved and kill any love you felt for them in the first place. You have to always remember that they didn't abandon you by choice, and try to carry the memory of the love you shared through life with you, and when you find yourself feeling futile or pessimistic or self-loathing, try to remember how they loved you, and remember that love like that never dies, it always stays with you, unless you abandon it through hatred and resentment and self-loathing. And although this may seem rather cynical and fatalistic at first glance, I don't think whether you're "Selfish" or "Uncaring" really matters all that much in the aftermath of something that traumatic and life-changing. After all, no one is really judging you besides you judging yourself, and in my experience, one of the absolute essentials in coping with the grief and pain that almost inevitably follow the death of a partner is learning to really love yourself like they loved you. Just try to always keep in mind that your partner loved you, and the last thing they would have wanted is for you to stop loving *Yourself* with them gone. I think feeling grief and pain when a loved one dies makes us human, some anger and resentment are a natural part of that pain. You just have to learn how to "Be" with that pain and anger and resentment instead of letting it run rampant and consume you, and keep it separate from the beautiful memories and love that you still do have, preserving those memories, and that capability for loving yourself, is the best, most meaningful tribute you can ever give to a departed partner. My sincerest condolences, just take it one day at a time, FB. <HUG>.
  • Hopefully it isn't only some of us, because all of us are human and hopefully we have all felt love but to lose someone is so painful. But it isn't selfish to wish that person were still with you and that both of you would still be experiencing the thrill of love. It's not uncaring because if you didn't care you wouldn't feel this way and you aren't wanting a prolonging of their pain, just the feel of that connection again, the way it once was, that sense of loss, incompleteness. It doesn't make you weak because you are bearing it....somehow....we never know how we do, do we?...but somehow you keep going and yes, you do get lonely. After a great lose, I don't know if the whole ever gets filled again. Or if it does, it's not with the same thing. Time never fills the holes and mends fast enough. I'm so deeply sorry for you and for the others, any others, who feel this kind of pain. But it also hurts very bad when I see people who have never felt this kind of love. (((HUGS FB HUGS)))
  • well i know when one of my friends who i worked with passed away, i got angry and started crying asking god why he took him and telling him to take me instead. thats how i felt. that doesnt seen selfish to me.
  • It does not make you selfish or uncaring. It's human nature to feel like that. Loss hurts, especially if a bond is broken because the person you love passes away.

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