• That's a definite YES. Relationships need to have intellectual stimulation. Sure, maybe you have a great sex life or physical relationship, but if you can't talk to someone and have deep conversations, then whats the point of being with them? In my dating experience, most of the relationships that I've ended were because she just couldn't hold a conversation...beiong able to stimulate each other intellectually is every bit as important, maybe even more important than being able to satisfy each other sexually. Then again, maybe you have discussions, but they just aren't intellectual. That's ok I suppose, but it will start to irritate you, as it apparently already has. Think about what this can mean if you get married. You'll be living with someone that you can't hold an intelligent, deep conversation with. What kind of life would that be? I certainly wouldn't want to live my life with someone that can't hold a deep conversation. But this is all up to you. If you feel that this is a problem, then talk to your fiance. Find out why he/she isn't into intellectual conversation. Tell him/her that its bothering you and you don't know what this will mean for you two if you get married. Its important that you address the situation soon, because you don't want to end up marrying someone that you end up becoming bored with.
  • Well what I am seeing here is the word "fiance" not boyfriend. Why was this not a problems before? In the flirting stage, dating stage, couple stage? Are you having second thoughts on this relationship? Is there other things that you may be concerned about, that you are not focusing on? Because I am sure you have talked to him loads of time in order for him to be your fiance, to me this seems like a quick excuse to cover up something underlying. my boyfriend does not like to analyse his behaviour or anyone elses, he does not like to study things deeply, i thought he was stupid hahahah but we are all smart in our own ways. and we need to not judge another persons way of thinking, some people simply do not think that way, yet are very quick and smart. there are also some learning disabilities that effect sequencial memory, which makes it hard to keep track of analytical arguements and debates in your head. but that doesn't mean the person is dumb. i would ask him why he does not enjoy it. so you know for sure, what he thinks of this. also. keep in mind that you can't find "everything" in one person, your fiance might be good with 8 things that you like, and your best friend with 3, and your siblings with 2. that is why we go to different people for different the things . but don't "settle" there is a difference.if intellectual converstaion is number one on your list for a mate, you should have left long ago. and i wonder why you didn't. but if you need this in a relationship. then you need to find someone who likes that also. good luck
  • I believe it is not a problem. When you have met the right person, discussions are not an issue. You know that she (or he) is right for you and that's it. If you are wringing your hands about her discussion skills then she is probably not right for you. Personally, I believe that so-called intellectual discussions are highly overrated. They don't add to your life. You can have intellectual discussions with your buddies down at the corner bar. Having a deep soulful connection with a woman goes way beyond discussions. Note: "Meaningful" and "intellectual" don't have the same definition, genius.
  • Yes, if you're finding that it's a necessary component, which is missing within your relationship. However, only YOU can answer this question. If you love your fiance, then this means that you have to overlook his or her bad qualities and magnify the good qualities. Nobody is perfect and and it's easy to pick apart each and every one of us and our thoughts and ways of doing things. Bottom line: If this is a main ingredient for you to be happy, then yes, you should break up with your fiance and find someone else; however, if the good qualities outperform the negative ones, then you should remain within the relationship. I hope this helps!
  • When I first married, I thought it really didn't matter that my mate could not have discussions related to current events or anything related to intellectual matters. So I usually have the most engaging conversations with my friends and co-workers, talking about various things that interest me--and them. In the meantime, I've tried to engage my spouse in a broader variety of topics, to no avail. This has led to many quiet evenings, with my spouse usually watching TV while I read. So yes, I've discovered that it really does matter after all.
  • How do you define intellectual and what kind of verbal intercourse does she prefer?
  • It's as much about them not being interested in talking about the things that you are interested in. So, yes I think it could be a problem. Resentment may build up over time, if they don't even seem to *want* to try. If for no other reason than it's of interest to you, and that it's about intimacy and knowing each other better too.
  • If they are really important to you, it is very possible that this could be a major problem in your relationship. You may end up looking outside of your marriage when and if you get married if your needs are not met, and this may unfortunately lead to emotional cheating when you least expect it. Hopefully it doesn't, though.
  • I could never marry someone that I was unable to have intellectual discussions with. For me, its a deal breaker.
  • It definitely could be a problem. Do you like to have intellectual conversations? Do enjoy the conversations that you do have with him?
  • The worst part is when the empty vessels start making the loudest noise. It's not too bad if they at least shut up and let you think! ....
  • no not really....Have you ever heard the song from Billy Joel "Just the way you are?" I don't want clever, conversation, I never want to work that hard, I just want someone, that I can talk to, I want you just the way you are. Some people dont want to get that deep. Some people just want to keep things light. There are ways to keep it light but still intellectual. You cant change anyone and make them different than who they are.
  • Do you talk down to him during these discussions? Do you have more education than he does? A larger vocabulary? Do you choose topics that intimidate him? Maybe you need to re-evaluate your approach and see if you are doing something to make him feel "less than". Just a thought. :)
  • That depends. Have you had intellectual discussions in the past and refused to allow him to have a differing opinion? If so, I'd say that would be a problem. I've met too many people who think that having an intellectual discussion means that they are the intellectual and anyone who doesn't agree with them is stupid. I don't much want to have intellectual discussions with them either. It is only good manners to listen to someone carefully, consider what they have to say, and if you can't agree, allow them to have a differing opinion without put-downs. My husband and I came from polar opposites. He was raised to be a staunch Republican and highly conservative. I was raised to be extremely liberal and a card-carrying Democrat. Over the years, we've found that our actual beliefs were very similar and there are problems with both viewpoints and both parties. I have become more conservative and he has become more liberal. We found we had more to agree on than to argue over. But we found that out by listening to one another. And we found out that what is on the news is three parts fiction and one part truth, so usually there isn't any point in arguing.
  • If YOU like to have intellectual discussions then yes it could become an issue.

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