My ex and I had a row, she grabbed my hand and bit it and would not let go. I hit her in the back of the head to get her off of me, does this make me an abuser?
by 
helpplease
ANSWERS: 44
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You acted out of self defense. As long as your action against her was not excessive, being a natural reaction against pain and assault it is not abuse. You did not use excessive force but hit her to to remove her biting you then you're not an abuser. Who attacked whom? If you did not act at all what would have happened? If anyone was abusive it was your ex wife.
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Agree that unless the force used was excessive, you most certainly did act in self defense. If this ever happens again, you could try (if you didn't) warning her that you will have to use force to get her off of you and if she continues to cling to you. . .you have to get her off you somehow. At least you can say you tried to avoid hurting her. She bit your hand? Now that's abusive!
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Depends on your state. In theory, both parties would go to jail because this would be considered a domestic dispute and they both attacked each other and lockup is mandatory in many states. In the wonderful state of Ma that I am now living, as odd as it may seem, the man would go to jail because he hit the female. To not go to jail in this state you would have to 1) push the female attacker off of you without raising your hand, while stating "get off" or some similar words while continuting to let her bite you2) not hit the female attacking you and 3) contact the police after the attack was over---assuming youhad fingers left.. But, on a more sub-atomic level, I agree with the others, you were defending yourself. It would have been alot different if she were weilding aknife at you, but it was still defending yourself
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Yes, you are, by definition, being abusive. You should have simply tried to push her away as opposed to hitting her on the back of the head. However, you were clearly NOT in your right mind and trying to get her away from your hand, so it can be construed as going either way. The better solution would have been to simply try to push off your hand. However, this doesn't clarify her actions either, why was she acting like an animal by bitting you on the hand, anyhow? Clearly, she has anger management issues. Bottom line: You shouldn't have hit her on the head; however, you were clearly trying to get her away from you and you weren't thinking clearly. Had you been intentionally try to harm her without it being justification, then you would be an abuser, but you were only trying to get away from her because of your pain.
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Sorry but if she is going to inflict pain on you then she's asking for it. Go for it! Nothing wrong with protecting yourself.
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If we are talking about domestic violence, this situation seems to qualify in a big way. Who was the first aggresor? in other words, who passed the first blow or assault? this is the person that would be arrested. Some women are the first aggressors, but common sense also tells us, that men intimidate women to the point of assault. A human bite is worse than a dog bite. you would not believe the germs and bateria that is harbored there. If this incident occurred the way you have stated, your ex would be the first aggresor and arrested. you were acting in self-defense. Sounds like this is the reason you two divorced, in the first place. there are several qualifications needed, to be declared an abuser. self-defense is not one of them.
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as n ex victom. it could if you used unnecassary force or did somthing that waz un called for. or had no reason. i would say she is abusive, unless she had a reason(no offence intended i dont have the whole story )
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It makes you both abusers.
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you were defending your self i dont think theres a single person who wodn't do the same thing, if any thing she's the one who abused you.
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Women can be abusive, too. If you didn't hurt her, (as in knock her unconscience, leave her with a black eye, etc.) I think you are safe. The fact that you are even questioning yourself shows you have a conscience.
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I don't think you should have wacked her in the head....you should have taken a chunk out of her hand instead.
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sounds to me like you both were being abusive. Adults should never put a hand on another adult without consent. To even come in a police officers comfortable zone is assault and could land you in jail. If someone elses child jumped on you and bit you would you risk a law suit to hit the child? Same applies. If you are a man then you have the upper hand in the situation because you are stronger. Strength though can be walking away.
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In my opinion, you used to little force. If someone bit me in the hand, I would grab the nearest hard object and smacked them on the head with it. She's the abuser here IMHO.
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you BOTH need help! get into counseling if you want this relationship to last or get out of the relationship. violence NEVER is acceptable in a relationship
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no. you obviously didnt hit her for sport or because you had a bad day. She was biting you! There may have been a better way to make her let go, but when in that situation there isn't time to think about it. You did what you could.
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Who bites?!?! Seriously, is she 3?!? I would have thunked her a good one myself! As long as it was only hard enough to shock and get your point across that she better give you back that piece of your hand I think you're alright!
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If it has just happened that one time, no, I wouldn't say you are an abuser. But BITING? That would've pissed me off, too. I probably would have bitten her back and held on till she let go. Show her how it felt. But that would have made me as bad as her. Since you both seem to resort to violence, you might want to get some counseling..it couldn't hurt. There are better ways of solving disagreements.
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I wouldn't call you an abuser if you just did it the one time in self defense. But be careful- maybe she was trying to get you to hit her. I'm not sure what the situation is between you two, but I would warn her to stay away- that you don't trust her since she resorted to physical abuse in the first place. If you have to meet her again for any reason, maybe you should make sure there's a friend around you trust who can act as a witness in case she starts up again.
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no it doesn't make you an abuser, it sounds like your ex is. stay away from her.
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no it makes you normal, i won't let no one bite me i'll bite they ass back
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Yes, unfortunatly. They always side with the woman.
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girls are not angels,repeat,NOT ANGELS..girls wil sure stick up 4 other girls,no matter how bad that girl is..c if girls scold us they are right,but if we scold dem we are controlling..if girls make us do sumting its 2 make her hapy n doing our responsibility..but if we ask dem 2 do sumting its controlling n forcing dem..if i wer u i wud have shown her how hard a concrete wall is compared 2 her thick skull
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If she started the physical abuse first then no - your not an abuser.
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SHE is the abuser! You are the self-defender. Your option was to let her bit your hand off? She was attacking you like a pit bull. You did what you needed to do to save your hand.
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No, good job.
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No, it was just self defense, after all, she bit you and wouldn't let go. it would be a whole different kettle of fish if you hit her before she did anything to you.
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I personally think a girl that bites when angry is a keeper. Give her a kiss but watch those teeth! P.S. learn pressure points so you don't have to hit next time. :)
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no she bite u
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it is called self defence. and seriously, a 95lbs girl can do serious harm to a professional fighter with a good bite. your mouth is designed to tear meat... guess what, you are MADE OF MEAT!!!!
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No. I think it makes you both abusers. It is NEVER ok to hit a woman.
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i dont think ur an abuser. just a man willing to defend himself.
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I'd call that self-defense.
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yes. sounds to me like she was playing, or thought she was. Too bad you had to hit her.
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NOPE; sounds like Self-Defense to me ... However; since it became PHYSICAL .. perhaps you need to be finding a new girlfriend before it gets WORSE (as it Usually Does) and one or BOTH of you end up going to JAIL .... +5
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no. no matter what anyone else here says (unless they're a police officer), that is self-defence
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No! It sounds like you were defending yourself to me. That is if you are sharing all the facts. My lessons growing up were to never throw the first punch but...don't let yourself be bullied either. A sort of, if you start it I will finish it approach. There are women who will take advantage of a mans reluctance to hit a woman back and it's a damned shame. If she has your hand in her mouth and is biting it reacting physically is completely understandable. Oh, see a doctor please. Human bites are more dangerous than dog bites!
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As long as it doesn't leave a mark, you are good. The bite marks will put her in jail when she calls the cops on you. If problems persist, you can fill a bag with oranges, then proceed to beat her with the said sack of oranges. By beating a woman with a sack of oranges, you inflict discipline without leaving the marks. If there are no marks-you are not an abuser.
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#1 - I'm glad she's your ex. #2 - She's the abuser, not you. You were trying to keep from being dismembered. #3 - Self defense is not abuse.
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No, times like that its natural impulse to respond physically, if you were in pain that is.
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I honestly don't blame you if you would have blackened her eye. If she would have done that to a child that would have been abuse. What if you hadn't hit her, she might have ripped off skin. She insane or something??? Now if you would have just hit her just to hit her, that's abuse.
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I had an ex who would hit me and then proclaim I was abusing her because she was frightened when I only pushed her away ! Make sure she stays as an ex !
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I don't think this makes you an abuser simply because it was a one time thing and you did not intentionally mean to hurt her. She crossed the line by biting your hand, and you had to get her off you somehow. It was probably a natural reflex for you to get her head away. This incident could be classified as physical abuse on your part if you ended up hitting her repeatedly or with force that went beyond self-defense. But it sounds like emotions were running high and this was just an accident. You acted in haste, and maybe next time be a little more gentle when removing your hand from the jaws of an ex... It would have been better if you had yanked her hand away just by running in the opposite direction.
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no its simply called self defense lol
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no, but if u did something wrong yes.
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