• Most guys don't realize that. I try, but I even find myself doing it sometimes. Just try to be understanding of him, unless it gets to the point he completely blocks you out.
  • i would love to know the answer to this one. i get so upset at him because it seems like he just doesnt care. but he really just doesnt know how to show emotion. so i really want to know were this ends up =]
  • You need to go to him and tell him exactly what you just told us. A lot of guys have pretty "macho" attitudes when it comes to their women. I would make it clear to him that he is not taking very good care of your emotional well being. You should never stay with any man who treats you badly emotionally. Try to get through to him. If you can't, maybe counseling could help you both. If he refuses to go, then attend yourself. If worse comes to worse, you may need to find another man. Good luck to both of you. +5
  • We've got legitimate issues with this, lonelydragon. Guys aren't as emotional as we are, and need gentle reminders to treat us a bit differently than they do their guy friends. I don't see that as a problem on thier part, exactly. It's more of a thing they can be "enlightened" with. But this can take a long time, even with a man who is truly sorry for hurting his lady. It's a process of learning, not something that is going to suddenly occur to them in an epiphany. It really is a lot harder to understand the intricacies of an emotion when you've never felt them, yourself. For instance, I can totally understand the emotions a gay guy who is in love with a man, because I, too, have loved men. But I can't understand, in detail, how it feels for a guy who loves a man. So, does that make it a fault of mine, or is there some wiggle room for me? As I learned with my husband, as long as the man is showing you in other ways that you are indeed loved and valued, then you have a solid basis on continuing the relationship. That is completely different than being disrespected across the board. +5
  • You don't sound like one of the guys to me. I'm sure he will discover your not and pay attention. Hope so anyway.
  • Can you change who and what you are? Why do you think he should be able to change who and what he is? Just a thought. . Your best bet is to give yourselves time to grow together. In time, you will learn how to treat each other.
  • Lonelydragon. . . . . .have you ever vacillated. . . . .seriously. . . . . .that maybe you and your boyfriend are NOT suited for one another?!?
  • I hope you read my comments on your other question. Ask him if he has ever cried at the funeral or death of a close relative or friend. If he has not, you really may have a difficult problem with him. If he did cry, then tell him this is the way you feel, since he is not showing any emotions with you. I would not stay in the relationship too long, if things do not improve.
  • I didn't know my brother got married lol.Does your man wear cowboy hats and does he look at you or the tv when your talking to him.If so you may have a species known as a good ole boy they started in the south and grew out west.You should have got a bi-sexual guy who likes the house neat as a pin and makes muffins and you might have an emotional one. Or you can just leave the house go on a road trip with your female friends till he misses you real bad and tell him whats on your mind.Sometimes men just take women for granted as if you'll always be there till your gone like the country songs.
  • Having read through some of your comments here this is what I hear. You don't want him to change but, you do want him to be more empathetic, a change. You don't want him to treat you like he would like to be treated but, you empathise with him and want him to do this back to you. Do these seem contradictory to you? What I would suggest is this, sit down with him and tell him exactly what you want. " when I come home bitching about my day I want you to say, sorry to hear that, wow that must have been tough, I don't want you to fix it". Don't be vague and say I want you to empathise because he may already feel he does. Everyone shows their love in a different way, don't expect his to be the same as yours. Try asking him how he feels he shows his love to you, you maybe surprised by his answer.
  • sounds like you are not compatible. he can't cottle your emotions and you need someone who can. in a relationship both partners must learn to accept love in the way the other person gives it. women often complain about the man not conforming in the act of not conforming to him. if he accepts you the way you are, you need to return the favor or end it. if he does not accept you the way you are then it's all good because you aren't either.
  • 2nd Answer. Check the web to see if they have a Dummies Book for Emotional Idiots. If you locate one, buy it give it to him.
  • Hmmmm.... There are a couple things involved here. One is communication and the other is understanding. Let's start with understanding: Everybody, individually, is different. But men in general are somewhat less emotional than women. This doesn't mean that men AREN'T emotional...only that we aren't triggered by all the same things that women are, we don't respond with the same depth of feelings that women do, and we don't respond the same ways that women do. This is because we are biologically DIFFERENT. Emotional responses are driven as much by our hormonal systems as they are by our brains...and the two must work together. Because we are biologically different, we do not respond the same and are not triggered the same, generally speaking, when it comes to emotions. Failing to understand this means that your approach to this problem becomes difficult at best, and an utter failure at worse. I kind of hate to make this comparison because I know the women out there will laugh...but understanding these biological differences is the SAME thing that animal trainers must do their animals. For example, having a dog as a pet. If you really want to train the dog you REALLY need a basic understanding of what makes a dog behave the way he does. A pet may be a member of the family, but he's NOT human and this is key. Once you understand this, and start to get a grip on what "pack behavior" is, what triggers good behavior and what does not, and so forth, THEN you are able to become an effective dog trainer. Want to housebreak a dog? DON'T beat him for p*ssing on the floor. This triggers the wrong responses and you will not get what you want out of him. The same applies for men. So, now that you've got this image of training your man not to p*ss on the floor by beating him, we'll take a break here while you laugh and wipe the tears from your eyes.... Both men and women need to understand the basic differences between their respective genders. And THEN they need to understand the specifics about their partners as well. My wife, for example, is not one of those women who get all emotional and jump up and down when she gets a gift, no matter what it is. She doesn't like chick flicks as a rule, and The Three Stooges and Chuck Norris are COOL! That's just the way she is. What triggers my wife's responses isn't the same as for other women. This is just as important for me to know about her as it is that men and women are different biologically. Now, the other aspect...communication: You've probably heard it before...maybe even grown sick of hearing it. But you know what? Men and women AREN'T mind readers. They don't mindmeld like Vulcans, either. You want to know what your man is thinking? Ya gotta talk to him. You want to know what he's feeling? You gotta talk to him. You want him to know the same things about you? Ya gotta talk to him. And, like training a dog (quit laughing, darn it!) this takes time. And repetition. Not harping and nagging mind you, but an ongoing effort from both of you on this. And think about how you word things, too. You don't give any situations I can tailor an example to, but let's say that one of his "guy" habits has to do with foul or inappropriate language. When you're together and NOT around others and something comes up, you need to bring it up: "I REALLY want to hear about what happened at work, but could you tone down the language a little bit?" What you are doing is offsetting the negative aspect (your dislike of his foul language) with the positive aspect (you REALLY want to hear what he has to say). It's a positive re-enforcement technique. Good luck!
  • Hey LD, I'm a guy that is very aware of my emotions and those of others. I have been with women who are like me, and I have been with women who are like your bf. Ultimately, you are going to have to make a choice. . You can recognize that not everyone experiences life and emotions the same way as you and except your bf as he is. This will not be easy because you will continue to be as you are and misunderstandings WILL CONTINUE. However, if you are willing to deal with those difficulties, you can make the relationship work. . If the difficulties of an emotional mismatch are too great and unacceptable to you, your only other real option is to be honest to who you are and find someone that compliments you; someone with whom you can have a true and natural partnership. The downside to this is that you will have to look past many great men simply becaus they don't mesh well with you. . Hope that was helpful. Good luck hun. +5
  • It depends on what you mean by emotional. If you are consistently bummed or angry or tearful sooner or later people get tired of playing the game. People figure if you know you are overly emotional snd know you are going to have problems then you should know it wont last and will happen again so take care of it yourself. Repeatedly being emotional sbould teach you how to hsndle it since its a chronic situation. Its not a one time thing like you didnt get the promotion or grandma died and you need moral support but if its daily or weekly you know what to do about it and you dont need to be babied. Thats most likely why he isnt involved.

Copyright 2023, Wired Ivy, LLC

Answerbag | Terms of Service | Privacy Policy