If you sense your partner has become a bit complacent (and takes you for granted) what should you do?
i hate to play those "i'm not available tonight" games, but is it the right thing to do?
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ANSWERS: 8
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I hate those games too! But honestly i feel that sometimes you need to...i mean, you can talk to your partner but sometimes they turn it around saying YOU are taking THEM for granted and its starts the whole 'im not taking you for granted, you are me...remeber the other day how i made you dinner! no you just want more and more'. i really hate the availabilty games but in my experience they are the only ones that work. when a man starts to do that to me, i make sure i am unavailable, stop doing little things i usually do for him, and in VERY extreme cases make sure i name drop some guy that chatted me up. (i dont condone that at all, but one of my exes was horrible with taking me for granted). i sometimes dont think they realise they do it. like, my family do it without realising and get defensive when i bring it up...so i feel sometimes you have to 'stoop' to their level to get them to understand it on their own terms
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If you are a female and your boyfriend is taking you for granted you have to make him work for you. That is what these guys want. They want to earn you. That is the male makeup and the more you make them work for you the more they will do just that.
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its never a good idea to deny sex when you actually want it, thats counter productive. I went through this same crap with my husband. I started cutting out the things that he didnt appreciate. I used to get up at 430 in the morning to pack his lunch so he wouldnt have to eat old, soggy food. Not any more! I used to give him oral on every sexual encounter, he wouldnt return the favor. Not any more! I used to take special care to look my best for him. he was all eyes for other girls and didnt notice me. Now I only get dolled up when there will be other men around to notice. I used to go to any length to make sure he had exactly what he wanted for dinner, hot and ready when he got home. not any more! Moral of the story is....he has lost a lot, and now he makes sure to appreciate my efforts to make him happy and comfortable!
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Instead of playing a game, why not be honest, open, mature, trusting and trustworthy ... and talk to him about it? "Honey, I don't feel as appreciated by you as I once did. Are you still happy in the relationship?"
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Just tell him. "I gotta be honest, I feel like you're starting to slack a lil' bit. I'm glad you're comfortable with me, because I want you to feel like you have me, because you do, but just because you have me doesn't mean I don't want you to impress me and put in some effort to show that you appreciate me and you're glad I'm yours."
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Think about leaving.
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maybe you should talk to him about it
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If you are sincerely missing some activity or company of friends, make a plan to fulfill your needs. Its easy to automatically be available to your partner without a plan and notice that it becomes just whats expected. Look at your own comfort in this, then be willing to delve into the unknown, not as a game more than it is a way of fulfilling some of your needs without him.
pearllederman 
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