by 
Anonymous
ANSWERS: 44
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"City morgue..."
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No I don't want to have sex with a chicken! Hello?
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Poop
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City Home for the Gravely Bewildered. Can I help You?
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(Hoarse whisper) "I told you NEVER TO CALL ME HERE!" Then hang up and glance furtively around to see if your wife was listening.
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Helloooooooo, Grand Central Station.
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Please leave your message after the beep.... BEEEP!
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Big Sausage Pizza...
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To my wife or son: Who are you and how did you dare to call me up when I'm bussy at the office!
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"Hello hedgehog farm. Which prick do you want to speak to?"
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I'm not here right now. Call back later. Then hang up. :P
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*Hello - Pet Cemetery, can i help you?*
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Roadkill Cafe, you kill 'em, we grill 'em. Joe's Taxidermy, you snuff 'em, we stuff 'em. Bubba's Funeral Parlour, two-for-one special going on now. Buddy the Elf, what's your favourite colour?
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Hello funeral directors where everyone is dying to meet us.
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"I've been awaiting your call. The stars have shown me your future..." And something to say when you realise the caller is a pranker: "Bobs plumbing, is your fridge running?" 'err...yes' "Well you better go catch it...asshole." I prefer the former :)
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Hi! You've reached ..., sorry I can't come to the phone. Leave a message! Beep! Then start laughing half way through their message.
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If it's a mobile then : "Sorry, you can't talk to me right now, I'm not at home!" (Was probably funnier a few years ago. I imagine there'd be one or two young ones around now who wouldn't get it!)
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"Hi. This is <your name> from <your company>. I am available to talk to you right now so don't bother leaving a message, just tell me right now what's going down in your town ..."
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I used to always answer with "Thank you for calling WalMart, How may I direct your call?" A lot of people would just hang up and call back. But it got rid of the people I Didn't want to talk to.
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When hubby is in the shower and doesn't have his phone on him, and it rings...I pick it up and say, "Hello, ______'s pants, he's not in them right now." It's from an old Dharma and Greg show. It's really funny when it's my mother-in-law calling - or even better, hubby's boss. LOL
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Hey! WCLN your on the air whats up?
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How about a rendition of Clint Eastwood's "Dirty Harry" Did the phone ring 5 times or 6? With all this confusion I'm not sure........Do you feel lucky to leave a message? Well do ya PUNK!
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Hello Joe's morgue, you stab em we slab em two for one special today,how can i help you.
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Jim's master bait shop...can I help you sir??? hehehehehehe or City Morgue, you stab em, we slab em. You gag em, we tag em. You mess em, we dress em. You kill em, we fill em. How can I help you?
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You've got the wrong number...just sit there
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Bob's Mortuary you kill 'em, we chill 'em!
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Sometimes I will say, "Yeah, what is it?" Or I will say, in a thick Brooklyn accent, "Hello, you've reached Home Depot. How may I help you? We have a special on table saws."
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the police. who is this. :0 heh
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This is Bob, Sodapop's a little tied up at the moment, he'll give you a call later (in a thick manly accent). :D
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Abortion Clinic - no fetus can beat us.
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Housekeeping....
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I'm sorry the number you have dialed is no longer in service please check the number again or call the operator......hee hee heee
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Dicks hotdogs...If you like hotdogs, you'll love dicks!
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Just scream "WHAT?!" in a grouchy, annoyed voice.
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hello, mike hunt
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Hello. Jen and Barry's Abortion Clinic.
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Pretent you are your voice mail and then go press a button on the microwave and the person thinks they're recording a message. Then just before they hang up you say something quick and witty - i can't think of anything right now :(
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911 what's you're emergency?... my sister did this to me one time and I actually double checked my phone to make sure I pressed the right speed dial lol
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Joes Bar, Dudeler here.
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Hello Battersey dogs home..... Chief barker speaking !
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PIGGY PIGGY PIGGY PIZZA HUT!!!!
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Hello, Pool Room .. Eight Ball Speakin'"
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at the tone, the time will be, 5:30 beep!
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I don't know who you are. I don't know what you want. If you are looking for ransom, I can tell you I don't have money. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills; skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you let my daughter go now, that'll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don't, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will kill you.
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