My mental faculties are all screwed up, I take medications that are helping it stay that way.. I keep my spirit in check, that is all I can do.. knowing Jesus is preparing a home in heaven for me keeps me in balance

Jesus is a friend that sticks closer than a brother, friend. Please stop thinking you should end it, Give it to Jesus, friend!

I do not have an answer for you, I wish I did. I /do/ want to caution you that, if you enlist anyone's aid in your demise, they can, and often will, face criminal charges. I wish I could help you and hopefully this insufficient answer will keep your question visible a little longer. While not in the same boat as you, I am facing having to end it due to medical issues despite not wanting to. That's how I learned about the law. I hope against hope that this changes for the better against life.

you pray

I am sorry that you are suffering. In Isaiah 33:24 God promises that there will come a time when none of us will say “ I am sick. 2 Peter 3:14 teaches us that we can use the time that we have left on earth to draw closer to our God so that we can attain repentance. 2 Peter 3:9. We can draw much comfort from the Holy Scriptures during these trying times and look forward to the many blessings that God will bestow upon his servants.

Be as proactive as you possibly can to improve your health or to keep it from deteriorating further. Even if your situation is dire, making an all out effort to improve it puts you in a far better frame of mind.

When health is failing you see a doctor. When your mental health fails you see a mental health professional. I see both regularly. When I worked in a nursing home I had a patient that told me she was worn out! She told me she had been at the 'crick' all day with the kids and they wore her out! She had been in that bed all day! Which do you think she was happier believing? I wanted to die for quite a while for a lot of reasons! I went on medication for a while and I'm still seeing a therapist and psychiatrist regularly. I don't know what its like for the general population when it comes to medical bills and such because I'm blessed to have my medical covered by the VA because I'm a veteran. Besides, I'm sure it varies from place to place, but there is such a thing as adult social services. If you call your food stamp office (DHS or DHR or whatever they call it in your area) they can probably put you in touch with a social worker who can advise you of the programs in your area you qualify for. If you are low income you may qualify for medicaid or medicare. Ultimately what helped me were the statistics and advice from my therapist. Learning that suicide is NOT an act of love no matter how you frame it. The effects of suicide on family members are comparable to a concentration camp experience. And that family members who have had a family member commit suicide are statistically more likely to commit suicide themselves. I'm sorry but no matter how badly I hurt or how much pain I'm in I absolutely refuse to pass that legacy on to my boys. I refuse to relegate my pain onto my family members after my death! I didn't teach them to be quitters and I won't set that example. Only God can give life and only God is allowed to take it! Suicide is murder, too!