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  • Okay, this is going to sound more than just a little romanticized, but there is no feeling like it. It is the best combination of selfishness and total giving, of the physical and the emotional, of the purely animal and of the highest absolute love, that you can imagine. Speaking as a guy, the self part is obvious. You totally lose yourself in the feeling of pleasure. There is nothing else. Your penis is throbbing, your skin tingles, your muscles spasm as if you were getting the most incredible massage, your balls feel tight. You are thrusting and you feel like you couldn't stop even if you wanted to - which you definitely don't want to stop. In fact, you reach a point where you can't stop. Your body is out of control. You are building up these intense feelings that just release in a torrent at the moment of orgasm. You are not thinking of anything else. In fact, you can't think of anything else. You've stopped thinking except there is just the primal instinct to have sex and to reproduce. Even when you don't necessarily want to get the girl pregnant, there is this sense that you are making - or might be making - a little life that will carry on after you. That male need to produce an offspring is very deeply rooted. You don't necessarily think of it, but in a weird way, at the moment you orgasm, it is there in your head. (Having sex with my gf when she was pregnant - we have three kids - that feeling was especially intense.) There is also a very male desire to "claim" the girl. When you are having sex with her - and the possibility is there of impregnating her - there is this sense that you are "claiming" the female as your own. In a way it is a terrible thing to think that this girl is yours - and intellectually you know better - but nature has programmed a part of you to mate ward off rival males and that feeling is unquestionably part of you. Yet - and here is the funny part - as you are feeling all of that - you are feeling the opposite. You want the girl you are with to feel the pleasure that you are feeling. Your happiness is not complete unless her's is. (Partly, again, there is a bit of selfishness in that you want to think that you are an incredible stud that is giving her something no else could, but that is almost secondary.) You are grateful to the girl in a way that you can't express. She is giving herself - her mind, her love, her animal lust, her naked body, all of it - to you and you are just struck by how open she has made herself to you and you can't help but love her and be overwhelmed by how giving she is. You want her to feel safe and loved and protected. At one level that animal need to dominate her is there, but at the same time you want her to completely control and dominate you because you love her and you want to give her everything that you are. There is a feeling that when you give her your sperm that you are giving her the only gift that you can really truly give her - a small part of yourself. Your love and gratitude is overwhelming because you think of how she is giving her body to you and to (potentially) carry your baby. She is, in a way, sacrificing herself to you to create life - a little life that is part of you - and give you that life. (This feeling was especially intense when I was having sex with my gf when she was pregnant. I remember how she would tell me, from time to time, that she felt fat, but all I saw was this beautiful, loving sexy, woman who was carrying the greatest gift she could give me - and doing it just for me out of total love. It was overwhelming and would bring tears to my eyes. Funny also, when she was breast feeding I would sometimes nurse at her breast. The whole emotional world would turn upside down. Suddenly, far from being the protector and the dominant male, I felt loved and safe and protected. It was as if my gf was nurturing me and protecting me and loving me with an unconditional love. There was this incredible bond to my gf that was almost elemental. The funny thing about pregnancy overall, even when you know, as a guy, in your head that the last thing you want is for the girl to get pregnant, there is a part of you that wants it. It is one part affirming your own masculinity, one part the feeling of giving her a gift, one part something that symbolizes the sharing of your naked bodies.) You are also overwhelmed by her animal desires. This woman who shares your life - even when it is a one night stand there is this sense of sharing, but it is more real with someone you love - her lust and her aggressive need to be impregnated (even when that is not foremost in her mind) overwhelms you. Suddenly the whole universe is nothing but about satisfying each other's needs. Moreover, you want her to feel those animal instincts and you feel like you failed if she doesn't. There is also a sense when suddenly you feel safe. There is a sense that, for all of your weaknesses and flaws, you are being unconditionally accepted. For all of your cares and stresses, you are safe in the arms of someone who is sharing her body with you because she loves you in spite of everything and you feel safe and wanted and accepted and the sense of gratitude you have is unbounded. There is nothing that you can give this woman that would ever be the equal of what she has given you and of the feelings you have for her. It is the deepest feeling of love and in that moment you know that you would throw yourself in front of a speeding train to protect this beautiful woman who gives your life so much meaning. There is so much more. It is incredibly complex - a combination of physical sensation and deep emotions - and I have barely scratched the surface, but I think you get the idea. As I said, all of this has more than a faint whiff of the way overly romanticized, but it is true, and at any given moment during sex with a woman - especially my current gf of ten years - I have felt all of these things. Really there is nothing like it - and even these words I have written don't do it full justice.
  • I answered that question which I understand is currently being "spidered" so not available. But I will try again. Its about being desired and desiring, giving myself and being taken and entered so he becomes a part of me - we become one essentially during. Women and men are yin and yang so need each other to be complete, actually do not even exist without the other. In all ways but physically in sex. So there is in sex that cosmic crash of complementary opposites striving toward oneness. Which, the way we are wired, gives us both simultaneous pleasure striving toward orgasm. On the most basic level I give myself to him allowing him to dominate me (OK yes Dorat but in the sense that he is mostly going to be physically stronger than me so capable of killing me in other words I make myself vulnerable to him in that sense and in the sense that his motions lead me and I naturally respond to them to heighten my own pleasure and sense of self) and to enjoy me and if he so chooses to finish ejaculating into me which can impregnate me so becomes the beginning of a human life which culminates in childbearing and child rearing and family. This is very primal for a woman and brings us a very deep-seated satisfaction (I guess evolutionary)that we have just in that fulfilled a very important part of our female role. That is being attractive enough to be desired, giving ourselves to him, and becoming pregnant. On another , more sexual, level if, whether out of desire to prolong the act for his enjoyment or out of his desire to dominate me more or to please me, he keeps moving with me and goes on long enough so the more I feel him my sexual arousal will build to orgasm in which I lose myself to the pleasure I feel whether more localized or whole-body. And if he keeps going with me I will continue to orgasm at intervals, often in ascending chains of intensity, as long as he keeps going until my whole being becomes all dissolved and melty just feeling him and how he feels to me and the orgasmic pleasure that comes from that over and over again. The physical whole body real time meeting of the cosmic opposing forces of the universe which give rise in some form or another to absolutely everything under the sun. And when it is good and often even when it is not I want to be with him again and do it again. And again. So is bonding. No wonder it can be so powerful. Yes another woman can give me pleasure and stimulate me to orgasm but though the physiological mechanism may be the same psychologically and cosmically it is entirely different and earthbound. With a man continuing with me I am complete and can soar and be fulfilled and perhaps even see and touch heaven.
    • dorat
      Hi Officegirl. It was your original answer that inspired my own. I was attempting to write the "male counterpart" to your answer, as it were. I thought your original answer was insightful - as your answers often are - and so I thought the male side of it would show both the contrasts and complementarity. In effect, it shows how it all works - where the male and female psychologies overlap. One part I did not recall from your original answer was the point you directed to me - "(OK yes Dorat but in the sense that he is mostly going to be physically stronger than me so capable of killing me in other words I make myself vulnerable to him in that sense and in the sense that his motions lead me and I naturally respond to them to heighten my own pleasure and sense of self.)" The point is on point and, to my mind, inarguable. However, I am not quite sure why you phrased it the way you did. Physical dominance and making oneself vulnerable, in this context, are instinctive acts. (When men and women are engaging in BDSM where the female is dominant, the man and woman are consciously acting against their instincts. It is, in the average course of things, a conscious, rather than spontaneous or instinctive, action to behave in ways that are atypical.) You wrote, if I may characterize it, as if you were making an admission. I see nothing there that has to be admitted really. It just "is," so to speak. I would not know what an alternative formulation of the point might be. Given that sex is, as you very well wrote, both physical and psychological, both elemental and emotional, the female is making herself vulnerable at several levels. Sex is, for the woman, an act of both trust, which is in its way an assertion of identity, and - certainly physically - submission. Similarly, for men, as I tried to explain in my own answer, it is not a simple thing of ONLY dominance, but also of a desire to please and gratify. Given the norm of a physically stronger male, it really could not be any other way. If I ever gave you the impression that I meant dominance in any other way, i.e., simple brutality or force, than I apologize. It really is much more complicated than that as I hope I made clear in my answer above. Hope you are well.
    • officegirl
      Can't recall exactly what I wrote even though twas only a few days ago. You may recall elsewhere I used almost exactly your same argument - that it was instinctive - to counter the use of words like "dominant" and "submissive" in describing it. Now I am trying to describe it for men using the same words. Which we need to use in order to express ourselves even though they always fall short esp when describing feelings. (new paragraph) I would like to comment on your reference to BDSM which I don't engage in. OK sometimes I have allowed men to tie me down because that was what they wanted but that in itself never did a thing for me. Nor has men being "submissive" which I would argue is instinctive for particular men whether or not you see it as acting against archetypal instincts. Trust of course can often be part of it but then why do we also put ourselves way out there sometimes (perhaps too often!) when trust does not exist? Which I think is our instinct way beyond what could be considered trust. We give ourselves not because we desire to be "submissive" but just because that is naturally how we are wired to act in such circumstances. All related to reproduction whether or not we even choose to reproduce. I wrote that to you because I wanted you to understand how I see the concept of dominance. Men do not have to choose brutality or force, though many do, but it is that capability plus the fact that externally in sexual intercourse they are usually the more externally active that makes them " dominant". Whereas we lie there which from a man's point of view makes us physically more "passive" though if you could see inside us you would find that physiologically we are in fact more active during intercourse. there are so many things going on inside us! We respond to your motions which may seem more passive but in fact requires the same degree of health and fitness and reflexes and much more sensitivity. No I too meant the physically stronger male and I did not take anything you wrote as suggesting brutality or force. But - for us the brutality and force from a physically stronger male is always a possibility if not a reality so we associate that with the idea that a male is "dominant". (new paragraph) Thank you for your answer Dorat which is so much you I would recognize it even if you had not signed it! Beginning idealistically and moving into sociology then emotion and appreciation and finally becoming a paean to your gf! Which of course I accept as you but hope some other men eventually answer this as well since I am not sure just how universal some of the things you express are based on what I have heard from knowing men. For instance I would say that experienced men are much more in control most of the time than you give yourselves credit for and that such control is part of your feeling dominant as a male as well as pleasing us.

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