ANSWERS: 2
  • I think a lot of men feel they are not allowed to cry and goodness knows most men don't like to be vulnerable. Which of course they are. So if they can't be so in an intimate situation when can they be? Things come up, including tears. I think most of us appreciate a man thinking enough of us he allows himself to be vulnerable with us. That whole crying thing is - well I wouldn't want a man who spends all his time crying! Or whose response to things is just to cry and not do anything else. Otherwise I think it is natural. Sometimes they want just to be held, sometimes they want to talk, sometimes to be left alone. Sometimes is a little amusing but we are not laughing at them but we want to be on the same wave-length so we can feel with them.
    • dorat
      My gf caught me, so to speak, at what was probably one of the most emotionally vulnerable moments in my life. She knew about some of it but not all of it, To this day I still cannot believe that she didn't think, "What's with this guy?' and run screaming from the room. Grant that we had dated quite a while before we had sex for the first time - so she knew a lot about me and what I was like. Yet, to have a guy break down and cry the first time you have sex would have been, I would have thought, unnerving at the least. and maybe unimpressive at the worst. (Certainly, my gf had no way of knowing that I didn't cry after sex EVERY time.) She was caring and tender and I loved her more - and love her more - than words can say. Certainly, I had no reason, in my rational mind, to expect that is how she would react. I grant you, that if my gf had been the one to cry, I would have been compassionate and loving - but I think that has to do with the way a man sees a woman as more emotional. (Grant that whether that stereotype is accurate or not is debatable, I think to some extent even the most "liberated" men and women tend to assume it.) Your point that women tend to appreciate that a man would be emotionally vulnerable with her - up to a point - is, I have to say, something that would reassure a lot of men. If we can't be emotional with the woman we love, there really is no time when we can be, I suppose.
    • officegirl
      I think most of us understand because we cry ourselves. And sex and orgasm can bring up a lot of things. Men know those things are safe with us because we can relate. Long as it does not become a steady thing like oh I am with her so I can just let everything go entirely. We are not shrinks and we want it to be about us as well as about you.
    • dorat
      Agreed, though I don't know too many men who WOULD want it to all hang out. I know with me, I still want my gf to look at me as a strong protector and someone who will care for her and our children. To say the least, it would be hard to maintain that image to anyone else, let alone to myself, if I was constantly crying. Frankly, I did a poor job in the way I asked the question. When my gf and I had sex the first time, I had been through the emotional wringer, and on top of it all, I was falling in love with her at the same time I was wrestling with some terrible regret, guilt and shame. She saw that and cared for me. I think you hit on the distinction - if I could sum it up - to see the man you love crying, particularly during something as emotional and powerful as sex can be , there has to be on a woman's part some sense, if I read you right, that the man she loves has been pushed to his limits by whatever combination of things. If she senses that, she understands. If she does not, then she fears that she is becoming, as you put it, a "shrink." Certainly a role she does not want in any mature and balanced relationship. I think this sums up your remarks, unless I am mistaken. Am I right?
  • It always gets me crying too when it happens. I generally end up holding him much tighter, during and after sex. I just want to stay tightly wrapped in his arms the rest of the night.
    • dorat
      ladyEmma, I don't know you other than through this site, but you seem like a genuine and lovely person. I know how I feel about my gf now, and I know how I felt that night with her. I know how much it meant to me to be held by her and soothed by her. All I can say is that your husband seems to have found someone in you like that, a person who can evoke those same feelings of being loved at a moment when your emotions have gotten the best of you. For guys that is a hard thing to show and an even harder thing to admit, and to have someone who can overlook that moment of weakness and love us unconditionally is the greatest gift - and I think that your husband and I must be the luckiest guys on the planet.
    • dorat
      Sorry for my strong reply above - maybe a bit too personal. However, your response, short as it was, really evoked some powerful memories for me. Hope I wasn't overly personal. I have a right to talk about my relationship to my gf - with due consideration of her feelings - not yours.

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