ANSWERS: 3
  • This question was inspired by an answer I gave elsewhere on this site. (I also posted it under another category as well.) I sleep naked and my gf wears pajamas unless it is very hot out, in which case she might very rarely sleep in panties and a bra. I have slept naked since I was about age 16 because I find it more comfortable - no other reason, really. We have three children, two boys, (7 and 6) and one girl (4). Like all kids, they sometimes have a nightmare or get up in the middle of the night. If I hear them crying, sometimes my gf will get up and comfort them. If I hear them, I generally throw on a robe, go and comfort them (or get them water or whatever) or bring them back to bed with us. Sometimes, though, eyes at half mast, I just go into their room naked and bring them back to our bed, If either of us do, we either put them in bed between us, or sometimes, to comfort them, I will put them on my chest. They are in pajamas - generally Spiderman PJ's for the oldest, Superman for the second oldest, Barbie for the little one, in case you were wondering - and I am naked and my gf is either in pajamas or (rarely) bra and panties. I keep them on my chest and nowhere near my waistline. So the most skin contact - which I have heard is actually good for small children - is their little faces on my bare chest. However, they do see me naked from time to time. This is not very often and it is not a major bone of contention with my gf. (Our oldest caught us having sex a few times, but that is another story.) However, she thinks that it is not a good idea that the kids - ESPECIALLY our daughter - see me naked. I don't think it does much harm since it is infrequent and not sexual in any way. Does it? Is it different for my sons as opposed to my daughter? (I should add that my dad was a doctor and I grew up in a house with an older brother and sister and a younger brother. Dad tended to see naked bodies as science projects and not sex objects and while we were by no means nudists or anything, we tended to be loosey-goosey about nudity and it was not unusual for me to see my siblings in their underwear or even naked - even my sister, though that was rare. Interestingly, I only ever saw my dad naked if we were at the gym. I NEVER saw my mom naked that I remember. My gf grew up in a little bit more straight laced house. So that is where we are coming from.) With all that as preamble, does my gf have a point? Good idea? No harm? Not good idea? Different answer for sons vs. daughter? To me it is a natural thing and part of being in a family. To her it is more of an issue. I would not want to do ANYTHING to hurt my kids, so I would be interested in your opinions. I am not going to buy pajamas since this is not exactly an everyday occurrence, but maybe if I bring the kids to bed I would put on some underwear and maybe a t-shirt. Good enough? I have Googled this topic and found remarkably little on it, so your opinions - and maybe anything on the topic you may have stumbled across - would be appreciated. Thanks and sorry for the long question.
  • Anything I write is of course not to be used as ammunition vs. your girlfriend and as you know I never had children of my own. She has her own reasons for feeling the way she does which it would be interesting to know about. I don't see how there could be anything wrong with it Perhaps she was taught that nudity is bad. Is just the facts of life and the sooner we know them the better we are able to adjust ourselves.
    • dorat
      Thanks, and I promise I would never use an answer as "ammunition." In fact, she thought it was a good idea that I look into this since we differed somewhat. She does not see nudity as a problem as such, but there is something to keeping a child's innocence until they are mature enough to handle more mature things. By the way, given some of the stuff we've done, I promise she does not see nudity as bad. Rather, there is a time and a place in her view. To me, my kids are just seeing daddy as he is and we are all family. To my gf, the age that they can handle things is important. Maturity matters, so to speak. Example, my son asked what my dick was - his is so much smaller, I guess - so we didn't lie or give it a silly name. He said "Oh" and tried to touch me. Then we had to tell him that touching somebody there, unless under very special ways, was not right. He was only 5 - and making sure he got the right information in a way that he could handle and understand was hard. Getting it right does matter. When my older son saw us having sex, we had a similar problem. The first time - it has happened three times for gosh sakes - we screwed up I think and just said that mommy and daddy were playing. The second time we were up front - without going into detail - and said it is just something that mommies and daddies do when they love each other. Of course just seeing your dad (or mom) naked is one thing, seeing them having sex is another. I am not sure what is right - I tend to agree with you and thanks for responding - and we'll see what others think. I posted the question under two different categories to get a wider cross section of opinion.
    • dorat
      P.S. By the way, I have to admit that my gf and I are not totally consistent. If we are in a hurry to be somewhere or something and I have not showered and the boys have not been bathed, I'll shout, "Okay, boys! Into the shower." In we go, the three of us naked as the day we were born. It certainly is NOT sexual, unless you count two little giggling boys having a squirtgun fight as erotic. The boys certainly never think to ask about our parts or anything. My gf never gives it a thought, either. However, I steadfastly will not shower with my daughter - age 4. I just don't think it is right and leave it to my gf. (Obvious exception, public pool shower where everyone is in swimwear.) Yet I give no thought to being naked in my daughter's room or laying her on my bare chest while I am naked in bed, albeit under the covers. My dad is a doctor and he never saw nudity as a big deal. It was not frequent in our home, but not unusual either, for me to walk from my room to our bathroom totally naked at age 16 with morning wood and see my (not as often) naked 17 year old sister coming the other direction - each hoping to get to the shower before the other. So, I grant, I have a different perspective. I don't think it did any harm, but searching the web I have seen both ways. So, thanks again. Any other thoughts you have would be great.
    • dorat
      P.P.S. Something I noticed. You mention that I can't use your views as "ammunition" against my gf. You seem to think that I have some kind of confrontational relationship to her. Not at all the case. I love her with all my heart and I asked the question not to prove a point to her, but because I want to do everything and anything I can to protect and raise my children the best way I can. (Which is also why I did not just leave this to AB, but researched it as much as I could. I probably would not have even raised the question on this site except for that fact that, to my surprise, I did not find much information and what I found tended to be contradictory. I will also ask my dad the next time I talk to him, though he is a medical doctor and not a child psychologist.) In any case, my gf and I want to do what is best for our children and it just so happens on this that we have a disagreement. Not a huge one, certainly - and definitely not the kind of thing that I would turn into a fight. You are a lovely lady, but I think you read far more into this question - and the nature of my relationship to my gf and my kids - than was warranted. I appreciate your answer and would certainly listen to anything you have to say, but please don't think that I am looking to settle scores, least of all with my gf.
  • The following response IS NOT to be used in conversation with your girlfriend. I'm strictly an objective party and am not a professional on the subject so mustn't be depicted as one. I'm feeling a little wary of what you describe for personal reasons but as long as your children understand not to normalize situations of nudity, that it's not something to expect with friends, other relatives or sitters and that sharing your nudity with others is sacred, I'd say you're handling it alright. I advise you to use better discretion when having sex with your girlfriend, however. One walk in per child I might call normal (though I grew up with a single parent) but multiples by the same child? Lock the door or prop a chair against your side of it. Each of you was clearly raised in homes with almost opposite viewpoints on this subject and BOTH views are valid. Personally, I feel you might want to consider slipping on sweatpants when sleeping with the children but that's just me. Like I said, although I'm not a professional, I don't even have children, I've got a personal story just as both you and your girlfriend do.
    • dorat
      Thanks VERY much - though why you don't want me to share it with my gf I don't get. I promise you, she and I both want to do what is best for our kids and we are not having shouting matches over this. In fact, it was partly her idea to use this site since what I turned up by Googling the issue was not particularly good and was somewhat contradictory. I'll respect your wishes, but I can assure you that she would - and I do - appreciate your insights. (See also my P.P.S. in the comments above.) As for the locked door - we used to - and do again. The problem was, however, that our number two child got up a few times in the middle of the night and when he could not get into our room he got very upset. A couple of times with that and we decided that it just wasn't worth it. (Our boys are like matter and anti-matter. Number 1 would rather walk through obstacles rather than around them while number two is a cuddler and a hugger and tends to be very sensitive.) In all honesty, the first time our oldest caught us having sex was because we were in the living room. Bad idea, admittedly. The other two times were after our other son had gotten upset. Typically now, though, when having sex we lock the door and cross our fingers and then unlock it when we are done - but as you can imagine, that is like living waiting for the fire alarm to go off. Anyhow, we don't have a good answer, but the times we have been caught having sex is three over that many years - and it has been a couple of years since. By contrast, kids crying or getting up or whatever in the middle of the night is - as my sleep deprived mind tells me - more frequent and the kids seeing me naked in that context is more of an issue. Anyhow, thanks again. Really appreciate that you took the time. It is always good to have another opinion.
    • Temperance Brennan
      I'll retract my statement about discretion when having sex as I now better understand the situation there. All and all you sound like a wonderful, loving father and partner. I wouldn't turn a guy like you away if I had a chance with one.
    • dorat
      Thanks. You're very kind. I am the luckiest guy in the world. I have a gf and mother of my children whom I can never hope to repay for the love she has shown me and three beautiful children in whom I think the sun rises and sets. I could not be happier. What I have learned, though, is that being a daddy means always feeling like you have ten thumbs. You never feel like you are truly getting it right. So I really appreciate your input. It was thoughtful and well considered. Many thanks.

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