• A young salesman was sent to Japan on business. He arrived, booked into his hotel, rang and found he was not expected until tomorrow. Feeling a bit naughty he rang an escort agency and hired a girl for the night. During the night he made love to her a few times. Each time she would cry out hagisaki hagisaki. The young man took this to be cries of pleasure. Next day, the company he was to do business with rang to tell him they were having a golf day, would he like to participate. He was playing with the top man of the firm and on the fourth hole this top man scored a hole in one. Everybody was cheering, our young man wanted to show his admiration and remembering the calls of the girl last night, he began shouting. Hagisaki, hagisaki. Everything went quiet, the top man walked up to our young man and asked. What do you mean, WRONG HOLE, WRONG HOLE??????? Oh gawd.
    • bostjan64
      Machigatta ana!
  • "Here's one..."
  • Which bird doesn't need to worry about a haircut? The bald eagle.
  • Wenn ist das Nunstruck git und Slotermeyer? Ja! ... Beiherhund das Oder die Flipperwaldt gersput!
    • bostjan64
      Dere vere two peanuts, valking down de street, und one vas a salted... ...peanut
  • A painting contractor was speaking with a woman about her job. In the first room, she said she would like a pale blue. The contractor wrote this down and went to the window, opened it, and yelled out "green side up!" In the second room, she told the painter she would like it painted in a soft yellow. He wrote this on his pad, walked to the window, opened it, and yelled "green side up!" The lady was somewhat curious, but she said nothing. In the third room, she said she would like it painted a warm rose color. The painter wrote this down, walked to the window, opened it and yelled "green side up!" The lady then asked him, "Why do you keep yelling 'green side up'?" "I'm sorry," came the reply. "But I have a crew of blondes laying grass across the street.
  • When USA President Richard M. Nixon went to China, he made a speech saying he respected the Chinese people. Many people loudly cheered "Ngao Si! Ngao Si!" He continued saying he hoped the USA and China could become friends. Constantly, people cheered, "Ngao Si, Ngao Si!" all during his speech. He was excited to be cheered so enthusiastically. Later, he took a tour of Beijing and then some farms. As they walked in the pasture full of bulls and cows, his guide warned him, "Be careful and watch your step. I do not want you to step in the stinking Ngao Si!"
  • Pretty much anyone who claims to have watched every season of Lost yet still thinks they all died at the end
  • The dead Sicilian who went to heaven, it just wasn't warm enough!
  • A mother took her child to the the kid was playing the mother sall a worm showing from his mouth.she shoulted No!stop take it out! Why?the child.mum said cuz its a baby worm and he has parents she said imagen what will happen when his mum and dad come looking fod him . They won't...the child said. I allready ate them
  • That Hillary couldn't lose the election. Polls on day of the election shows her with an unbeatable lead.
  • cant remember, its been a while since someone told me one
  • Q: What do you call sad coffee? A: Despresso.
    • mushroom
  • A woman walks into a bar with a duck under her arm. Bartender says, "Hey, you can't bring that pig in here." The woman says, "Excuse me, this is a duck." The bartender says, "Excuse me, I was talking to the duck."
  • cant rennennber right now
    • Archie Bunker
  • I'm not going to repeat the funniest joke because it might hurt someone, but here's just an ordinary joke: An old man presents himself to his doctor with horrible gas. The doctor asks the man to explain his ailment, to which the man responds, "I am passing gas all of the time - every minute at least! At least they aren't very loud and don't smell." The doctor prescribes the old man not one, but two medications and asks the man to come back in a week. One week later, the old man returns, complaining that the medications didn't work, his gas is still just as frequent, but now they are loud and stinky. The doctor responds, "Ok, I will now treat your gas, since I know that the pills I gave you last week to fix your ears and nose worked."
  • I've heard a lot of good ones, but forgot most of them. Here's one I saw recently so I remember it. ************************************************************** In case you can't see it, Hillary Clinton says: "Supreme Court Justice Ruth Ginsberg died and I would very much like to take her place." Trump says: "Well its alright with me if its ok with the funeral home!"

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