• I volunteer. Just put your feet up.
  • Your neighbor, he is running around in a gorilla suit slapping himself in the face with a trout, while wearing a sombrero and floppy clown shoes. Take a look!
  • A blond walks into a library, walks up to the librarian, and says, "Hello, i'd like to order a cheeseburger, some fries, and a milkshake". The librarian looks around at the faces of other people in the library, who aslo happen to be looking at the blond like she's crazy. "mam, this is a library" she says, and goes back to her books. The blond takes a look around also, then leans in and whispers, "i'd like to order a milkshake, some fries, and a milkshake" after which she smiles politely.
  • "Mr. Otto"
  • I can try, but I'll probably just make you cry.
  • This gal.
  • No More Labor Pains A married couple went to the hospital to have their baby delivered. Upon arrival the doctor said that he had invented a machine that would transfer a portion of the labor pain to the father. He asked if they were willing to try it out. They were both very much in favor of it. The doctor set the knob at 10% for starters, explaining that even 10% was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before. But as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine, so he asked the doctor to bump the machine up a notch. The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20%. The doctor checked the husband's blood pressure and pulse and was amazed at how well he was doing. At 50% the husband was still holding up fine, since this was obviously helping out his wife he encouraged the doctor to transfer all of the pain. The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain. She and her husband were absolutely thrilled. Everything was great until they got home and found the mailman dead on their porch.
  • The Lakers are gonna make a comeback and beat the Celtics for the title isn't that funny lmao. Or I could tell you who this secret crush of mine is now that's even funnier eh why waste my time I bet you already know and are secretly laughing at what an idiot I am. LOL
  • Well, it's perhaps not your sort of humour, but...
  • A girl goes to the gynocoligist and says she needs to be examined. The doctor says I will have to numb you before the procedure. The doctor then puts his face in her privates and goes numb, numb, numb, numb!
  • Me me me!

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