ANSWERS: 22
  • I think it's because they get off on the drama. Most relationships get boring after a while, and, they know this.
  • where I live young women seem to like the bad boys like killdrphil says they seem to love drama and confrontation sad but true council estates and rougher areas of my neighbourhood are crammed full of unemployed people getting drunk robbin stuff to sell walking about sh*t stirring,sell hash and harder drugs thinking their the top dog and their women seem to love the rush of that.
  • i think differently women that continue to stay in abusive relationships dont know any different, its a cycle thay get abused and their abuser makes them believe its there own fault, its things 'they have done wrong' when people are nice to them they feel like they do no deserve this and push the 'good' propele away from there lives and continue to be with people that treat them badly, lots of people eventually find the right path and break that cycle now i agree with the fact some women are attracted to danger and prefer the 'treat them mean keep them keen' kind of men, but theres a difference in the 'bad relationship' to the abusve relationship
  • I believe that some it has to do with their family dynamics as a child. The abusive men offer a type of comfort to some women as a dominating figure. Or they think they don't deserve better. A long time ago I dated a real douchebag. I didn't see it until later but he would always tell me that nobody else could love me, he'd call me fat, flirt with my friends, it took a lot of effort for me to leave him because deep down I trusted him enough to believe what he said.
  • I believe that it is sort of like cigarette smoking, alcoholism, gambling addiction or any other type of addiction/ism. None of these things is good for one or useful, yet certain people keep going back to them, due to certain weaknesses in THEMSELVES. These women have certain weaknesses, personal histories which leads them to make these choices over and over again. The weaknesses might include: poor self esteem, lack of education, etc. However, I know too that there have been highly educated women who have been repeatedly offended against. It is always hard to make rules about human beings because we are so diverse. I have been twice offended against by the same boyfriend when I was much younger. I am ashamed to say, it took two times before I realized this would be a trend. So, when I say "these women" I don't mean to sound too clinically distant. Although I have a higher degree (I was pursuing it at the time of my attacks) I did have extremely poor self esteem for many years. I have found in myself, and I am almost ashamed of this trait in myself, that I have very little respect for d.v. victims, who are often my clients. (I am a lawyer.) I do not understand why they don't just LEAVE. It is hard to get a grip on. Sometimes, if they keep insisting on staying with a beater, I will just give them to another lawyer. It is too frustrating for me.
  • Some women feel they can "fix" that problem in the man, and when he's loving, feel that THIS is the true man. Most of the time they are wrong. Some women have such low self-esteem, self-confidence, and self-worth that they feel this is the best they can get. And the abuser usually feeds on their view of themselves, telling them they are worthless, would NEVER be able to make it on their own, and would NEVER be able to find anyone else who would love them. The women end up pretty much brainwashed to believe this crap. The women are usually isolated from family and friends, not ALLOWED to talk to anyone else, and certainly not allowed to go out anywhere. If they work, they are usually ashamed to tell anyone there what's happening. Some men are very loving until they've "trapped" the woman by marrying them, then they will also play on the "til death" part of the vows, which MANY women (and men) take extremely seriously. Some women may feel that the abuse will stop once the marriage happens. (I knew a girl like this... Her BF, scawney runt that he was - and she an athletic and tall girl - would get her down on the floor and beat on her chest - where the bruises would not show, normally. She STILL married the bastard. Took a couple of years before she tired of dealing with it, and realized that he would never change - at least for her.) And, yes... Some women just don't know what to do. They realize that the man and their relationship is NOT a good model for their children, but they've been beat down so far that they can't see there's any possibility of leaving. For ALL of them, PLEASE call a local or close women's shelter or crisis center. They have been trained in and have experience in what must be done for you to safely leave, even with children. DO NOT be afraid to call the cops to help you leave. See http://www.answerbag.com/a_view/3041968 for more.
  • Cultural upbringing and regrettably much in Biblical doctrine does that. The Wives Obey your husband bit in the Bible the basis. All I can say is any man that wants an obedient wife is a Wuz. Real men want women on an equal footing. All I ask is the woman be sweet about winning. Give a smile. I still often have contests that I already know women have the advantage. Just like playing chess. If you win all the time the game never improves. Both get bored because the challenge is gone. On abuse. I always try to consider myself on the receiving end of what I do. If I am abusive, uncaring or insulting I want to be told right then. And no women are not naive. They are though intimidated into believing they can do nothing or have to for their children. And abusive men tend to be unbalanced. If not locked away, even homicidal.
  • well, not really sure. i can say however, the behaivor towards a women can and will confuse them. i'm the only man who has not beaten, abused, cheated or raped my wife. and she really has no clue how to deal with the way i do treat her. she's cheated on me, lied to me and alot of other not really nice things. but i've stood beside her and took care of her when she saw her mistakes. not saying my wife or any women is a dog, but its like a dog who has been beaten and starved it's whole life. it takes time to mend the wounds. after 2 or 3 men treat a woman like that, its going to be hard for her to understand how things are suposed to be, and how she deserves to be treated.
  • All I can tell you about is my situation and why I fell into the same thing again and why I stayed. Growing up I was made to feel less than adequate, called stupid and punished violently for every thing. My mom always said "Just do as your told and he won't get mad and then it will be okay." That set in the mind set that it was my fault. If I could just be good enough daddy would love me. The harder and harder I tried, nothing changed. I became convinced I wasn't good enough. That somehow was less of a person than everyone else. We were also a very religious family. So how I related to my dad carried over into how I related to God. I had to be good enough. If anything bad happened in my life it must be my fault. I became increasingly frustrated and angry at myself. When my first husband came along, he promised to rescue me from all the pain I was in. I was too young to realize that the "I will take care of you" was a cover for more of the same. "Give me total control or else." I already felt things were my fault, so when we went through some rough times, and he started to hit, I thought "It's my fault. I have to be good enough for him to love me." We had three children. Even if I thought of leaving, I grew up that divorce and not following your husbands "leadership" was wrong and that I couldn't leave because it would destroy my kids and it would be my fault. I worked so hard to be good enough, and to earn their love. When I failed, I knew in my heart it was my fault. One day, my husband snapped and choked me til I blacked out. He actually saved my life himself by giving me CPR. But it wasn't to save me. It was to save himself from paying for my death. All I could think was that if I had died and he had gone to prison for it, my kids would have lost both parents, and it would have been his fault, not mine. It was a revelation. Everything wasn't my fault. I could work as hard as I wanted to be good enough and I never would be. And I realized that I shouldn't have to be "good enough" to earn someones love or acceptance. I left. I struggle with low self-esteem and reminding myself that the only person I have to be good enough for is me. I remind myself that when bad things happen, it isn't automatically my fault. It is just life. And that is okay. And that if someone says I am not good enough, that is their problem not mine.
  • I think they see it as being a valid relationship based on love. Some fall into a vicious circle...afraid of being alone, wanting to stay for the children, or because of religious beliefs. Some just don't see it as abuse. "Oh, it's just their way..." It takes a strong woman and strong supporters to get her to see that she is in a destructive relationship. And the wounds on the skin heal quicker than the ones against her heart and her self-worth/self-image/self-esteem.
  • Well, all I can say is that one can never get the whole story until men are given a chance to speak up. Sometimes the women are so psychologically abusive that the men are pushed into it. I have heard a woman run her husband down, saying he is useless, a waste of space, abusive etc, reprimand him like a bossy parent in front of other people, disappear with the children for nights on end while the husband is desperately out looking for her, and when asked why she stays with him, she says, 'I love him' and the whole cycle goes on year after year. Quite frankly, women can be more abusive than the men that lash out at them. But as many of you say, this is the life they were brought up with. So to people like us it seems extraordinary, but to them it is routine.
  • An enabler in most definitions is a person who through his or her actions allows someone else to achieve something. Most often the term enabler is associated with people who allow loved ones to behave in ways that are destructive. For example, an enabler wife of an alcoholic might continue to provide the husband with alcohol. A person might be an enabler of a gambler or compulsive spender by lending them money to get out of debt. In this fashion, though the enabler may be acting out of love and trying to help or protect a person, he or she is actually making a chronic problem like an addiction worse. By continuing to lend money to the gambler, for example, the gambler doesn’t have to face the consequences of his actions. Someone is there to bail him out of trouble and continue to enable his behavior. The term enabler is also part of the larger definition of codependency. Codependency at first arose as a definition of adaptive behaviors a person might make if he or she lives with someone with substance abuse or severe emotional problems. A codependent tends to remain so, because he or she adapts to or ignores the behaviors of the ill person. In fact, the codependent often becomes an enabler because it allows one to be involved in fewer conflicts. Enabler can be a more broad-based term for other forms of abusive and destructive behavior. The wife who refuses to fill out police reports after being abused by her husband enables his continuing to beat her. Thus the enabler often suffers almost as much as the mentally unbalanced or addicted person.
  • Apparently it can stem from childhood. Women who grew up with an alcoholic/abusive father are seemingly more likey to go for abusive partners because its what they're used to and although its not healthy it gives them a sense of comfort to have that 'chaotic' familiarity.
  • It's complicated. Lack of self esteem...and they just plain get used to it. They miss it, they need it because it is familiar. They are scared to leave what is familiar.
  • they are being manipulated an dont realixe whats happening to them
  • they are being manipulated an dont realize what these men are doing to them., some of them are very snicky
  • I don't really know the answer to this one. All I can say is that. I have seen some "not all" but some. Who have lived around this kind of relationship, during their childhood years. And some seem to seek for it later in life. It's a very sad thing to see, but for some it dose seem to happen......+5 for your question Freedom my FRIEND. Lets hope that maybe this question of yours. May help those who live this lifestyle, see the light. Take Care my FRIEND :-)..........................M.C.S.
  • DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO ,IT IS TOO STRESSFUL TO BE ABLE TO LEAVE AND IF YOU DONT HAVE A PLACE TO GO THEY KNOW IT AND USE IT TO THEIR ADVANTAGE MAJORLY.IT'S HORRIBLE MINE JUST THINKS I WANT TO MAKE UP BUT I TOLD HIM I DONT WANT HIM AND HE STILL WONT GO. HE WOULD RATHER ABUSE ME , THAN LEAVE. EVEN ENJOYS IT, WITH A GRIN. THEY SAY THEY LOVE YOU AND DONT WANT TO LOOSE YOU , AND TRY TO GET RID OF YOU TO SOMEONE ELSE AND IF THEY WANT TROUBLE THEY START IT ON PURPOSE, THEY MENTALLY MAKE YOU TRY TO THINK YOU CANT MAKE IT WITHOUT THEM AM DOWN YOU AND THE KIDS FOLLOW RIGHT WITH HIM BECAUSE THEY ARE AFRAID OF HIM.
  • Maybe they had poor role models and just don't have the self esteem to consider themselves worthy of more?
  • these type of women are deaf and blind like a mouse. they close their eyes and ears to the situation becos they believe something will change but never will. they think it's love when it's not. they get punished beocs they allow these pitiful men to do what they do to them. These women are sick as well as the men and both parties refused to seek treatment so, they continue their psycho game until one is crazy or dead.
  • People believe what they want to believe, denying reality is an unhealthy coping mechanism but for some, it's easier than having to tell him that they're leaving.
  • Most of them are scared.

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