ANSWERS: 36
  • If you love your boyfriend like you say you do then what he looks like should be the farthest thing from your mind. You love him for who he is and not what he looks like. Its nice to have an attractive person to decorate your arm, but its better to have someone not too attractive who treats you wonderul, and respects you dearly. Looks are only looks and love lasts a lifetime so you need to decide if your love is strong enough to look beyond the physical. I can understand what you mean as I do believe initially when you meet someone looks play a huge role in why you hooked up but I firmly believe in the inout i just typed to you.
  • Hey, I have the same problem that you are having. I have been with my boyfriend for over 2 1/2 years, and when we first got together it was because we were both having emotional problems and we were there for each other. I didn't find him attractive at that time. I'm really just not physically attracted to him. Like, he will want to do sexual things and I always put it off as long as I can, then I have to act interested and feel like I'm saying "Let's jsut get it over with." I know that's horrible but he has treated me so well. Amzingly. He is the love of my life and treats me like a princess, but I just can't figure out all this. Sometimes I feel attracted to him , other times I don't at all. i don't know what's going on with me. I can't help thinking that theres someone else out there for me that I can actually be attracted to when I first look at them and actually be excited about being around them. I don't even get dressed up for my boyfriend anymore. I don't try to impress him, I guess it's because I know that he'll always be there. He's been hurt too many times before and I can't do that to him, or stand to see him cry. We've already done the whole, "take a break " thing. This is so hard for me. Can someone please help me and let me know what you think. I would REALLY appreciate it! Confused
  • Hey. I am in the same boat. I love everything about my guy except his looks and his confidance. We started off friends too, but there really was a spark-and still is. But now that we've been together about a year, he's gotten comfortable around me–which is mostly great...but this also means that he's stopped trying–you know? So, without his old confidant, sweep me away manner, I'e got to try to be satisfied with a not so hot guy. I truly love being with him; he treats me better than any guy I've had and I know he won't be the one to break it off. But I can't help that I am simply ot attracted to him! In the beginning, I think it was his outgoing personality, his clever banter...you know, that hooked me. But now that's gone because he doesn't need to impress me–I think that's it. Another problem is that we go to different universities. States apart we are great–we talk often and I feel giddy like he's my crush again. But when I see him over break he seems to forget his charm and can only think of the physical. I try very hard to make it work, but I just can't seem to get into him like that. ANd I really want to! I've had a few very good looking boyfriend before him and never had a problem getting into it with them...feeling passionate. With him I am worried where I can touch him because he's sensitive about his weight even though he's not at all fat...not as toned as he was when he swam, but not overweight. And I can't touch his face because he has acne still, and Oh! It's so frustrating! I've never had a connection with anyone like I've had with him...but I can't make myself find him attractive. HELP!
  • It's not shallow. You should be attracted both spiritually and physically. You really need both. He also deserves to have someone feel good about him. I hope you can work this out.
  • I'm best friends with a boy who's proper amazing in everyway apart from I don't find him physically attractive. That's why I'm best friends with him. You don't find him physically attractive, but do you want to have sex with him etc? If ot you should probably just try and be friends, it'll take a while though.. Good luck:)
  • Let your fingers do the walking...as well as him.
  • maybe you more love the having a boyfriend than anything else.. and you do not love the thought of being alone. is it love or is it habit?
  • well maybe he likes you for who you are not what you look like. Beauty comes from within.
  • I had a friend like that, she dated a guy and at first she didn't find him attractive, but she had so much fun with him and I told her that if she was happy with him give it time and he will eventually be the most attractive man to her. They are now married and just had a baby. They couldn't be happier. Looks aren't everything.
  • You may love him for various reasons, but maybe you're not "in love" with him. Physical attraction isn't everything, but I think it's a must on some level that is acceptable to you, or the long-term may not be feasible. Obviously it's bothering you now and you're questioning if you can continue to handle it (?). Is there something he can change physically, within reason? Like weight, facial hair, hair style, etc? If so, maybe he would be open to that if he knew how you really feel. Just a thought. Good luck with whatever you decide!
  • What should you do? Well, I think you should stop thinking about how unattractive you think he is. Your thoughts are what is getting in the way of your relationship, not him. That's what it sounds like to me anyway. I know I might get DR'ed for this answer, but I don't think that you have to be physically attracted to someone for a relationship to work. You say you love him, right? Well, if you love him, why does it matter what he looks like? Have you already accepted him for who he is? Do you appreciate what he does for you? Do you care about him? If he was in trouble, would you help him out? If he got really sick, would you still be there? Would you cheat on him even though you have these thoughts? That is what love is. Not what he looks like. Looks have nothing to do with love. They only help you remain infatuated instead of help you look at the bigger picture. If you started a family with this guy, would he be a good dad? Is he a good role model? Does his heart reach out to people? Is he less selfish than a lot of people? If the answer is all yes to those, then what's wrong with him? I could understand if he could afford having good hygiene and refused to take care of himself, but if it's just something he can't help, then let him be. You don't want to leave him, so you're going to have to put up with this and instead of trying to have the best body hanging off your arm, think about all the good qualities he has. "He's always there for me. He loves me for me. Even if we got older and I turned ugly, he would still love me and not use me as a maid and go cheat on me. He's not a jerk. He's a real sweetheart. If I was sick, he'd pull my hair back while I threw up and be there for me the whole time. If I got pregnant, he'd stick around and take care of me instead of be rude and leave. He would never cheat on me as far as I can tell. He appreciates me for who I am and cares about me so much. He loves me." If that is the description of him, then he is a keeper. Would you rather a controlling, yet physically attractive boyfriend? Physical attractiveness is nothing and our stupid culture is somewhat at fault for this and in some cases, extremely at fault. He shouldn't have to rely on a plastic surgeon or a makeover to make you happy. Instead, he needs you to accept him for who he is.... and if you can't, you should leave as soon as possible, because if you stay, the longer you carry this on, the more you're going to hurt him.
  • If you don't find your boyfriend physically attractive, then he is not really your boyfriend. You don't have to abandon him as a friend at all. The two of you can be bestfriends, or you can love him like a sister does. Just remind him from time to time that you enjoy so much being with him, and that he is like a brother to you.
  • first ask herself have you always felt this way or did something happen that made you start to feel that way. You don't want to leave him but it hurts both of you more if you are staying for the wrong reasons. You need to figure why you feel that way before you end up hurting him.
  • im in the exact same boat as all you girls...i fell in love with my boyfriend when i was going through a very hard time in my life. my son and i moved in and are living with him together while a renter rents my home...and i can honestly say i am not physically attracted to him at ALL. He has gained weight, i hate his hair, his clothing, he has very very bad skin and acne, and has a dead front tooth which is very yellow and brown. I find that i cant even look him in the face when i talk to him, and when he's laying in the bed next to me, i am repulsed by his man boobs and gut....i wrote him a letter asking him why he doesnt look after himself (money is no object as he has an amazing job, and he has many days off)i told him that i feel like he doesnt think i deserve to look good for. I've tried to put it to him subtly...ive bought him face products that work amazingly well, and he wont use them...he says he will go to the gym and get a trainer and never does...ive asked him several times to get his tooth fixed, and he never does...i've mkentioned that an acid peel would fix his skin very well...and he wont even look into it. I am a very attractive woman... and i'm getting a breast Augmentation in a month..and he wont even look after a single thing about himself. i am at the point where i dont know what to say to him...i feel like the only way out of this is to break up with him...but i have no house as its being rented...i am so stuck, i dont know what else to do....i love the person he is inside SO much...but i cant look past the outside. sex is good...so i have been able to just grit and bear it staying with him....but im never ever sexually attracted to him.... i feel like ANY man i look at wherever i am is 100% more sexually appealing. I am afraid that if i end up marrying him, i will definitely meet and fall in love with another man eventually. what do i say to him to make him understand how important it is that he take care of himself?
  • I dated a guy once who was perfect. Good looking, great job, super nice, well to do, blah, blah, blah. But I broke up with him for this hot cop that I met in Vegas. What it came down to was chemistry. I didn't want to jump his bones. I'd use that as your break up excuse..."I'm not feeling the chemistry anymore." as opposed to "I'm not attracted to you."
  • hey i just went through this same problem. me and my bf had been dating for around three year and somwhere into the thirdd year i just stoped being sexually atracted to him. I would actually avoid sex because it wasnt enjoyable anymore. The way i solved this was one i had to tell him everything i was feeling which trust me was really difficult, but after the intitail shock he was very acepting to what i was saying in the end, i told him maybe him dressing up in what i thought was sexy would help, and we also went to an adult store and bought new "toys" that we both enjoy this doesnt seem very difficult but talking was the worst part i hope this works out as well for you as it did for me
  • physical attraction is a natural part of life. Certain animals will only go for one that looks a certain way an we are no different in our desires. We overcome base desires through our minds but if at your core you aren't attracted to him that won't change. Your obviously young to even be asking this question since older people know these situations. It's simple, if you feel you can be happy with him despite his physical deficiencies then be with him, but if your unhappy with the way he looks and he is average in personality then leave him since you apparently want to leave him in the first place by asking this.
  • You tell him you want to be friends. Let him find someone that truly likes him for who he is, looks and all! You are stringing him along by staying with him. If you can't be attracted to him, you won't want to make him happy in the ways he needs it.
  • either leave him or brainwash yourself into wanting him physicaly. you do not have to think he is the hottest thing since nuclear fusion... just be attracted. contrary to what many women seem to think it is OK to be attracted to people other than your SO. one coworker used to say "it does not matter where you get your apetite, as long as you're eating at home." just in your appreciation of other mens beauty keep it artistic... when you look at a beautiful painting you do not say "that is better than a painting I have" you just appreciate it's beauty without comparing it to anything else. likewise don't rate other mens hotness against your SOs because that makes how hot your SO isn't an issue.
  • You leave him. Someone out there will be physically attracted to him and not shallow like you. Maybe your not shallow? you might just be human looking for something better. After all if you got a problem and tell him he could start working out or something.
  • HE SOUNDS HOT lol
  • i'm not really attracted to my bf but he is not ugly. there is a large age diff but we've been together 2 1/2 yrs. i could never imagined being with him but i would not change that for the world now. a relationship is based an more than physical attraction even though there should be some
  • Everyone is writing an essay answer... now I feel bad. But really, I have the kind of problem too, yet after a year my brain is overlooking his looks and reminding me just how well he treats me, and how good it makes me feel to be around him. Each couple has their own case.
  • sorry to say it, but theres nothing you can really do that i know off. sorry. hope things work out xx
  • Either change your attitude or let him go.
  • You need to be honest with HIM! Then you need to do some SERIOUS introspection! I assure you, one day when YOU'RE "old and wrinkly", your spouse, whomever it will be, may NOT be attracted to YOU physically any more! Ever think about THAT? Figure out where your priorities are, then mature yourself around it!
  • I think the best thing to do is to be honest with him and tell him the truth. tell him that you don't feel physically attracted to him any more. sometimes just the act of honesty causes a shift. at any rate. he has a right to know what is going on in your head.
  • When it comes to physically attraction, one has to be good looking enough for you to sleep with, if not I wouldn't waste my time in the world. I slept with an unattractive person before but I could never marry him nor showed him in public, he was nice and everything but that's not good enough, I was very shallow and always will be. I never accepted him as my bf, I felt very bad for him. I couldn't change the way I felt. Oh well that's how it was in my case. If you are also shallow, you are not going to be happy. Find someone attractive number one priority and look for other qualities, that's what I did. You will hit a jackpot if everything else you also like in that person. GOOD LUCK, YOU GONNA NEED IT.
  • You tell me what you should do? Do you want a brother for a boyfriend? What am I supposed to say to this? Move on and get a life and put this guy in the friend category. You are just using him.
  • Just ask if you can pay him to ship his "loads" to you in the mail. I don't see why he wouldn't be willing to just save some in a jar for you.
  • I'd rather be using my hands until I die, if I can't find an attractive human being.
  • You are shallow because you are not physically attracted to someone. You can't make yourself be attracted to someone.
  • Stop being shallow, once your looks have gone whos going to have you?
  • I had a boyfriend and I was in this same situation. Some people will say you are 'shallow' and immature, but when you are actually in this situation, you see that the lack of physical attraction can really be an obstacle in a relationship, especially a teenage one. My best advice is to maybe take a break from the relationship and keep it at a friends level for a while. Sort out your feelings. If you truly love him you will realize that his appearance doesn't matter, but maybe you just aren't head over heels for the guy so his physical appearance is much more important. Good luck, and I hope you will be able to figure it out.
  • I can't give a definite answer, but I hope it helps. You really have to answer that by trying to understand what you define as love. What does that mean to you? We often live on reflex without a clear meaning behind these feelings. There are some legitimate reasons to not be attracted to a person's physical appearance. Hygiene and fitness could say things about a person's personality, and of course a relationship is a big investment and you don't want a partner who's sick all the time, or has a high risk of death. It's the simple reality. If a person can increase his or her self-esteem, it can work wonders on fitness and hygiene. You can help him somehow be the image you want him to be. Another thing I think you have to be asking is if he's as fit as you are. If so, then maybe you can help him by getting there together, and work with him. If you are as fit as him and that doesn't sound appealing to you, then perhaps it's all superficial and there's little you can do to save the relationship. Again, ask yourself what love means to you. Rather than judgments or feelings that will most definitely show, it will probably be best in general to make a quick break than a long and painful one. Ironically, being single might be just the thing he needs to boost his confidence and make him physically appealing to someone who he's more compatible with. He might believe you love him, and that might mean something completely different to him, so please be kind if you decide to break up with him and tell him the real reason rather than confusing him further.

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