ANSWERS: 30
  • This is a difficult situation, I am sorry you are experiencing this. I would talk to them and ask why this is the way it is. It may be that they miss their mom its hard to come around often because of the memories. Try your hardest not to feel this is you. If you let them know how this is affecting you, they may realize and come around. Again, I'm sorry about your wife and situation on hand.
  • Is it possible that they don't know how much you want them around? Maybe they think they are bothering you. It is also possible that they are just busy with the kids and all. One more thought for you... Are you getting involved in outside activities, so you don't have to feel alone all of the time. I know it can be hard to get out there and find friends, but having things to do and people to be around outside of family can really save your sanity.
  • Try to plan some "family time" activities. If everyone lives in the same town, or close by, maybe you all get together on Sundays and eat out. If not, plan some weekend getaways with everyone. Why not have some "kids only" weekends (or a week in the summer)? This would give you time to spend with the grandkids, and give your kids a break at the same time. Most importantly, just communicate with your kids. Let them know how important keeping the family together is to you -- and how much you enjoy spending time with them. If you can't see them as much as you'd like, how about scheduling regular chat times with the kids and the grandkids online? At least that will help keep the lines of communication open.
  • This question reminds me of this song for some reason and makes me think twice about being in contact with my parents.
  • I hear lonliness and perhaps a bit of frustration in not being able to spend as much time with your family as you would like. Sounds like you have lived a full and rich life and have done yourself proud with your family. But that's no reason to stop now. Who says your life is over...unless you do? Your life will be whatever you make it. If you want to spend your time despairing over your dwindling family communications, then that is what you are focusing on and it will only get worse. Focus instead on a positive life for yourself. Get involved in teaching, as a volunteer if necessary, or coaching or mentoring or monitoring or supervising. But get involved. Become passionate about something. Find a companion, male or female. There are many people in your situation who are looking for a companion who has similar tastes and a compatible philosophy of life. Find your companion. Work at it. Remember, what you focus on expands.
  • As a parent, the fastest and most convenient way I can involve my parents in our lives is babysitting. If you desire to see them more, get closer. Offer your services. Then take advantage and take them out to do things, experience life. Barter. Advise your children that you will only watch the grandkids if they'll join you on an outing. That way you don't look desperate. My grandparents never did anything with me and as a child I didn't have much influence to promote this. But I wish with all my heart that they had because now that they're gone, all I feel is a desolate space where I know there could have been full and satisfying memories.
  • Good question, and I'm sorry for your loss. You have to let your kids become adults on their own, and become their own person. I'm not, or ever will be a parent (I'm 42). But my Mother was the type that let me go out and be myself. My wife's Mom is the type to constantly need to be with my wife (constant calls/emails/visits). My wife is getting more distant from her Mother now. On the other side, after very light contact for years, I've grown closer to my Mom. To me the cliche of "let it go, and if it comes back. . . " is true. From my wife's perspective, Mother is one letter away from smother. Hopefully this helps a bit. Best wishes.
  • Call your daughters and son up and let them know how you feel and ask them what you can do to be more involved in their families. Tell them you love them very much and would also like to see your grandchildren more. They probably are so busy that they don't even realize you have these feelings.
  • GET IN THERE AND SPEND SOME TIME !! sorry for your loss! there you're family and you care about them- but youhave to hold on to what you've got! i hope this helps = D
  • I am sorry you lost your wife. I know it is hard to deal with the changes. I am sure your family loves you very much and loves to spend time with you but...... they do have their own lives and sometimes life can be hectic, not having enough time to do everything we want. I think maybe you should go out and try to find a hobby or try to meet some new people to help fill your life.
  • I am so sorry for your loss. I would call my kids and discuss a plan where you could spend time with them and their children. I know how busy they get, but they can and generally will make time. You just have to be the one that makes it happen. At least, that's how it is with my daughter and her kids. Good luck!
  • I'm sorry...that was ment for the fellow who wrote the original question. I am new to this. Please forgive me :-)
  • try and make a day dedicated to you and them.. maybe all of you gotoa movies or havea day in the park.. a little family meeting, if they live close.. try this once a week or 2 time a month if not more
  • First I would like to say my condolences. Second I would suggest a pet. I know it would never replace the love that you have for your family, however it may help. My cats keep me company, and always have a strange way of making me smile.
  • Hi Lukester. I have 2 handsome, wonderful sons and 5 grandchildren and don't get to see much of them either. I've filled the voids of not having a mate or as much time as I'd envisioned with my kids or theirs by doing things I'd always wanted but for one reason or another didn't or couldn't. Last year for my birthday, I went gliding (glider plane) through a mountain canyon over a beautiful mountain river. It was thrilling and memorable. The year before, I spent 3 weeks traveling through The Tetons, Yellowstone and Glacier with a friend. The thing to remember is that new behavior is uncomfortable, but if you make yourself get out and do things, it won't be long before it's not new behavior anymore. There's no easy, one answer fits all, but I'm confident that as you start reaching out and exploring possibilities, you'll find your way. Best wishes!
  • If money is not an object, buy an RV and a History based travel Atlas and head out with various members of your family that you invite well in advance with the idea that the trips will be based on their schedules. Use the RV as a second home (I think it may help with taxes a little) and get a vacation parcel that can become a place where you and various family members can get away together. They'll enjoy the break and the remoteness will put you all together. If money is an issue. volunteer to be helpful with kids, projects, shopping outings etc. (loved the babysitting idea and your kids will too!) When there, concentrate on being nice, offering no criticisms or judgments and giving non-inflammatory opinions simple and to the point only when asked. Do not be divisive between family members, look the other way when they do it themselves. Leave them always wanting more. Good luck!
  • I would suggest a family night. Our lives are hectic and crazy but you need to know stability and who you can count on. I would be lost without my parents as would my children w/o their grandparents.
  • Often moms are the glue that hold families together. Sadly, now that your wife is gone, you're coming unglued. You should try being the glue that keeps your family close by inviting the families over (separately or together, whatever works). If it's easier for you to travel to them, let them know you're willing and how often. I know a man who has 'date night' with his granddaughter. Give it a try.
  • Unfortunately as your children start raising families of their own parents tend to take a back seat. I would suggest that you make more of an effort and offer to take the grandkids for a sleep over and then invite your family all over for a breakfast/ brunch to pick up their kids. My parents try to plan a family trip where everyone rents a cabin with seperate sleeping quarters and we stay for a long weekend and reconnect. The kids all like being together too.
  • I am a kid, and one of my grandmothers lives a 6-hour plane ride away, one a 20 minute drive. Neither seem to think they see me enough. If you make the kids really have fun when you're around, most likely they'll ask their parents to go to visit you more often. Also, the more excited you seem about it, the more likely the parents will be to arrange a visit for the kids. One more thing: if you seem geniunely excited when these kids come over, and show that to your kids, they will send them over to you more often.
  • Be honest -- tell your children you miss them, and would like to see them more often. Invite them to come spend the day at Grandpa's -- most kids love that! Suggest a family vacation together. Pick up a couple of cheap webcams, so the kids can do video phonecalls with Grandpa -- another kid favorite! These are all things we do to make sure the grandparents get adequate "face time" -- with a total of seven grandparents, spread from SoCal to Oregon to Florida (and us living in Maryland), it's hard to get around to seeing all of them...
  • It's the cycle of life...sorry you do not have your wife... It is what it is you still have your kids and most importantley You are alive to take care of them
  • MY MOTHER LOST HER HUSBAND! NOT ONLY ONCE SHE HAS BEEN MARRIED TWICE AND NOW HAS A FRIEND! I TOLD MY MOTHER NEVER STAY ALONE. GO TO VFW. OR TO SENIORS NITE AT THE SENIOR CITIZEN'S. I WILL TELL YOU IT WILL HELP WITH LONELYNESS AND YOU CAN CALL YOUR KIDS AND GET FAMILY NIGHTS. ASK THE OLDER GRANDKIDS TO COME AND STAY! I KEEP MY GRANDKIDS EVERY WEEKEND. THIS GIVES THE PARENTS TIME TO GO OUT!PLAN A TRIP FISHING WITH THE BOYS. THIS IS THE GREATEST THING THAT CAN HELP YOU!AND FOR THE GIRLS TAKE THEM TO FISHING OR CAMPING! YOU WILL FILL BETTER AND IT WILL HELP! I TELL MY MOTHER YOU DO NOT HAVE TO STAY ALONE! GOD HAS SOMEONE FOR EVERYONE MORE THAN ONCE!
  • well coming from a young woman who has lost her mother in 2003, I wished that my stepdad would have called us kids and told us that he missed us and wanted to go do something. even if you financially cant take them to do something, take them to the park and just walk or babysit. Let them know that you miss them and want to see them. my father past away this past april. I wish him and I would have been closer. My step dad soon went into prison after my mom past away so there was really no way to see him. he just recently got out of prison and we are starting fresh. it feels great to know that he is still there for me.
  • Call them as often as you can or whenever you think of them. Offer an invitation to get together. Sometimes people's schedules don't match and it's hard to meet up. In this case make plans for the future for lunch, family get-together or shopping. It is important to stay connected or else time will cause distance and before you know it you hardly ever see or even speak to your kids and grandkids. If you continue trying and letting them know you miss them and want to see them they will meet you halfway.
  • Make an honest effort to see or call them.
  • i dont have any children and im a teenager so from my point of view arrange things to do with them i.e do things they like doing and spend time with them because even if you might not see them all that much it will be special when you do and you might be able to start seeing them more eventually.
  • A friend of mine once told me that when our children become adults, we have to go and see them . . . they won't come to see us. They have such busy lives at that time where as our lives have started to settle down a bit in comparison. Always call first. I don't know how old your grandchildren are, but I've had a fantastic time with mine. I took them for a week every summer and planned days of adventures with them. Now they're teenagers and we mostly go to lunch or dinner and maybe a road trip during the summer, but it's much more expensive to lure them into something now. You have to drive this train.
  • Tell 'Em, and call 'Em, they must know they have a Father
  • hi lukester, omg has your Q rang a bell with me, we have a lot in common. Im long time divorced - he emigrated 16yrs ago, never to be heard of again. My two daughters dont live far away, with their families, but i must admit, i dont see much of them, its embarassing cos at work, ppl are always talking bout their grown up kids and the contact they have with them! There has been no animosity or anything with me and mine, but i think the fact that i work full time, and strange hours - shifts, is not helpful. Plus their partners dont seem to want to be like a normal family? Having read some of your kindly answers/advice, i dont really think theres anything i can do, although i have been asked to babysit, by each of my girls in the next couple of weeks, i will do it, but cant help feeling a little resentful - is this all im going to have in life? What about me? Cant i come out with you and we can get someone else to babysit? Sorry if i sound pathetic but i dont really know what to do either!

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