No one but you can make this choice. While I am not morally opposed to abortion and I do not believe in rigid moral stances, if you feel that it is wrong, perhaps you should not have an abortion. It sounds as if your partener does not care about how you feel very much. Perhaps separation is the best option.

DO WHAT YOUR MORALS TELL YOU TO DO. DON'T ABORT YOUR BABY. EITHER KEEP HER OR HIM AND RAISE IT WITH LOVE AND CARE OR GIVE IT UP FOR ADOPTION TO A LOVING FAMILY TO RAISE AS THEIR OWN.

If he is making such an ultimatum then you should let him go. Someone who loves you would never say "Your child or me, you have to choose." Please don't abort your baby.

Do as your morals tell you. Your partner is not right for if he won't stand with you. (I'm an old married guy who speaks from experience; happiness is being married to your best friend, would your best friend treat you like this?)

It's your choice. If he didn't want a child, he shouldn't've played with fire! Were you guys using protection of any kind? Pulling out or having anal sex doesn't prevent pregnancy!!!!!!

If you have any doubts whatsoever about having an abortion, then don't do it. It could haunt you for the rest of your life. There are other options besides abortions, and I hope you make the right choice for you. As for your partner, he really needs to grow up. I'm so sorry that you are basically going through this alone.

Let him go - if you don't want to get rid of the baby that's inside of YOU, then don't. He should have considered the fact that you could get pregnant from sex four weeks ago - you're better off without that negativity in your life.

He can run but that does not stop the fact he will be a father and will have to contribute to the upbringing of the child. You have to make the decision that you can live with. Whatever you do, DO NOT make a decision because of what he threatens to do. This is a life time decision. Follow your heart.

This is a choice only you can make for only you. You are the only one who will have to live with your choice for the rest of your life. Partners may leave you. You can not leave you. And dump the partner. It sounds like he is more than willing to dump you.

I too was faced with this choice. I have one son and I had gotten pregnant again. My partner said that 2 children would be too much for him to handle and I would be on my own if I kept the child. I agreed to have the abortion. He even paid for it. I got an infection and had to have surgery on my uterus. i was hospitalized for 4 days. Guess who was by my side...nobody. Even when I was released I had to have my mom pick me up. Its two years later and he has been in another state for over a year and a half. I now believe I am unable to have any more children considering the fact I have had 2 miscarriages since then. The point is an abortion can do more harm than good. In the end he still may leave and you have to live with the guilt that you killed your child. I know I do.

I will agree with others posted here- to kill the child is not the way to go, and all the more if your conscience is already telling you that! It sounds as if this man has serious issues; he may be absolutely right in saying he's not mature enough to have a child. On the other hand, I didn't think I was ready to be a father. If he loves you, tell him to set himself aside. Don't focus on himself, but on how he can love you and the child he has with you. When my wife gave birth, my life changed incredibly. Am I the best dad in the world? No. But I am learning. My child is a wonderful blessing, and if he is willing to get past himself and see this child as a blessing, it may go far in helping him to not only stick around, but rejoice that he did. And if he refuses to stick around... well, you may be the better for it. It's not good to be with a man who runs away when things don't go his way.

Kill my child or lose me? If someone gave me an ultimatum like that he would have to go.

Dont kill a person just to keep another around. If he really loves you then he will stick with you threw it. If not this is where family and friends come into play at. Fuck him if he leaves thats so imature if he can make it then he has to live with the responsabilies

Follow your inner voice. We can't tell you what that means. If it means carrying the fetus to term, then do it.

don't do it,let him go and save your child.this may be your only chance to motherhood.

If this man who contributed the sperm to the baby inside of you is too unstable to be a father, then he should have put on a condom each and every time he had sex. This man sounds like he is only concerned about what is good for him and he has not given a thought to your feelings in the matter. You have to weigh what you do very carefully because an abortion cannot be undone.

Do what YOU think is best.

Sorry, but this is entirely your choice. Your partner has told you that he will not accept responsibility for your pregnancy..no matter what his reasoning it is blackmail. You make up your mind..he's not going to help you.

1)He's an asswhole 2) it's not fair to kill an innocent child just to stay with a guy that will probably end up leaving you soon anyways. and That child deserves a chance at life. a chance to feel loved, make mistakes, and have a mother to care for them and show them right from wrong. If you go through with it you'll spend the rest of your life wondering if you kept them where would you be. You'll be missing out on a lot of memories that would've been the greatest moment of your life.

If you know you are stable enough to be a mother...be one. He will be the father whether he wants to or not....doesn't mean he has to be an involved father. He and you created this child...one of you needs to step up to the plate and become responsible. Make your own decision though...do NOT do what he wants if it is not what you want. You will resent him at the least...and then you will be without the b/f AND a child.

Personally I would help your partner pack. If he didn't want children, then he should have taken the proper steps to pervent you from getting pregnant. In fact, for someone that refuses to take responsibility for his actions in this manner, really should consider that abstinence is the best prevention of child birth.

Thank-you to all who have replied. I am keeping my baby and have now reversed the ultimatium. I told him to go if he doesn't love me enough to stand by me and our baby. Well he's in shock at my response. I'm standing strong and guess what he doesn't want to loose me. We'll see what happens but no matter what I'm keeping my baby. I have 2 teenage sons from my previous marriage, so I have plenty of support if needed. Again thanks to all much appreciated.

You got some amazing, measured responses from this crowd. Thanks for the update and congratulations, mama!

This question and answer from the AB community shows that this type of forum can help.I am personally touched by the majority of the responses that have said to keep the child. :') Good balanced answers have made way for someone to make a good, balanced choice.

i was in a similar situation.to put it bluntly if he says he will take off he aint worth it.keep the baby.i did and things couldnt be better

The choice is more than just making a decision about your lifestyle, etc., but the death of a human being or not, which I would let the guy walk and chose to provide life to that baby instead of a death sentence based on the lack of manhood of a weak and dishonorable man. Even if you have to allow the baby to be adopted by a loving family the child is innocent and desserves to have a life whether or not the sperm donor is a loser or not.

I am thinking if you know for sure you dont wanna keep the baby that adoption is a much better option. There are millions of families who want babies but aren't able to conceive that would take great care of the child. I am PERSONALLY against abortion, but even so it is very risky. There are several things that could go wrong. And even if nothing goes wrong, there is extreme guilt and remorse afterwards, even if it doesnt kick in until years later.........And it also increases the risk for infertility if you do ever decide later that you want children. Your chances of getting pregnant then wouldnt be as good as if you hadn't had an abortion. I'm not trying to press my opinion on you. I know how hard a decision this is. I am just trying to give you all the facts I know so that maybe it would help you out. Whatever you decide, you have my support 100%!! Good Luck!!

Go with what you feel is right.Would you really want to kill a small baby growing inside you? What would you rather have? A child that you could shape and mould into the perfect person, that would give you grand children and look after you in your elderly days... or a man that obviously doesn't love you enough to stick by you at a very difficult time? Good Luck

your partner might just be woried because he is deprssed i suffered from depression had an abortion nov 06 wasn tin right frame of mind and i hated myself for it i was in a right mess for ages still do now to go through something like that you have to be 100% sure its what you want if your not dont do it your partner will come round trust me i had same problem with my first child he said he wud leave me we went thru ups an downs but as soon as he was born we never been so happy just remember its your body if your not sure dont do it unless u can cope with the mental side of what u go thru . kirsty . x

many women suffer after abortions and regret their descion for ever! could you ever kill your own child your flesh and blood? are YOU mentally stable enough to go ahead with your abortion? if no then do not do it if your parner is more important then bringing up a child or if you really CANT (not just scared you really can not) bring up this child on your own then consider the abortion but think very much about your descion as this will affect you for the rest of your life only have the abortion if you are 100% sure, if your only 90% do not do it!

I am in exactly this same decision and my morals tell me that i cannot have an abortion. my partner has given me an ultimatum. him or the baby. he had a dream that we would have children in a couple of years when we had a home and could financially support a child in a secure environment. i am 26 and am just completing my studies. It is not ideally the best time for me to have a baby. but i have very supportive friends and family and alot of love. I believe that i would make a fantastic mother. I do not look upon having a child as a burden. All i am thinking about is making the best of this situation. He is teling me that i am selfish for bringing a child into this world that is only desired by one. But one is enough. There will be other father figure role models. at the end of the day its the female who gives birth. i have left it up to him to decide whether he wants to be a part of this babies life but he cannot decide the fate of the baby.

Wow, thats a shitty ultimatum! You need to do what you are comfortable with - and if you don't believe in abortions, then don't get one or be forced into one. And as far as the father goes, he'll still be legally responsible for the baby, whether he likes it or not. Unfortunately you both became parents, whether or not it was planned. Were you using protection? It is definitely a lesson learned.

your partner needs to seek help for his depression. There are people who can support him. He needs to take control of his own life and realize that he cannot control your decisions. There is so much support for solo mothers. . This is about bringing a child into the world. This is not about your partner. do you want to have children with him? maybe he will never be ready. You have to decide whether this is something you could do by yourself

Congratulations. You have allowed youself to get involved with a dirtbag. You might care for him but from my point of view anyone who will tell a woman to have an abortion or, effectively, "go to hell" is about the nastiest a-hole there is. The poor SOB, suffering from depression! We all deal with it.You have a choice about whether you have the abortion but DO NOT make that choice based on whether he'll be around or not. I'm sorry if my comments are very rash but if there is one thing you don't need, it's having that dirtbag around to ruin the rest of your life too. He is absolutely responsible for the baby, as are you. Pregnancy is a serious matter. I will give you no opinion on whether you should abort the baby but at least get rid of the a-hole. I hope for you the best that can happen and that you will find a good man to help you raise your child if you choose to have it.

Just because he's depressed is hardly a reason to deny that child life. Your morals are telling you him leaving shouldn't matter. When and if he does leave go after him for child support and after he's gone and you have a little one smileing and laughing you'll never regret one minute of it.

Tell that low life to go take a f@cking hike and then nail his a$$ to the wall with support payments. He should have been thinking about that before he whipped his c*ck out!

To hell with that loser. If he cannot deal with the consequences of his actions, then he doesn't deserve to be a parent anyway. If someone makes you have to choose between what you know is right and their dumb ass, choose the right. FYI, I am adopted, so I can promise you that even if you don't keep the baby, there is a still a good chance for the baby to have a good life, as long as it is given the chance to live.

depression is not so bad. its sound like perhaps he is using that as an excuse to get out of being a father. basically if you have sex, you need to be prepared to be a parent. however if hes not ready to saddly up and ride the parenthood pony, you should give the coward what he wants and let him leave. its hard, but the emotional scarring that abortion leaved on your heart and every aspect of your life is much harder to deal with.

I am 7 weeks pregnant and I was told the same thing. No matter how much I care for him, I told him I was choosing our child over him. The father of my baby has Huntington's disease in his family he does not know if he has it or not, I asked him to go to the fetal medicine doctor with me and he told me no, because I told him he was going to be a dad either except it or get out of our lives. He chose to walk away I have not heard from him in two weeks. I Think you made the right choice and if he loves you like he says he does he will be back. Best of luck to you

Sweetie seriously, i was in the same situation earlier this year. I am now 24 weeks pregnant, single and happy. If your gut tells you to keep the baby THAT is what you MUST do. What i have learnt through all this is that it's your body and your decision. Say for instance you did have an abortion and it left you infertile (which it can do) He can still have children and you cannot. I was with my partner for 3 YEARS i loved him like a piece of own flesh but sometimes life shows you peoples true colours. You need to strong and know that if he loves he will not leave you and if does he will probably come back and get him self togethe if he loves you. Please feel free to write back to me if you need to talk to someone in a similar situation x all the best

I tell him to go get help for his depression and all so Iwould tell him either you love me and the baby and want me and the baby or there is the door leave.

Just abort and have a few more years of sinful living.

Keep the baby, if he runs, the government can find him and make him pay support.

You can always find another man to love you. You can't bring a child back into the world once its gone. Stick to your morrals. My first husband asked if I'd consider an abortion or at least adoption when he found out I was pregnant. He had never wanted to be a father and we were already on the verge of divorce when I got pregnant. I refused to even consider abortion and knew I couldn't give my baby up either. I had the baby and he's now 10 years old. He's a great kid and even though his dad and I did get divorced eventually, his dad loves him more than anything in the world. He went from asking for an abortion to actually taking me to court so he could get more visitations! Hope my story helps and you take the time to search yourself for the best solution. By the way, here's a picture of my son Jon-the one that wouldn't be here if I'd listened to his dad's fear:

whatever you feel in your heart is the right decsion. Its up to you. if he wants to leave give him 5$ and tell him to go catch a bus. It will be his loss one day not yours. Be strong and do what you choose not anyone else!

hi, if hes clinically deppressed,hed never make a good father as he stated ,but if i were you,id tell him to go if this is what he wants,go by your gut feelings and your morals.good luck!

If a guy can leave you that easily, is he worth keeping anyway? Even if he stays, are you ever going to be truly sure he won't find some other reason to leave? Keep the baby.

Have the baby and end the relationship

I'm happy that there are still people out there today with morals, such as myself. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE do NOT abort. This shouldn't be up for a decision...he shouldn't have given you this ultimatum. If he can easily say he'll take off, he was probably gonna leave anyway. And by him saying that, lets you know that he isn't fit to me a real man...because real men take on their responsibilities..NOt simply DELETE them and run away. Please have your child, this child will be your sweet little bundle of Joy and I promise you when you hold that little innocent beautiful creation in your hands, you will not regret your decision. I wish you the best of luck!! -diva

please do what your heart is telling you to do. i was in the exact same position last year. I was 7 weeks pregnant and my boyfriend said he wasnt ready for kids. i wanted that baby so much. he said to me if you keep the baby i will leave you. i was so loved up at the time i chose him over the baby (after alot of crying and heartbreak!!) so i had an abortion. it was the hardest thing i have ever have to do. and today i still think about my baby. i wish i could turn back time so bad. it has destroyed me. please listen to your heart.

tell him good bye

Your answer is to watch him take off. Wish him a nice journey and thank him for being the convincing factor that you should keep the baby. His instability will always be until he realizes his problem. Killing someone is not an answer as he thinks. Larry

Have no illusions, he will leave regardless. Tell him to get lost. He is unstable and why let someone like that tell you what you should do with your body. My sister is a single mother. Had her first when she was 18 in a similar situation. You don't need him, not to say a child doesn't need a father, but who needs a father like that....Great advice from all who answered. I agree...the next place you should see him is in your rearview mirror. Good luck to you and your baby,

That little "something" inside you, is alive, it's your CHILD. Do you really want to spend your life with a man who wants you to kill your child?? I'd let this man go, even though it may hurt for a while. Killing your child will hurt every waking moment for the rest of your life!! One day you'll find a good, decent man who will love and appreciate you and your precious child!!

This is only your choice no one else even your parnter can tell you what to do in a case like this. I will respect your choice whatever you choose, however please hear my story first. at that time my daughter was 4 and my son was only 6mnts i got pregnant. i was always against abortion but i felt like that was my only way to go since i already knew i was losing my husband to another woman.just to keep him happy and around i had my abortion...guess what i lost my family anyways... and killed an innocent child that needed me more than my husband...it was the worst day and experience ever in my life the day i had the abortion...there is not a day that i dont regret it...

Im so sorry you are going through this...it must be so hard... Its your child, yes it took the both of you to "make" it but it should be left up to you. I am prolife so I would never even think about aborting a child. (my personal opinion)

Hi, You will be the childs Mom forever, what will he be forever with that mind of his? What kind of person is he? who will he be to the child if he stayed around? For that matter who is he when he is with you. what kind of person dosent want a child of his own? Maybe its not planed but its here and it a living breathing thing! There is and old saying about none children loving people, they are the child and they need to grow up!Its a seasaw world, which end do you want to seat on. You can be the heavy for tomarrow or he can? You cant bring any one back from the dead and tomarrow always comes! You must live with yourself not him. He has to live with himself too!What we live is what we learn!What we learn is what we become and live! You cant bring tomarrow back. there is only today and what tomarrow will be for the living ! I do think you are a better person than him for caring.Till tomarrow! tomarrow! A friend

i personally believe that you should keep it.. but i was reading my psychology book today and the information that i just read seems pretty relivant.. but at 6 weeks old a child already has a heart beat and at 40 days the fetus already has a spine.. im not trying to scare you or push you into having this baby.. its a huge decision but you did get pregnant and whether you wanted it or not.. both of you know what sex produces.

If you want the child, have it. He sounds like he would leave eventually anyway.

I'm glad you changed your mind. It was your decision in the end and if can't be involved for whatever reason, it will just make you that much stronger. :)

This is a very hard decision to make. The only advice I can offer is go with your heart 100% if you don't you will always regret your decision, which ever way you decide. Unfortunately it is your decision and you alone will have to live with it.

stick with your morals my daughter was in the same situation now we have an 8 month old grandson who we love 2 bits have him everyday 4 a few hours .kids always know their mam but a man has got 2 earn the title dad.my eldest who has given me my grandson has been brought up from the age of 3 by a man that is not her dad but she calls him dad just like the other 2 kids we got. it might feel daunting at the moment but u will get through it and wot joy u will have a new life to love for the rest of your life family means everything

That is 100% your choice, not your partners. If he's going to give you ultimatums like that it sounds like you'd be better off without him.

I would leave your "morals" out of this, since they were not strong enough to keep you out of this situation in the first place....You chose HIM to be the child's father, this was YOUR choice. Isn't that what I keep hearing..."A woman's right to choose", well you made your choice, live with it and this child and teach your child why it is important to wait untill you know a man and are married to him before you make this choice......

Do you have stairs in your house?

Please don't abort the baby.

i am in no way 2 tell u what u should do but i do think u should do what u want 2do! i can say if he takes off u do all u can do 2 get him 2 help! that means any thing! im just sayin do what ur heart tells u! i hope ur can make that happen !

He needs to grow up. Unstability isn't a disease he can't get rid of. It's a choice he's going to have to make. He is going to leave you whether or not you have the baby so I wouldn't make any decisions based on him.

leave him, either have the child and put it up for adoption. Never go back to him. Get help for your problems and Bless you.

While I sympathise with the father's issues, it seems grossly unfair to try and deliver you an ultimatum like this. The kind of person who does this is someone I would not be too sad to see walk out of the door... so in your shoes, I would ignore the threat and simply decide, do I want to have my baby or not, based on nothing other than your own feeling. Once you have answered this question, see where the chips fall regarding the other aspects of your life.

Of course you shouldn't have been having sex with an unstable person for this reason. You have a living child within you who might be the one who finds a cure for cancer or other greatness. You have your moral compass, follow it. You can give the child up for adoption or raise it yourself given that he is unsuitable, or perhaps you'll meet someone who is better father material. Think positive and work hard for a better tomorrow for you and your child, and don't look back.

DONT ever make a decision based on a choice. What hes saying to you is "kill a baby and ill stay, dont kill it im going" thats wrong, and he is a selfish man to make you choose like this. I think your with the wrong partner if he treats you like this. DONT abort if its for him, what do you want to do? deep down in your heart? Honestyl abortion is cruel, ive been there i neved used to be anti-abortion. Its hard its crueling, its depressing, its horrible and you feel crappy and want to die. Your always regretting it. if I could stop you aborting your child, even if you give the little baby up for adoption - it would make me happy.

FFirst off, which morals are you following...if you went along with no abortion, you'd also go along with no sex before marriage. So, in actual fact you're taking this into your own hands hence the confusion. I think you have to make a choice between this man or the baby OR else, stop sleeping around, have the baby, get rid of this man and brush up the rest of your 'morality.'

in the end, he will leave you anyway, because he is unstable. My sons father tried the same shit with me, i got a divorce and have a wonderful 12 yr old boy genius. let the loser go and keep your baby.

your choice is kill your baby or lose the man you love....hmmmmmm cant see what your difficulty is just kill your baby problem solved! Mate, get yourself some professional help.

It's not only what he wants, it's what you want and what you can live with. No one can help you with this one, I'm afraid. You have some hard questons to sift through. I once knew a woman who had an abortion she didn't really want and always looked around at kids thinking about what she gave up. You could also consider having the baby and placing it for adoption. I'm not trying to steer you one way or another and I have no hidden anti-abortion agenda, but I want to say that I know several single moms who kept their child and I don't know one who would say today that they wished they hadn't kept the baby. Good luck and if you're a believer, pray that you will be given the strength to make the choice that is right for you.

If you don't want to then don't. It has a lot to do with your body, and how you will feel after an abortion. Let him go, he doesn't deserve you. If he wants to leave you, then let him.

if he is making you pick then i think you should let him leave. its your body and your choice. and remember why kill your baby its not their fault it on you two

I'm sorry to hear that hunny but I want you to know that you are not alone. Men are weak from nature and sometimes even most loving and caring man can get very scared of idea becomming a father. They tend to make their decisions in fear and selfishness, which may cause your partner to talk about abortion. You see human mind is so misterious and when someone already suffers from depression and doesnt see sense in his life, he doesnt see sense in bringing new life to this world neither. A person needs to feel mentally and physically secure to take any decision, especially responsibility which child carries. I know exactly what kind of situation you are in and what you going through. Feeling lonely and insecure in time, when you desperately need support- its hard. But you have to believe in your strenght and heart. Child is a gift from God no matter what circumstances you are in. Nobody can force you to do something against your beliefs. Your partner just needs some time to get over his own mental stress and problems with new situation. Even if he remains unsure during your pregnancy, once the baby is born and he holds him/her in his arms, he will regret of what he was saying. Give him time to prepare for life-change and give yourself and baby time for relax and love. Once you feel comfortable and sure about your decision, it will be easier for him to accept it. I wish you all the best.x

You have a tough choice to make, but think about your future with someone who is unstable and depressed. Then think about the child growing in your womb.

if ur partner suffers from depression or not he cant say this to u. if he loved u he would stand by u no matter what. u have to think for urself. u will only regret the choice u make if ur not 100% sure. with my first child i was on my own and i would never of had it any different. im pregnant now and have been with my s/o for a year. weve been married one mth. hes such a good dad to my son . its very hard on ur on but so worth it. i would get rid of ur b/f is i was u, saying what he said proves he does love u no matter what ,ur better off alone either way . good luck x

At the risk of being flip, I think you should keep your baby and abort your stupid boyfriend. Being a single mother will be difficult, but it is the better alternative, and maybe a new man will come into your life who won't be so worthless. Best of luck to you and your new baby.

You don't have to abort right away- the sooner the better- but if you want the baby- then keep it! and let him take off. You'll find a man who loves you and you're child and you can raise the child with who ever you marry later on. Or you can get child support money through court if you are desperate- but just know that he will then have the right to visit the child- which you may not want.

a partner implies support sounds like a deadbeat that should not be having sex if not ready to handle all that it involves.. you do what you think is right for you and let him leave. you are better off he is not a partner but an anchor that will drag you down and drown you if you let him

Sounds like a really nice guy. Well at least you know now he is selfish, irresponsible, and doesn't care about you. so you can go from there.

Don't have an abortion. I come from the man's perspective on this. I am not proud of this, but I had an affair with a married woman and got her pregnant. When she told me, I was happy and excited and told her that I wanted the baby and would help she and her husband raise it. She agreed, but before we could tell her husband, she changed her mind and had an abortion. I was devastated. All the guilt of having an affair was bad enough, but it was a thousand times worse having lost my baby. For over a year I was depressed, started drinking way too much, got arrested for drunk driving - happily no one was hurt - I was a mess. Then I met a girl who loved me and I turned my life around. I am now the very proud father of three beautiful little children - two very rambunctious little boys (7 and 6) and one little princess (age 4) who has her daddy wrapped around her finger. I am happy and head over heels in love. (Truth in advertising - we are not married, but have been together for 10 years. We do not disapprove of marriage, but we just like the idea that what keeps us together is not a wedding or an institution, but the love we share for each other. I cannot imagine my life without her.) So life can turn for the better. However, there is a hole in my heart when I think of the little baby I never knew. Even when I think about it to this day, it can still bring me to tears. Don't do that to yourself. Ditch the loser. Any man that won't take responsibility for his offspring will be a lousy provider and protector anyhow. Have the baby and if you think you can, raise him or her. If not, put him or her up for adoption so that he or she can know a loving family. Just an aside, in some adoptions you may be able to stay in touch with your baby as he or she grows. I have a friend who found her birth mother years later and while she adores her adoptive parents and regards them as her parents, she has become good friends with her birth mother. So have the baby - you won't regret it.