What (genuine) advice would you give to someone who is extremely upset and angry and about to lose control?
by 
- sweetcakes -
ANSWERS: 13
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Go into the bathroom...shut the door..don't turn on the light..sit down, catch your breath and try to focus on what is good about your life..force yourself to do this...your children, your health, your friends, the food you eat, the home in which you live...think about happy memories when you were calm..think about something/someone who always makes you laugh..stay there until you've calmed down and can see things from a controlled perspective..if a takes an hour then it takes an hour! :)
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if taking a deep breath won't work.. tell him/her to shout it out LOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUDDDDDDDDDDDD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Go outside and get some air. Kick something if you have to. Or Scream.
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If the person is that angry, the situation is already out of control. I'd advice them to take a walk, smoke a cigarette, go outside, see a movie...do ANYTHING to remove themselves from the immediate source of the problem. Once they'd sufficiently calmed down, perhaps we could discuss the problem and examine a few options before confronting the situation again.
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Go for a walk or a bike ride. This always helps one to calm down and 'clear their head'. Hope things work out for you.
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It is the simpliest and most cliche advice, but: Breathe deeply and count to ten. It works.
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Assuming they are not angry with me... I would ask, "What can I do for you?" That usually takes the edge off the building anger. If that doesn't redirect their thoughts I usually grab a pillow or other soft, thick object and say, "Here, punch this." Then brace myself. If they are mad at me I usually tell them I would like to talk about this, but it looks like both of us are not going to be able to talk this out right now. Then suggest a specific timeframe we talk, like that night or tomorrow.
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Shout, cry and hit something - alone. Or, if she/he likes I take care of her/him.
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Scream all you want and try not to act on an impulse.
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Walk away, take a deep breath, and cool off. It just isn't worth it !
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Write everything down right now when you feel it coming on. Write just how you feel ,don't stop to think just write, write ,write and don't stop until you have filled pages with all the anger and hate you feel. No one is going to read it so put everything down and curse those who have driven you to feel this way on paper. Go back years if you have hurt from back then and tell them (on paper)how they made you feel and how much you hated them and maybe still do. When you are through pat yourself on the back for being honest in all you wrote and hope that makes you feel better.
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whenever my stepbrother gets like this (is 12, fetal alcohol syndrome, so he loses control of his temper almost instantaneously) i start talking really quietly and soothingly. whatever it is he's mad about, i start by sympathizing with him, and then by trying to redirect him to something else more neutral. i also hug him first and then take him to the bathroom to put a cold cloth on his head (this kid gets so worked up that he's busted blood vessels in his eyes and nose.) it usually takes between 20 mins to an hour, but i just continue with it- being very calm and nice, i'll get him to sit down, i will get him juice or water, whatever he wants, and i'll sit with him until he calms down. once he's calm i get him to talk to me about what he's angry about. any time he starts getting upset, i start over again- hug, talk softly, etc. eventually, he is able to talk about the problem without getting fired up again, and can confront it/apologize to whoever he was mad at/get over it.
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Don't do it anywhere near my car or I will be forced to run you over.
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