Thanks. Our answers are similar, but I have to say that I have never really enjoyed - except for one time when it seemed to "click" - the side position. As you can tell, either when I am a lover or when I am just a sort of animal in heat and wanting to breed, I seem to want the man on top. My gf likes that, though she seems to like more variety in our positions than I do. If I might ask a sort of unrelated question - if you are feeling romantic and he is feeling more animal, does that work for you? I realize that this is less about "positions," but it sort of hit me while typing this. How do you handle it. My gf has always felt that she must be sexually subordinate herself to me - though there too she is not ALWAYS that way (see the next question I posted) - so it is not a problem for us. How do you handle it? Thanks as always. You've been great.

You guys talk a lot about the distinction between "wild animalistic" and "romantic". I've always thought - do animals really act what you call "animalistic". Seems more a human thing. Animals are more instinctual and unsentimental. Humans invented "animalistic". Guess I've never been so romantic - I like to be told I am pretty (though I know I am not!) and how much he wants me etc. esp during but mostly what I want is hands on.

@ officegirl: I know what you mean about the phrase animalistic. I guess it's just for a lack of a better term. Animals are definitely unsentimental and don't have the attachment we do when it comes to sex. I guess what I mean by "animalistic" is just any sex that's a little on the fast and rough side.

@ dorat: In situations like you described, me feeling romantic and hubby feeling more wild, what we do can vary a little. I would say sometimes in that situation things would start off romantic and slowly build to being more intense and wild. However, there are also times when I'm feeling romantic but can sense him feeling a little more wild that sensing his wild side turns me on and I will suddenly find myself getting in that mood as well.

Thanks ladyemma and I take officegirl's point. Certainly when I am feeling my most "animalistic" I have not lost my love for my gf. In that I sort of agree, animalistic is more "intense and wild." However, there is something more. It is, maybe, a bit of selfishness. I am worried about satisfying my needs. I want her on her hands and knees and offering herself to me without me giving anything else in return. I am not proud of this, but it would not be totally wrong that I am conveying a sense of possession of her. (Not like a slave, but that she is my "mate" so to speak. That she is there - to put it VERY crudely - to be bred by me.) I seem to be at a loss for words today, but do you think - either of you - that this is a "guy" thing? Do you get what I am trying to say?

I get what you are saying 100%. It may seem a bit selfish at times, but it's nothing to feel bad about. I think it's totally natural to feel possessive of one's mate. My husband gets the same way when he's in that mood. I think it is a guy thing, and as for the way you sound like you handle this, as well as the way my hubby does, I think it's normal and healthy for men to feel this way. And by the way, even us ladies can feel a little possessive and dominant at times. Even though I'm a tiny little thing, sometimes I feel a little lustful and just want to satisfy my own needs more so than my and I will take charge and sort of feel like I'm "having my way" with him.

Well, as long as you ladies feel it too.... Kidding. It is funny, you say not to feel bad. I guess I sort of did without realizing it. My gf is not bothered by it - and your point that it is a normal healthy thing for males to feel is well taken. After all, although we are not purely instinctive beings, it is true that when it come to sex we are dealing with our most basic instincts and evolutionary urges. A man's needs - I can't speak for women - are not just physical satisfaction but the need to feel dominant and possessive. Obviously it would be really bad if we let those feelings go untamed, but in the bedroom, we do need it. Really good point you made. Thanks - and thanks for getting it so well. You're good.

I agree that you men do need it from time to time. It would be bad to feel possessive all the time of course. I would be bothered if my hubby was the type to get jealous every time I talk to another man or give another man a hug. He's never been remotely that type, but when he expresses that male dominance in the bedroom, I feel it's perfectly healthy and perhaps even a necessary thing for a man to express. And it makes me feel like I'm needed by him.

Thanks. Yes, I didn't mean to suggest that I was jealous all the time or anything. However, in the bedroom, there is some part of me, even when we are at our most romantic and sharing, that I need my gf to be all mine. A few times I watched her have sex with another guy. I won't deny - though I never said or did anything - that while finding it incredibly sexy at one level, on another I was a little jealous. Like I wanted to fight the guy and yell, "Hey, she's mine." That, for sure, is pure evolutionary psychology. Men are programmed by evolution to want females to have sex with and have their babies. It's how the species has survived for 4 million years. I also agree - yeah, I feel like a million bucks when I have that feeling that she needs me. There is nothing quite like it.

Dorat I don't think you need to be in the least ashamed about satisfying your "needs" (oh I call them "desires"). That is just natural. But understand that we have desires ("needs") too . that will most likely require more from you. But is up to you whether you choose to honor them or not. There are many reasons you might choose to honor them and probably some reasons you might choose not to. As I have often posted I am just overwhelmed at how many men there are who are most willing to honor our needs And just thinking about that - makes we want to honor the "needs" of every man everywhere! Well maybe not every man. Or everywhere! I have posted over and over again how honoring a man's need is very satisfying on a very deep and primal level. Possibly more so than my enjoying 50 Os of my own. Because I know deep down that in being desired and entered and enjoyed lies the continuation of my race. Which depends on the male finish and not on my own no matter how many times I might. And it is this tension between male and female patterns that is generally fascinating to me. I have been in situations where one man after another took me and finished in me and I loved every minute of it and desired every minute. Now some of them took longer with me and others probably only minutes. And they were all going for themselves and that is what I wanted. But guess what ? Eventually my arousal so built up cumulatively that my orgasms started coming as well and really quite automatically with no real pushing on my own part. So that is terribly exciting for us as long as we are willing partners or accomplices and we choose that for ourselves. My husband and my lovers take a lot of time with me which I love and appreciate and which bonds me to them but in adjusting them I go beyond onvious instinct by adjusting myself to them as they do to me and acknowledged or unacknowledged that is part of the relationship deal. Yet that headlong rush or being with men going for themselves and only themselves is only available to me w/ husband and regular lovers only after I get to a higher plateau of arousal which comes only after a few Os. I am created to become pregnant therefore to be impregnated and this is a very deep desire/need. And what is more amazing when you think about it - men don't even have to think they are impregnating me to want me - they just want us because we are women and often that is enough for them. When people talk about "using" us that has usually a negative connotation or judgment but I wonder to what extent we are created to be "used". I mean used for sex. So I think that is the most natural thing for men to want to "use" us. But to go beyond just using uus they have to develop a further dimension of thinking that includes us and our desires as well as needs too. Which some are willing to do and some I guess not. What are the factors that cause a man to want go an hour with me, or for that matter a group of men to come to me again and again for several hours? factors both selfish and unselfish. I think both are present. Its all really so interesting. Whether to do or to think about later. At least I think so.

You write dorat that you want to feel dominance and possession and in so doing you are making the point that I have tried to time and again in my answers and comments. That "dominance" and "subordination" are subjective rather than objective qualities. You need to feel "dominant" - I have no need of feeling so. In fact I have been created to be responsive to what you would call the "dominance" of another. Only difference is I don't celebrate that "dominance" is any better or superior to "submission" - there can not be one without the other. Possession - I "belong" to my husband - that is how I choose to think about it. But he does not "own" me. In being his I am not like property. In the arms of another Fri eves I still "belong" to my husband but sexually I belong to him for a few hours, then I revert to my husband. Some men might have me beheaded for even thinking of such a thing. My husband does not have that much of an ego problem. But he feels jealousy just as I do when I see him with some one else or think about them together. And she "belongs" to my husband just as I "belong" to her husband on Friday evenings. I think I wrote you that my husband once was ready to be with me most of the time when I came home after being with another - and it was his way of 'reclaiming" his "possession" of me. Which I am told is a trait of the "Alpha" male. A friend used to say that if another woman wanted to have sex with her husband she could darn well do his laundry. And she would bring a load of laundry over to the home of whoever he had been with. They were swingers so there were a number. I did his (their) laundry a number of times. All part of the same thing.

We seem to be basically on the same page, but talking past each other a bit. You are, of course, quite right that you are not owned in the sense of being a slave. Certainly not in a modern context. However, we are talking much more specifically about male and female sexuality. That is slightly a different thing. I can't quite go so far as to say that "dominant" and "submissive" are not objective things. When you make your naked body available to a man to service his needs, you are submitting to him - in effect, in evolutionary terms, placing his instinctive need to reproduce above anything else. By the way, just to be clear, I do NOT read submissive as a negative thing or an expression of weakness. To the contrary, it is an incredibly noble thing, to use that word. I don't know if I ever mentioned it, but my gf was one of those rare women who wanted MORE sex as her pregnancy went along. To this day, I remember, clear as a bell, she was 8 months along with our first child and - I will be a bit graphic here - I was inside her and thrusting in the missionary position and I was looking at her naked body and her belly and all of a sudden it hit me like a brick. "Omigod! I am having this amazing sex with a woman who loves me so much that she is carrying my baby. She is giving me her naked body and she's beautiful and she is all I ever needed. It will never be better than this." I cannot begin to tell you how powerful that moment was - and I wanted to please her BECAUSE she was willing to submit to me sexually. (Not just sexually - having been in the birthing room, I know, that ain't easy.) Believe me, I very much see your point. Like your husband, I don't think I have a huge ego, but instinctively men are territorial animals. We need to be that Alpha male claiming our possession and for us, at the instinctive level, that willingness to pleasure you is to allow us to keep our "possession." It is fighting other males by performing so well that you want to stay with us. Because, again, in evolutionary terms, it makes it easier for us to keep you. If women see us as healthy and virile and able to produce healthy offspring and protect that offspring from predators and provide food while you nurse the baby. (THAT is the FEMALE side of evolutionary psychology.) Now, of course, human beings are more than mere instinctive animals. We want to please you also because we love you and want to express that love. With casual sex, it does become more elemental. It becomes more a test of our manhood. We want the thought that you as a woman thought we were sexual giants. So, long story short, I think I better understand where you are coming from. I hope you understand that my use of the terms "dominant" and "submissive" is more narrow than I think you were interpreting it. In fact, my gf thinks much like you when it comes to the idea of being a man's possession, so to speak. (As far as the use of the word, "needs," as I mentioned, she one time pointed out to me that men who don't get much sex tend to be more easily depressed, less healthy and die earlier. (Evolution again.) So while you both don't fully agree with each other, her use of the term is, in a sense, scientifically accurate. In that sense women have needs too, but they tend to be more psychological than physical. Example,: My gf likes the feeling of security she gets when I am at my most sexually aggressive and animalistic. Not that she always wants animalistic sex, of course. .

Oh, and a quick follow-up - as if I have not said enough - again, we are talking tendencies here. I won't kid you. There are times when I want to be romantic and loving and tender as she does. There are times when, frankly, when I want to come home and have her rip my clothes off and have her way with me. (In fact, we even tried some bondage sex. Not so great. One time we even ended up busting out laughing. However, it was kind of enjoyable and the feeling of having a dildo up my ass was, to say no more, unique.) Then, as I think I mentioned, I wanted to please her and so ended up in a gay relationship for a bit because she thinks that watching gay sex is kind of hot. (That, to my surprise, I did enjoy. However, the thrill went away after a bit and we called it off.) My point is that even with the basic dominant male/submissive female dynamic in human sexuality, I don't want you to think that I think that is all there is and that it is just that simplistic. I get that it is not and I worry that you miss that nuance in my - and frankly my gfd's - thinking. (Oh, and as an aside, I fully get your husband's jealousy. When my gf and I were doing threesomes and I watched her with a man and being satisfied by him, I won't kid you, at one level it was sexy to watch. At another level, my blood pressure would go up and I would think to myself, "No, she's mine. I want her back!!!" Yet, as you explained about how you are amazed that men what to please you, I swallowed my male pride because I wanted my gf to be happy - and because she has given me so much that I didn't think it right to tell her "no," even though I know she would have given way had I demanded it. In that, by the way, I cannot say that I am always the most sensitive guy. While I try to respect when she is not in the mood, there are times when I just wanted sex, period, and so she submitted. I do try, though.

Officegirl - you have really been full of surprises today. (I mean that in a good way.) Your sense of sex is both selfless and yet very centered. Positions, sexual partners, etc. You seem very open and yet there is a very definite sense of certain expectations. It really is about the emotions for you notwithstanding your obvious pleasure in the physical. I would have thought that certain positions would be special to you - but clearly it is more contextual for you. Honestly, I am different from you in that sense. One thing I noticed as I wrote my question - no matter what kind of sex, I seem to like man on top. (Grant that when my gf is being more dominant, I will tend to be on bottom - but again, the position reflects the mood. In that, I am more like LadyEmma. Sorry to take all the romance out of this one, but you both really made me think. Gotta talk to the s/o on this one.

Well I love a man on top, feeling his weight, his chest crushing my breasts, etc. And btw when I am on top I do not think of myself as being "dominant" in any sense of the term. But what I am is in more control of the action so I can move so that it will be more effective in getting the places I need to be stimulated stimulated. And that is just as instinctive. When I am going for it I want to move so I get there no matter what position we are in. And much of that movement I am not even aware of . With a group of men certain of my muscles - thigh, leg etc. eventually become sore. And it is only from my automatic responses to their movements and not because I am consciously trying to do particular exercises. We naturally move to meet you and feel better with you because we want to get there too.

Thanks, and interesting. It has been sometime since my gf and I have done a threesome. I always seem to remember her on her back or stomach sucking one of us and getting F...cked by the other. Does not mean that is all we did, but it does not really register in my memory what other positions she was in - and honestly, like you, she has told me that she is more control of the action when she is on top. That all said, my gf and you are one on this. She likes man on top either missionary or doggie style - depending on our mood. However, she is quite particular on the latter, If I do doggie, she wants me leaning over her as if I were a dog, not coming in from behind while I kneel upright. I happen to like the former better too - it suits the primal mood - but for us guys, that's a LOT of work. I usually end up sweating bullets. Anyhow, thanks for your insight, as always.

Guy on top Girl on top

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