ANSWERS: 13
  • Call the police and file a restraining order.
  • Just give him one warning. If he comes near you again throw a restraining order against him. Simple as that.
  • Be blunt and if that doesn't work, get a solicitor to send him a letter being blunt with a warning of legal action. If that doesn't work ask your local police to talk to him. If that doesn't work, take out a restraining order.
  • He's not your responsibility. If you genuinely want to move on, let go your desire to explain your actions to him.
  • He needs to go...trust me, these kinda men arnt good...and if he gets jelous enough he WILL take it out on you. He sounds dangerous, let him know its OVER...by getting a restraining order, its the best thing you can do. If you feel born again, he was nothing...but a loser, and a controller...which sounds like he is. Its scary, I had a man like that, but maybe alittle worse...he wanted me dead, and made sure of it one night... I barely made it out...dont let the same happen to you. They snap, and youll never know when.
  • He doesnt need to understand its not another man. It is no longer any of his business. that is what he needs to understand.Write to him and explain its no longer his concern and you will take legal action if you have to .
  • Well after 13 years he is going to have a hard time getting over you and ridding this of his life, its not going to be easy by any means. I dont think there is anything in the world you can tell him that will make him think your not going out with another man, it will just take time. If you think you feel threatened you need to seek a restraining order of something similar against him. This will just take alot of time for him to get over, 13years is a long time, you are a very big part of his life.
  • I have been through this. Tell him to stay out of your life and mean it. Do not take his phone calls. If he continues to call you, contact the police. It doesn't matter if you are just done with him, or you are seeing someone else, he has no right to harass you this way. How you live your life is none of his business.
  • Alice, if you're in the United States, "solicitor" is the British term for attorney or lawyer. Next, you're playing with fire here without even realizing it. Ho wmany times do we hear in the news of an assault or killing brought on by a relationship breaking up? In some of those situations, we hear comments like, "I never expected him to react like this." or "He's the last person on earth I thought would hurt her." After 13 years together and then a break-up, this man MAY (I say may because I don't know him) consider you to be HIS. Look at the words you yourself used: "stalking" and "creepy". This wait-and-see attutude gives him more room than it gives you protection. Treating him with kid gloves now shows him you're available for his game-playing. A restraining order is the best way to go right now, without "waiting to see how it goes". Even WITH a resstraining order, he can still do something if he wants to, but it's a start. He knows where you work, where your family and friends live, everything. You may even have to move away; I know, I know, you're going to say it's impossible, yadda yadda, yadda yadda. You also say you're not with anyone new, and that's fine. Don't you realize this is more of his control over you? You have the right to move on, and eventually, you most likely WILL meet someone else. How much time is Mr Stalker going to consider appropriate before you can spend time with another man? Thirteen more years? Ten years? Five years? Five months? Five weeks? Two weeks? It's none of his business, nor is it his decision. But do you think HE sees it that way?
  • YOU can't make him understand ANYTHING, because he knows you too well and knows how to deflect your words, to confuse you and to convince you to see things his way. He won't listen to YOU, but he'll be glad to use anything you say to him for his own advantage. He'll twist your words and make things seem to be your fault. He knows exactly how to manipulate you, make you cry, promise you anything, break you down little by little, and to eventually talk his way back into your life, your house, your bed. (I'll bet that in 13 years, the two of you have broken up before, haven't you?) Because of all this, you shouldn't be talking to him AT ALL. No taking his phone calls, no calling him, no one-on-one conversations, no arguments, no listening to promises, no making promises, no nothing.
  • Make a police report for harrassment. stalking requires much more involvement than you have described in your question. After the report, seek a Restraining Order to keep him away from you. Restraining Orders are much more strict and enforced today than in the past. Each violation is ten days to serve. Once the order is served, you should not have future problems with this person. if so, just call the police and he will be arrested.
  • Alice, it isn't your job to help him understand anything. If he is not abusive, you might tell him to stay away. If you need safety, at least a protective order gives you cause to have him arrested if he is caught violating it. Please keep yourself safe and as little knowledge as possible to him. I would use the cops if he got too close. +5
  • Everyone on here has some really good advice. The only thing I can add is remember it is YOUR life now. You need to do what you need to do to move on and live your life under your terms. Take care sweetie! ((hugs))

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