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  • Assuming you are a woman could be a number of things. Perhaps you are not receiving the time and steadiness of motion you require to get there. A lot of us do take time and maybe a lot of time. These days a lot of younger guys seem to think they need to move really fast which doesn't work with me at least to start with because I need a man to be slow and steady. A lot of us can climax really fast - I can in just a few minutes - self-inflicted but with someone up me I need much more time at least to get to my first and second orgasms. And most of us like guys to be really steady but some just go in bursts so we start getting there but then they change and we lose it. Another things is FP - foreplay before he comes in so you are hot and really ready for him - a lot of us do really need a lot of that before. Your own mental focus is important and you should think sexy thoughts that help you get up there no matter what they are. A lot of us only let ourselves think of certain things because we think other things are not appropriate or we are ashamed by thinking about them.. But anything that gets and keeps you hot I think is good whether its other guys or imaginary situations etc. And added to that is moving ourselves in ways that increases are feeling - which many of us do pretty naturally but you might be thinking OK if I move this or that way it would not be very lady-like and he might not like me etc. I usually have to mentally picture my orgasm as being out there and everything I think and do during (in addition to what he is doing!) is bringing it closer to me. We need to be very relaxed and just enjoying and not thinking like OK I am not getting there etc, because then we judge ourselves and don't feel good about ourselves. Maybe you have some psychological reason you don't think you deserve pleasure because somehow you think OK I am not good enough. We need to get rid of all such thoughts. How much we can physically feel can be negatively affected by stress and life and even dietary patterns. A lot of cheese or junk food or fatty meats can deposit a layer of fat in our bodies so it becomes harder for us to feel. Similarly eating a lot of sugar, sweets, soda, alcohol, drugs might so negatively affect our nerve endings that they are no longer able to transmit feelings to our brain. Exercises like Kegels and crunches or yoga and any kind that bring blood to our sexual area are all very good because health is very important. And I think it good for your men to want to see that you climax in some way whether it is be tongue or fingers because most guys if they care about us at all they want us to enjoy. So that sets up a pattern where we become accustomed to responding to them. Above all once you find what makes you feel good and what causes you to climax then communicate that to them so they will know. Esp if they are not figuring it out themselves. I don't mean ordering them around but put their hands in the right places of adjust your body and theirs for maximum pleasure etc. Feeling them and feeling close to them are vital for us. I pretty much started climaxing automatically when I was a teenager but I did recognize that I needed a lot of time and I still do so I know that sometimes with some guys I will not or at least not at first until they learn about me and that is OK because I have had enough with so many men that I feel I don't have to all the time and sometimes its great to just mostly give myself for his enjoyment. I could write a lot about this but hope this helps.

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