My mom is upset that I'm not mourning my father, who died last night. She was abused by him for years, and he made my life a living hell in childhood. I feel bad that I don't feel grief! But; why am I the unfeeling monster!?
by 
shy-girl
ANSWERS: 19
-
Don't feel bad he was an a-hole. You feel like you are an unfeeling monster because your mom is upset with you. Just console her and make sure she is okay.
-
your grief will come in go in time. my dad died about 10 years ago, i so was okay with it at the time. he wasnt the best guy. he hit my mom, drank alot, and happened to die in a gang fight. i really didnt feel remorse for his death until about 2 years ago. but it is different for different people. it doesnt mean you are an unfeeling monster. you just deal in a different way.
-
No one can tell you how to feel! Don't let anyone make you feel guilty for how you feel - guilt is a wasted emotion. You will grieve in your own time and if you don't - you didn't need to in the first place. I have been right where you are now - please don't stress or worry over it.
-
Your not a monster and it isn't obligatory to grieve over everyone you know who has died. Your dad was a twat to your mum. Explain to her why you don't feel any grief. If she doesn't understand, fair enough. She can handle his death her way, and you can handle it in your way.
-
Don't worry about it. Your Mom is just hurting right now, and she doesn't understand why you don't feel the same. I recently had a similar situation ... my step-dad died and I didn't feel a thing (he was also VERY abusive when we were all younger, to my brother and I, and my Mom). But, in the last several years, she drew very close to him, and said that he really took care of her and helped her alot, after her aneurysm and stroke, which she has recovered about 90% from, now. That is the ONLY credit I will give him (tho' it doesn't come close to balancing the ledger)! Just be there for your Mom, and help her as much as you can. She will appreciate it later on.
-
That's a normal reaction. Just because he is your immediate family doesn't mean he deserves to be treated as a saint just because hes dead. That's a big misconception. You would feel sad if he actually treated you right, I'm sure he was a good guy in some aspects, but he did what he did and you shouldn't be expected to have feelings for someone after they do things like that to you.
-
My husband was in your shoes this past July. He felt bad that he didn't feel bad. http://www.answerbag.com/q_view/826696
-
Ask yourself if you'd feel grief if someone you actually loved died. If the answer is yes, then, you're perfectly normal.
-
You're no monster. Children aren't duty-bound to love or respect their parents - they have to earn it, just like anybody else. So if your father didn't respect you (or your mother) and made your life hell, why should you mourn his passing?
-
You're not. You are grieving or not in your own way and your mother is doing the same. There is no right or wrong to grieving. My father passed away about 8 years ago or so, I was actually sitting beside his bed when he died. I never felt a thing and still don't to this day. Just be who you are and let your mum grieve in her own way.
-
what your feeling is normal. my dad was an ass and he died in 2001. i felt relief that i would never have to see him again. i'm still happy he's gone!he was more than just an ass, but i don't feel like going into that.
-
Perhaps you are still in shock. It happens, Wait;it will hit you
-
There is no reason why you should feel grief. Too often we have to experience the loss of people who are good and kind, and die before their time. Just because someone is a blood relative doesn't mean we have to mourn them if they are not worth mourning.
-
I think I'd feel the same way, my father never seemed like the figure that deserves my admiration, as for feelings if he died, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't feel anything, I haven't felt much for anyone the past 4 years of my life, maybe even longer because when I was 12 my grandma died and I still felt nothing, and still feel nothing, not sure why either, but don't feel bad if you think you're the only one.
-
Some fathers are only "sperm donors". Feelings of love and resepct are not automatic things, neither can be forced. Be considerate of teh people that had feelings for him, but you are not an "unfeeling monster" at all. You are a logic and realistic human being.
-
Why should you feel bad?
-
He was still your father no matter how bad he was. I am sure that the grief will come sooner or later. You will deal with it in your own way but understand her as well. Living with someone all this time, conceiving a child with him... not that easy to forget.
-
there is a difference in your reaction and hers apparently she will need more support to get through this than you your feelings or lack thereof are no less valid all you can do is be there for her we all react in different ways hopefully things get better in time but until then just be good to your mom
-
I understand. People are all different and you can not really help how you feel. If you had been brought up in a loving environment with a dad you could look up to maybe you would feel differently. In time you may mourne the loss of something wished for. Be there for her and understand that her feelings for him are different even if you cannot understand them. Take care.
desotapop RELATED QUESTIONS
Copyright 2023, Wired Ivy, LLC