• Rest of question: get them: A ball of string (tangled), Tube of glue (dried up), batteries (dead), a golf ball (no one in the house has ever played golf), an old watch (back missing), keys (possibly for a clock, could be for a padlock long lost), Walkman (tape jammed in), receipts & Instructions (for your CB radio, Betamax video and 8 track), Pens (that may miraculously start working again), nailsscrews (all different sizes), shoelaces, (one for a trainer one for a school shoe) wooden handled screwdriver (bent), wires for every know appliance (apart from ones you own) rubbish bag ties ( that you will never be arsed to use), birthday candles (would be enough if 3 weren’t broken), Plastic cards form god knows where (all out of date), lipstick (very empty), tacks (5), junk mail (un-opened, includes bank statements for bad months), pins (stuck in the gap at the back), one glove which disappears and appears as you findlose the other one) dust, sand and crumbs that only Tony Robinson could identify), a dog brush (never had a dog),a bottle opener (hides if needed), a single faded Christmas card (from someone you've never heard of), a felt tip pen (dried up just enough to be useless but keeps you wondering if it will do) paperback (half), your nutcracker (unless its Christmas then it f*cks off with your bottle opener). I think you'll agree a useful household hamper like this would save the lucky couple years of collecting.

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