ANSWERS: 13
  • Wouldn't it be much better to simply tell him that you need to be consoled right now,instead of getting mad at him. He probably isn't very good at mind reading, but I bet he is real good at hugging.
  • hey i was in ur situation in 03, it will take time and nothing else.its not fair to get mad at him but i get why u might just spend some time with urself every day and make sure to spend time w ur friends as well. it gets easier
  • I don't think any emotions are wrong at such a difficult time in your life, but it sounds like he just might not know what to say or do. Perhaps you could let him know what it is you're needing so he'd be better able to give it to you.
  • No. Dont get mad at him. He doesnt know how to respond... and thats normal. He isnt sure if you want him to be with you all the time or if you want your space. He isnt sure what to say because he doesnt want to make things worse. Just tell him straight out what would make you feel better. That will take the pressure off of him and the irritation off of you. So sorry to hear about your loss..
  • He's your boyfriend, not your councilor or therapist. All he's really qualified to do is to hold you and tell you it'll be okay. It will, you know. When I lost my dad, I went right to the top. I got mad at God Himself. Fortunately, He's big enough to handle it.
  • It's VERY hard to know what to say to someone when death occurs to someone near them. If he knew your father over the last two years, he may be affected to. You will be sad for a time. Each person grieves differently, and for their own length of time. Sometimes, no matter WHAT someone does, it's wrong in the eyes of the griever. Don't be TOO mad at him. But he should be willing to just hold you as you cry or "blabber on" about your father (and you have, are, or will). Remember, too, that as your boyfriend for two years, he must have at the very least MET your father a couple of times. He knows how much you loved him, and when you hurt, he does, too. He just may not want to show you, so YOU can be totally upset, and he can be YOUR rock. (BTDT - My ex tended to get hysterical when things happened, and I couldn't - we had a couple of kids to take care of!)
  • There's a fundamental difference between men and women that can cause problems. Men typically like to come up with solutions to problems, but in the case of bereavement, there isn't really a solution, as such. Women, on the other hand, often just want to be heard and for their feelings to be understood / appreciated. It's not that men don't want to help, but they don't often know how to. If there's no tangible solution that they can implement, they're often stuck, and don't always realise that just listening and sympthasing / empathising is a kind of solution in certain circumstances.
  • He probably doesn't want to say the wrong thing or seem insensitive so he thinks nothing is better. When my daughter's grandpa died I felt so bad for her father, but I knew nothing I would say would make him feel better. I thought it was better to listen.
  • When a person dies, it can affect not only those who mourning the passing of the person but also those who are indirectly linked (BF). There are many people who just do not know what to say or what to do. Sometimes they won't make eye contact and despite having swapped greetings for years, cross the road because they feel awkward and are not sure of the other person's reaction. It is the same for BF. Guys are not great talkers, even on a good day and this is no exception. He doesn't know what to say, so rather than risk upsetting you further, he says nothing at all. When you do not mention it, he assumes he made the right choice. Do not mistake this for lack of feeling or caring. He's a guy and often they don't actually know what to say at all. Don't get mad, it's not because he doesn't care. You need to understand how a guys brain works & it is different from yours and mine. Men do not discuss things. If you want him to know how you feel, then come right out and tell him. He won't guess, in a million years - it's just the way things work. You have to tell him and tell him what you need. Talk to him because he cannot hear what you are thinking and assumes if you say nothing, then there is nothing to say and you are OK. Just tell him and tell him the truth -ask for the hug, ask him to hold your hand and he will do it with a willing and honest heart. Don't shut him out exactly when you need him so badly because your silence will allow him to draw his own conclusions and he may think that you don't need him either. Let him take care of you and he will if he knows that you need him to be a man and be strong enough to carry both of you, for a while. Lean on him and you will be surprised how strong a man can really be.
  • Many people don't know how to react when something like this happens.. Even though he is sad for you and wants you to cheer up, but he doesn't want to offend you by saying anything wrong
  • Hi, Krystal. I am so very sorry for your loss. It was a huge one. I know you are hurting terribly. You grieve all you want to, dear. Cry all you want and don't hold anything back. Your father was obviously a good man. It is reasonable that you would want consolation and it is also resonable to expect it. Your boyfriend cares deeply for you, but they poor guy feels inadequate. He knows nothing he can say will help take away the pain, and he desperately wants to be able to do that for you. Tell him just to hold you and be there for you. There are many ways to show love and support. They don't always have to be words.
  • Some people are very uncomfortable talking about death. Some are speechless and dont handle emotions and you can choose to excuse that if you want. However, it is part and parcel of a relationship to be there through the good and bad and just be supportive. That support could be just holding their significant other to have a good cry and hold them; noticing they are down and just snuggling them; taking them out for a walk or a jog to take their mind off it; fixing dinner and letting their partner take a nap; taking them to a happy movie etc. There are things a person can do that doesnt involve talking about death. I'd be concerned about a life long relationship with someone who isnt supportive.
  • he just dont know what to say, hes not trying to be mean

Copyright 2018, Wired Ivy, LLC

Answerbag | Terms of Service | Privacy Policy