ANSWERS: 5
  • I dunno in your case. Maybe it is the thrill of the so-called "hunt", and now that he knows you like him the thrill just isn't there for him. I personally don't believe in the "hunt", That seems too much like being a player, just trying to get a piece of the action. Maybe you should talk to him and ask him what's changed since you admitted you liked him?
  • In the courting relationship, both sides want to be "in control". This is natural - you are working up to a very big decision, and you don't want to be pushed too fast or be pushed into something that you are not yet ready for. The traditional way for this to happen is for the man to push forward one step and for the woman to accept it - or not. Of course, this is not the only way to organise things, but if you play it this way everybody knows where they are. But if the woman responds too enthusiastically, she may be seen as moving forward two steps - the one the man was asking for, and another. The effect is rather like pushing at an open door. It is not that he didn't want to go there, possibly, some day, but he was startled and not ready for it, and therefore jerks backward. And that, unfortunately, has him moving in the wrong direction. Not irreversibly so, but it complicates things for a while. So for a woman to play the conventional courting game, the rule should be to accept, if you want, the advances he makes, but not try to push it forward. Like a formal dance, the woman goes where the man steers - if she wants. Of course, this is all the conventional game. You don't have to play it like this, and many don't. But it is a good idea to know the default rulebook, so that when you break the rules you know you are doing so. (And sometimes, with some men, you will definitely have to move it forward yourself - but you will probably know when that time comes).
  • Keep in mind that there is no *one reason* why this happens, although the explanations fall into two main categories. First, it could be (as the book title says) "He's Just Not That Into You" http://ec1.images-amazon.com/images/P/068987474X.01._BO2,204,203,200_PIsitb-dp-500-arrow,TopRight,45,-64_AA240_SH20_OU01_SCLZZZZZZZ_.jpg Men don't always want to date/sleep with women. Sometimes they want women as friends, confidants, ersatz sisters, or even just as eye candy/status symbols. The second (and more probable) explanation is that you scared him. Some men are generically afraid of women. Others are afraid of committment. Others are afraid to limit their romantic options. Many are simply afraid to emotionally connect with anyone. As noted in ImAlec's answer, even losing control of the "dance steps" can frighten men. Your admitting romantic interest to a man forces him to confront whatever fear is applicable to the situation. Many men simply retreat rather than deal with the fear. Finally, my experience is that honesty almost never backfires in the long term. FAR more damage is done to relationships in the long term by dishonesty
  • If it is important to you to be honest, then honesty pays. Do not give up what is important to you. (But get the timing right.) It is never quite as simple as we would like it to be. The question you need to ask yourself (that we all need to ask ourselves) is, What meaning will be made of my actions or behaviour? That is the key point. It really depends what meaning he will make out of what you do. You can only know the answer to that if you know him relatively well. What meaning would your father make if you said, I really like you, Dad!? He would either just be pleased at the unprompted show of affection or he’d think you wanted money for something or (if you are closer to my age) he would think you were about to pack him off to a home. What meaning would your BROTHER make of it if you said the same thing? If you have some male friends you trust, ask them; what meaning would they make? You will get as many different answers as people you ask. If you let a guy know that you like him, how do you do it? And, come to that, why do you do it? Step into his shoes and think, what meaning would YOU make of it, if someone said the same thing to you. Is he unsure of himself? Is he feeling insecure? So what effect do you have on him? The more you imagine what the experience is like for him, what he might be thinking or feeling, the easer it will be for you to guess what meaning he might make of what you do.
  • Its the "thrill of the kill", to coin a phrase. some men play mind games with women. its to see how many women they can conquer and then dump. its a self-egotistical macho thing, whatever.... to some men, its adding another trophy to the wall. Change your attitude and play hard to get. if he has already dumped you, then look elsewhere and hopefully you will have learned a valuable lesson from mr. ego man.

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