ANSWERS: 20
  • Anyone who cheats cannot be trusted, and time does not help. It is always in the back of his mind, so he has come to be mistrusting & controlling. My suggestion is couples counseling try to save the marriage. Cheating HURTS and the betrayal is horrifying. If the shoe was on the other foot, so to speak, you would understand his possessiveness. In addition you waited 3 years to confess. Make a decision, it's up to you.
  • He should have Divorced YOU! people who chest are not only mentally inept and immature but also a high risk. I don't blame the guy for wanting to know where you are, i wouldn't trust you either, Grow up, be an adult and know what you want when you go into a relationship then you wouldn't have to decide cheers idiot
  • Personally, I don't think that you should be allowed to cut and run. You hurt him to the point where he can't trust you anymore, and you're surprised and want to leave? Get counselling, and make sure the focus is on HIM and how HE feels. Only when he can trust you again, and you've proven yourself trustworthy, can things get better. If he's stayed with you this long, then he obviously wants things to work out.
  • You did this. Whatever you're feeling is a result of your own actions. You can talk to him about it but I think it would be really low of you to divorce him now after he opted to stay with you when he found out about your affair. No insecurity of his will ever compare to that.
  • First, you need to understand the depth of pain this must have caused him. Something like this can shake the foundation of a marriage. Certainly he needed time to recover and rebuild trust. However, seven years is a long time. If no forward progress is being made then it's easy to form habitual reactions and thoughts that are rooted in the past. Seeing as you two have stuck it out this far, I would strongly suggest some marriage counseling. It doesn't have to be expensive, is often covered by insurance and can make a huge difference in a relationship. If you two can get beyond this situation, maybe an objective professional can give you tools you need. Good luck.
  • 10 years is a long time for the two of you to suffer like this. It sounds as though you both could benefit greatly from a good couples counselor who can work with you to re-establish trust in your relationship. The current situation you are in is not healthy for either of you. People make mistakes and if they are lucky they learn from them, grow and move on.
  • Why would you even tell him..Of course he doesn't trust you..Now he will cheat his ass of you..That was so stupid of you
  • I actually kind of sympathize with him, not at all with you really. You have no right to complain. You broke your vows to him, he has every right to not trust you.
  • If he decided to move forward with you after you had the courage to admit your past transgression, then he would be best served by letting it go and not treating you like a pariah. (IMHO) You, on the other hand, most likely already know what you need to do but are simply seeking affirmation. This is your decision and it requires courage on your part to leave an unhappy marriage with an obviously insecure man. I suspect that you are too afraid to be alone and to take the necessary steps to strike out on your own...
  • well for what you did its hard to begin to trust again i have been in both your situations so i know both sides anguish. mostly on his part is because of fear. but what you can do when your in public do something to let him know even though you stare at other guys your focus is on him . when a guy pastes your way and glances at you show your wedding band and give the hubby a kiss in front and he'll see the other guy look away and it will make him feel dominate male again.
  • Get some sort of marriage guidance counselling before it's too late and you can stand this no more. While cheating on him was obviously wrong, it does not justify years of continual punishment. You made a huge mistake but 7 years is an awful lot of punishment. If you are to make amends, then husband has his part to play in this as well as you - he has to let you make amends and he is not. Your affair was wrong but it is not something for which you must be made to suffer for ever more. Give it some thought because after all this time, your husband's behaviour is equally as unacceptable as yours was a decade ago. You have served a 7 year sentence for your crime, I think that's more than enough, don't you?
  • You ruined your marriage and his trust so deal with it.
  • WTF you confess for?! = incredibly selfish, imho. But spilled milk. I've always felt I don't wanna be with anybody who don't 100% wanna be with me. So I'd say fugget. Good luck! ;-)
  • Well I couldn't deal with it either way, that is if I were you I would leave and if I were him I would have left. But that's coming from a computer geek atheist.
  • I think we all understand how you feel. I am sure you also understand how he feels. . Trust is something that is hard to build and easy to loose. Once lost, it is even harder to rebuild, but it is possible. . I think the only way to rebuild that trust is through being pedantically honest in everything you do, but his control is actually denying you the chance to do this. . It is clear why you feel you cannot continue as things are now. Probably, he also feels unhappy. . If in seven years the two of you haven't been able to get over this without help, then you probably can't. . That being said, you have so much time invested that surely it is worth taking a little more time and money to give professional counseling a chance? . Good luck!
  • I am amazed he even stayed with you this long. you get a divorce? he should have gotten a divorce seven years ago. Why is your husband still around you? I assume he has forgiven you. he is a better man than myself. Do you really blame him for his actions now? "once a cheater, always a cheater".
  • Why are you mad at him for being hurt? You cheated and you aren't trustworthy. He's the one who should be divorcing you. You're like a criminal who commits a crime but doesn't like the Jail. Oh well. get over it!
  • It was wrong to cheat on your husband, obviously. 7 years is a long time to still be holding it over your head. It sounds like this marriage is basically over. I'll bet it wasn't so great before all this happened, either. If he refuses to get marriage counseling, it's pretty much time to end it. You will both be better off. Hopefully you've learned your lesson about affairs, and confessing about them. Six months no matter how good it was is just not worth it for all the trouble caused. Most people admit to an affair just to make THEMSELVES feel better, but it just makes everyone feel like shit. Don't do this again.
  • you should learn to live with it. just because you told him does not make what you did right. you violated a trust that he put in you, and you betrayed him. you should be glad that he has not divorced you. this is evidence that he still loves you. you should be contrite and stop resisting his attempts to keep tabs on you. he is trying to regain the trust he once had in you by knowing what you are doing all the time. cooperate for a while and you may find that the trust is restored when he stops keeping tabs on you.

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