ANSWERS: 62
  • I think the best thing to do would be to just let him know how you feel. There's no use sitting around waiting for something to happen. If he truly is your friend he should not get angry or anything like that, but instead he should be understanding. Likewise, If you are truly his friend then you should respect his decision if the feeling is not mutual, and not pursue it any further.
  • I believe it might harm the friendship if you tell your friend you inner thoughts. If he is straight he will never be able to share those feelings, so be prepared. If I were you and I know its difficult, just keep him as a platonic dear friend.
  • There may be hope -- but first things first -- truthfulness -- are you out to your friend? If you're not out -- I'd go with Davoomac's answer. If you are out, and your friend shows no interest, let your ideas rest -- you're only after something you can't get -- which is preventing you from doing the real work of getting into a relationship. There may be an iota of hope if you can get your friend interested in going to a gay club with you. He can refer all the gay guys that hit on him to you -- and maybe you'll both end up with three friends.
  • Do him a big favor and don't try to recruit him. After all, you might be successful, and then he will also lose ten to thirty years off his life expectancy, just like you will.
  • TO be honest, I'm not sure its worth risking the friendship. If he is definetly 100% straight (and do try to be honest with yourself about that) he will never return your affections, so I don't really see anything to be gained by letting him know. You risk frightening him off- its not always easy to deal with someone who's attracted to you when the affection isn't recipricated (that goes for heterosexual attraction as much as homosexual) - he may respond by becoming distant, awkward or trying to avoid you. I know its difficult, but I really think you have to let this thing run its course. Concentrate on going out meeting other gay guys/girls and eventually (though its hard to believe) your attraction to your friend will wane and you will meet someone who you can have a relationship with.
  • DONT do it to yourself.........its NOT worth the possible embarrasement. *EDIT* Upon further reflection I am urged to disregard my previous answer. (Which means I'm in the same situation, and now my foot is in my mouth. lol.) I know how hard it is to like a "straight" boy. I've found myself in this situation recently. I REALLY want something to happen with us, but I can't bring myself to admit it to him. He knows im gay, and doesnt seem to care. This is turning into a question for myself! lol. Sayin this, my advise is irrelevant beacause I too, need help in this area. lol.
  • Im also gay and recently told my straight best friend that I like him more than a friend. We had been arguing a lot for a while before I told him, mainly due to my jealousy seeing him with females when in my eyes he has been flirting and leading me on. We havent been speaking at all really since then, although not because I had told him this. Im quite insecure and need constant reassurance and when he tells me he loves me and cares about me I accuse him of lying and reject him and he has tired of this. Couple of nights ago he apologised, admitted he had been really nasty and said he does love me and hopes he can still be my friend, but when he tried to talk to me about it I walked away. He thinks I dont care about him and I think he doesnt care about me which is why we arent speaking when in reality we both have a lot of love for each other. What a mess!
  • If you want to keep your friendship with him, don't tell him that you like him. Not unless you knew him as an understanding person and doesn't discriminate gay people, then you can take some risk. But if you really love him, and you don’t want to loose him, then you better keep it to your self. Just take it easy. God Bless.
  • DON'T TELL HIM!!Be his friend and find someone else to love.
  • Leave him alone. I wouldn't want some gay guy (even if he was one of my best friends) hitting on me! If you value you're friendship, don't offend him by trying to make passes at him. NOTES ----------------------------------------- Nov 15 06 I'd offer the same advice if the (ahem) "preferences" were reversed.
  • Wow, Roger Kovaciny, how stereotypical. I have the same problem, if you're an adult it's going to be hard since adults have a harder time getting rid of "crushes"; if you're a teenager like me, then just ingnore it because i'm willing to bet my grandma's life (not my own, mind you) that you also feel horny around lots of other guys. I am going to tell you to just let it go, feel what you have to feel and get it over with because you'll probably fall in love with someone else sometime. Until then just hang in there; if your friend is okay with homosexuality then come out of the closet, if he's not then try to keep it a secret until you know that it won't tear your friendship to shreds. If you're an adult that's also going to be hard to do... If you're really not able to fall in love with anyone else, or feel anything outside of friendship toward anyone else, and it's affecting your relationship with your friend a lot, then come out and tell him about it before your friendship shatters into a million little pieces.
  • I don't know if this has already blown over, but I'm gay and have a straight best friend. I started out with this huge crush on him, which eventually disintegrated. Now we're best friends. We don't always see eye-to-eye but generally it's okay. I do get very jealous though whenever he's with a girl. Sometimes with just anyone. I must just be a jealous person though. Either way...if he knows your gay, let him know. Tell him you know he's straight and tell him just how you feel. He might be able to let you feel better about the crush and just be better friends. If he doesn't know you're gay - you might want to test that conversation out with him first.
  • I am not gay, but I have many gay friends. If one expressed his love for me, I would be flattered. Then ask him to sit down and discuss the situation with him. I would explain, I really appreciate his open feelings and kindly tell him I am more than happy to just remain great friends ... No big deal!
  • We note that marshallmathers, a notorious cretin, has no arguments, no facts, no statistics. All he has is insults.
  • It's happened to me. I fell in love with my bestfriend [a girl] and I thought she felt the same as me. Partly because I am delusional, largely because I couldn't hold back my feelings any longer -- I confessed. I wasn't prepared to be rejected. I was so sure she felt the same as I did. But she didn't. She told me it would be better to break off the friendship. I never regretted confessing my feelings though. Although I carried the pain of rejection with me for a whole 2 years after the incident, I still prefer that to ambiguity. Sure, we could've still been friends if I just didn't confess what I felt. But I don't want to spend the rest of my life perpetually on the edge of the abyss of Unknown, wondering what could've happened if I just told her my feelings.
  • Are you sure its love, or just a crush. Try to figure out which one it is. If it is love, you should deffinetly let them know, if you think they will be ok with it, otherwise it may backfire and the relationship could change. I think sometimes we mistake caring and admirring people so much, it makes us feel like we are in love them. If you think it will affect your relationship, try not spending so much time with the person, and concentrate on finding someone else to consume your time........best of luck i hope it all works out for you, relationships are tough.......
  • Um, er. Ok I take it you are a dude. If you were my friend I would be flattered, but dude really I'm not into that lets go drink a beer or something else. Most dudes (straight) don't react that way. They take such affection badly. So my advice to you (since you have to ask dude) is to not act on your feelings, and not to tell him unless you know that he can take it like a man and not freak out on you. Maybe on some off chance he is gay, but if he said he was straight then treat him like he is straight and respect that boundary.
  • The Best Thing To Do Is... Im Not Really Sure If This Works Everytime But I Tried This Just To Make Sure What His Reaction To What i Was About To Tell Him Would Be...So When I Did Tell him Try To Be With Your Friend Alone And Start Talking about Something Then Ask What Would You Do If Some Guy Told You He Loved You And Sometimes He May Lie Just To Hide His Real Answer But Sometimes He Mite Be Honest Once Hes Told You The Answer Relate To What His Answer Was And Then Youll See If Its Right To Tell Him Or Not
  • I think it is very hard in your situation as you love him. However, in my opinion, it is not good for him as he was born straight. It will be also not good for you as well because you will not be satisfied with him if you try to be closer to him. That is my advice
  • I personally dont think it would be worth risking the friendship of yout best friend just to be let down. And let's face it, if he's straight, it's unlikely that he's gonna accept you as his boyfriend! If you really feel you must, tell him how you feel, but i think it would make him feel awkward!
  • I told my best friend that I was gay after feeling that I had to... He took it very well and said that he would have never suspected (kudos to me)... Since then, I have also told him that I feel a great deal for him; somuchso that I consider him more of a brother figure to me. We joke around abour my being attracted to him and he knows I am serious about it. I respect my best friend so much that I would never do anything to jepordize our relationship. We both still get along great and possibly have become even closer friends because I confessed my feelings towards him but also reassured him that I want to remain friends and would never take advantage of him or make a pass... or whatever. Just my two cents worth...
  • If they're not gay, move on.
  • Get over him and find someone whose orientation is compatible with yours.
  • Well, my best friend just confessed to me yesterday...with the follow up of an attempted-kiss, but that was prevented by my kung fu reflexes. Frankly, I was damn freaked out! The dialogue was as follows: Friend: Hey, wanna know a secret? Me: What? Friend: I'm gay. (puts arm around my shoulder and dives in for kiss) Me: Woah woah woah, $!@$! Friend: Just kidding. (Walks away to the couch.) So yeah...I was freaked out of my pants. So something I suggest not to do is to... Imagine that your life is a movie and believe that your friend will willingly kiss you even if he is straight. Well...I've been told that I have a feminine side, but even so, communication should be your highest priority in this circumstance. I would have preferred if my friend just told me he was gay, at more than arm's length. You must understand that we live in a disgusting society where the different are sometimes shunned. In other words, give your buddy some room when you tell him something shocking like this. But to answer you question directly (thanks for reading my story), there is not much you can do. I would just tell him your story and just have your friend understand. It always feels better to tell someone and trust them. If you do not tell your friend, you'll eat your mental-self alive, longing for something you may never have. You're in a bad situation, but things can always get better. Good luck! =)
  • Does he know that you are gay?
  • I totally understand how you feel. I came on here looking for an answer to my own problem and decided to share my experiences. About five years ago, I fell in love with one of my best guy mates. We did everything together, we were best mates. We went on holiday together and everything, I seen him naked every day etc and it drove me mad. I was infactuated and there was nothing I could do. At that time I had never told anyone I was gay and I knew my best mate was a supposed homophobe, even although he had gay tendancies himself, like checking out other guys in the shower. On that holiday some guys we met asked him if I were gay and that freaked him out and he fell out with me completely, refused to talk to me. We talk now but it is awkward - you couldnt believe we were ever mates. It took me along time to get over him and now I realise it was the best thing he ever done for me, as it really depressed me. I knew I needed him out my life to get over him, and I couldnt cut the ties - but he did....I thought he was a dick and he is but it was the best thing he ever done. Lesson learnt: do not fall in love with you best mate!! A few months later, me an a guy I was mates with became really good friends. We are best mates now and he knows I am gay and can totally accept that. However I am falling in love with him...cannot stop thinking about him. I know he is 100% straight definately. I have been on holiday with him before and told him all about the previous guy friend I loved...to make him feel better about his love life. He was cool. Ever since then we have had a much greater bond of friendship and I really really love him, as a mate and in a sexual way. I know he would freak if I told him. I am afraid of wrecking our friendship the way I did before with the aforementioned dick. I want to get over this, but I dont want to cut him out of my life. I guess the simple solution is keep quiet and find someone else. But that is difficult. Lesson: dont fall in love with best mate! I try not to have many guy friends, because I dont feel I can deal with the boundaries of friendship/sexual relationship with guy mates. Hormones I guess. So I say dont tell him. If you love him, then you need to make sure it is love in a sexual way and not a mistaken love of the friendship that exists between you. If it is sexual love then I would suggest.....I dont know. Reasons to tell him: (A) Possibly help you get over him? To know where he stands. Reasons not to tell him: (A) Ruin a friendship. It will be awkward. In general guys, especially straight guys, dont like to confront their feelings. Once the conversation is over, he will probably never raise the issue again and neither will you. He will always wonder if you have gotten over him, you will always wonder if what you told him has made him feel disgust or turn gay. (B) He will misinterperate your intentions e.g. a hug.
  • Buy him roses.
  • just tell him the truth. truth is best and besides, he's you best freind.
  • stop dreaming
  • it depends on how long you've been out. if it has been a while, be very honest and assure your friend that your friendship comes first. If it is a new development, give yourself and your friend some time to adjust. Does that sound doable?
  • I'm bi and im realllly attracted to my best friend and on a drunken night i hit on him he didnt take it very well so i told him that i'm bi and very attracted to him he totally understands that and balances it as much as he could as he is the PLAYBOY of our skool with the girls which makes me soo jealous of them but he always says ur my baby boy which is soo sweet of him and sometimes he satisfy me sexually too not SEX though but things leading to thaat but i dont know how to control my jealousy over all the girls he gets frm his daaaashing looks
  • I dont know for you guys but I just told my best friend 5 days ago that I am gay and we still havent talk about that. I heard his point of view 3 days. it is not the most promissing thing that I said, but I still have hope that all will be somehow fine. He deffinietly needs time as well as I. for him the hopefully adjust to the idea, and to me to adjust that he knows.
  • Well if he is your friend than that means that he probably is not against gay people, but this doesn't mean he will want to go out with you, you have to consider how he will react which is what you want to find out through your answer, he could stay away from you if he doesn't like you.
  • honesty is the best approach and if he's truly your friend~you will accept each other's differences and still be friends.....trying to change someone for your own sake is not being a true friend.....i've lived through this with a guy i dated a long time ....we're still best friends today and i understand that it's very hard......but at least he's still part of my life~i have his friendship, he's friends with my husband and my kids love him to death! no, we didn't run off into the sunset with each other but i have the next best thing......a true friend for all time :) good luck.......be strong :)
  • It feels kind of relieving that I'm not the only one who's going through this. How I wish I could meet any one of you. lol. Here's my two cents (and this is probably sort of therapy for me). It was last year when me and this guy in class (sophomores at the time) got close and eventually became best friends. Over time, I became attracted to him and fell in love. I believe it really was love as I was thinking about him 24/7, always wanting to be with him, wanted his attention, had an urge to see him/talk to him always, etc. He would also hit on me and stuff but no one knows I'm gay (well now one of my bestfriends know) and it would just seem playful. When sophomore year almost ended, he had a girlfriend and all that stuff. I got really jealous and I didn't know how to handle it, it was just really painful (there's still a lot more to it, but seeing how long this is, I wouldn't wanna add). Shit happened we almost weren't friends and stuff but everything's okay now. Now that we're juniors, I still feel kinda the same way except not as strong as before (which I'm really glad). But I still fear that I might go through the same thing again, and I don't want that. I don't want to like anyone/fall in love with anyone. It's really hard and unfair. I do not want to like my bestfriend and the only solution I can think of is switch schools but that would be stupid in my part because my school is good/I'm in a really good honors class.
  • If you know for sure he is straight and if you told him how you feel, I think you may risk alienating him.
  • Its the same with straight ppl. I'm a woman, and if i liked a man, and i knew he would not be into me, i would not say anything about loving him. I would just go find a guy who is into me.. and keep the other guy as a friend!
  • Be his friend, and don't ask him for more than he is able to give you.
  • One of my good friends had a guy friend who was gay (my friend didnt know it at the time though), anyway...my friends friend told him he liked him and my friend doesnt even want to be friend with him anymore... If you friend is straigt hes not going to have feelings for you, you should just forget it and move on...Im sure you can find someone who feels the same for you....
  • heh. you know the answer if you have to ask it in this forum. get some alkyl nitrates and hit up the club scene, if he doesnt loosen up feed him some qualudes and maybe gamma hydroxy butyrate
  • ay man, im in the same situation . Ive come to the conclusion not to tell my mate because i dont want to lose my friendship with him because i know he will still be my best mate but he will treat me differently. Also if you know he's straight don't bother because even if you do confess to him the friend ship will be different im sure, realise that you will eventually get over him nd find sum1 else to love, u dont want to lose that friendship with ur best mate trust me.
  • I am again, just informing that I got my best friend back. I didn't tell him that I love him or something, but I did tell him that I am gay. Whit the fact that he is Arab and still can leave with that after a long painful and depressing period, he came around and we have been even better friends. Now he has a girlfriend, strangely enough started doing something with her after I left the 2 weeks home for cool off. Not saying that he is gay, but I am still not sure do I really don't have a chance with him. Other than that the hole situation was and partly is still followed up by some HARD alone time and and deep downs (depressions). Everyone experience live on a different way, this is mine. P.S. Thanks for the support and the kind words Abby p.p.s. and one more guys, who is from where from the people writing here? I am a Macedonian guy studying in Germany.
  • Stay AWAY!!!!!!!!
  • You should be his friend and don't try to get him to do things he's not ready to do. As much as the fundamentalists wackos warn about it, you really aren't going to recruit him to anything if he isn't gay, and forcing the issue is going to make it difficult to remain friends too.
  • keep him as a best friend......................
  • not say anything...
  • I have experiance with this. Tell him how you feel and if he accepts it then great maybe you'll be still friends or more :) even if he doesn't and tells you to piss off "not friends anymore" then great because you truly no he was never worth being your friend and was complete waste of time and eventually he starts to fade away from you sooner or later so its best to find out if he accepts your feelings for him now then later. Stop being so scared just tell him. The worse that will probly happen is not friends anymore which would happen anyways becuz time flys you meet new people so does he.
  • Don't try to pursue a relationship with him. You can't make a straight man gay, just like no one can make you straight.
  • Im Gay! And well i fel in love with my friend kota as well and now i found out that he;'s bi and were together i sure hope everything works out for u Caset
  • I feel as though I'm in love with my best friend. He messes around a lot and "pretends" to do gay things and we jokingly hug and wrestle and stuff. But he doesn't know that i like him in a more serious way and i feel like he wouldn't accept me if i came out to him. I also want to add that he is the only guy that i have ever had feelings for. i dont know if thats weird or not? maybe im just curious but i am having a really difficult time figuring out what to do about this. not to mention that he has a girlfriend. but just because he has a girlfriend, does that mean he might not feel the same way? i went out with the same girl for about two years and i was IN LOVE with her. but now my feelings have changed a little bit. i just want to know if its worth telling him i have feelings for him. i want him to understand that im not gay, just curious.
  • srry for the bad english im Japanese well...about same sort of thing happened to me mate on ur friends side...one day out of the blue. my america friend told me he was gay...i was cool with it..ya know im all for whatever ya believe..then he started doing strange things like i could tell he secretly watch me change (while parents away) an even pin me to ground ofen i take it as joking around?..he never used to do this before he told me advice: if ya really really like ur friend,don jeopardize ur relationship..on the other hand..if ya know ur gonna regret it later or cant keep it bottled up, can't stand to see him look at other men, tell him! ya never know god this is embarassing!
  • i told my besfriend i love him so much i do everthing for him i like him more any body else so he did say anthing about it so i want him so bad that i get jalous when he is with his exbf idk what to do if u want chat with me text me 859 9075007
  • i had the same problem. i was in love with my straight best friend for months before i ever tried anything. one random night when we were drunk i asked him what he would do if i kissed him. he looked at me weird for a few seconds and then said "If I was drunk enough, I'd definately kiss you back." so i kissed him......he wasnt drunk enough O.O hes still my best friend and i hit on him alot, and sometimes he flirts back, but i STILL havent gotten up the courage to tell him im in love with him
  • nothing. you can't make someone gay.
  • Tell him straight.
  • Ok i'm in the same situation i'm 30 gay and he is 29 straight. I always tell him how much he means to me but he seems to think its hilarious and is determined to turn me straight! .... But then sometimes he will ask me to rub his back, and ill play with his nipples and tummy but nothing below the belt. How does this make sense? I'm so confused . Can the straight dudes tell me what they think of this? Is it normal ?
  • I know it's hard to do, but i think you have to get over it. If he's 100 % straight, he can't response your love. But you can talk with him about it. If he accepts you. Real friends do, right ^^
  • I feel the same way about my best friend but i dont want it to come out becuase i dont want our friendship to ever change
  • To be quite honest, i'm not sure if i'm fully gay or just bi although i consider myself bi. I've never been with a girl sexually mainly because i have problems expressing my feelings, but i have been with a guy that approached me and told me he liked me. My problem now is that i'm in love with my best friend who is straight. What makes the problem worst is that there was a time that he told me that i am the only person that makes him happy, and whenever i tell him "I love you bro" he either says it back or tells me thnks for loving him... He doesn't know that i'm bi because we always talk about girls and make fun of gays (i'm really sorry for that part because it eats me), but right now my feelings are making me act really stupidly, and we've been getting in arguments alot, and i mean he says that i was the only person that makes him happy, i love him and would never want him to feel anything but that... I'm just afraid that if i told him that, that it would be the end of our friendship, something that i won't be able to live with... To be honest he comes off as homophobic, but when he's hanging with me i forever play with his hair and feet and poke him in his stomach, and he's cool with it, like really cool and giggles sometimes when i do it, things that are very confusing to me... I really don't know what to do anymore, his friendship means everything to me, but i just fear if i tell him that it would be the end...
  • i fell for my friend but i dont know him that long, I never felt like this about anyone before. I dont know how he feels about this or how he would react. I have to do something because, when he gets a drunk in him he gets all huggy and kissing me on the head...I pull away from him because I cant let him know how i feel or I think he will run a mile but am not sure if he will at the same time. I have to tell him or something because I feel dishonest. I evewn feel Jelous of his girlfriend and dont like her over it now, help? :(
  • WELL I THINK YOU SHOULD DO WHAT YOUR HEART TELLS YOU TO DO AND MAYBE YOUR FRIEND WILL UNDERSTAND XXXXX
  • just go ahead and tell him how you feel. whatever happens, happens. he'll either take it good or bad, just be prepared for what could happen in the future when you do tell him.

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