nope. It's always the cheaters fault.

The cheater is the #1 person to blame, the other woman is #2 if she knows. You know most cheaters don't tell the "other" woman/man about their wives/husbands at home...so if they don't know, then how can they be at fault?

i think the cheater husband and the other woman are both at fault. the cheater husband for being a cheater, and the other woman for letting herself get into this mess.

Ummm, no. I think the dude who couldn't keep it in his pants is at fault. The other woman should know better, but the guy should REALLY know better.

no, i was the 'other woman' once with a guy with small family. he came off like they were split and he was getting out of the relationship entirely. apparently they were on the rocks but not broken up at all. i was dumb and niave and learned my lesson. 'the other woman' can be an instigator but it takes 2 to tango

no i blame him for walking out with her, doesnt mean i dont blame or like her though.

A wise philosopher once said "It takes two to tango."

No :)

Not at all! The husband is the cheater, however, if a woman goes after a man knowing that he is married, then I believe she is at fault

i think it's a fifty fify proposition.

Only if the other woman knew from the get go or found out later on and continued the relationship. And to all of you who will give the bullshit about you can't help who your heart love I say yes you can. If you know a man is already taken then it's hands offperiod no matter how much you think your heart will break.

I think they both took part in the decision so they are both responsible for any consequences, as long as the "other woman" knows that he is married at the time.

I was "the other woman" once and the guy lied to me and told me him and his wife were split up. When I found out he was lying to me I split and told his wife what the prick was up to.

The one that made the commitment to me is at fault but that doesn't mean I won't be pissed at the other woman too, as long as she can run fast or stay off of my path, she won't get hurt as much as the man in my life ;).

No. Some women ( and men too ) believe that marrige is not only a license to live together, but a license to do as they damned well please.

I'd say it's the cheater's fault, and IF SHE KNOWS ABOUT IT, a little bit the fault of the other woman. I was the other woman once, but the guy told me he was single. The second I found out he was in a relationship, I told him off, and it was over.

While it does take two to tango, the person breaking his relationship is mainly at fault. He is the one willing to risk his relationship for the person that he is cheating with. The woman who knowingly cheats with a man is at fault also, however, she is not forcing the man to be with her. She can only get as far as he lets her. The responsibilty still falls on the one in the commited relationship.

No. When spouses cheat, it's always about the marriage relationship.

no...i dont think people can control when we fall in love...if it is truly love and not just sexual i think it just happens

no its the married person thats cheating that is at fault.

She's never at fault; the guy has the only keys to his zipper.

no, it takes two - but i have a special dislike for married ppl that mess around

No... Sometimes the man is the problem, and the other woman may not even KNOW the man HAS a s/o.

Speakng as a woman, no. An extra marital affair can only happen if a married person gives their consent. As a side note, I would certainly hate the other woman, but I place the blame squarely on the shoulders of my spouse.

No, it is both people. But if one is married, it is more th fault of that person, since that is the person that is hurting and being disloyal to someone else.

No, "the other woman" might not know that she is... Also, it takes two to tango...

I would say no because sometimes the other woman doesn't know shes the other woman. Guys can be pigs are really good at lying and hiding those things. Woman can be too. Its sad.

According to reports, Amber Frey, the other woman in the Scott Peterson case was told by Scott that he did not have a wife, specifically that he lost her... making himself a widower. If you do not know the man is married, how can you be at fault?

if she doesnt know the guy is in a relationship, no. but i think the other woman is at fault if she in the know. if she were a decent human being, she would wait for the other relationship (no matter how bad the relationship may seem to be) to end before moving forward. otherwise its vulturism.

It is the married person AND the other woman's fault. It takes two to cheat. And if the other woman is also married, that makes it even worse. Whoever said she is never at fault is just plain wrong. My guess would be they are trying to justify cheating either on their spouse or being the other person cheating with a married person.

hey, i think that in this situation, there's plenty of fault to go around everywhere. the other woman might be unique and told that her guy is single. but, she closes her eyes to the fact that he only gives her his cell phone number, he's never invited her back to his home, he only stops by for a few hours and rarely overnight ... more often than not, she has a strong, substantiated hunch that he's a player. he's cheating and, in many cases, lying to one or both women, so, most often, he's at fault. the main partner on whom the cheating takes place, usually is cognizant of the lack of intimacy, she is so often closed down from him, and he her as well. more often than not, if things are really good in the marital relationship, guys are a lot less likely to cheat. thus, in my opinion and to varying degrees,all three share some RESPONSIBILITY for the behavior.

I don't think fault is necessarily restricted to either 0% or 100% and can be assigned in varying amounts. If "the other woman" (TOW) doesn't know that her paramour is already involved then she's generally not at fault. If TOW knows that the person is involved and pursues that person anyway, then TOW is up to 50% culpable if she didn't use any extortive means in the pursuit. If the TOW uses extortion to force the affair, then she could be up to 100% at fault.

Absolutely not. Altho she needs to take responsibility for being with an "attached" man, but no..In my case, my ex probably lied to her as much or more than he did me. After they broke up, she stalked him for several years! Must say I enjoyed hearing about that!

I started out being "the woman", we kept our distance for a couple of months while some things got sorted out, then re-started our relationship. It was not until almost 8 months later that I found he had gotten back together with his exgirlfriend (he bought a house and said they were living together because he could not afford it on his own). Now I find myself "the other woman". UGH!!!! It is so painful, but I love him. What do I do?

I think that the cheater with an s/o is at fault.

Yes, as is the cheating spouse. The only time it isn't her fault is if she doesn't know he's married.

No...my ex cheated on me and i asked her about it but didnt blame her she didnt even know about me either....he got a good beating tho

I only find fault with the "other man/woman" when they KNOW the one they are seeing is in fact married. That's disrespectful, selfish and unacceptable. How do you KNWINGLY share the man/woman u supposedly love? They spend time with u kiss u godnite and go home to climb into their spouses bed and most likely are affectionate & loving How can you be ok with that? Knwing when they are not with you they are with one who loves them has put time effort and their soul into a life they have built honestly together and here u are coming in at the 11th hour with what can only be called "lUST" but is sometimes mistaken for love. You CANNOT build real love in the world of fantasy- Real love is built out in the open in an honest and public relationship. You cannot make a life long relationship when you build it on a foundation of lies and betrayal! It will crumble in the winds of reality every time!!

If the other woman knows about your relationship, it's partly her fault, but still mostly the cheater's fault because he ultimately betrayed your trust. She probably just didn't care.

I think it would be the cheaters fault of course... The other woman may have had no idea... though not a good idea to not know these details when messing around with someone, still doesnt make her to blame... and in some situations ( your all going to kill me) it could be the wife/ husbands fault for not keeping the attention on themselves to where there partner strayed<-------- that is in rare cases and not always how it is!!!

If she knew about you two being together, she holds half of the blame. Some women just get their thrills off by causing drama and going after taken men. And even if she was driven by emotion (she actually liked him) rather than competition, she still knew you were together. She could've stopped it, but she didn't. So in that case, she holds half of the blame.

I have been in relationships with a few married men, and no, it is not always my fault. Neither is it the wife's nor is it the husband's fault...Few people should be married for lifetimes that last more than ninety years, and marriages that go on for fifty, even sixty years. So, having a second relationship during a marriage is sometimes a solution. If I were stuck with the same guy for forty years I'd be out of my mind with boredom. A wife is also entitled to find a second partner if she feels the need. There is no real fault. It's just life as it is. The marriage can stay together and still be loving, and as time goes on the partners wil lose their need for other relationships.

No. If there's fault to be had, it's with the one who brought her into their lives :)

Not as much at fault as the straying husband/boyfriend.

They are partly at fault if they know the person is involved with someone else already, otherwise how can they be blamed if they think they are with someone that is unattached. The person who is in a relationship and is cheating is definitely at fault. I've never understood why people that aren't happy in their relationship don't just leave that relationship first before becoming involved with someone else. But that is just my opinion since I have been on the receiving end of being cheated on so I'm biased.

well it depends if the girl new you had a wife/girlfriend and she still tries to make a move on the man well its the witches fault but the man should no better antytime a girl like that makes a move like that they should no when too leave that situation as for women and men that say that adultery is alright because marriage is boring thats bulls*** if your marriage is boring then make it exciting take a vacation go on a cruise have sex in a crazy place go on dates but pls dont cheat and say its alright....

The asshole who started the affair is at fault.

both are at fault.

I love this question and all the similar ones. It's time for folks to understand that that the day of puritanism is over. My husband of over thirty years has kept a mistress for many of those years. He loves me,I love him, we have a solid family. Our children are with him every night,every holiday & birthday. We love him and he loves us. There are other men who are open about their other relationships--but many men don't want to go through the crying, the bitterness of divorce, the loss of family, not to say the destruction of the lives of their children. Ease off wives. Many men are not built for a long life with one woman--and I agree with Cuban Eyes that I wouldn't want a man who was afraid to live his life or who would suppress his needs just to keep me happy.- Those needs, by the way, are not limited to sexual needs. The other woman fulfills emotional needs as well. Anyone who believes that we have only one soul mate, that we can love only one person is living in an adolescent dreamworld. Loving people need to love many people. It's OK.

nope,

No I don't. You can't control who you fall in love with and the reasons behind it. In some situations it can be the other womans fault, the man's fault or his wife's fault. Every situation is different and needs to be treated as such.

Yes...ALWAYS.... and so is he!!!!

not always, sometimes they don't know that the guy is married or in a relationship because the guy may lie about it.

Only if she is married. The man's choices are his own and likewise the lady's. It has been my experience that people of both sexes who aren't happy together play around. It's kind of a statement about the marital relationship being bad.

I think its difficult to point the finger at who's to blame in these situations. In my case I found out my boyfriend of 4 1/2 years starting seeing someone after I left for grad school earlier this year. She didn't know about me while they were sexually involved, but the sad part is, when he told her the truth, she still actively pursued a friendship with him. So much for feminism and women sticking together. Does this make her "at fault"? Well I think it makes her a pathetic loser with low self-esteem. And it brings me secret pleasure knowing she was not a quality person, and therefore could not have been better than the love I gave him. but ultimately, I'm angry at the both of them for being complicit in disregarding me as a human being with feelings.

no, as a matter of fact, the other woman usually tries to say no at first. the married man usually pursues her and treats her so nice, and tells her how things just arent working out in his marriage, how unhappy he is. all the time hes lying to get in her pants. she falls for it because she feels needed, wanted, and emotions take over. then she ends up hurt bad. trust me i did.

Takes 2 to clap. So the man is at fault too. Some men likes to argue that it is the other woman who initiate a move on him first; like that mattered. As long as he decides to go out with another woman while he is in a relationship with his lady; he is just as to be blamed.

They are both at fault.

No....I just caught my boyfriend cheating on me, she was in his bed. She was under the impression that SHE was his girlfriend. He had officially asked us both to be his girlfriend THE SAME DAY USING THE SAME WORDS! She and I have since become friends and left him to find other unsuspecting women to pull his crap on because unfortunately that's exactly what he was going to do. There were other women in the mix, as it turns out. He hasn't offered any kind of explanation, apology, or ANYTHING to either of us. He apparently had no remorse, no guilt, and no shame. Karma is a BITCH and I hope I'm there when she finds him!

i don't believe so because the "other woman" might and probably didn't know their mate was already w someone so i do not believe it was the other womans fault i think it is the mans fault for number one cheating on you and possibly manipulating someone else to think that they are single and also for lying to you in the first place and not being upfront about the whole thing!

No, its the mans fault he is the one that went with her...

No, the person at fault, is the person straying from the relationship. The OW/OM, is simply a pawn.

Absolutely not. In fact, the 'other woman' is a symptom of a fault in the first relationship, not a fault in her own right. If anything, the fault normally lies with the first woman and the guy, not 'the other woman'. She tags on at the end. 'The other woman' has a bad reputation, and I think it is totally wrong and unjustified. It is an easy finger to point and make blame -- thats all.

ALWAYS at fault, no. If she's married she is. "Fault" goes to the married person that is stepping outside of their relationshp.

The man is one that is commited in the marriage, he KNOWS what his is doing. The cheater is the one at fault.

oh god no. The 'other woman' isnt the one in the relationship.

I think "fault" could be spread among all three parties, the other woman, the original woman, and the man. Is she at fault "some"? Yeah, sure, but she doesn't share the blame alone.

I think the cheating spouse is the one to blame. He/she is the one who promised to be faithful to another. Many posts mention the wife/hubby at home has a share of the blame, too. But, I sensed things were off and asked him about it. I tried to get him to open up and he said everything is fine, I'm happy -if you're not, then get help. And this wasn't just one attempt. I am sure a few other people feel the same. I think my ex was one of those who was happy with the status quo of wife (not frigid in any way)kids and happy home but just wanted a little more at mid-life. The "other woman" wasn't the only one - just the latest one. She thought otherwise but I set her straight. She knew he was married but went along anyway. But, ultimately the cheater is at fault.

I'm not a purist but..... Having an affair with someone else's spouse is causing harm to someone....you, the cheater, the spouse. Causing harm to someone else is the same as causing harm to yourself. This is true in every instance.

its the cheater's fault b/c they made the decision to stray. but if the other woman KNOWS about the man's girl than she's just as guilty.

it depends on if she KNOWS that she is the other woman or not.

No, both are at fault because "the man" has a wife and "the woman" is sleeping with her husband.

No, I would say she is never at fault. After all she is just trying to get some. He's the one who is doing all the cheating.

I know this blog is really old but in a situation I have just found myself, the guy, Bob, and I became acquaintances last November 2008 while I was dating someone. He worked at a store my BF & I frequented. He never flirted nor did I. He knew my BF and his mother, and I knew he had a GF. After my BF & I split up July 2009, Bob called and asked how I was. The calls were never more than friendly but slowly increased in frequency up until a couple of weeks ago. He told me he would like to know me better but doesn't want to cheat on her. He also told me they started having problems before I met him in the store. I like him. But I told him I will not try to get involved a long as he is with her. I will NOT be the "other" woman. He just told me yesterday that his GF(and his GF who knows he and I are friends and talk on the phone) told his mother about me. He told his mother that he talks to me. He told his GF that he is tired of the way she treats him, she is too physical. Now he is making some plans and will keep me posted. I can tell you how it feels to be the other woman when you aren't. I like the guy. I do not know the whole story between he and the GF so I am in the dark as to what is or isn't, or how she feels. I like him enough to want to kiss him and talk him into walking out today, which I feel pretty sure he would. But I would never do it. I believe that if the other woman doesn't give a guy enough of an escape route he may not go through anything. On the other hand, if he does, then there will be less drama in everyone's life. I just do not want to get hurt so if he breaks it off with her BEFORE he starts dating me then I won't get hurt even if we do not work out.

If they know about i believe they are at fault but you cant really help who you love. you still shouldnt let yourself be the other women though.

It's a little late for this comment but I have lived this answer. I was the other woman and don't regret a moment of it. The wife was not a warm woman but after her husband was with me she suddenly found how nice and warm she could be. Many people won't understand this, but I think I performed a service for his (and her) family. They got back together and suddenly she acted as though she loved him. All that had to happen was that she lost her husband...Then she woke up...and found him...Thank me! .