ANSWERS: 40
  • You deserve someone who values you and would never risk losing you by being dishonest.
  • if you go back, you will be teaching him that altho you say "trust is important" it really isnt. so dont expect him to buy into that again. this time you would have to know better.
  • I don't really feel qualified to answer and actually give you practical information without coming from a source of experience. And, normally, I refrain from answering in such a situation. But I absolutely wanted to. I want to tell you that I am really sorry to hear this news, and I hope you are doing okay. I am very thankful for our recent friendship and interactions, and if there's anything I can do.... I am here to do so. I do think that nobody can MAKE you realize anything. It sounds like you already know. *sigh*
  • What was the lie? I understand it broke trust, but were you asking him not to do something he clearly couldn't stop doing? Was the bar set too high? Had he broken that trust barrier before and this was the umpteenth time he'd done it? give me more info before I say kick the guy to the curb and you need a hero and not a zero
  • Oh Cognition, I'm so sorry to hear that you're going through this. I know from what we've shared that you're an incredibly bright, beautiful and sensitive woman with integrity and honor. You deserve to be treated with the utmost respect and there is no respect when someone would break trust with you for whatever his reason was. I went through something similar two years ago. When he tried to get me back (and they always do), I stood firm and told him that I would never allow him to affect my life with his lies again. It really was one of the best things I've done for myself. Now I have a quote on my desk that I look at daily: "I think, therefore I'm single." It's just a reminder to myself that I'm better off without him or anyone like him. You've been very kind to me and I'd like to be here for you. Remember, this too shall pass. Hugs.
  • Just how bad a lie was this 'trust lie'? Seven years is a long time and a lot of emotional investment. Be sure that you are not being too hasty in your decision. 'To err is human'.
  • Like one of the respondants mentioned its about the depth of the deceit. Seven years, is a long time to be with someone and then just wake up & realize a trust lie was violated. If its something small like you can't trust the guy at Home Depot/ Lowe's because he'll spend a couple of bennies on guy crap...thats different from saying you can't trust him around other women or who knows other men?! Frick these days, I see more than I care to. Its false of you to think people don't lie...the question you should ask yourself is why he lied? If it was because he was trying to not make someone look bad, probaly himself or if he was trying to save someone's feelings..I might cut slack for a seven relationship; if it was cold blooded personal gain that he benefitted from, then I say its time to find a new relationship.
  • All I can say is that I'm really sorry this is happening. I'm glad that you are strong enough, however, to do what is best for you. Broken trust is hard to repair, and it would really depend on what the lie was for me to be able to say that you should never be back together. If your GUT says that it's over completely, that is the truth you should listen to. All my best, Cognition.
  • OMG! Hugs for you. My husband has lied to me a million times for various reasons. It finally did our marriage in. Just so you know, I am here for whatever you need. Please don't hesitate to email me. I am so sorry for your heartbreak. Hugs again.
  • If he promised things before and broke that promise he will most likely do it again, its hard to break away from someone you love and it sux to start all over again and make new memories but do whats best for you hunn. especially if it was abusive or osmehting he knows will offend you. Ive ben through it and its soooo hard to break away, just do it though. :)
  • First of all C., I am sorry. I have been the victim of a 'trusting'lie-tis not a place to be. I guess there are relly only two answers-the one ya wanna hear, and the other one. I wish I knew a little more about his transgression, but as it is causing such hardship for you-i spose it doesn't matter-what or how or who-etc. I don't know your age or anything else much about you-but as a human BEing-you have the right -no-the mandate-to be happy, at peace and yourself. Can you look yourself in the mirror, and without blinking or looking away,-say, " I KNOW he will never do it again-it's your call--but i do know this -a persom who commits the same irrational act-over and over- ( Your believing him again especially after solemn promise)is a good definition of insanity. As old phil would say-"ya believed once-hows that workin for ya?" Good luck C.-you are good-you deserve not to hurt-you deserve the best!
  • I think it's always a possibiliy of getting back together with your ex. But remember, everyone makes mistakes
  • He broke two things. Your trust and a promise. How many more times do you need to get stepped on before you learn?
  • To me it depends on how big the TRUST LIE was. If it wasnt cheating then what was it. Yes I do believe that people make mistakes and sometimes it is for our own good to avoid hurting that other person. I have done it, not breaking a promise, but not telling someone i knew something very important only to wait for them to tell me what was really going on, they never did, they eventually found out that i knew. But it does not matter. No can make you realize anything, you need to on your own. If you love this person and they complete you by all means give yourself the time to decide if he is the person for you and you can forgive him and move on.
  • I've come into this a little late, sorry, but you have helped me before so I will offer what I can to you. I'm very sorry that you are suffering as you have a fine and sensitive mind and I'm sure you're a lovely lady. If the lie was about behaviour that impacts upon you in a negative way and he can't help this behaviour because of some compulsion (addiction?) then realistically you cna't continue this relationship. I know (!) how hard it is to break up after a long time and it ALWAYS hurts. If the behaviour is something you can live with, doesn't harm you but the lie itself offended you then you can either accept him for who he is or recognize that maybe your need for control (to make you feel safe, perhaps?) might be the issue? Only a thought. If it's over, then feel the pain, cry, grieve and one day wake up to a better place. Good luck. lol x
  • Hey, Sweet! You don't have a couple of eggs and a cup of sugar I can borrow, do you? ha-ha! It's like the old friendly street I lived in when I was much younger and us young mums would be in and out of each others houses and lives with tea and sympathy and a few good laughs whenever needed. Big hugs to you, too((( x ))) and to you (((Cog)))lol x
  • Think sinple. What trust did he broke? Is it things that you treat it as serious and unforgivable or just a small thing like for example never smoking etc. To break a 7-Year relationship is not as simple as that. You may regret later but if your reason is strong enough to actually leave him, than leave him.
  • cant tell anything not to go back to him do you love him?if so than forgive him espically if its not cheating,but talk to him about it did he have to forgive you for something you may have done wrong
  • they say at certin time lengths in relationships are speed bumps or herdels, that you either get over, or... not.The 1st is 2 years and the 2nd is 7 years, we sometimes in relationships try find faults or reasons to cause an upheavel, or an excuse to end things out of frustration or ground hog day. Guys always lie, or spear details they dont find to be "important" Trust is a big thing in a relationship, and often if that is broken, it can be very hard to fix. I hope this makes sense?
  • I think if everything else was good with him, you should try to work it out. If you expect to find someone who is always honest with you about every single thing all the time.... I think people should look at the whole picture and realize that everyone is fallable to a degree before they decide to do anything rash. I'm not saying it should be forgiven because I don't know what it was, but, it's the bond that matters and one thing shouldn't be enough to break it.
  • Can you see yourself with him in the future? If the answer is YES. Have him prove himself to you at stage one all over again. If he really loves you he would take his whole life to prove to you how much he regrets it.
  • What did this person do, that has made you ask this question? After seven years together, you would think you guys would have your act together as a couple. What he did was this serious? After all, remember, you two are not married.
  • Never compromise your morals that your family has instilled in you, your beliefs that make you an individual, and your health that your parents gave you for someone else. Never compromise for anything less than what you are.
  • He lies and he breaks promises. Where do you see your relationship going after dating for 7 years? Is there any future? Is there trust? Or were you simply "comfortable" with each other? Seven years is a long time to date without marriage or promise of marriage. It's even longer when your boyfriend has proven untrustworthy. Surely it's healthier for you to move on and find someone who can build a relationship and life with you based on solid trust, mutual respect and firm commitment. My best wishes, my friend.
  • I know someone who'd love to spend time with you....+4
  • Maybe you'll find someone who doesn't mind it being so strict.
  • In my opinion trust is everything in a relationship, whether he was cheating or not, he might as well have been. I had a similar problem with my girlfriend a while back and things just didn't work out, and i too searched for online advice. I found this video and it helped a bunch. www.getonthecouch.com/relationshipadvice/question/774
  • You can get back together as many times as you want. but generally if ppl lie they will keep lying because they can -- therfore itll never work. you will never trust him. period
  • Your line in the sand is trust and you were 100% right to end it now. The lies will not stop. They will eventually turn into other acts of betrayal. Chances are you will hear about other things that were done now that its over. Do not feel badly about having enough respect for yourself not to stay in a bullshit relationship. Find your true soulmate and be happy.....life is too short.
  • Well there is really only a few lies that can break up a relationship besides cheating lies. Such as lying about drinking again, going to strip clubs, watching pornography...doing drugs again, or something in that area...and ive been there for all of them in a past relationship. I came to realize after it was all said and done... that if there is a repetitive trust issue...that he chooses destroying the relationship for...then as we all know actions speak louder than words. If they are going behind your back, destroying your life, your love, your relationship...which inevitably destroys communication...and the big kicker TRUST, then they are showing that they love something else besides you. Whatever it is that they are lying about. Most of the time it is an addiction, which is quite hard to kick even if they do love you...BUT. That doesnt mean you have to put up with it. If you have been with them for 7 years and they still havnt changed their ways, nor look like they are going to...know that we as women always believe we can make a better man, change him...turn him into the best man that he can be by doing right by others, and his family...BUT KNOW THIS you never can. You cannot change a person, a person can only change and do right when they choose to...but until that moment of clarity hits and they figure out what they truely value it will be nothing more than something they "try to get away with" that they "sneak around and do" that they "cant get caught doing" and if they do "oh theyll forgive me and come back"...But always realize nothing will ever change...Once in a great while though a person will change but the question comes to do you really know the person...do you know the man they truely are, were, or can be. Are their morals right, are just and kind even though they mess up...If the answer is no and the relationship is nothing but lies, and fighting, and mistrust, and anger...and deciet...then there is no reason to stay. Go find yourself a better man, a real man...one who will not decieve you only because "they can"...you dont deserve that, infact no woman does. There are bad men out there, but there are good men out there... those who will uphold their trust, those who try to please you, those who try to do what is right...provide for you, profess their love to you...and protect you from all danger, and you are their number 1 and not only themselves. And let me tell you as a woman who has obtained one of those men. It seems like a dream, and it seems like its almost impossible to find with the ocean of horrible men out there. But they will never be who your looking for, but will always be better than anything you can find. If you feel that love in your heart that you have to give away, then know that love is to be recipricated. There is a man out there with the same amount of love in his heart to give away...and that lucky lady will be you. I do believe in magic, and soul-mates...and a happy life, sure their will be issues...but Trust and forgiveness will be a #1 in the relationship along with communication and understanding. Sure were not all perfect, but sometimes there are people who are perfect for each other. Keep your hopes up and remind yourself if you are a good woman, somewhere out there there is a good man. ...Dont just put up with a guy, or settle down with him....or forgive him cuz you dont wanna waste the years and end up wasting more when he does it again...but ...just leave and begin again. I think youll find that once you realize the relationship is 100% over...you will be born again, youll be so much happier...more bubbling, more outgoing...and just have more life in you. That glow will attract that man...and one day, youll find love. Just be positive...just move on...if that is what you want.
  • he going to keep lying because he lied before and you caught him if you go back with him your love is just a lie. leave him gurl
  • he'll lie again
  • If he lied to you when he promised he wouldn't then he does not respect your feelings and he will probably do it again.
  • If he lied to you when he promised he wouldn't then he does not respect your feelings and he will probably do it again.
  • YOu must tell us more about his lie. what is that big of a deal?
  • If he's a serial Liar and if it's having to do with Drugs or alcohol or women I will have to let him go. Cuz living with such person will make you suffered all your life.
  • All I can say is that his past behavior is the best indicator of his future behavior and if you can't live with it now it's only going to get harder to live with later on and harder to leave the longer you stay.
  • Wow, this question is over a year old. How did this ever float to the top after all this time. I trust that things are all settled by now.
  • He has genital warts.
  • 2nd Answer: He lied to you about smoking marijuana. i finally discovered your reason for your decision. I totally agree with you for various reasons. if he has lied to you about marijuana, he has probably lied to you about many other things. Its your decision and i am backing you 100%. If he is high on pot and you are in the same car, the police are going to "assume" that you are also a willing participant and you could be arrested. this does not show much respect for you. and, like i have said a thousand times on AB, when you lose trust in a relationship, you have lost it all. As you know, marijuana is addictive. Your boyfriend is either going to have to give up on you or his pot. my money is on the marijuana. Its a shame that you have wasted seven years of your life on a "lie". you have a right to be free of drugs and people addicted to drugs. you must love him and this is really a tough decision for you. If you decide to continue your relationship, be prepared to accept the consequences.

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