ANSWERS: 20
  • Is he really, really adamant that he doesn't want to go to counselling? Is this the first time he's ever expressed his dissatisfaction?
  • What makes you think it's the kids that he resents? They are his children too. What else is going on?
  • If there's no other issues going on....let him go; don't try to stop him and let him know how you feel about it. leave the kids out of it; because truly i can guarantee you it has nothing to do with the children, but everything to do with the fact that this is something he's wanted all along; he can just now blame it on the children. let him go, but tell him you don't really want it to end; say it with conviction and no tears or remorse. he will then think why isn't she fighting me over this. give him the divorce and take him to court and he will support you and "the children" for the rest of his life! he will regret that he ever let you go. he might even reconsider his request once he sees what life is really going to be like for him. let it go.
  • We've been married 9 years. 5 yrs ago we agreed I would become a stay at home mom because he was traveling alot for work. So he has been dedicated to work and I've been raising our kids. He's comes and goes so often that the kids come to me and ask why can't dad be here more often. I feel bad for them and tell him what they're saying but he views it as nagging and manipulation to make him feel guilty. He says I'm not supporting him and make him feel "less of a father". But after telling him he makes time for the kids for a couple months, but slides back to worse than he was before. I've always felt I had to tell him because he's not around enough to know how the kids really feel, but everytime I bring it up the arguements get worse the next time because I get more and more frustrated too. And now he wants a divorce...he doesn't want to go to counseling because he says he knows he doesn't want to reconcile. I suggested counseling the last fight and he promised that if he got like this again we would go next time. But now no "next time", he just wants a divorce. I don't get it...do you?
  • Well, that's probably a BS reason he is handing you, but, the fact is, if he doesn't think there is a point, then, there isn't a point. It takes two to resurrect a relationship.
  • This happened to a person very close to me. Our dear friend and neighbor said there is no way you can force a person to love you. If he does not love you anymore, you are probably better off. I know you can't believe it now, but resentment builds up and it can become very destructive. You might be able to work out a trial separation in case he is just going through a phase, but it won't do you any good to get your hopes up. You would not be happy in a marriage with out love, and it can reflect poorly on your children.
  • Sadly, it sounds as though he's determined to be unhappy and want's out. I had something fairly close to this with my ex girlfriend. Just she just kinda emotionally dropped me and I was like "Is there anything I can do to fix it? Is there anything I did wrong?" And the response was "no" We broke up that day =/ Sounds much like this situation for you. Summary: Sorry, but it may be that you need a divorce. Unfortunately he no longer feels the need to stay.
  • I might be wrong but it sounds to me like he's cheating on you. If his mind wasn't preoccupied, he would want to do whatever it took to work it out. and generally the statement 'I don't love you like that anymore' is pretty telling too. Sorry. Good luck.
  • I'd tell him you can't just leave your wife with a 3 and 7 year old just because things SUCK for you right now... things change, life changes...things get better and things will get worse...Tell him to stop being a punk and don't leave his family because it's not exciting!
  • I'm passing for a similar situation right now, and there are two things that you should do, I know this is not easy, believe me, I'm want to drop dead right now... but it will help if you do back up for a while, do not pay attention to him at all, make him feel that is NOT the king in your life but you do are the queen of your kingdom and if he is there or if he isn't you'll be just fine... after all its him who will lose you; why this? because man are more stupid that monkeys (most of the time) and when you say yes, they think NO, and viceversa... make yourself interesting ... if this doesn't work, you have to be incredible strong mined... with this I mean, that only you have the power to control your emotions and if you feel pain, then my friend you have to think all the reason why you'll be better if he is not there...,like : no mess around the house, no opening your legs when you don't feel like it, he can take the old furniture out and you can and should get brand new ones.. because this will be the beginning of your new life, and you'll change your hear stile and your clothes an ask your friends to take you out and I can give you a whole lost of all the things you should do... and you know what? if you pray... with you heart and soul and learn to talk to your guardian angel to help you and guide you... this my dear will make and incredible and good change in your life... with him or without him. And never forget that you always have to look good for your children... always. I hope I could tell you more... but I'm also hanging in the rope waiting for him ( but in this case its different because I've stop loving him first, had an affair( that wasn't really en affair but a deep friendship.. that if I talk about it he wouldn't believe me, and then love him back again...) to find himself again and come back to me for ever but if he doesn't you already know what is I will do. Good luck and be the strength always be with you..
  • Go to counseling by yourself. It can help. Sometimes with the relationship; sometimes it just helps you. Try it.
  • Seek wise council(parent,mentor).Go to counciling yourself.Not just for your marriage, but for your life and the big decisions you have in front of you.
  • If this happened to me. I would find someone ASAP to watch the children for a weekend and get away with my spouse and see if we could talk over the problems. If he was unwilling to go away with me then I would try to find some kind of counseling for myself.
  • I hate to say this, and maybe I'm wrong, but it sounds like an excuse and that maybe he has found himself another woman.
  • I am in similar situation as you. A month ago, my husband said he no longer love me and asked me to let him go. He said we have social (because I disapproved his frequent drinking sessions) and physical (we have no intimacy for 2 years). The next day, I discovered he had fallen in love with a Thai girl while he was in business trips. It had been a month and he still keeps in contact with the girl. We still stayed in one roof but in separate room. I have a 2 yrs old lovely girl and he said it is better to divorce while she is still young. I have been through desperation, sadness, disappointment for the last one month. I know I have o let go but it is so difficult. I feel so betrayed by him. The fact that he loves me no more really hurt me so much.
  • Let him go. Get on with your life. Love yourself without hating him. Simple, right? Don"t waste time trying to convince someone to love you or pay attention to you. Keep in mind this is between you and him...not the kids. Don't use them, co-parent them, and move on.
  • i am also going through this right now,i dont want a divorce because i love him so much .i have been crying for 2 days straight and it does not seem to even bother him,it seems like it is the hardest thing to accept but my mom told me if you love someone that much sometimes you have to set them free
  • I am coping with a similar situation although my husband did have a brief affair with his 'secretary' the old problem a shoulder to cry on with no baggage.....my kids are 3 and 1 and I have been fully involved with their upbringing, health and happiness. They are fantastic children and I think I have at least done something worthwhile. I still love my husband and today is our 5th wedding anniversary but he just doesn't seem to want me. I do believe there is light at the end of the tunnel, keep yourself occupied and try not to feel like giving up and hand the divorce reins to him, let him sort it out and maybe just like my husband, to date nothing has happened and every day gets easier for me, I feel stronger and at the end he will be the one losing out and unhappy. Good Luck.
  • I would just let him go. If he doesn't want to work it out and refuses counseling, then there is not much you can do. Why would you want to be with someone that doesn't want to be with you? Someone that claims he doesn't love you.
  • I'm going through the same thing with my husband. We have 3 kids, a newborn, 2 year old and a 3 year old. About a month ago, while I was 9 months pregnant...I found out that he was speaking to another girl. He said it never went beyond talking, but he did have feelings for her. Then he went on to tell me that they are no longer speaking, but that he's been unhappy with me for a while and that he has fallen out of love with me. I started to notice a change in him when he injured his knee and was not able to walk without crutches for 2 months, then his mom past away in september, so he was going through a lot of things. He said that he was looking back at his life and regrets a lot of things. Then he went on to tell me that he doesn't love me anymore and doesnt want to work things out. It's been over a month now, and things haven't changed...he still feels the same way. It's been really hard for me, because I want to work things out and I love him sooo much. And when I look at our children it hurts me even more to know he wants to break our family apart. He refuses to do counseling, but I'm thinking I am gonna go on my own...for myself. You just have to remember to stay strong and fight for your marriage. Don't nag him or argue with him...don't even ask him anymore why he doesn't love u anymore. Try to keep urself occupied and focus on ur children. Let him know how much u love him and want to work things out and that u will fight for his love and for ur marriage. But at the end if he decides he still feels the same and doesnt want to be married to u anymore...there's nothing left for us to do but accept it and move on. At least you can tell urself and God, that u tried and that u did fight for ur marraige. And hopefully when we are gone, they will realize what they have lost. The grass isn't always greener on the other side. They think they have it soo bad with us, and that they would be happier without us...then let's see how happy they will be. Don't wish bad for him, just be happy and love yourself. God is good...he brought us to it, he will bring us through it. Have faith and pray...believe that things will get better. Good luck..

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