• Man wants to get rid of his wife. Sees an ad in the paper for a mobster named Artie who will choke people for as little as $1. So he hires him. Artie goes to the house, chokes the wife, but the two next door neighbours witness it, so he is forced to choke them too. Headline the next day: Artie chokes 3 for a dollar.
  • A frog walkes into a bank and tells the receptionist her wants to take out a loan. She referres him to Ms. Wack. The frog goes up to her and notices her first name on her name tag and says, "Patty, I would like to take out a loan". Patty says, "How much would you like to have?" The frog replies, "$10,000". Patty asks,"Do you have any collateral". The frog holds up a small white porceline elephant and says "I have this" Patty doesn't think that is enough and asks "Do you have any other collateral?" The Frog says" My father Mick Jagger talked to the head loan manager and they said everything would be fine for the loan." Patty didn't think this was right so she goes to the bank manager and explains how a frog wants to take out a loan for $10,000 and only has a white figurine as collateral and claims his father is Mick Jagger who had talked to him. The manager then says," Thats a nick nack patty wack, give the frog a loan............his old mans a rolling stone."
  • Teachers who take class attendance are absent-minded. A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months. The frustrated cannibal threw up his hands. If you leave alphabet soup on the stove and go out, it could spell disaster. Pencils could be made with erasers at both ends, but what would be the point?
  • Not today... hehe
  • A horse walks into a bar the bartender asks him why the long face? A mushroom walks into a bar the bartender says get out we don't serve mushrooms here the mushroom says why not I'm A fungi Three men walk into a bar. You'd think the the last two would have seen it
  • This classic Groucho Marx routine from "Duck Soup" (1933): You can leave in a taxi. If you can't get a taxi, you can leave in a huff. If that's too soon, you can leave in a minute and a huff.
  • cant think of any right now

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