ANSWERS: 23
  • Sadly, this is not uncommon. It seems that there is a certain percentage of males who cannot take suffering and will abandon families when threatened by the illness of a family member. It is not good and I can understand your anger and frustration. There are support groups available. If you ask at your local health centre, they should be able to give you some details. It could be that your husband might agree to counselling...or if he does not, at least you will have found some support to get you through this. I am so sorry this has happened. I hope and pray that you recover from the cancer and go on to lead a full and happy life.
  • I can barely comprehend it Katie. It seems to me to be the cruelest most heartless thing a partner could do and I am so very sorry he did it to you. I pray that you will find the strength and will power to get through this and that you will come out of it a healthy, happy person. I realize this might seem almost impossible to you at this stage, but I have to believe in miracles and so do you, coz sometimes that's all we have left to believe in (((luv'n'hugs)))
  • Whatever is right or wrong here it does not make any difference because you are the one who has the children to take care of so you cannot afford to behave as he has - you have a responsibility as a parent regardless of what husband has done, however wrong. You do not have the right to behave the same way he has (and nor did he) - your kids need you now more than ever because their father has gone. Resist the urge to slag him off to them or turn them against him - he is still their father and they must not be held accountable or responsible for the breakdown in your marriage - that is between you and him, it is your problem and you must deal with it. He will always be their father (albeit a crappy one). Your priorities must lay with your children - you need to get some help whether that is counselling or whatever, just talk to somebody - perhaps a helpline (in UK we would call Cancer Research).
  • I wish I had an answer for you but I'm so sorry that you're sick & I'll pray for your full recovery
  • Weak and feeble man - unfortunately you have to discover this when you least need it. Be strong - because you are.
  • To quote the commercial, "You may have cancer but it doesn't have you." Big loads are made for big horses and little loads for little ones as they say. He is probably doing the best he can. I'm just so glad I'm not him. We are all happy to be here for you so be sure to use us whenever you need us. May God bless you and your children.
  • Isn't it odd how life finds the oddest times to throw you in the middle of a "learning opportunity" and "growing pain" to say the least??!!!?! Because this situation has been given to you, I am POSITIVE that you are definitely an immensely strong woman! The weak ones are the ones who won't survive after someone leaves them. I know it seems ridiculous and cliche to think of it.. But for whatever reason, you have been chosen to be this strong woman! Maybe even to be an example of something for your children. It may be this experience that you and your kids must go through in order for your kids to learn something from you that enables them to become and do what they're meant to do in life. Ride this through as best you can.. Focusing on the example you want your kids to think of and remember when they get older, and watch the fruit grow from it. Third Eye...
  • he was weak... i guess thats all i can say.
  • Singwell is right, this is not uncommon. I'm sorry Katie. My mom had cancer when she was 38 and she is on her second round at age 55 at the moment. She was in a support group with a woman who was in the same predicament as you. This guy was a real jerk. He was too much of a macho male to say that he was frightened and he had no coping skills to boot. What he told her is that he wanted a whole woman (she had breast cancer) and that she no longer whole after a double mastectomy. A regular prince charming, no? Men need support and some just refuse to admit it. If you can get him to join a support group or seek counseling, the issue may be fairly easy to resolve. It's hard to say since I don't know him personally. Your first priority is to take care of yourself and to get better. You have children who need you and love you as well. I am not too proud to say I cried when I read your question. Katie, I am so sorry you have to go through this. I know it won't help too much, but here's a hug. Please take care :)
  • He should not leave, he should be more supportive.
  • Oh God Katie I am so sorry. First I had no idea you were sick. Then to have to deal with this on top of everything else. I can't even imagine what you are going through. Please know that you are in my thougts and prayers and I hope this is just a phase hubby is going through. Maybe he is just having a hard time dealing with everything and just needs a little time to sort stuff out. I hope he wakes up and realizes what he is throwing away before it is too late. Whether you forgive him or not and take him back if he does come to his senses is going to be up to you. Personally I'd make him stew for a bit just as payback for doing such a shitty thing but that's me. At any rate I wish you luck and hope he comes to his senses soon. If not don't worry about it. Concentrate on making yourself better and when the time is right someone who will be able to be there for you through the good as well as the bad will come along I am sure.
  • I hope he has life insurance. If everyone gets back what they have given out, I can't see anything good happening from him jumping ship like this. First off, I didn't know you were sick, I am very sorry to hear that. Having two youngsters and being sick is horrible. I watched a 29 year old woman with a 3 year old son die from cancer while her no good husband pursued his life while her parents had to care for her until sadly she died. Some men are just really selfish or weak or perhaps a combination of both. Hopefully, you have some friends and family who will stick by you during your treatments. This is really sad, I feel very badly for you.
  • its better to have found out now, you will find someone to go through this with, or , you will become stronger by going through it alone, without any of his emotional blackmail and baggage, that could have added huge stress to your own turmoil, and at the end of that journey , there will be some one special to fill any void in your life, far more special than the previous person !! :)
  • Oh, Katie, I'm so sorry you are dealing with all of this on top of being sick. You guys need to deal with this as a family, I suggest you give him time and space to come to terms, surely he'll see the error of his ways. I'll think and pray for you and your family often. (((HUGS)))
  • Chronic illness can put a lot of stress on relationships, and in a true example of cruel irony, that stress wouldn't be half of what it usually is if there wasn't some sizeable level of caring in the relationship in the first place. I'm sorry that this should have to happen to you. It was very hypocritical and jackassish of him to leave, but it would probably be best for you to try not to dwell on that it too much (Which I know is much easier said than done), and if you have some family or close friends you could stay with for a few nights, now could be a good time to do so.
  • There is a part of me that wants to have a few words with him for walking out like he did. My heart goes out to you and your kids. Words fail me, but know that you will be in my thoughts.
  • That is the most awfull thing i have ever heard! What a horrible weak person.
  • no offense honey....but your husband has got to be the sorriest son of a b*tch i've ever heard about. i guess he missed the part in your vows where it says: in sickness and in health......he needs a healthy dose of wipe-ass if you ask me.....i know you've got a lot on you with your cancer and all and having him up and leave didn't help. but now you've gotto worry about you and your health........deal with him later....god doesn't bring you to it if he can't lead you through it. please keep me updated on your progress.....even if you just need to talk.........you aren't alone....never think you are.....best of luck to you and know that you are in my prayers....
  • This is such a mean heartless act for him to follow. This is not your fault you did not chose for this to happen to you and you are the victim of this illness whereas he is seeming to try to play the victim. You are the one who needs the caring love and attention of those close to you and it seems as though a part of him doesnt like all the focus to be on you and your wellbeing because perhaps it would shine away from him and his wellbeing. This is a selfish things for him to do the most selfish thing that i could ever imagine a man doing to his own wife. You are better than him and you deserve better. This is a time in your life where you need support and understanding and as your husband taht is one area he should really be there for you in. If i were you i would focuse on myself and my own wellbeing and that of your children and do not let him drag you down. A person like taht is very self centered, irresponsible, and for some reason seems to be only in it for the good times but not the bad. You need to get better You need to fight through this You need the love and care from ppl around you You need to show him that you dont need him because you are stronger wihtout someone like that then you would be with them. You are a wonderful person who does not need to put up with that sort of abuse. Know your rights as a person as a mother and as a wife. and if you ever need anyone to talk to im here.
  • I am so very sorry Katie. I guess in sickness and in health doesn't always work that way; but I believe the support and prayer you have from so many of us let's u know that you are not alone. While I can't be there to help you in flesh; I will be with you in spirit as you are now in my heart and will be in my daily prayer. Save your energy Katie for the road you have ahead; and never be afraid to express yourself as you did here, because you have some great listeners.
  • If he can't stick by you through this then he isn't worth worrying about. I'm so sorry he did that to you, maybe you're better off without him.
  • I married a man who I financially, emotionally and physically supported after he was involved in an incapisitating car accident. Years later first I, then my daughter both became ill with different debilitating conditions, my daughter's being degenerative. At first he was helpful, but as time wore on he became increasingly hostile and beligerant. Eventually it was I that left him as it became obvious that though it is what he wanted, he was incapable of doing so, and therapy was not changing this attitude. I and my daughter needed the right energy to live, heal, and enjoy our limited conditions without the added stress of his toxic inability to cope. Does it make me angry? Well, at some point anger is part of the grief/healing process, but you have to let it go as it does not leave a positive energy flow that you need right now. Make peace with the situation, heal and move on :) good luck sweety :)
  • dont you wish we was the cancer, and it could pack up and leave? Thats very low. My thoughts are with you :( all the best, I hope he just went to the supermarket for you

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