You feel how you feel, and it's only natural to have a hard time with this. Fact is, you married someone who has been married before and has children. It is healthy and positive for them to get along and spend time with the children together. It is one of the best things he can do for his kids as their father. You are an adult, and you knew the situation when you married him. It will be difficult, but you are his wife. He chose to marry you because he loves YOU and their marriage didn't work out. Don't strain your relationship with him by not respecting the life he had before you. If the ex-wife or your husband was behaving inappropriately with one another, that would be another story.

Your husband has children with this woman. He (and you) are lucky that he has managed to have mature (grown-up) civilized relationship. It is good for the children, and even for you. If your husband and his ex were at each other's throats it would dominate your marriage. Everyday you would be trading stories about the anger and the hostility between them--instead of being able to live and love your husband. Be glad that things are okay with them, and be supportive. You might even befriend his ex. You have a lot in common, you know. After all, you fell in love with the same man. As far as holidays and birthdays are concerned, hubby must make room for both of his families, and he MUST make sure that his childen by his first wife don't feel left out of his life. You must encourage this and, by the way, make sure that you NEVER, NEVER, degrade his ex wife. See how mature and civilized you can become. It will improve your marriage!

I feel it is inappropriate for divorced people to socialize together, especially in front of the children who can/will find this very confusing. Graduations, weddings, etc, which are rare special occassions are ok to blend, but typical events, b-day, etc, no need to be shared, they happen all the time. Your DH needs to socialize with his wife, not his x.

I know that there all kinds of views on this, it's like spank to not spank arguement. There will always be differing views. I personally think that the children need a positive and loving example of marriage, which they wont ever have if their parents divorce, then remarry, and disrespect their new spouse. The second marriage is doomed if the two partners are not able to communicate and cooperate, respect and trust in each other. Just because you don't holiday with someone, doesn't mean that you are avoiding them, or not getting along with them. Getting along with someone does not mean you will spend holidays with them.

The way I can tell the character of a man is in how he treats others. If he could blow off his children's mother to make you feel more secure.. that would not sit well with me because that would mean he could do that to you. I applaud this man and if I were in your shoes, I would be proud of him and who he is. Yes, I WOULD be a bit insecure about it.. that is a weakness we all feel at one time or another when threatened but this is his children's mother and they are first priority. Stand by him and support him because he is not a dead beat dad. I do not think you are wrong.. I think you feel threatened and I have been there but show support and be proud of a man who is involved in his kids' lives. They are showing their children that there is still respect and concern even though they are no longer together and that is very important and critical to THEIR state of mind. Trust him and trust In him to do the right thing and be there to support him. Would you support him if he blew off these functions because she would be there? That would hurt his children and surely you would not enjoy that? I can imagine it is hard but it takes a good man to be involved. Be the good woman behind him supporting this and have faith. This is all about the children. Not him and her. Good luck and Merry Christmas.

There no way you can stop being jealous but they have to be civil for there children you should be proud of him that he is in his childrens life that he didnt just abandon them. Lots of fathers figue Oh well moving on I can make more babies. This man is a real man. Taking responsiblity for his children being involved. Would you want him to have your children then divorce you then never see the kids. you should be very supportive to him. It may not be easy for him to have to deal with his ex. He's doing it for his children you should communicate with him. But dont be judgemental. HE'S THE MAN IN MY EYES. . .

There is no right or wrong about his. You feel uncomfortable and there is nothing wrong with that emotion. Some part of you feels that your relationship with your husband is not as exclusive as you would like it to be because of his continued contact and socialising with his ex-wife. You may even be afraid that they will resume their previous loving relationship and shut you out. Unless you have actual evidence that this is happening, don't go borrowing trouble. It might be a bit unusual for exes to spend family time together, but it needn't be a source of worry - I hope that your husband re-assures you that it is only for the children's sake that they do this. The children need not be 'confused' about this relationship continuing as parents; as long as everyone knows what the boundaries are to the interactions, and as long as those boundaries are respected, all the children will see is that it is possible for 2 people to work together for a mutual goal without letting any previous antagonism interfere with that goal. It's a mature thing for both of the parents to be doing. Perhaps one of the best ways for you to be reassured is to take part in these occasions yourself. Go to the birthday parties, the Christmases, etc. Unless you see something with your own eyes that confirms what are most probably unfounded suspicions, I would just let the 2 parents in this situation work this out for themselves.

You can stop being jealous by loving who you are ! The root of these feelings is low self-esteem. If you were confident in yourself knowing that you are a beautiful, intelligent, woman who is deserving of the love of your husband you wouldn't feel so insecure.Show your husband what a confident , strong, woman he married by allowing him to be the man that he is. Ask yourself if it would be easier if they hated eachother ? if the answer is yes you need to do some serious soul searching and figure out why you would feel better about the kids and everyone being miserable? It's better there is no drama in the relationship . the only drama is the drama you are creating because you don't feel like you can compete with her. My advice is don't try to compete because you don't need too ! Be confident Be strong Be trusting of you husband. Be open to his children. Embrace this woman and talk on the phone to her too. Start small by saying " hello how are you " Show her your relationship with him is strong by respecting her. In my situation my relationship with my teenage step-daughter go better because I respected her mother and her mother in turn taught her daughter to respect me. Include yourself in birthday parties, etc. be as graceful to her as you can as long as she respects you because this woman is going to always be the mother of his children and in his life so you might as well start building a positive relationship with her too. Even though it will be hard at first because it's always hard to build character it will get better and pretty soon you will start to feel empowered. It's scary for you because you don't have control but you will feel better once you say to yourself" I love myself I deserve to be loved and I'm capable of giving love " He loves you and will love you even more knowing how much you trust him and respect him and his children ! good luck Peace

You are not wrong to feel jealous. I know where you are coming from. While your husband needs to have communication with his ex-wife due to the kids, there are boundaries that are to be respected now that he is remarried (to you). You should ALWAYS be included in anything and everything in his life. It boils down to preference of a couple: It is not 'wrong' of him to spend time with his kids in the presence of his ex (as long as he includes you). If you are ok with that then GREAT, the more the merrier right?! And if your not,which clearly your not, he would need to consider your feelings on this. If he doesn't consider your feelings on any situation that has great meaning to you, then your problem here is your husband and not the relationship he carries with the mother of his children. A divorce is a marriage dissolved. And when there is no marriage, there is no family unit. The only family he has left for that unit is his kids. His only concern with his ex is the children and nothing else. It's very important that your husband and his ex-wife carry an amicable relationship for the benefit of the kids, but this does not include being the family that they used to be. I guess you can say that would be optional depending on the circumstances of everyone involved. I think to a certaint extent, this can hold a false hope over the childrens head that daddy and mommy might get back together because things are still the same. ''We're still a family''...And thats just not the case. The children may grow up to never accept you as your husbands wife and a valued member of the family and they may also resent their father for posing a false image of the realities of the matter. He can be a loving father and teach his children the value of marriage through YOUR MARRIAGE with him. Not the marriage he had with his ex, that is already shot. Not spending holidays,vacations,birthdays with his ex-wife does not present an unhealthy atmosphere, it should not confuse the children if you've explained to them what is going on - this is what happens after divorce!(very sad and very true). The truth is, kids adjust. It is SO SO important that you and your husband develope new traditions that will make your new family unique. This includes all holidays and birthdays and vacations. You have a right to that and it doesnt mean his children are excluded. In fact, it means the kids get double bubble!But at the moment, it Sounds to me that if he continues to spend 'family' time with the wrong woman, the only thing he will be presenting to his children is yet another broken family..this time you as the ex wife. Choose the right time to talk to him about this. Make sure you reassure that you want what is best for the children and that you respect and care for them, but that you love your marriage enough to protect it. Remember, if your marriage isnt the first priority, it will fall apart. While the children's needs come first before our needs, if its ultimately going to be what is NOT best for your marriage then it will fall apart. The best thing your husband can teach his children is the value of marriage. He's already put them through one broken family, is that the lasting impression he wants to leave his kids with? Good Luck!!

Wow! If you're jealous and don't feel comfortable with him discussing and/or doing things with their children, maybe you shouldn't be married to him. What would you think of a man who didn't discuss things about his children or want to do things with them? Did you think when you married him that his ex and his children would dry up and blow away? Did you not know that it was over between him and his ex before you married him? Grow up. Either you love him or you don't. Either you trust him or you don't. Either you respect him or you don't. The children were there before you were, and you knew that when you married him.

I think when the children are young it takes both parents to raise them and everyone should get along. However, I am involved with someone older than me and his children are both adults now with kids of their own. I don't think it is necessary to spend holidays with his ex anymore. It is uncomfortable for me and I do not like it, although he's been doing it for several years since their divorce because neither of them have re-married. Am I wrong for feeling this way? It seems like every time we invite his kids to do something, their mom shows up too?

I feel for you here........my fiance will text his ex wife sometimes at 11pm at night and then tell me it is about the kids. I ask if it was an emergency and he replies that it isn't. This seems inappropriate to me and is disrespectful to me. I also get upset when he tells me that his ex is telling him when her relationships end with boyfriends and then he asks her why and then tells me that he needs to know because of his boys. I don't get it. Should I be worried???

I think that all divorced parents should do their best to get along, even to a certain extent they should be friends. My issue is the boundaries in that friendship. You can not always treat an ex as a friend the same way that you can treat a friend that you have not been intimate with, especially after you have moved on and re-married. I am dealing with some of these same issues with my husband. He and his ex wife get along pretty well. They support each other when it comes to the kids and back each other up on decipline. They go together to buy big things that the kids want and so on. My issue with it, where I feel it cross' the line is when he feels the need to tell her where he is, what he is doing and everything else in his life. He spends time in her apartment (he is a truck driver and so many times this would be his only time with the kids)which I don't like but accept because of the situation and she usually leaves. I don't like the fact that she calls him late at night for things that have nothing to do with the kids and she calls him about all of her own personal problems i.e. I had a bad day at work. This all brings up the issue of the confusion for the kids. His kids have actually asked him why he doesn't come back, they see them getting along so well so they must still love each other. I think that you need to be 100% up front and honest with the kids by telling them that you are getting along with your mother because you love them, not her. That two people can get along and be in love with someone else. I don't think that it is right to give the kids any false pretense that their parents might be getting back together. If they spend to much time together and talk on the phone all the time, that will give the kids false hope and end up hurting them even more...that is a huge reason that it is very important to have boundaries.

well, you cant really blame him for wanting to keep the kids happy, but spending alot of time together could point toward other things, he's not wrong for wanting to see or talk to her, but if things persist then more than talking could happen , maybe if you try to form a friendship with her it wont be as bad

my mom was young when she married my dad and had me. and he had to daughters who are my half sisters. she had a hard time accepting them cause they were older and didnt like his ex wife and all that. She distanced herself and almost steered my dad away from them. as my mom grew older she realized how immature she was actimng and tried to build a relationship it was too late. two years ago one of his daughters died of cancer and my mom has never forgiven herself for distancing herself and my dad from them. life is too short, just remember shes the past and he loves you, but you need to let him be close to his kids. how would you feel in his situation?

I think it is completely wrong for them to do things together!!! COMPLETELY WRONG!! I am remarried and have my own children and two step-children. The kids have a family at our house. Their parents are no longer married!! That is the 'divorce' part of divorce!!! They get to spend time with each parent (seperately!). It is twisted and unhealthy, plus confusing for the kids, to have the parents hang out together for the kids sake!! People!! Wake UP!!

U know what! their things u can not change bse u found him with a woman plus children so u have to bear since u love him. good luck ma dear

I was in the same situation with my husband. We shared everyting with his ex but as the girls grew up eventually they started doing things seperately. Be thankful they have a civil relationship and as long as you trust your husband then don't be jealous. It will get easier over time.

You are ABSOLUTELY 100% WRONG. How do you stop? GET OVER IT. That's your only choice if you expect to stay married. Because let me tell you something. You have ABSOLUTELY NO RIGHT to interfere with those children's relationship with their parents. Don't believe me? Keep it up and then watch their mother sue you for parental alienation. You can actually get yourself into some serious trouble if you let these feelings fester long enough to act on them. STOP NOW BEFORE YOU END UP DOING SOMETHING STUPID. They have every right to want to maintain an amicable relationship and do things together with those kids. You, however, have no right to stand in the way. If you're not confortable, you need to EITHER GET OVER IT OR GET GONE. Those kids don't need someone jeopardizing the solidity of the co-parenting relationship between their parents.

No. You may know it's "best for kids" (excuse I get all the time) but that doesn't mean your feelings go away. And the kids don't disappear once they're grown, either. My BF of 7 yrs is right now on a trip with his ex and son, to a college orientation in another state. They will be traveling together many times in the years to come - as he says, it's cheaper to drive together. But they're also going out to eat together, sightseeing, etc. as a couple. But it's "for the kid" (college freshman). I hate this and he refuses to negotiate. I am considering leaving over this and the other connections he still maintains with her. He is a great guy, but how much should I put up with?

My husband has custody of his daughter and we have invited mom to some birthday parties. I don't think we would ever do other holidays together because we both have our own families. That would just make it to crazy. The only joint thing they have together is the kid so I am ok with that. I am the one that initiated that whole thing. My stepdaughters mom and i are friendly and have talked on the phone on numerous occasions. I agree...try to befriend her and that will make things a lot easier. Who knows, it could be lots of fun. I always say the more the merrier.

Depends on what their phone conversations are like but I'd expect to have both parents there for major events.

well.... to be honest they have to be 'friends' because of the children. and spending parties and x-mas and stuff together makes the seperation for the children better. ever since i can remember my dad and his ex (who is not my mum) have always been friends. and we always go over to her house for a christmas or birthday do. and thats been 22 years.

Meet her... Get to know her... They have kids together (and you don't say how old they are, so I'm assuming pre- to teen). He will ALWAYS have to deal with her as far as the kids go. See http://www.answerbag.com/a_view/3044893 , http://www.answerbag.com/a_view/2355741 , and http://www.answerbag.com/a_view/3473644 . They're a bit of what I had to do, and how my GF (now wife) dealt with it.

sounds like you are insecure and unsure of yourself. they will always be THEIR childrens' parents. it would be better for all concerned if you were supportive.

I think it is completely wrong also...SOmewhat If they are hanging out without u, DEFINTELY! THink about it, they used to be in love, old feeling probably come back when he sees her. I can understand maybe saying HI and Bye, BUT HANGING OUT, HE SHOULD BE BRINGING YOU. i THINK IT IS VERY DISRESPECTFUL IF U R NOT INCLUDED. YOu and his exshould get along if hes getting along with her so well. Ask him aqbout coming along. I feel the same, I get anxiouse whenever my husbands ex wife calls...They have 2 kids...But maybe thats because she came after me when we were dating...SHe said I was a whore for F8cking her ex husband, lol...umm okay! She was the one who had sex with his brothers.

I came from a divorced family, and I had a wonderful childhood. My brothers and I would spend holidays with my mother, and her new family, and my father, and his new wife. Though adjustment was gradual,and took time we quickly realized that our father's new wife was a permanent fixture in our lives and we learned to respect her, and beyond that we established very unique traditions with each household. My parents were cordial, and friendly toward one another, but they NEVER spent Holidays together with us, and I'm grateful because the sooner they taught us that they were apart, but that they each still loved us, the sooner we could embrace our new lives, rather than being comforted by some false idea that we were all still one happy family, and then being confused and rejecting their new partners. Children need to be exposed to what is honestly occurring in the world around them, and to learn to adjust, and handle change, and recognize that things aren't perfect. I simply do not see a point in preserving what is lost. How is this handled when new children are brought into the picture? Does the father still leave his family to play "Family" with his EX? Wouldn't it be healthier for the Father's children to join he and his wife with his children's half-siblings? This could get complicated! I understand what he is trying to do...keep the children's interest in mind, preserve what was lost for the kids, and such...but how are his children to ever get to know and love their step-mother?...When/IF new children do arrive it would be impossible to be present in both households. Is he to just suddenly thrust the truth upon his children, or should he leave his new children on Christmas day to visite his EX and their children? Wouldn't it make more sense for his new children and his children from his previous marriage to all be under the same roof with their father, and his wife?

I think your reaction is totally normal. However, try to remember that he has chosen to be with you. He spends time with her for the good of the kids. He spends his life with you because he wants to. Hope this helps. X

Ok...So I have more to add....What if the only time your husband's Ex-Wife comes around is when you are at work and only calls him or he only calls her when your gone and not home...for example..I went out of town with my mom and my sister recently and my husband called his ex-wife and had her come over and hang out while he had the kids only because I was gone..and by the time I got back she had left....My thing is I could care less if they are friends for the children I support that 100% but why is the only time he sees his kids is when i am at work or away with my family, which he refuses to go with me for the reason of having his kids and ex-wife over...how am I supoosed to feel about that....????

Hey, I know exactly how you feel, so maybe I can help. I am blessed to have this type situation as well. There is no hostility between the 3 of us. Here's what has helped me. #1- Love you, and be certain that your husband loves you as well or he would not have made you his. #2- Seek your husband's understanding. His allegiance is now to you. And he should respect the fact that you have some adjusting to do. He should try not put anyone's (children included the marriage must come first) feelings before yours. Talking on the phone beyond issues related to their children is a boundary breach. He should not allow his actions towards any woman cause you to feel uneasy, especially one he has had substantial history with. *[Please understand me. Do not abuse this special consideration. You don't want him or the kids to resent you.]* You need to be there and show your support though. It sends a very bad sign if you were to have your husband and his kids and their mom go somewhere without you. Don't let that happen. #3- Actively adjust yourself to the situation you said "I do" to. Don't remain jealous and uncomfortable. I actually helped decorate for my stepdaughter's b-day party... with her Mom. It was about the child and no one else. It was awkward, but you know what it didn't kill me. I am certainly stronger for it. And my Hubby appreciates my maturity. #4- Remember time is precious. Don't exhaust your emotions on her! She is the past and you are his Wonderful present and Beautiful future. You are not wrong, but you can be a better, more mature you. Focus your thoughts and energy on your marriage and step kids. Enjoy every moment. You love your husband, and he loves you. It will be an adjustment for everyone, the ex included. Agree to reasonable boundaries with your husband. Be flexible and confident. Take it from me, it gets better with time as long as you work at it. Marriage is already work, women like us just have to put in a little overtime!! HAPPY LIVING!

My answer is based on a Step Family class taken at Saddleback Church (more information about that below) If you were married as a believer (i.e. faith bound by the word of God) then you need to call upon your church and/or see if you can obtain the course materials noted because your husband has everything all mixed up. Nothing, and I do mean nothing including children (bio or step) should come between the two of you in your marriage. The two of you are in a covenant with God and God commands each of you to put the other above ALL others. Your husband should not be doing ‘anything’ with his children or ex without your permission and when they ask to do anything (including you or not) he should be telling his ex and/or children he needs to check with you before making any commitments. And same goes with you on his behalf. God doesn’t care about the ‘ended’ marriage, he cares about this one. The time and energy your husband is investing in his ex instead of you puts him in direct conflict with God as your husband and also in conflict with God as the father of his children. God does not want your husband honoring his ex, He wants him honoring YOU. If he can’t do that, then you just as well be married to a room mate. And if your husband thinks what he is doing is best for his children, he’s got that wrong too. Your husband and his ex are doing what makes them feel comfortable and popular with their children, not what’s best for them. God does not command parents to do what makes them popular or comfortable with their kids, he commands parents to teach their children everything about life so they can grow up and take care of themselves. Your husband not making you his number one priority is not correctly teaching his children how marriage should work. He already crashed and burned in one marriage and well on his way to killing another unless he gets his act together. It’s not easy, but the children have to be taught to deal with their parents divorce and their hanging out with their children as if they are still a family is not helping their children face that reality. They are acting out of guilt. They need to learn how to let that guilt go instead of playing ‘let’s pretend’. While they feed their guilt, they are failing to teach their children that marriage can work and also failing to teach them how to deal with disappointment. Just because they crashed and burned in one marriage is no excuse to sacrifice another and that’s exactly what they are doing. As for the everyday parenting, there are a few adjustments worthwhile in a step family situation. In starting out, the biological parent should take the lead because they have all the history with their child. If the child is older, it’s usually a good idea to leave the bio parent as the lead, but if children are younger, then a step parent may be able to take a more active role but only if the children have formed a good bond. No matter which program, parent and step parent should sit down and come up with a plan of how their family in their home is going to work and then sit the kids down and present it. And the plan does not need to be in accord with the other home. Biological parents are different people and there is nothing wrong with having different home making styles. If kids can adjust to a new teacher at school every year, they can accept the differences between one home and another. As for a step parent’s relationship with their step kids, it’s best to let the kids lead the dance and never force a relationship. The only thing that should be strongly enforced at all times is being respectful and using good manners. If respect and manners is all a step parent gets in the formation years, they shouldn’t take it personal. Just like kids tastes change in food as they grow up, so will their tastes in the people around them. Sometimes kids think they are being disloyal to their natural parent if they form a bond with a step parent so many times step kids won’t get close to a step parent until they’ve become an adult. As a step parent, never assume what doesn’t work for now will remain that way later. Just like kids change their likes about foods, as they mature they will also become more sophisticated with their actions, views, opinions and ability to look at things objectively. Note: The information posted here is a snippet from an 18 hour workshop Workshop: Step Family Class Location: Saddleback Church, Lake Forest, CA Religious affiliations or membership: None required

No, you are not wrong. It is very normal to feel jealous. Take a very close look at the situation and see where these feelings are stemming from. Find the roots of the jealousy. I can tell you, from my own personal experience, the jealousy came from feeling inadequate in looks and personality. The ex wife is very attractive, and most people who know her, say how fun, exciting and attractive she is. That made me feel very inadequate. Also, the fact that she is attractive, and they had two kids together doesn't help! It is embarassing to say, but in all honesty, at times I resent they are hers! It is a very difficult issue to deal with, perhaps why the Bible advises us not to remarry, but to remain single if we cannot reconcile our marriage and choose divorce. God knows our hearts and does not want us to be plagued with a life of heartache. My only advice is...yes, it is normal to feel this way. Do your best to find out what is specifically causing the jeaousy issues. Talk to your mate about them. Work together toward the best solution you can, knowing it will never be "perfect." Also, pray for God to guide you always, to be loving as is humanly possible. This is a very difficult situation and God knows your needs and your hurts. He wants the very best for you!

I don't think you're wrong. If you have no opportunity to spend time with your husband on the holidays because he's with his ex-wife and kids, that's what's wrong. He's crossing some boundaries here. If he wants to see the kids, then he and his ex can just share join custody. Ideally, they should spend some time with her and some time with you and your husband. He is giving those kids false hope. They might think, "If mom and dad get along so well, why aren't they back together?" They won't get used to the idea that you're his wife now.

Being a woman that has 4 children with the man of my past, and is now with someone new who feels the same way that you do, may I say, your jealously is natural and normal. But, it is not necessary. This shows that he is a man of honor. He is a good father who is providing his children with love and a stable atmosphere. The father of my first 4 children passed away so my new love has no resentments towards the biological father of my children besides for the love in my heart. And i am still very actively involved with my ex's family, who is my children's uncle and grandparents and my new love has no conflicts with that. You should also be involved with the holiday events with your step-children and be so very happy that you are apart of such a happy family that can love so healthily and normal without immature emotions or damaging actions or behaviors. After all, the children are our future and it is about time we put our children first and our insecurities in check. I give you props for asking for advice on this subject. I really hope that you learn to add to the love that your family provides and can maturely deal with the situation for your children's sake. They will love you all the more because of it. Good luck.

I think everyone on here is forgetting that you may have children with this guy also one day - where does that leave you and your child? It seems like a lot of the women answering on here may actually be an ex-wife herself..... their lack of sympathy for you is pretty apparent. Of course the child should come first but that shouldn't mean that you feel second or any children you may have. I think the guy should be spending time with his child and ex on the kids birthdays but i think although he should make an appearance on x-mas with presents on hand, it's important to remember that he needs to think of you too. Why should you be alone for x-mas? i don't think that's fair. It won't make him a bad father to have a short visit on x-mas day to watch them opening their gifts and then spend the afternoon and evening with you - it's only fair. However, when you have kids together, it's going to be more difficult as you'll probably feel that he should be at home with you and your kids. I wonder how other people handle this situation - people on here can't expect you take a back seat forever, you are going to be the mother of any more children he may have so your feelings and that of your kids are going to become important to consider too. Why should you be punished and have to settle for second best just because he was married before and has kids? It's almost as if your relationship is to be viewed as a joke beside his "real" family.....

While everyone is saying this is good that they are friends, and it IS good i think some of the feelings that you are having come from the fact that he is bonding with his ex and their kids as though they are a family still. Which, they are not. I think it is perfectly natural to not feel comfortable with this situation because he is treating their relationship as though they are still together doing family events. This would be different if you were included in these events as well, or if he took the kids out somewhere for their birthday just him and them. It's a very difficult situation, the fine line and the boundaries for these kinds of situations. Even if he has no intimate feelings for her anymore, they were a couple once and by doing all of these activities together they are contineuing to bond and strengthen those family ties, without including you as an addition to that family. As a few others have stated, it is all about the boundaries that are made what is determined as acceptable and what is not. Also, it is up to him to set the boundaries especially if he is in another relationship. You should come first before his ex wife, and sometimes even his children. (as long as their health or safety is not compromised) What people forget, especially when they have kids is that they need to focus on their relationship with their partner and make it a priority just as much as taking care of their kids. Even those who are not dealing with an ex have to remember to do this. All in all, it sounds like your feelings are stemming from the fact that his behavior makes you feel as though you are a lessor priority then his ex and children and that them as a family unit is coming ahead of you.