ANSWERS: 74
  • It would all depend on his attitude and feelings towards the whole situation and towards me, also. I think the fact that he'd had sex with someone else might be the biggest problem in the situation.
  • I don't know what I would do and if I could forgive him. What I can say for certain is that I would never have ill feelings towards the child...it did not ask for this to happen. In fact I may like the child more than my husband if that were the case :)
  • I don't think I could forgive him... sorry. but as for loving the child, sure. If it was in my life, I'd love it. It can't help it's parentage. I'd even act civil towards it's lying cheating SOB of a father while in it's presence. :P
  • What would I do? OR What should you do? I can only speak for myself, and I am not nearly as understanding as the other posters. I would say "Hubbie, you violated our contract. I am washing my hands of you. Neither you nor your love child are my responsibility. Live with that!" I told you I wasn't feeling very charitable, but trust is a major issue for me. You can only fool me once.
  • I would tell him he chose his new life with the other woman and their child,and bye bye! No way could I deal with it.
  • Be really surprised bacause he's had a vasectomy.
  • I would divorce him I think. I would divorce him and move on. I would not want to get to know this child. I would let him lie in the bed he has made, cause I'm not makin' it anymore!
  • I would accept the child, and if the mother wanted to keep it I would make it easy for my husband to visit. If I had a husband, especially the man I loved so many years ago, I would be loyal to him.
  • There are not ready answers, every situation is different. I know what does it mean, I am going through something similar. I heven't forgiven, I heven't forgotten, and I don't think I will ever do. And the child? Time will write it's own answer. For now I'm to angry and thinking that there is no love in me any more, so I'm not able to love it...
  • Wait and see how everything plays out. After some time after finding out (not right away) i'll have to make a desicion. I'll probably try to give it a second chance but if it's too hurtful I'll decently walk away knowing that at least I tried.
  • i would get a divorce from him.
  • just recently it has happend to me i still dont know what to do. sometimes i never want to c him again but sometimes i think i can maybe give him a chance and try to work things out. mistakes can happen if he would have listened to me and not gone out that night it never would have happend, maybe.i would let him c the other it but never in my home nor let my children find out about it.they think their on top of their fathers world. alot of changes would have to made for such a big sacrifice
  • I would forgive him one day, but our relationship would be over.
  • this is something that i could never forgive, and with the contant reminder of a child. no way, i would divorce him and move on. i could never forgive a cheater whether or not there was a child involved.
  • The same as I would feel if my wife was pregnant by another man NO I would not forgive. The child could not be blamed
  • Well, its happened to me. Just found out this AM. I'm not one for giving up easily but right now I'm unsure what to do. My husband has cheated on me numerous times so I guess one day he was gonna get something - just so happens to be a child! Most people would say I should 'kick him to the kerb' but its not as easy as that especially when you are committed to the marriage. I have one child and one on the way for him. As a Christian I have to forgive (for my own healing). Could I love that child? Of course I'd have to. If there is no decision and action to change on his part, I'd have to call for a separation at least though.
  • I wish them both the best for a long and happy life...together. Though I doubt if they would be (her anyway..seeing as how he is a cheater). I love all children and the child would be completely blameless.
  • I think you are missing the key point here. Your question should have asked, "anyone know the name of a good divorce attorney?". What about adultery? This question sounds like something a person would see on the Jerry Springer Show.
  • I would not be able to love that child. I would leave him with her and the child so they can be happy.I would not hate that kid either as it was not her fault to have been born to someone who is already married.I guess It would upset me very badly and I will move on with life and let them be.
  • I didn't stick around long enough for that to become an issue thankfully. If I had, I can assure you I would not be pleased and I would send him packing. That way he could be free to take care of the other woman and his child without creating drama in my life.
  • if my husband cheated on me he would never be forgiven weather shes pregnant or not i would never meet the child not my bussiness! if he got sum1 pregnant b4 we met and either didnt know or kept it from me 4 sum reason i yes could forgive as i would have the child over to stay and would grow to love that child
  • well my ex did that to me, got me and his 15 year old slut pregnnat almost at same time whih no she is 19, we were like 5 months apart, 1 got pregnant 1st, then she got pregnant on purpose in order to keep him ,which she did..I let her have him, I was not gonna fight over him, wasnt worth it....I just hate both of them..
  • Forgiveness is something that is up to you. Before you forgive him you need to put him through a trial period of faithfulness. Also, remember that it is not that child's fault. You don't need to love that child, but you also don't need to hate him/her. Your interaction with the child need be minimal. Alternatively, you could break up with your hubby, go through a grieving process, and then forgive him as a friend, not a spouse (which is a huge difference).
  • My boyfriend of three years met a chick online had a 3 mo affair and now says she 8 weeks pregnant... I kicked him out sat 2/17/08.. I am 34 no children it has hurt me down to the DEPTHS OF MY SOUL.. its hard being alone but my conscience couldnt allow me to stay .. HOW DO i START OVER AT 34? I'LL FIND A WAY
  • FIRST OFF LET'S ALL BE REAL HERE (I'm ABOUT BEING REAL...I DON'T WANT TO COME OFF AS ABRASIVE....BUT I DON'T LIKE LIES IN ANY FORM). Not only did this nasty pig take a chance on sacrificing all that you have worked to obtain as a couple, but the mere fact that he would so carelessly slip his unprotected penis into GOD KNOWS what. Then 9.5 out of 10 he's come home to you after he's done with her and to keep up the facade..has sex with you as well to keep you from being suspicious. That alone tells you his character and lack of love for you and your relationship. Mine cheated for a full year...he got caught a few months after it started, fronted her off in my face to make me believe he was done with her and almost a year later..here she goes again..crying and saying that they never stop sleeping together and she was 4 months pregnant. He told her that if she kept the baby that would be the end of anything between the 2..this woamn was 4 moths pregnant ( A FULLY DEVELOPED BABY) and he turned his back on her. Now today I will never look at him the same. I'm planning on chaeing myself...but I'm more particular about what I deal with. My mother taught me NEVER to go from SUGAR to SHIT.
  • I am in that situation. I stayed because I had two young children. But now that my sons are adults, my husband concentrates only on his love child. Her mother uses this girl to try to humiliate me. She is almost 17 and I see her almost everyday because she goes to school where I work. I resent her because she listens to her mother and treats me with no respect. My husband is in constant contact with her; he idolizes her and thinks she's perfect. The child support he's paid her over the years means money out of our house. I resent him so much almost to the point of hating him. I want to get out of the marriage, but I still need his help financially. He believes because I didn't divorce him, I have forgiven him and accepts this girl. I haven't forgiven him and will never accept this child. I am miserable
  • From the male perspective....How can you forgive something like that? I know if the shoe was on the other foot and some guy got my wife pregnant I couldnt be with her much less raise some other guys kid. I cant...I wont....
  • I actually went through this same situation also, i was pregnant with our 2nd child when my boyfriend at the time cheated. i left quickly and moved on with my life he came back crying he made a mistake and to forgive him when all was said and done i went back then i went through it again he was still cheating with her.but the best part was i just had my child and she was pregnant. mind you she was my babysitter...lmao and knew everything!!! so she ended up trying to get him in trouble with the cops because he said he wasnt gonna be with her. well he left to his country and i went with we married over there and he passed away god bless his soul. but i kinda got the end happiness bc he never seen the other child and i never felt hurt like that again. but sometimes if u have yrs invested in a relationship and u think its worth saving it do it!!! but also u have to think men think with their penises and nothing else...
  • I would leave him and they kids and not let him see them. It would be totally over.
  • Im in this situation now. We have been together for just over 10 years now.Since I was 17. We have 2 children. Our son 8, and our daughter just turned 3. He has cheated on me a few times and I always took him back. And we just moved into our new home and i started working again. I just found out 4 days ago that this girl from his job is 5 months pregnant with a boy. She even gave me her ultrasound pictures. We chose not to have more kids. he was going to get fixed. He says it might be his but might not. I don't know what to do. Months ago I talked to her when I found through the phone bill he was cheating. I asked her do you know he is married with kids. THe B*@ch said she knew but didn't care. She loves him and wants his baby.My heart wants him so badly. My son knows more then he needs to and is taking it very hard. He is drinking so much to where he is hateful towards me. She tells me so many things that he said or supposedly said to her. I am so lost and don't know what to do. Everyone says leave. But its not that easy. He says he wants nothing to do with her baby if it is his. But Im worried that maybe he will and leave us and forget all about us. Its hard. I have loved him for so long!!! And I also found out he has been going out drinking with another girl who has 4 kids by lord knows who. He says they are just friends. But I don't know what to do anymore. My son begs me to stay and not leave. My daughter loves him so much. Thats there daddy.Please what should I do??
  • wow this is hard. In many circumstances when a spouse or boyfriend cheat some can forgive depend on the relationship. That is really something that you need to decide. Look deep down in your heart and what does it say? forgive or forget (him)? If you choose to forgive him, don't take any of that anger or resentment out on the child. The child didn't choose to be born, it was born. My bf met me when i had a 3 month baby and he honestly loves him as if he was his own .. does he like his father??? Not in the least (he says i have cheated on him with the father, i haven't. Last time i got back together with the father was when my bf and i had broken up for several months) anyways, he loves him. It is really hard to hate a child unless you really work hard to hate that child.
  • NO and NO.
  • Forgiveness is unexcusable. It's impossible to forgive. Life may move on, but the pain still stays there. It's imprinted. I could never love his child from someone else.
  • I would tell him the get the F&*^ out of our house and that we were getting a divorse. I would never forgive him, it would be unexcusable, completly and utterly, and I could never love the child. It would not be mine in any way, shape, manner, or form.
  • I have a rule that I have lived by most of my life. I never maintain relationships with liars and thieves. He made a vow at your wedding and then failed to keep it. That makes him a liar. He took you trust of him. That makes him a thief. You will never believe or trust him again. That crap about them earning your trust again is just that, crap!
  • i dun think i can tolerate this. my husband is cheating on me now and he admit this. he said if i cannot share him with another woman, we will have to divorce.. i know is ridiculous & i'm still with him. maybe the good thing is we do not have any kids so if we really divorce, is between him & me. the kids are innocent. we also broke up a few times because he cheated on me. everytime he came back and ask me to take him back & give him one more chance. i thought he really is a changed man. who knows since we got married, he is back with his ex again. his ex also knows that we are married but she did not care. i wonder how can a woman be so shameless to be with another woman's husband? i hated this woman because she also snatch him away before we are married. i keep thinking about divorce but hold on to it because we have been together for so long (9 yrs). and if we really divorce, that means that woman has succeeded. but i'm not happy at all. is it worth to hold on to it even though i am not happy?
  • I am in the same situation, he cheated on me & got the other woman pregnant, I forgave hm & stayed but after 9 years he now wants me to be a part of hic child's life & I cannot see myself doing so. So I am contemplating leaving.
  • That is betrayal. He's gone. No forgiveness. Why should I try to love the child of his lover? :) Happy Thursday! :)
  • Sorry can't forgive and forget...move on...that child will always be a reminder and thrown in your face..Get out and cut your losses..
  • Why on earth would I even want to forgive him? He made his choices. Now I am making mine. Where is that number for the divorce lawyer?
  • I couldn't live with him anymore if he got another woman pregnant. I think that it would always hurt. I wouldn't mean any harm to the child nor would I intentionally be mean to the child.
  • NO WAY! I understand that your married and what a shock that would be and the decision to end it is down to you, and you want things to be the way they were, and it hurts. But hey, he broke his vows, he broke the marriage and getting someone else pregnant will stay with you for all your married life to him. How could you possible move on having that around you to remind you of his lack of respect for you and his marriage to you??? However difficult it is, you have to try and show YOUR time on this planet some respect, YOUR feelings some respect...and go find peace away from him and this situation. It will NEVER be easy in this situ..EVER! There will be someone else out there for you! someone who will never do something so awful and has respect for you.....NOW GO START RESPECTING YOURSELF! :- x
  • My husband and I were young and having problems. We already had a 2 year old. We separated with the intentions of "making things work." We both began dating other people and well, each other. We decided to get back together, move back in and try again. After living together again for a few months and "Making it work" I accidently found out this woman he had been seeing was pregnant. He knew this but never told me. He thought he would wait it out and see what happened. I really loved him and decided to work it through. It was very hard. She often called to ask him for things, she would show up where I shopped, worked, and would confront me "often" after her child was born ( I had my own child with him previously)as if by bothering me I would leave. I was trying to be a good person until one day I had enough and when this woman displayed her child in my face in a grocery store I told her off in front of her family and mine. I had never really had my say. It was ugly but the venting released so much stress. The thing is, my husband went through paternity testing, pays child support, and has in all honesty done everything to repair our marriage. After our confrontation, this woman packed up and moved out of state. She wanted full custody with no visitation, she moved across the continent. We pay child support and provide insurance, and it now has been 16 years, the hurt never fully goes away, but we moved on in many ways. I do think about her child often. I wish them all well, and If we meet up one day, my husband and I will deal with it as a couple. We have now been together almost 20 years. The thing is, people make mistakes and you turn it around if you can. I am not the greatest person nor is he, we stayed together for many reasons the number one thing was we loved each other, and our family and wanted to be together. We have not yet been involved in this childs life to date, that does not mean we never will be. We aren't secretive about it however we don't make the situation the topic of family dinners either. They made the decision to not dual parent, both adults made that decision together at that time. He was never a dead beat, nor did he abandon this child. They have to live with the decisions they made, and so did I. Hopefully if we all decide to meet, we can all be mature adults. Thats all I can say. You do live and learn. You have to decide if you stay, what are your real reasons for staying.
  • I'm in this situation now as we speak. I just found out 2 days ago. Although we are not married, we have grown up together. We have been together 1/2 our lives - 14 years. We met when we were 14 and had our daughter when we were 16. I honestly never thought we would have a successful life together at that time because of us being so young. But love prevailed and we conquered (or so I thought). We have come so far in our lives together and we also have a son who is almost 9. Like many relationships, we have had our ups and downs. Once before, I had urged him to stay at his mothers to give us some breathing room to work (key word: work) on our relationship. During that breathing room, he took it upon himself to get drunk and have a one night stand with a girl. Unknowingly about the other girl, we had worked things out and I had accepted him back in the home. About 3 weeks into it is when we found out she was pregnant. I don't believe in abortions and even offered to take the baby myself if she signed over all rights to me so that she wouldn't have to abort it. In the end it was her decision and she aborted it. I forgave him and we moved on. This was all about 6 years ago. Well, we were engaged to finally get married on August 2nd of this year when I called if off on mother's day. I don't feel we were ready since we still were arguing here and there and wanted to have a full fledged honesty to it going into the marriage. I again asked him to move out for a while. During this time, I was able to turn to God and really found this great relationship with Him and it made me unbelievably strong!! I've never had that much courage and self-respect! I actually told him it was over and I deserved better than what he gave me and was ready to move on. He begged and pleaded for me to rethink. I never said yes, but I told him that the only way I would is if I saw some major changes in our relationship and we got the right counseling to help us. Well, you would think that would mean you don't go out and make the same mistake again. But that's what he did. We were doing so well again and I called him Sunday evening and told him I was ready for him to come home and found a conselor and had a great plan of action for us and that's when he hit me with those cold words...that he did it again and the girl's pregnant. What's worse is this girl is his sister's best friend. She wants to keep the baby and he says this time that he can't ask her to abort it and he has to be in its life. I think I could move forward with us and continue with our plan of action and counseling if it was just the fact he did what he did. But because there is a baby involved now and they both are set on being in it's life is where I'm now stuck. I am in so much pain and I feel like all the work and effort I have put into everything in trying to help our relationship was just a one-sided decision. He cries all the time and even says I deserve better. He says he's sick and needs help (alcoholism - that's what did it). I love him so much and want to be by his side. The only thing that is getting in my way now is this baby. But I have such a big heart for babies and children that I would rather raise the baby with him than them. But she's not willing. So my only hope of an "us" is if he would just let go and not have anything to do with it, but it's just not right to ask him of that. So, I don't know what to do now.
  • Divorce. No. No, but I wouldn't hate it either. It's only a child.
  • Forgive him, yes..Be his wife anymore, no. I would not have to concern myself with loving the child.
  • I would divorce his ass so fast it would make his head spin. I knew I was going to be a stepmother of 5 kids when I married him,but no way on getting another after we are married!!! I wouldn't ever even know the child to love it.
  • i would forgive but never forget thats why I wouldn't be able to stay married to him
  • I am in the same damn situation!!! My boyfriend cheated on me for 1.5 year of our relationship with the same women girl). She just had there baby yesterday!!!! all I can say is I still love him and he has proven he has changed but, LOVE ISN"T ENOUGH! not after a situation like. Its one thing if you have a child but, if not get out now!!!!! I was pregnant too and I just miscarried from all teh stress 2 weeks ago. Move on because it will always be in the back of your head. Forgive him for your own piece of mind but, leave it at that. Don't drag yourself through the hurt like I did. Everyday i think of their child, her face and him as a father to this poor thing. What a shitty life they have created for themsevles but, I would never be apart of that. I care too much about myself. If you read this please don't put yourself through the agony and move on. I know its hard but it will be harder later if you dont
  • I could love that child. :D
  • I know this probably isn't the answer you want to hear, but it is the truth about how I would react. I would beat my husband bloody and then tell that woman that if she didn't have an abortion, I would perform one on her. I would not be able to STAND knowing that part of my husband was growing inside of another woman. I would never really do that to the woman, but I would make her think I meant business.
  • i replied ur question one mth ago.. at tat time i was thinking whether i wanna divorce my husband cos of his infidelity.. i was pressurised by our families, his mom ask me to gif it a try but i do not want to cos i have given him many chances n we both noe tat we dun love each other, if there is no love, no trust, no communication, how can we last a marriage? so we finally decided to separate now n divorce 3 yrs later.. although he's not wif that woman anymore.. tat woman now dun want him.. but i dun care.. i'm happy wif my single life now.. i can go out wif whoever i like.. i shd say i have 2 suitors now.. is a bit fast cos i have been separated for less than a month.. both of them r my good frens.. i am not sure whether i like them n i prefer who.. i'm afraid if the relationship dun turn out well, i may lose another fren.. juz get on wif ur life n dun ever gif an unfaithful husband another chance.. a leopards wont change its spots.. u muz love urself before u want others to love u.. so start loving urself first..
  • i would never ever forgive him.
  • I would leave him. I have zero tolerance for cheating. I would also not hold it against the child. Not the child's fault this happened.
  • Dump him. He's risking your future and your health too messing around like that. You deserve better.
  • Well iam going through right now my husband just told me that he had got another girl pregnant when all the time i felt it in the pit of my stomach but he would never fess up to it and then all of a sudden he spells his guts to on the phone i don't know why but the baby is 5 months and my son is 6 months so i know the time they engaged in sex but he lied to me the whole time iam a little rattled about the whole situation but i do love my husband i told him that it would be his responsibiltiy not mine and he told me please not to leave him iam upset that he would lie like that but i already knew the truth i just wanted him to say it.
  • I wouldn't want to forgive him. That's not to say I would seethe in rage forever, but I can't imagine a scenario in which we'd be sleeping in the same house again.
  • I'd forgive him, then never speak to him again, he's going to be real busy from then on
  • I'm not a female but my philosophies say forgive and forget... as in forgive the incident then forget him after you kick him out of your life.
  • It depends what the man want to do, maybe He will like to marry and live with the other lady. Infact whatever happens, you have already had a child for him, for the sake of God and your child if any forgive and forget . I know is very painful to endure.
  • I dont think your ever going to get over it getting cheated on you can move past but that kid is going to be a constant reminder everytime you see the child its not the childs fault but how can you move on when it hits you in the face all the time
  • I wouldn't forgive him and I would refuse to accept the child. I would leave thou, so I wouldn't need to accept anything.
  • No and No
  • I could love the kid but would need a place to bury his body
  • I am in this very siytuation and i would say it all depends on the circumstance behind the whole situation.. tlking from experience , you never know why the affair started and the whole situation behind the pregnancy. Got a girl pregnant when i found out my wife was having an affair and i was busy working my arse off. so when i realized what damage this would do i went against my motives in life and paid her to abort the child but she ran away to her grand mothers and kept the baby now am back with my wife and i just found out my fling with the spanish girl is going to produce a baby. I feel this is going to destroy what ever is left in my marriage. But worst of all i fell happy am going to be a dad again and i want this baby in my life. But my wife thinks otherwise. What can i do about this???? I believe it is not the baby's fault that we messed our lives up. I need help and fast
  • well, I'm in a different situation whereas I got a divorce with my ex and that's been about 2 yrs now... he still wants to get back with me, so I told him let's have a 2 yrs agreement... during this 2 yrs well try to make all the money we can make and you (my ex) can date and sleep with all the women he wants to then after two yrs if we feel we should get back together then we'll start fresh! This was when I didn't know that he got re-married and has a baby coming along... now that I know he just wouldn't stop bothering me, I keep telling him that the agreement was made cuz I didn't know about his current marital status and that he's so eager to get back together... and keeps telling me how much he loves me and all... Then there's this one time he even tricked me to his house and we ended up with adultery... What should I do?? I really have no intention in getting back with him! my life with my daughter right now is going well... although I have to work 2 jobs to bring us up to a stable environment (oh, did I mention he doesn't pay child support?) How can I make him understand that he's being a total idiot? Ho can I make him understand and that he should just move on ?
  • I forgive him then I'll look for new husband.
  • Well I am going through this situation and I am so glad that I have other people to talk about with. But he cheated in our marriage and the other women became pregnant and it turned out to be his child. He says and acts like he is so sorry and yes i forgave him but it hurts so bad. I am sensitive to every comment he makes about me when we argue bc i feel like I have to live up to this other women and try to be better but he assures me that he never wanted her and will never go back. I pray all the time for our marriage to last. He hasnt seen the child but twice bc I told him I dont want to be a step mother and I dont want anything to do with the child or mother so he has respected my decision and is waiting on me to say its okay to see the child and work out a way through a third party to see her but i feel if I see the child i will break down and cry. We already have 2 kids together and they dont know and people around me say stay bc he is a good man that is only human that made a huge mistake. We have been together for 8 1/2 years so I have so much invested. I'm just confused!
  • I am in the same situation but I feel like my husband is so sorry for what he did bc he is trying so hard to make me happy again. I just get mad at the simplest things now that there is another child out there. He is making sure I am ready before he sees the child but I am still hurting and I dont want anything to do with the child or women bc my 2 kids come first. And this other women just wanted to be loved and didnt care who she was getting that love from. She didnt care about me so why should I care for her. My kids dont know and my family says i should stay bc he is only human and people make mistakes and if he is willing to change and will never do it again then stay. And I love him so much and I have given him 8 1/2 years of my life. He is all I know and I dont know what to do. I want to stay but I find my self arguing with him over simple things and making him feel bad everytime. I know he is sorry and he wont go back to the other women bc beleive me if you see the other women you would throw up in your mouth. But I love him and I want it to work. Now he treats me like a Queen but why did it take this mistake to change? I pray everyday and God has always brought me back to him so I guess Im just confused.Im just scared bc I dont trust him and I dont know if I ever will.
  • I am going through this right now. My babies daddy was not with me at the time. She said that she told him before he gots sentenced tp prison. I just found out about it yesterday. Now I am stuck. I hate him so much but then I love him. How the hell is this supposed to work out. They only think about themselves and they need to think with the head on their shoulders and not the one between their legs. Right girls!!!!
  • NO, I can`t. I love my husband better said ex-husband. I divorced him 3 years ago for the same thing. But then he and I started dating as long as I never heard of the bitch again but I did when she filed for child support that I found out through our the web. He wants to be with me and our child but I can´t ever accept that mistake of his he has to deal and live with it and I have to somehow move on even though it is breaking my 11yr old daughters heart. My ex does not love nor ever loved this woman it was a drug thing but devastating at the same time. He finally is sober for more than two years and had been trying to win us back but this just came up today and opened up all the old wounds.
  • Well my wife got pregnant by another man. Thankfully, she decided to enjoy her relationship with her boyfriend. We have two boys together. It is hard listening to our three yr old talk about his sister. Our twelve yr old will not speak to his mother or make any form of communication with her. She wonders why her oldest son feels this way to her. Her boyfriend is on probation he works sporadically, has three other children by two different women. So I say they deserve each other. Yes I have forgiven her but nope she no longer has a key to her house eiher.
  • No, I would not forgive him for the infidelity. He cheated when we were first married. I would not forgive him a second time. I would not feel anything for the child. Neither, love, hate nor resentment. Just nothing. It would not be a part of my life.
  • The child I would not get to love because I am getting a divorce today.

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