ANSWERS: 50
-
Why, officer, your nipples are mighty perky today.
-
oink
-
Beer's in the back seat. You want some?
-
I had sex with your 13 year old daughter.
-
Is the donut break over? I wouldn't say it unless I was joking with my brother. :)
-
Cop walks up to the car window... Me (nervous): "I swear officer, the weed in my glove department isn't mine and the body in the trunk is my uncle! He died in a hunting accident...so I'm taking him to the morgue."
-
For me....actions speak louder than words. I have heard it all-seen it all, but act like you have a weapon, make a fast move towards me in a hostile manner...I'll ruin the rest of your day.
-
Police: Sir, are you drinking? Me:Yes, i had a few bottles of water, i knew i should have stopped by the 2nd one.
-
I think Ice T had the right idea when he made his song f**k the police
-
You really do look like a Pig.
-
My insurance proof? Oh, that's in my glove box, right under my gun. Yeah, my gun, the one I used to shoot that hooker with that's lieing in my trunk on top of 50 kilo's of cocaine.
-
Do I smell bacon?
-
Aren't you supposed to be guarding the Dunkin' Donuts about this time?
-
Hey! I bet I know what you use that little camera on your cruiser for!
-
I'm sorry osifer, I'm not as think as you drunk I am! No( hiccup) have you been drinking???(BURRRRRRRRP) (BARF)
-
You're not planning on looking in the trunk, are you?
-
OINK, OINK & if it's a woman, don't say Miss Piggy, lol
-
This got my car keys confiscated until the next day: Time: Around 1:00 A.M. Location: Leaving a club Officer: Do you know why I pulled you over? Me: No sir Officer: You ran that stop sign (about 50 yards from the parking lot I had just left) and were driving w/out your headlights on Me: I'm sorry officer, if I had had my heqadlights on, I probably would have seen that stop sign. Officer: Have you been drinking? Me: Yes Officer: How much have you had to drink? Me: I'm not sure sir...10...12...I kinda stopped counting Officer: Get out of the car I was placed in a police vehicle. My personal and vehicle information were checked. For some unknown reason to me, the cop only gave me tickets for the moving violations, took my keys and drove me to a buddies house. (about a half mile away). Under those circumstances, I do not recommend that you say what I said to a police officer. More importantly, DO NOT DRINK AND DRIVE. This is a true story and my PSA for now.
-
I'm going to kick your butt!
-
Haha, I have a shirt with a list of bad things to say to a cop. They include "Oink, oink" "No, YOU assume the position" "Arent you the guy from the Village People?" "Didn't I see you get your butt kicked on "COPS"?" "I hope you realize you're about to ruin a perfect record" Sorry officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in." "I thought you had to be in relatively good physical shape to be a police officer" "What do you mean have I been drinking? You're the trained specialist." "I can't reach my license unless you hold me beer." "Gee officer, your eyes look glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?" "Hurry up and write the ticket, the bar closes in 20 minutes" "Hey, can you give me another one of those full body cavity searches, please?" "Whoops, thats the fake one...here you go, this is the one." "Yes, I saw your lights on, but I thought you were going to get a doughnut." "You're lucky this car needs a tune-up or you'd never have caught me" "If you tried the stuff I just had, you wouldn't be so damn uptight." "What exactly is "legally drunk"?" "So, whats a good bribe go for around here?" "Well, when I reached down to pick up my crack pipe, my gun fell off my lap and got lodged in the gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control."
-
Would you mind closing your eyes and counting to 20 missippi before you search my car?I wasn't really expecting company.
-
Hey, you're officer Jim Dangle aren't you!! Hot dam*, I knew it!! Hey everybody look, it's officer Jim Dangle.
-
Citizen's arrest??
-
How many doughnuts you had today you fat b*****d. ?
-
"No officer, YOU bend over and spread 'em"
-
The worse thing to say would be. Now get back in your car and I will chase you for a while.
-
get lost.
-
No, you drop your gun first!
-
you smell and look like a bacon sandwich
-
while the cops are on their way out of your house after looking for drugs. " thank good youre going..cuz i has lots of hash under my carpet..." mah friend said that.... and the cops ruined his floor...and left.. he was like " goddamn i was fuckin jokin.."
-
'Meet me after your Duty hours'!
-
As a 16 year veteran, there's not a whole lot you can say that will p*ss me off. Cause for us, it's not personal. Just business. Doing my job the same as you do.
-
Do you mind if I sit in the back seat and smoke this little bit of marajauna before you take me in?
-
a lie.
-
Can I see your ID?
-
How many beers have you had tonight?
-
Here. Hold my beer while I get my license.
-
Didn't I just see you at Dunkin Donuts?
-
Fuck You.
-
You're never going to take me alive!
-
"Partner" if you are a security guard...
-
So, where is Ponch?
-
Eskimos have blue helmets aswell.
-
Man, I couldn't do this if I WAS sober!!
-
I'm glad you pulled me over officer, I'm absholutely shmashed!
-
Let's play OK Corral!
-
I can drive better when I'm drunk, it relaxes me.
-
I see ham, but I smell bacon...
-
Will you hold my beer while I look for my license?
-
Hold my beer while I get my license.
Copyright 2023, Wired Ivy, LLC