SOme men are afraid of the baggage or have a hang up with raising other people's kids. I married a single mom of three, and did the best I could with raising the kids the rest of the way. Kids are kids, and need love and support whether they are yours or anyone elses.

It's not a question of attractiveness, it's an issue of not wanting to take on that "baggage," knowing that he'd need to be a quasi-parent as well as boyfriend, and knowing that a mother's primary responsibility should be to her kid(s), not the boyfriend, so if a kid's sick or whatever that's going to hurt their chances of "gettin some."

That is not an issue with me. I think that some men are not ready to become that positive male figure in that kid's life yet...

There are several answers: 1) They are not into kids 2) If they want kids & start a family, they want it to be one of their own 3) They know they will be #2 in the woman's life 4) they are too much a child themself 5) It takes away from the courting rituals 6) too much drama 7) They are not looking to settle down & they know that single mothers are not looking for a "boyfriend" 8) They don;t want to have to deal with the kid's real father The list goes on & on, but that's what comes to mind instantly

Long story short: Most people don't want to raise kids they aren't their own. Kids=baggage. It's a harsh reality, but this is how some people think. Also, and I know this SHOULDN'T mean anything but subconsciously, they probably wonder 'Why couldn't she make it work, espeically with kids' and run the other direction. Plus when you marry someone with kids, that's an instant family, just add water. I think "most" people's idea is that they want to create their OWN family- so to take on someone else's means they might not get their own. There's alot of factors. It can be pretty scary from an outside perspective. Plus, the stereotype is that single mothers are only looking for a sugar daddy to "take care of them", and it's a stigma that has stuck around far longer than it should have. SOME people want that, but most don't- but most people don't know that.

I LOVE MOMMYS! I'm not shy. I don't care if she has a kid! It's like a turn on for me.

Most men are not ready for a "ready-made" family. the man may love you, but the children may not ever be accepted and this is trouble, from the beginning. Keep searching. Mr. Right is out there. he will fall in love with you......he will fall in love with your children.

No...it isn't about you. I agree with the idea that a 'ready-made' family isn't attractive to many men....there is a stereo that this package deal is fraught with problems. And it certainly can be. Blended families are a challenge at the best of times...and in my experience as a family counsellor, even with the best of intentions, there can be times when the financial, social and family dynamic issues are overwhelming! Factor in a dead-beat bio parent (possibly) to up the ante...factor in yours, mine, and ours children...factor in personality clashes.....you get the picture. Not that it isn't worth the effort..it is. Someone who backs off is really only telling you his own limitations...you gotta respect someone who is that honest with you.

I have no problem with single mothers. I'll date them like I'll date non-mothers, and also married mothers. The only thing is, I don't want to date their children, and if I go out with them, I won't be okay with them taking their kids. I have no intention of marrying anyone, or having kids (I had a vasectomy to prevent THAT ever happening), and I am looking for fun out of a relationship, not responsibility and "putting effort" into one.

Maybe it is a maturity issue in the men you're attracted to? I've always thought it was easier for a single mother to find a mate than it is for a single father. I could be wrong, but from what I've seen men are more willing to accept a woman with children. Women tend to shy away when they learn that I'm raising my two kids on my own. Maybe they draw their own conclusions about why I am a single father and feel uncomfortable with the situation thinking that I'm the one who messed up and that I'm the reason my wife left. I usually don't offer very much information on why my life is the way it is until I really get to know somebody. I don't know... maybe my reasoning works in your situation also, but I think women feel that the man is more often at fault when a marriage/relationship goes sour and men actually assume the same thing, which is why they are more willing to accept it... like they feel sympathy for the woman instead of finding fault in her. I would gladly accept a single mother in my life and would gladly accept her children as well; however, she would be expected to do the same for me and my children.

in the animal kingdom the new male lion will kill all the cubs of the previous male - it makes the females go into heat immediately - i think most young guys just want their own family - have you tried dating older, more mature men?

some men may just not want the responsibility...it has nothing to do with whether they find you attractive!

they dont all..... my girlfriend was a single mother when i met her & we are still together after 7 years

You're kind of busy right now. Men are attracted to women who can provide the attention that everyone craves. Right now your babies are getting that attention and every man knows that he will be take the passenger seat in the relationship. Kids are not just baggage, they are a deal breaker for all but a few. Of those few who won't be put off by the kids, you have to wonder which are aware of and prepared for the dynamics when he goes into this, and which one is jumping in (head) first without looking.

You're kind of busy right now. Men are attracted to women who can provide the attention that everyone craves. Right now your babies are getting that attention and every man knows that he will be taking the passenger seat in the relationship. Kids are not just baggage, they are a deal breaker for all but a few. Of those few who won't be put off by the kids, you have to wonder which are aware of and prepared for the dynamics when he goes into this, and which one is jumping in (head) first without looking.

thanx 4 this question, i don't think its just guys, its girls too...and i mean this in two ways...1) one day i lookd around and noticed that a couple of good girlfriends of mine werent so good & close to me anymore, and after some analyzing, i realize its partly (or mostly) to do w their kids...no more last minute vegas trips, no more last minute happy hour, no more ie just-come-over-for-girl-talk-n-a-movie nights, and FORGET about going 2 a (quiet) museum...they just don't hav the time for these type of things and of course their priorities in life change...gotta respect that. 2) As far as guys, i'm a single woman and also shy away from men who have children, just a fling is ok. I've seen whats involved with men who have children and don't want to be involved in that type of thing (mostly negative from what i've seen personally). i won't be having any children and can't imagine having to deal with someone else's.....a guy i went out with recently told me that i'm kidding myself if i think i don't have "baggage" just because i don't have kids...although i never used that word "baggage", and out of respect i didn't comment on his having children, i couldn't help but think: yea, but my "baggage" wont stop me from leaving the country on a spur of the moment trip, or stop me from going out a few times a week til the cows come home if i choose to. Most responsible parents just can't do this type of thing and i respect that very much. For me personally, i'd rather just stick with someone with an easily accessible passport...good luck to all the single parents out there! :-)

Not to me.

Responsibility when all we want at the start is fun.

maybe they are afraid they are looking for a father figure for the child.....or maybe they fear a long term commitment which someone with a child would probably be looking for....also may be intimidated by a child....just my opinions.

I think this is a question that is biased against men. I know some men who like women that have children already, they do no have to be there through the birthing process but they can enjoy the baby once the baby is born.Some men are unable to have children so they are only interested in women with children. One of my exboyfriends was like that all his other girlfriends had children. So our relationship was doomed from the beginning.That was a very bitter pill to swallow. But that doesn't really answer your question. Does it?

I guess it would depend on your age group I guess.. at my age if we dont have children we never age going to have.. and I guess that some men may look at it this way.. I GIRL ( note I hate the work chick)has a baby, means a few things.. means she doesnt practice safe sex.. could mean she is just after support cheques.. could mean she is just looking for another sperm donater.. Its not the baby that scares them its the women.

It's not that they're scared of you, or the baby. Well... the baby maybe. A lot of guys just don't like the idea of a "ready made family", and / or perceive that going out with a mother, especially one with a baby, will sort of speed the relationship into something serious rather than casual fun. Or a guy might just not like children, and fear that the baby will get in the way. I don't mind if a girl has a kid, if she's cute. But I'm always clear I'm not interested in being anyone's father - that's why I had the vasectomy! Actually, as long as I'm not asked to help with the kid, or spend much time with it, a single mother might actually be a good thing - they'll have less time to spend with me, which will provide a necessary buffer to give me the space I need.

It still wouldn't let me. I signed in and it said that it is marked private and I must be one of your friends.

I think raising someone else's children is at odds with the primal instinctual need to spread one's genes. Doesn't mean they're not simple-minded jerks, though.

One of the facts of life is that there are those who will, and those who won't. This is a part of understanding everything.

no most of the guy's who do this is not because your unattractive(the opposite!) or is it the kids not being their's ...its all the crap they seem to get from the ex's or the ex's parents (grand dad/mum)or that they are told by you(the mothers) that they are not your kids so you cant disipline or do this or do that ... but you can help support them ....or the other big one is ...being compared to what the ex was like and not being taken for just being you ... so maybe the single mums should just have a little look in their own back yards first ...because there are plenty of men ready and willing to step up and would love to have the chance to have a relationship and fall in love them and their kids ....if they are allowed to

I am glad someone used the words "older and more mature men" what a cop out for those who won't date women with children. Take a chance, you may be surprised.

I am a 24 year old divorced mother of four children, and I do not think it is the looks. It is what it is, guys do not want the commitment of a ready made family.I hope that you are young too though, because in 10-15 years when our kids are almost or out of the house, the same guys that you are sad you can't get are going to be fathers. And the divorce rate is 50%.So the odds are good they will get to know what it is like in our shoes. All I have to say is when my children and I are older no thirty something year old guys with small children had better even think about speaking to me!!! LOL!!

What stopped me from dating women with children was the fact that I like children (no not in the Michael Jackson or R. Kelly kind of way) but I actually care about how theyre doing in school, and actually like playing catch or Madden with little Timmy and like playing tea party or Barbies with little Suzy. I tend to get attached to them. And unfortunately in this day and age of sex offender hysteria, it's too much room for false allegations. Not to mention there have been too many times where I have gotten emotionally attached to my GF's children only for us to break up and I never get to see the children again.

If a guy loves me and not my daughter, he's not the guy for me! We come as a package. And a damn fine one I might add!

I Am A 18 Yr. Old Single Mother, And i Have Never Experienced Descrimination From A Guy because Of My Son...

Because your child will always come first, and if we marry you, we are doomed to be the scapegoat for all your discipline problems and the bad guy so that you can bond with your child. . You asked. .

I've got kids, and I think their mother is quite attractive. I've seen other people's kids. I've seen how they're allowed to act and wonder how in the world their parent(s) put up with it. Maybe I see the mother. Maybe she is quite attractive, but putting up with those kids and (possibly) being told that I could have no say in their discipline/behavior modification (happens alot) would make me take a pass on the whole deal.

Ha ha ha. Take it from me, all men should run, not walk, away from any female with a child under 18. I married my wife when her daughter was one year old. Wasted 9 years of my life. She left me the instant she found a guy a little better than me. Trouble is, I still miss my daughter. There is a reason why men are advised not to marry an instant family. I'm one of the losers who didn't listen. If you have a kid and no husband, one wonders why he fled. Men. . .run. Buy running shoes and use them.

A lot of good answers here but I thought I could add a slightly pscological slant on the question. In a guys subconscious it is difficult to find a woman attractive if she has fathered another mans child. As unfair as it is, guys subconsciously look for youth and the perceived purity that comes with it. With a child in tow a man would (rightly or wrongly) subconsciously think of that woman as not a good long term partner prospect (i.e. the mother of his children). I know that sounds a bit harsh, sorry. However, it's not the end of the story; If a guy really likes a woman then it won't matter at all if she is a single mother.

i have been on my own for 14yrs with my daughter who i had at 20yo. Not one man even gave me a chance. The longest relationship i had was 3yrs with a man who simply turned the blind eye and when my child tried to relate to him he would never try and she ended up hating him. SHe gave up and this became mentally unhealthy for all of us. I have resorted to the fact that i am not attractive to men generally who fly at the hint of me having a 14yo. no matter where i meet them they are not interested. I am a professional, educated woman who owns property and worked hard to get somewhere for my girl on a single wage. A majority of the time i feel like Cinderella as all the other gals get dates and i never ever do. This leads to a very lonely existence at times which has led to Depression. I am strong, sexy and intelligent but men run when they see me coming and i feel very unattractive despite men thinking opposite of me. it's a harsh reality, selfish also but i can no longer sell myself as it doesn't work and i am destined to live a life on my own. My daugher sees this and is also confused as to why males judge me so quickly. She has seen heartache and tears and will grow up thinking that men are selfish and ignorant. Hopefully she will change in seeing herown bio father and g/fathers warm encouraging ways to make up for the hurt and suffereing this kind of judgement has encroached on our lives. Society as a whole rejects single parents and we are certainly the Cinderellas.

I advise every guy to steer clear of women like you. There is a REASON why single mothers are single. I ignored advice and married a single mother. Biggest mistake of my life. The reputation is real. Guys can have sex all they want with a single mom, but the very second it becomes serious they should haul ass for another state, or country, or even a new continent. For guys, only 2 things can happen in such a relationship: nothing much, or something bad. The single mothers wins every time. So, fellas, follow your instinct. Take it from a man who is wiser by sad experience.

No, it's because we don't want the extra drama associated with dating people with kids.

I'm not into single mothers because I don't like children, never want kids, and I don't want to be around them. Childfree women for me only.