• A knock-off McDonald's-type restaurant (MacDougie's) in China serves monkey burgers. They wanted a good name for the product, along the lines of the real McDonald's "McChicken," "McDouble," "Big Mac," etc., so when they asked an American tourist what Americans call monkey meat, the tourist said "Monkey meat?! Ack!" so they named the burger the "MacAck!" (macaque). Badump-bump-tiss.
  • A monkey one day managed to break free from the laboratory where he had been born and brought up. As he scurried away from the fencing of the compound, he felt grass under his little feet and saw the dawn breaking for the first time in his life. "Wow, this is great," he thought. It wasn't long before he came to a hedge and after squeezing under it he saw a wonderful sight. Lots of other monkeys, all free and nibbling on bananas. "Hey," he called. "I'm a monkey from the laboratory and I've just escaped. Are you wild monkeys?" "Yes. Come and join us," they cried. Our friend trotted over to them and started eating the bananas. They tasted so good. "What else do you wild monkeys do?" he asked. "Well," one of them said. "You see that field there? It's got carrots growing in it. We dig them up and eat them." This, he couldn't resist and he spent the next hour eating the most succulent carrots. They were wonderful. Later, he asked them again, "What else do you do?" "You see that tree there? It's got papayas growing in it. We eat those as well." The papayas tasted just as good and he returned a while later completely full. The other monkeys told him that, if he was full, he could lounge under a branch and stretch out to take a nap. "This is so much better than that cramped cage back at the lab, he said." When he awake from his nap, he got to experience swinging around all over the forest for the first time with his new monkey friends. "It's fantastic out here in the world" he told them. "So are you going to live with us then?" one of them asked. "I'm sorry, I had a great time but I can't." The wild monkeys all stared at him, a bit surprised. "Why? We thought you liked it here." "I do," our friend replied. "But I must get back to the lab. I'm dying for a cigarette."

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