ANSWERS: 1
Playstation 5 News
Don't Miss It!
All the Latest Announcements
Ad
  • This is my second two sided answer to a question you have posted. Hey, I'm on a roll. However, I actually vote for both. Sometimes seeing your s/o having sex with another person can turn you on and make your own sex better. I have - as we have discussed - this bifurcated view where I get a little jealous when I see another man pleasing my gf. By the same token, seeing her being taken by another man can be incredibly hot. Here is the funny part, though. Whenever we have swapped and had sex in separate rooms - we've done both - I can find imagining what she is experiencing - and even more knowing that she is imagining what I am experiencing - is incredibly sexy in its own right. The brain is a sex organ too and what your imagination can do for you is really incredible. Plus, from the guy side, I will admit that when we come out of that room, I like it when my gf hears the other woman say how good I was and how I satisfied her. That makes my gf want me more. She values me because I can give sexual pleasure not only to her, but to other women, and that makes me more desirable. At least in my own mind. So, again, I have come down on both sides of the fence - so if you want me to stop offering you advice, just let me know. I can see where maybe I am less helpful that you might have hoped.
    • officegirl
      Not "advice" at all but your experience which is what I am interested in. Having a husband of my own after 50+ years of being single accentuated many of my deepest insecurities and brought out jealousies I seldom was aware of in casual or even ongoing relationships before that. Especially seeing my husband so focused and interested in somebody else I guess I felt excluded and the way my mind works it would come down to all the positive things she has that I do not so I would feel so worthless I was unable to enjoy being with her husband without doing a mental adjustment where I could just focus on my own feelings and forget my husband was even there against the ambience of her vocal enjoyment of him and orgasms. By upbringing and inclination my husband is pretty much a "one-woman" man and that was his whole background so it was news to him, on meeting me, that he could even think of being able to enjoy someone else besides his primary relationship. And of course he was attracted to other women and even in love with some of them and I sort of taught him how to maneuver more casual sexual situations and he was able to enjoy some of the fruits of this but it did not make him at all a "swinger".. And really I was never a swinger either in terms of my approach and attitude though I had engaged in swinging activities. Though we always gravitated to separate bedroom play I initially insisted upon some room and was ironic that I seemed to be the one who had the most trouble with it. Now the only occasions on which we engage in same room are when we do three -on-one - on her and then on me - which is seldom enough anyway. I realize I did harm to our marriage by pushing him too much into situations for which he was basically unprepared 9in spite of my attempts at preparation) and in doing so I forever altered the way he sees me and feels about my for the worse. Though, thank God, our friendship and devotion and feelings about each other have carried us along in spite of my having done things I now wish I could take back.. I think his seeing me enjoy other men, sometimes in groups, had the effect of making him feel less special to me esp sexually and like in some ways I didn't really need him. It also made him more protective of me as he saw how easily I am able to fit myself to others so he feels he needs to be there to keep me from buying into harmful stuff that may come my way from others and that he thinks I, under the spell of sexual enjoyment) will not be aware of. Which is wrong but what he came up with in his mind putting two and two together. (new paragraph) I really understand what you mean about a man's imagination Dorat. As my husband I am sure always builds what I do with others up in his mind so he imagines I am getting off 15 times when in fact it is only twice! Which makes me both more desirable to him sometimes but also less desirable to him because he thinks I need him less. Thank you.
    • dorat
      Funny thing. I responded to your other question and - without realizing it - made many of the same points you made here. We are in mind meld territory - THAT is weird - and also reassuring. I agree with what you have written here - and I am glad that you found some value in what I wrote. This I promise you - more than once you have done the same for my gf and me. We cannot thank you enough for the benefit of your experience and advice and I am gratified that in some small way I was able to return the favor. In any case, I understand that jealousy. I have just taught myself that the more important thing is to see my gf sexually satisfied and that when I get jealous it is more about me and my insecurities than her and her happiness. That is when I also realize that I can never hope to give back to my gf all the love and support she has shown me. That is when my love and gratitude trump my vanity.
    • officegirl
      Extremely gratifying to know that even one person reads what I write seriously. Even more so that a couple would be discussing it. Privacy and intimacy are important and vital but keeping everything private and secret we get to thinking OK I am the only one who does this or thinks this. I have always pretty much gone my own way but I have wondered why I did what I did or thought what I did. Talking with other women on AB I learned I was in fact not alone in thought or deed and I can't tell you how far that went to helping me feel that I belonged and was not just a weird odd duck. Thank you.
    • dorat
      My gf and I fully agree with you - and you have given us much to think about. One of the advantages of a site like this is that you can be brutally candid in a way that you could not "in polite company" and you learn how you are not alone. My gf is an economist and she works in a world of raw data, but these conversations give some "life and breath" to the cold data. We have learned so much from you - even when we disagree. We are grateful.
    • officegirl
      Oh these are things I could only talk about with certain very close friends and very few of them. One or two perhaps plus my older stepdaughter. Most of them not even with my husband and we talk about just everything else. Too bad I think not more people on this site interested at present. Because some of our discussion would not have appeared even on the former site because they would have been private communications between "friends" rather than posted in the main forum.

Copyright 2023, Wired Ivy, LLC

Answerbag | Terms of Service | Privacy Policy