ANSWERS: 3
  • Way I think is if he has given me his best for forty or fifty minutes then he can do what he wants! But that is rather A clich
    • dorat
      Had to laugh. This is where you and my gf part company the other way. Boy!! Did I learn my lesson. I usually snuggle with her and drift off and she thinks that's cute. However, one time, for whatever reason, I just rolled over and went to sleep. When I woke up she was not in bed with me, which is our usual SOP. So I went down stairs and found her in the kitchen and went to give her a kiss and she ducked. She wouldn't look at me or speak to me and finally I asked her what was wrong. She told me in no uncertain terms that she likes to snuggle after sex and if I ever did that again I would be sleeping on the sofa. Ouch!!! Lesson learned. GF needs the snuggle to feel safe and satisfied. We laugh now, but she wasn't kidding around. Just for the record, though, I am going show her your reply and say, "See, I wasn't THAT bad." Thanks. I owe ya.
    • officegirl
      Sorry I wrote a much longer reply but it did not get posted. What I wrote was that our wanting to cuddle is rather a clich? like "girls always want more". Some truth in both but do not apply always. I am not a cuddle-bug but I do like it but not for extended periods of time. I go to sleep - is that not the case in your experience. If there is no more coming than why not go to sleep. And once I am sleeping I am mostly out until morning. Sometimes when I do I wake up in the middle of the night we are cuddling, Occasionally we do begin doing so. But always waking up we are separate. Now my husband might doze for a few minutes but then he is up and doing and working and I go to sleep, sometimes after a shower, and he comes into bed later in the night.
    • officegirl
      Well I wish your girlfriend would post on here. My answers and comments are from my point of view and I think you are just funning but you are not really going to use them vs. her? people are different and want different things. I think she was being harsh - BUT - perhaps she saw it like she was doing something for you and you were not being appreciative of her. I am more - I give myself because I want to and it is up to who I am with how he uses me. If he just wants to get off and roll over then OK. If he wants to give me 50 minutes then all the better! And obviously I will gravitate from experience more to the 50 minute guy than the three minute! But I see it as starting with a man's desire for me. Whether he wants to take care of me for the rest of his life or just get off is up to him. So the excitement and apprehension. But I do like to think of myself as being available for both! Sorry it did not post.
    • officegirl
      As to your bonus - again it did not post. Evenings and afternoons. When I was young it was 24/7. But definitely now have schedules I need to fit it into and those times works best for me. An hour and a half "lunch hour" to meet someone or a more lazy motel Saturday afternoon. Or 7:30 - 8 P.M. to 10 - 10:30 P.M. to to
    • dorat
      Thanks. Yeah, I was just "funning." I would never use "them vs. her." However, that night, she was upset. You nailed it. She told me later that she needs that feeling of being with me and me holding her and she felt like I didn't care. I understand where she was coming from - and in any case, it was one of those little tiffs, though it did not seem little at the time, that even the happiest couples have. We have an inflexible rule, though, that we never go to sleep mad at each other. It all worked out. Oh, and yes, every woman is a bit different, but again, a bit of evolutionary biology is at work here. Sex releases in men certain hormones that make them sleepy. (In nature, it kept the male from wandering off and allowed more time for the male and female to bond.) In some men more than others. I think I am the "more" part of that equation. Luckily, my gf - and this is somewhat in answer to your point - my gf will fall asleep, but she has told me on more than one occasion that she likes to watch me sleep and she thinks it is "cute." In that regard, it is kind of sweet to wake up and see her looking at me and smiling. Pretty neat.
    • dorat
      P.S. My gf plans to get on this site at some point. However, we discovered it right at about the point she took on a project with her old firm. She has been a stay at home mom, but they contacted her and asked her if she would work on a freelance basis for a while, with the option to work from home. It is also how I have been on this site a little more than I otherwise would. I have been at my job for a while and have some vacation time to spare. So I come home early or take a random day off while we settle into the new routine, I am basically Mr. Mom right now, but I do get free time - during my daughter's nap and when the boys are in school. This'll probably last another week or two then I will revert to my normal routine and will probably be on here a little less.
    • dorat
      P.P.S. I am putting this here to make sure you see it. It keeps irritating you when I speak of dominance and submission, but it hit me that I was explaining evolution from the male perspective. Want to hear it from the female perspective? You mention how you enjoy sex with men because you love giving yourself to them and sharing with them. The reason is that you have one job in an evolutionary context. To become impregnated, to carry a baby, to give birth and then to suckle that baby on your breasts for a year or two at the least. That's a LOT of work, so nature makes sex feel good to you. So that you are willing to have a baby and come back for more, so to speak. What's more, you don't want just any baby, but if you are going to put that much time and energy into it, evolution wants - and therefore you by instinct want - to produce the most healthy offspring possible. Remember, in nature, you can only do one baby at a time. (By the way, just to give you some idea of the energy involved, the reason we began walking upright is because it saved energy - the caloric equivalent of one graham cracker a year!! On such small margins nature evolves.) So, why are you submissive? Because while you are pregnant and while you are nursing, you basically cannot defend yourself from predators and rival males. (Why for so many centuries after civilization was born were men the "breadwinners" while mom stayed at home? There you see its origins in evolution. Truly, old habits are hard to break.) You also cannot find food as easily, so you want the toughest healthiest male possible to protect you, fight off rival males and predators and find food for you. So being submissive is, in a sense, a strategy. You'll have lots of sex because you will be impregnated by the male with the healthiest sperm. Moreover, the males will fight over you and the healthiest strongest male will win. That would not work if you - as an equal - began pushing away this male and picking that one. Because the only way you can know which male is healthiest is to have them fight it out and to be willing to submit to every male that gets to you. (Remember, the strongest sperm will impregnate you.) Now, men (and women) are more than just products of evolution - we have transcended it. (Which is very good but has its bad side. We are not eaten by lions and have evolved to fly to the moon, but we are the only animals who foul up our own environment because we are not "in sync" with it.) When you say that you want to give yourself to men because that is important to you and makes you feel good that, however, has a basis in evolution. You want to please men for a reason that is not divorced from your most primitive instinct. That is why "submissive/dominant" is not a good or a bad thing - it just is. The love you feel for your husband is part modern woman who fell in love, but falling in love has an evolutionary component. My gf (and ladyEmma) love that sense of submission out of love for their men. (My gf genuinely believes that she should be available to me sexually whenever I want sex - even if she doesn't necessarily want sex - because she thinks it will lower my stress, keep me healthy and keep me alive longer. Guess what? The stats show she is right - and that is evolution.) She also likes that sense of submission emotionally - as do I - because it really put us in touch with our rawest most primal feelings. It's like we forget being people with all the trappings and responsibilities and just become us, in nature, two animals breeding in a field. Which as I mentioned elsewhere, is why we don't want to be married but are happy living together. (I have to add that, again as a generalization, men, because they are more focused on the sex act and less on the emotions around it, are a bit more prone to giving in to those animal instincts.) Now that is not your cup of tea. You like that sense of mutual giving and sharing. So do my gf and I -
    • officegirl
      My husband has never been the least interested in AB. Before we married I had him come on and answer questions because some of my friends on here were curious about him. But only about three people actually took advantage of that so was no great incentive for him to do any more.
    • dorat
      Yeah, it is not in everyone's wheelhouse. I am an odd duck in some ways. I work in politics - and because my dad was a doctor I also have a passing interest in science, especially biology, evolution and that sort of thing. My gf is an economist, so she is also data driven in some ways. Grant that AB is by no means a scientific random sample. Still, it is sort of in my DNA to be interested in opinions and suchlike. Throw in that my gf and I are in a relationship that some see as unconventional - though we don't - and this site just is interesting to me.
  • I think it is so cute and sweet.
    • dorat
      Thanks. Great to hear from you, LadyEmma. I have to say, I really do think that you and your husband and my gf and I were cloned. I have heard that most women find it annoying. Yet one of the first times I had sex with my gf I was drifting off and I said, "Honey, I am so sorry, I just get so sleepy" and I remember her saying - these weren't probably the exact words but close, "Oh no sweetie, you're my angel. It's so cute to watch you and see you so happy and content." All I can say is that your husband and I are the absolutely the luckiest guys in the universe. Now, don't laugh, but I was talking with my gf and for fun I added up all the similarities. You both don't mind if your guy falls asleep after sex. (Slight difference, see above.) You both like to see your guys in their underwear - tighty whities specifically. You both agree that it is important to be sexually submissive to your guys. You both agree that you should always be available to sexually satisfy us. You both hate it if guys are "shaved down there" because it makes you feel like you are having sex with a prepubescent boy. The only major difference I found was that you like your guy smooth chested and my gf likes me hairy chested - which if I remember worked out for each of us. LadyEmma, tell your husband, he and I hit the jackpot. Seriously, thanks for all your honest answers.
    • ladyEmma
      Your girlfriend and I do indeed have many similarities. Also, one thing I forgot was that, like the way your girlfriend wasn't happy the one time you rolled over, I also would not be happy if hubby rolled over away from me and went to sleep. I don't mind it all if he falls asleep immediately, but if he is at all conscious, I need to feel that he wants to hold me. Maybe it's a female thing, but I need my man to hold me after sex. It's sort of like it makes me feel protected. Now if the sex was so good and he is so tired that he immediately falls asleep, then that is really cute and sweet to me, and makes me feel accomplished that the sex had that affect on him. But usually, no matter how tired he is, he at least wraps an arm around me as I lay my head on his chest and snuggle up with him just before he falls asleep. On the occasions where he is out before we even cuddle, then I'll still try to snuggle up next to him. It sort makes me feel secure. As for your bonus question which I forgot to answer before, I would say sex at night is my favorite, followed by morning, and afternoon last.
    • dorat
      Great to hear from you again. As to my sexual faux pas, I honestly didn't MEAN to roll over. I'm laughing a little bit. Seriously, though, I had not realized that I had rolled over, and just for the record, while I usually do fall asleep after sex, I always make it a point to hold my gf cloe to me. In brutal truth, I like to feel her next to me and feel her naked skin against mine, almost as much as she likes it. (I say almost in deference to the line that women like to snuggle and men supposedly don't. Still, I bet my next paycheck that if you ask your husband, he likes to cuddle with you too.) Anyhow, I am beginning to think that you and my gf are distantly related somehow. Oh, and yes, she likes sex at night best, although she likes afternoon better than morning. Still, this is really spooky. Hope all is well.
    • ladyEmma
      My husband is the same. He loves to cuddle and he needs it too after sex. And it's so cute when he gets so tired after he ejaculates that he is almost immediately falling asleep. Yet he'll try so hard to fight it off so that he can hold me for a little while before he inevitably dozes off.
    • dorat
      You bring back many memories. When I have an orgasm, especially if it is very intense, as soon as I ejaculate I will tend - since I am usually on top - to lay on my back and wrap my arm around my gf. Then I will usually try to talk a little - tell her how much I love her. It almost never works. My gf says that I make a valiant effort, but that I start muddling my words and pretty soon, I'm out. Like you, she thinks it is really "cute" - her word, too - but just once I would like to quote a sonnet or something instead of, " I...lo...yo..so...best...happened...." Lights out. Translation: "I love you so much. You're the best thing that ever happened to me." It just never comes out that way.
    • ladyEmma
      You sound like my husband. He will try to say something to express his love for me and what I mean to him after sex. He fights off sleep so hard but it usually overtakes him. It's so cute.
    • dorat
      All I can say is, your husband and I are lucky men. To me there is NOTHING better in the whole universe for us as men than when you wake up and find that beautiful girl sleeping at your side with her head on your chest. At that moment, it's like I'm the most contented and blessed man on the planet. I can't imagine being happier.
  • Cute for sure. Not annoying at all.

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