Thanks. If you don't mind my asking a quick follow-up, what do you mean by "sociability and support and solidarity..." The fun and bonding I get. The emotional aspect was something that I was surprised to find out about myself, but I am not sure what your second point means. If you get a spare moment, would you elaborate?

I will try. But is frustrating you don't understand some things I try to say. It means we don't just sit around and hate one another or just become jealous of one another (even if we are) but we recognize out friendship and sisterhood by helping each other enjoy the play more - whether it means saying nice things or kissing their nipples or playing with their hair etc. or just touching them while they are with one of our husbands or someone else. Making the play better and more enjoyable and fulfilling for each other. Rather than hating and thinking we are somehow superior to and better than each other. Its friendliness and neighborliness and good form in such situations. Providing they are OK with and enjoy same sex touching while they are with someone. I hope that is clear.

I read Emma's comments re girl/girl and they express it so well exactly. I gravitate to men because that is just what I am sometimes I meet a woman I feel a strong attraction towards. It is very much based upon how they act and carry themselves - like an attraction of personality but one that has a sexual dimension in that I want that kind of closeness with them. And becoming close I become very aroused like being with a man except on a more earthy level . Like with men I feel I am soaring where with another woman it feels more earthbound and less poetic. And because we have the same kind of bodies and feelings there is a specialness in touch and feeling which is like a familiarity but also a - all I can think of is "yawping" desire and its love and affection and giving but definitely as Emma indicates friendship as well. Except unlike her we actually had a continuing relationship - once a few months ( I was seeing both she and her husband), once almost two years working on a womans farm where no men were allowed except hired men. And we worked hard and made love every day and when she took her two children and went back to her husband I was just devastated. Not that I didn't still like men or same with her. Several years ago I felt that same kind of attraction for someone my age I met at a crafts fair. And my boyfriend said OK why not invite her to be with us? But I new the way I felt I did not want him in on it but I just wanted to be with her. She had not been in a relationship of any kind for several years and we eventually did get together and it lasted about two months and we would alternate weekends or parts of weeks at each other's place. She had never been with a women before so was less comfortable with it both emotionally and the way she viewed herself. Then she met someone and that was the end. A year later we were both married!

I have told you about B and C and I will briefly go over A of my answer. Several years ago when I became involved with a group of swingers about my age or a little younger I bonded with some of the women there. As well as their husbands of course. But we would get together and talk girl stuff and eventually got together at each other's homes. Part of it would be getting all worked up talking about men. And once one of us started masturbating and was getting so into it that the other two began to as well. So this became a part of it and eventually it went from there to doing that then doing each other then two-on-one or three-on-one (sometimes we would invite a friend we thought might be interested in that kind of thing. And there was a lot of giggling and being mildly embarrassed at out actions and responses and a lot of holding and some crying. Girls only. Except one of my friend's husbands when we were at their home would always return early when we were in the middle of things and want to get in on it. Which we usually let him! I miss those afternoons - one is still friendly although no longer that kind of friend and the other - ended up resenting me from something else which is another long story so I have not seen her or her husband for a few years which is too bad and I miss both of them.

Thanks. Sorry to frustrate you, but the choice of words - "sociability, support, solidarity" - are words that you typically associate with a hand shake or an Elk's Club meeting, not sex. That is why I found it confusing. I now see what you are saying. In fact, in a way, there was a little of that in the gay relationship I had. (Though mine got started because of my gf, making it more unusual.) I hear you when you say that your homosexual sex felt more "earthy." I had the same with the guy I was with. I soared with my gf, whereas with him I felt comfortable and even affectionate, but not quite to the degree. It very much confused me in a lot of ways. In one sense I felt like I was in love with him, but I knew I wasn't. Odd. Anyhow, thanks for your honesty. I learned a lot.

Yes, I am surprised that there are not more people, but you have been very sweet to reply and I can't thank you enough.

Thank you that is what I am here for. The pleasure sir is all mine!

Thanks. I was surprised by my own reaction. I am much like you in that I prefer hetero sex, but I enjoyed sex with a man and did not expect to have the feelings I did. It certainly was not love, but it was an emotional tie. It is interesting that we seemed to have the same experience. I thought that maybe a woman would experience it differently. As always, you've given me a different insight. Thanks.

I would imagine there might be some differences between how men and women handle going into same sex experiences. For instance, us women tend to be more affectionate with one another in every day situations (long hugs, kisses on the cheek, peck on the lips), which I think may tend to make us feel a little more comfortable when getting into homosexual situations. But as for the feelings afterwards, I would imagine things could be quite similar between both sexes. When you're intimate with another person, you've created a bond together and I've always felt an emotional tie with the women I've been sexual with.

Thanks for the follow-up. You made a good point, but that somewhat deepens the mystery. It was so odd that I found myself caring about this guy. I thought it was going to be just sex. Instead, I found myself wanting to hold this guy and be held by him. I cared about what he felt. It was all so unexpected. I could separate myself from it in a way that I never could with my gf - but my feelings surprised me. If I might - what was that emotional bond you say you felt? Was it a desire for more sex. A concern for her feelings? You had two relationships that were with women in their own right. Mine was inspired by trying to please my gf. I have never had gay sex outside of that context. So there is something going on here - I just don't know what. Thanks.

I would say I felt something somewhere between a friendship and a love in a romantic sense. I'm not sure if I'm expressing that well. I love my friends, but when I've had sex with women, I felt something more. Yes, part of it was a desire for more sex. And I wanted to hold them and be held by them. But these was something more emotional to it. I did care for their feelings, and I cared about what happened to them next. For example, I wanted them to find love in future relationships, and to remember me fondly. I didn't feel the kind of jealousy that I would feel if a boyfriend moved on to someone else after a breakup. Like I said, it was something between the love for a friend and romantic love.

Huh. Your first sentence nailed it for me...but the rest of what you wrote does not quite apply to me. I was not worried if he found love. Not that I didn't want it for him - it just never occurred to me one way or the other. Ditto how he would remember me. Yet, I can't deny that it had a romantic dimension. I wanted him to enjoy sex with me. (A real surprise since the whole point had been to excite my gf. We only did one on one sex from time to time without my gf in the house because he said it is what he wanted in return for having sex with me in front of my gf.) I did care about his feelings though - but I was less focused than you were. I did, as I said, like the feeling of being held by him and holding him. I enjoyed kissing him. Yet, other than a general sense of good will, I did not mind when we ended it. In fact, I was a little relieved. Bottom line, I guess I am going to have to let this roll around in my head for a while. A lot of what you said makes sense and fits, yet in some weird way it does not. This is a topic I still talk with my gf about from time to time. You've helped me clarify my feelings so that I can talk to her a bit more thoughtfully. She seems to think my feelings are perfectly normal - she even goes so far as to say that I may have fallen a bit in love with him - and like you she is not jealous at all. I doubt that I fell in love and I don't want to re-start the relationship - we have lost touch with him in any case - but I have to say it was more than friendship, too. It still, as you can see, really throws me when I think of it.

Sorry. I guess I got off subject a little. I didn't mean to imply any tie in between your experience and mine in regard to me wanting her to find love. I just got rambling about what I experienced in those situations. The one girl I was with had just broken up with her boyfriend. It was sort of an experimental thing for her with me, and an emotional time for her as she was hoping to find another guy as she missed being in a relationship. But any way, I think for both men and women that these experiences can have very confusing feelings.

Not at all. You answered what I asked. It wasn't rambling and the funny part is that, in some ways, I did feel romantic toward the guy. You are right - confusing, although you, if I may say, seem much more comfortable with the confusion (to your credit) then me. Here is the weird part - and I wonder if you agree - I enjoyed it and even have good memories of it even while I would probably not do it again.

Wow!! Suddenly it hit me. Yeah, I know, revelation, but I was thinking about it and I realized something. We were talking earlier about my need - and your husband's need - to be in some sense sexually dominant and assertive. The difference with the guy was that I didn't have that same need. I was his top, but I was his bottom too. Sorry to be so graphic here but I enjoyed the feeling of him being inside of me and cumming inside of me but I didn't feel that basic primal need to be dominant. I wanted to be with the guy but - I am guessing - because he was a he and not a her I was not invested with that need to be dominant. I don't know, maybe that is not it, but I remember that about it. As your husband has never really had gay sex, we can't ask him, but I would love to know if I have hit on something here. It is a little strange - like analyzing one's own guts. However, for me, we shared and cuddled and talked and it was romantic in its way, but not vital to me. I didn't feel the need to dominate because I didn't, I guess deep down, feel committed in the same way. Make sense?