ANSWERS: 2
  • No question he is having to deal with his own feelings of shame, inadequacy, and failure. And seems that rather than dealing with them and working on it he has just given up and closed down emotionally. As men often tend to do in such situations. Is there no loving affection at all between you? I don't know but it is possible that your disappointment has caused you to close down on reaching out to him. I know older men who even when they can no longer have intercourse are active orally and digitally with us or utilizing various "toys". I know I have loved it when a strap-on dildo has been used on me. Have you never tried that? There are male enhancement drugs etc. and a lot of men use them but I don't know if I would ever want my husband taking them because they could be harmful in the long run. If his problem is attitude - i.e. psychological - he could get help through some kind of counseling. You don't give any details about what is the cause. If he just does not find you attractive any longer there might be an underlying reason and resentment. This is a very difficult one - I'm trying to think how that would have made me feel. I think at the very least you should maintain affection with him and come on to him and show that you want him. Have you tried masturbating or using a vibrator on yourself in front of him? That often gets guys going. He should hear and see your enjoyment then theoretically he will want to give you that kind of enjoyment in the best ways he is able to. But if he just pulls away and shuts down there is nothing in it for you so besides a "nice father and husband" - which I do think are substantial recommendations. btw. I think he needs to work through his feelings and emotionally go through what he needs to rather than not dealing with him. Because at present his unwillingness to do so is driving you away quite naturally. Which on some level is what he might want so he will not have to deal with his guilt and if you leave him he can instead blame it on you. .First you need to re-establish loving contact with no pressure on him whatsoever - just hanging out and having a good time together or doing things together. If you are not friends then you should be and if sex was more the basis of your marriage it is all the greater tragedy when something like this happens. You need to be together enjoying one another more and re-establish your loving physical connection. And hopefully something positive will grow from that.
  • When it gets irritating and overwhelming, just find your own space to calm things down.

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