ANSWERS: 4
  • Sorry but that seems a little offensive. I won't answer for others but for me is not a "part of his anatomy" at all but him as a person. I wish my husband's "anatomy" were more attractive but then neither is mine so much and we get on just fine for the most part. My answer is the way he carries himself, his industry and practicality, his enjoyments, how he treats others, how he treats and loves me.
  • You read something into the question that was not there. The point was to ask what physical characteristic - eyes, legs, etc. My subsequent paragraph was written to clarify - and partly in jest. Of course you like him as a person. It would be odd - not to say masochistic - to have a relationship with another person you hated just because they are good looking. Though gosh knows, you have probably known people who did just that - with predictable consequences.
    • officegirl
      You know you are making your comment an "answer" to your own question - is that on purpose so it will show up on the Qs and As? Your comments are so good I always turn back to old answers or comments you have made that I have commented on just to see if you have had anything further to add.
    • dorat
      Yeah, I goofed. Sorry - and thanks for your kind remarks.
    • officegirl
      No I would not advise a continuing relationship with someone you hate. I have nothing against good-looking men. Or women. But attractiveness is in the eye of the beholder, or the attractee. And my husband I would not consider good-looking. Oh manly and strong and dignified yes. He is almost everything I ever wanted except the looks. He is what I think of as a nebbish. And he knows because I have told him! Tall but I guess you would say scrawny body and no muscle development at all but very strong almost like from will. Dark - he works outdoors a lot - and with a small head and still dark hair that flattens against his head. You are going to think this is weird I'm sure but sometimes when we are together I fantasize that he is some kind of alien forcing me to have sex with him and bear his children. But that helps me feel him more and enjoy him more. We are husband and wife and best friends and I waited 53 years for him. But if you can't honestly describe your husband the way you see him on a public web site what can you do?
    • dorat
      Fair enough. I only meant that I was not trying to reduce your likes to mere physical characteristics. let alone insult anyone. I was imply asking what physical characteristics you think on him are attractive. Even if you don't think your husband is really attractive, there still may be something about his looks that you like. My gf says that I have a sexy chest, for example. That does not mean that she sees me only as my hairy chest - only that she finds it an attractive feature on me. As to your fantasy life, I don't think it is weird. I think it is very creative - and if it helps you love sexually your husband in the bargain. So much the better.
    • officegirl
      How about his feet? No honestly I can't say they are really attractive though I love them and massage them. You must think I am completely off the wall marrying someone I don't think is physically attractive. But doesn't matter to me - as I say would be nice but I have got the good stuff in hi that means the most to me anyway. The other I can adjust myself to. It is our interaction and his strength and responsibility and resourcefulness and caring. Which btw the women who see him for more than a few times all love just as much as I do. I see and have seem some very attractive men and that is great and I love just feeling their bodies . But I would not be married to them, thank you. I was engaged to Gerry before I had even thought about having sex with him. Because it was just so right. Which we both felt. So the way I thought - OK he is a man, he is responsible, he values me, he wants to do right by me, he is in good health. So dorat all the elements were there and I just had to work out for myself how to adjust myself to him and him to me. Which did not take long at all once we went to bed. Which was btw after we were engaged. Perhaps I think not long enough - because I wanted things to be good maybe too soon and he was - so wanted to be good for me - he followed everything I told him, every hint I gave to the extent that it became too much about me and not enough about him. Which was great for me and which he loved on one level - because the way he is he needs to be the one taking care of me. But perhaps not enough to bring himself and the way he is into it so itw as about him as well. Though I tried. Though we had a great first few years I think I became more a responsibility in bed than a joy for him which is why he seldom approaches me for sex any longer. When he does it is great but it is in the mold to which he has become accustomed to be in with me. He wants things to be good so he doesn't try anything new or different. And perhaps he just does not want to. But we are getting up there in years - I will be 60 in less than a year and he is two and a half years younger. I certainly don't expect him to be 30 years old but I would like him to be more interested in sex with me than he seems to be. I could go for it every evening - not that we were ever like that but sometimes we came close. And the fact that I was seeing others made him more interested. So when I would get home he would want me like he was 'reclaiming" me sexually for himself. Which I thought was just great and I used to put my hair and clothing a little out of place to make me look slightly "used" to be more sexy and he loved that. Now it is more like oh ho hum she sees her lover what else is new? But outside of that we are great friends and spend most of every weekend together. Would be nice to inject a little more of the sexual component into it again.
    • dorat
      Actually, marrying a man that you do not find as wildly handsome is not that unusual. The data show that women react far more to emotional and verbal, than to visual stimuli. So, actually, you are not that far from the norm, scientifically speaking. (I will spare you the whole explanation of why that is, suffice to say that evolution is the primary motive.) As to your sex life between you and your husband, I am no expert but it sounds to me that the problem is that you both kept upping the ante, so to speak. Your sex life became more exotic, he matched it. The problem is, where do you go from up? After a while, the thrills become less thrilling and you keep having to get more and more exotic, until it just is not good enough. Funny thing, though. You object when I talk about the dominant/submissive aspect of human sexuality - don't blame me, blame evolution - but look at what you tried to do. You tried to appeal to his male need to be dominant. As you wrote: " So when I would get home he would want me like he was 'reclaiming' me sexually for himself." That is playing on his male territorial instincts. The human male is is instinctively inclined to claim as many females as he can. It is how he perpetuates his DNA and the species. However, I digress. It sounds like you are a bit disappointed but not unhappy. In an imperfect world, that is not bad. Honestly, though, I think it would help if you felt better about yourself and how you look - I bet you are hotter than you think - and maybe the two of you could seek counseling. I am sure you are good people, and you deserve a happy marriage complete with a satisfying sex life.
  • That is a tough since I sometimes feel like attractive and sexy can be two different things. I would say the most attractive part of my husband is his handsome face. And the sexiest part of him would be his gorgeous penis. ;)
    • dorat
      Neat distinction. I never thought of it that way.
  • My bum, probably.

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