ANSWERS: 3
  • You talk too much.
  • I think his drinking is the main problem. Have you suggested he try setting limits? Regardless of what he does, you need to set clear boundaries. Just set rules for your house. You need your sleep. That's not unreasonable. I would think twice about dumping him as a friend because he probably needs your help. Like you said he doesn't have very many friends and he's just experienced a trauma in his life he could really use a friend right now. But you don't have to let him treat you poorly. Just set your boundaries let him know what's acceptable and what's not.
    • Abha
      My answer had to be the same !
    • Mircat
      He was drinking before the death. Don't use that as an excuse for him swilling alcohol all weekend every weekend. That death was 2 weeks ago. The drinking has been consistent and long term and this guy enables him.
    • Linda Joy
      No excuses for the drinking on my part. Just pointing out the guy could use a friend to stick by him through this. But I agree he is enabling and all enabling behaviors should stop immediately.
  • The two biggest problems as I see it are these: 1. Why are you being an enabler? The guy would have had gas money if he hadn't spent it on booze. So you just reward him for guzzling alcohol all weekend and give him money. It's his choice to do what he does nobody forces him to swill alcohol every weekend. He won't stop if people pick up the pieces of his life for him. You bought beer for the both of you. The guy is an alcoholic and you buy him booze! If he was addicted to cocaine would you go to the drug dealer and buy him more cocaine? You are helping to kill him. There is no excuse for your behavior. 2. You know what the guy is like You know how he treats people. You know how you've been treated. You know he expects others to pick up after him. You know he is an alcoholic. He is a user. You KNOW all these things and yet here you are ASKING if you should let the relationship go. He is not your friend and you aren't his. There's a big darn difference between how friends treat each other and what the two of you do. You do not treat him as a friend. You enable him to continue destroying his life and he uses you in order to do it. I'd call it a toxic relationship on both sides. You should have given him the phone number to Alcoholics Anonymous then ceased all communication with him. You shouldn't even have to ask.
    • Linda Joy
      Good answer! A little harsh,I think, but definitely an analytic way of looking at it but without feeling. I think friends are here to help each other through their tough times. But I definitely agree enabling is not helping and a good friend would help him get real help and cease all enabling behaviors.

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